The Full Experience

by Dawn Doyle

  The water in Raven’s eyes began to spill over, slowly dripping out of the corners as she fought them back.

  “Never again.”

  With his words, the dam collapsed and Raven broke down with it.

  She cried hard into his shoulder, letting out all of the pain and sorrow that had built up since he’d left her. The agony in her tears burned her eyes as they filled and streamed like lava down her face. Her hands released, and she gripped the back of his tee so hard her hands hurt. She felt her legs buckle beneath her and Beck slowly lowered them to the floor until they were kneeling down.

  “I’m sorry, Raven. I’m so sorry,” he whispered over and over as he stroked her hair. “I would never leave you. You’re everything to me.”

  “You believed him. You believed I could hurt you,” she cried.

  “Only because of what I did to deserve it,” he said. Pulling back and wiping her cheek with his fingers.

  “But I told you,” she sniffed.

  “I know. I have to tell you everything, babe. I need you to understand what happened.”

  Raven nodded.

  “What the fuck’s going on?” Mike asked as he entered the room. His eyes wide at the scene before him.

  It couldn’t look good from where he was standing: Raven in Beck’s arms on the floor, and Ava sobbing in Donnie’s.

  “You said to give them five minutes. I expected him to have a black eye, not seeing my niece in fucking tears!” he yelled to Donnie.

  “It’s ok,” he replied. “Ray’s fine.”

  Mike looked to Raven, and she nodded. “I’m ok, Mike.” She made a move to stand, and Beck did too, helping her up. He held her close to him as Mike approached them.

  “Are you sure, sweetheart?” he asked, his eyes full of concern for her, and hatred for Beck.

  “Yeah.” Raven wiped her eyes with her hands. “I’ll hear him out after work.”

  “I’ve got it covered if you need to talk now. As long as you stay here where I can keep an eye on you.” He glared at Beck before turning back to her. “It’s your decision.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Beck shook his head with determination.

  Raven nodded and pulled out of Beck’s arms. It didn’t matter that he’d held her, or that she was willing to listen. She needed to have a clear head to hear everything that had happened the day he left.

  Mike led them to an empty table that was within his sight and walked back to the bar. Raven turned to Beck to listen.

  “Ok, tell me what he said,” she said. Her voice still thick from crying.

  Beck moved closer to her, their legs touching under the table, and taking her hand as he looked into her eyes. Raven could see the pain there. He’d been hurting as much as she had.

  Her body fired up immediately, and she longed to be in his arms again, but she needed to hear what had made him leave.

  Beck began to tell Raven everything that had happened, and she got angrier with every word she heard from his mouth. The mouth that she’d missed so much.

  Kato had come to his room after she'd left. He said he had something to show him and that it was important. He explained that his cousin in admin told him, in confidence, that Raven had filed a report against him. Beck said he was full of shit, and that's when Kato handed him the report. He said one had gone to the Dean already.

  Beck read through the details and saw that it had her signature on the bottom, and it was fresh. He couldn't believe it, but it was right in front of him. He’d thought Raven had led him on to get her own back.

  Beck knew he would be kicked out of college for it so he called his dad. He’d gone berserk saying that kind of thing can give the company a bad name. There was no other choice but to leave before it could get out.

  While he packed, his dad sent a car for him, and Beck asked to stay in New York with his mom for a while.

  When he’d gotten to the airport, he looked for his phone to send a text to Donnie but he couldn’t find it. He thought he’d dropped it outside because he remembered putting it in his pocket. He’d bought a new one in New York but, stupidly, he hadn’t backed up his phone so he didn’t have anybody’s number. He’d called the college instead and left a message for Donnie to call him.

  He never did.

  After a while, and he'd calmed down enough, Beck called the college again. He left a message with the admin asking Raven to call him if it was all a lie. He’d never received a call. He rang for Donnie again too but didn't get any messages off him either.

  Because nobody was getting back to him, he called a few times to check his messages were getting through, leaving another for Raven and one for Donnie. The admin said they had been giving them, but he never received any calls back.

  That’s when he ‘knew’ Raven had played him and Donnie was ignoring him.

  Raven’s mouth hung open, and her eyes were wide at the lengths Kato had gone to lie to Beck like that. To make him doubt her feelings for him, and to think leaving was his only option. Using his cousin again to make sure messages didn’t get to them. Her fists clenched, and her pulse raced, the blood pumping through her veins with ferocity.

  Beck put his hand into his pocket, bringing out a folded piece of paper.

  “I brought it to show you.” He held the paper in front of her. “I don’t know why I kept it, but it looks like I had a reason after all.” Beck handed her the paper, and she opened it out.

  Raven’s hand shook as she read the lies that were on the page.

  “This is all exaggerated bullshit, and you never touched me inappropriately!” She whisper shouted so the customers wouldn’t overhear. “The worst you did was hold my hips, and that was hardly disrespectful.”

  Beck smiled -she’d missed that- and she continued to read. That’s when she saw the ‘signature’.

  It wasn’t hers.

  “That’s not my signature,” she said, pointing to it. “He’s forged a signature, yes, and it’s similar but it’s not mine.”

  “Whose is it?” Beck asked, looking down at the paper.

  “My mom’s.” Raven was livid.

  “I thought your mom’s name is Jayne?” he asked, getting her attention again.

  “Rita-Jayne,” Raven corrected. “She hates her first name, but has to use it when signing documents. They must’ve copied it from the payment form. The idiots didn’t check to see if they had the correct name. They just saw the ‘R’ and that was it.”

  “Oh my fucking God,” Beck said between clenched teeth, and put his head down. Raven watched as he scrubbed his face with his free hand. The other still gripped hers tightly. “That sick bastard. He did this to us on purpose, and for what? What did he have to gain from me leaving?”

  “I don’t think he expected that,” she said, thinking back to the last incident with Kato.

  “What do you mean? I would’ve been kicked out as soon as the Dean saw the fake report.”

  “The Dean didn’t know.” Beck looked confused, so Raven continued, telling him what had happened when she went to speak to the Dean, and him not knowing why his dad had had him picked up. Also, what Kato had said… ‘I never expected Beck to leave’. She left out the part about him grabbing her. That was a bit much to deal with.

  “So he was just fucking with my head,” he said, more to himself. “He wanted us to fight, and he wanted people to know about it; to humiliate us.”

  That sounded like the most plausible reason for Kato to do that.

  Revenge for humiliating him, even if it had been his own fault.

  “I missed you so much.” Beck raised his hand and stroked Raven’s cheek with his fingertips.

  Her skin broke out in goosebumps, and tingles flowed out from her chest down to her limbs. Her body hadn’t forgotten his touch and was practically jumping at the contact.

  “I missed you too,” she replied, turning into his palm.

  “I need you Raven. I need to be with you again,” he whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb.


  Raven felt her heart beating wildly in her chest. A feeling she hadn’t had for a while, because it was beating for Beck once again. Letting him know that she felt the same, she released his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

  Beck reacted instantly, holding her tight, pressing his face into her hair.

  “I’m right here, Beck.”

  If Beck could grip her any tighter, he did, but she didn’t complain.

  However, they’d spent a long time apart and Raven didn’t want to think about Beck being with somebody else. There was a good chance he’d gone back to his old ways after thinking she’d hurt him.

  She held her breath as she thought how she would take it, knowing how many there had been in the past seven months. She would deal with it -she had to- because it wasn’t Beck’s fault. If she wanted to be with him, then she had to accept everything that had happened while they were apart because of Kato.

  “You can ask me,” he said, as he pulled back and tried to catch her eye. “I won’t get mad, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll tell you whatever it is you want to know.”

  It was as if he knew exactly what was on her mind.

  “I’m not worried you’ll get mad,” she replied. “I’m worried about the answer,” she said truthfully.

  Raven’s insides flipped. She had a feeling Beck already knew what she wanted to ask. She couldn’t blame him though, it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t as though he’d cheated if he had, even though it still hurt to think about it. Kato had made him think she’d used him and betrayed him. She wouldn’t expect him to not want to.

  Beck took a deep breath through his nose.

  “Raven,” he said gently, stroking down her jaw. Do you want to know if I went back to how I used to be? The way I was before we were together?”

  Her eyes widened before looking down. She wanted to say that she didn’t want to know but instead, she nodded her head. The movement small and unsure.

  “I don’t blame you if you did,” he said, his voice low. “I left. You had every right to carry on with your life.”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t see anybody else, Beck.”

  His eyes lit up, his mouth curling at the corners.

  “Neither did I.”

  “Really?” Happy tears filled her eyes.

  “Raven. No matter what I thought you’d done, all I could see was you. The way you used to smile at me, the way you used to put your head on my shoulder and hold my hand as we sat together. The way you tangled our legs when we lay together… Every thought included you and I hated it…” he held her chin when it trembled. “I hated thinking about you because it hurt so much…” Beck smiled and looked right into her eyes, their faces inches apart as he finished. “…Because no matter what, I didn’t want to be with anybody else but you.”

  Raven flung her arms around him again with joy.

  “Now I want to ask you something,” he said.

  “Ok,” she replied, unsure of what it could be.

  “Did you mean it?” he asked into her ear.

  Raven released a shaky breath as the warm air fanned over her skin. A raging pulse throbbed between her thighs, and she wanted Beck desperately.

  “Mean what?” she whispered in response, feeling him tense as her breath washed over him too.

  “Yesterday. When you said that you loved me.”

  Raven pulled back to look in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable, more than she’d ever seen him before, and her heart ached.

  She nodded.

  “I need you to love me again, Raven. I know I have a lot of making up to do, but I promise I’ll make it right.”

  Raven smiled. She never stopped, but she wasn’t going to tell him that right away. He was going make it up to her, and she knew exactly how.

  Chapter 11

  “Don’t you two want to get out of here and ‘catch up’?” Ava asked with a wink.

  The others had gathered round the table when they saw Raven and Beck hug each other tightly, eagerly wanting to know whether they were back together. Raven was still tucked into him. His arm around her, holding her hip. The other holding her hand.

  “There’s still a lot more to tell you,” Beck said as he stroked up and down her arm. Goosebumps erupted where he touched.

  “Should we go somewhere?” Raven asked, then looked towards Mike.

  He’d been watching them the whole time, looking for any hint that Raven was upset with Beck. He would’ve been there in a heart beat if she was. He’d also said his piece about Kato. He wanted to hunt him down and show him the error of his ways.

  “Go,” Mike motioned with his head to the door. “Go figure stuff out.”

  “Thanks Mike.” Raven smiled at her uncle. Reaching across the table and grasping his hand.

  She removed herself from Beck’s side and made a move to stand.

  “Beck.” Mike said, as Beck stood, making him pause. “None of what happened was your fault; I get that, but she’s still my baby niece so you better watch yourself.”

  “You have nothing to worry about,” Beck replied and shook the hand that Mike outstretched with his answer.

  They walked hand-in-hand to the doors, waving to their friends before leaving the bar.

  In a split second, Beck pulled Raven into him and held her close.

  One hand threaded into her hair, cupping her head, the other wrapped around her lower back.

  Raven hugged his tight waist in return. Her head buried into his shoulder, and she inhaled his scent. She loved how he smelled.

  His hard body pressed into hers, and another hard part of him pressed into her stomach.

  Her nipples pinched in arousal, and her core burned for him. She needed him so much, she had to physically stop herself from rubbing against him right there on the pavement.

  She’d heated all over, but she had to restrain herself. No matter how much she’d missed Beck, or how much she wanted him right then, she had to stick to her plan.

  Her plan to have Beck make it up to her. It was cruel -to them both- but it was necessary.

  Beck pulled back and held her face in his hands.

  “I’ve missed your lips,” he whispered, and his eyes locked on her mouth. “I want to kiss you.” He leaned towards her.

  “I don’t kiss on first dates.” Raven couldn’t hold back her smile.

  Her head and body both screamed at her to not be so stupid. The tremors that coursed through her, and caused her knees to quiver, confirmed that she’d lost her damn mind. All that time without him and now she was going to make him wait? More to the point, she was going to wait!

  Yes. Insane.

  “What?” Beck looked both shocked and confused at the same time.

  “Do you realize we never went on an actual date?” she asked. They hadn’t. They’d jumped in at the deep end right from the start.

  He looked in thought, still holding her face in his hands. “We didn’t.” His eyes moved back to hers.

  “Well, you said you still have a lot to tell me. We could start there.”

  “Seriously? We haven’t seen each other for seven months, and you want to go on a date?”

  “Yes,” she replied with a satisfied grin. “You said you would make it up to me.”

  Beck returned the grin, but with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  Uh oh.

  Raven instantly knew he was right back to being the Beck she knew and loved. The dirty minded filthy talker that turned her on at every opportunity.

  She’d gone and set herself up for painful retribution; of the sexy kind.

  “Ok, Raven,” he said, his voice low. “Have it your way.”

  Beck’s eyes scanned her face before stepping back just enough to be able to look her over.

  Raven swallowed.

  The fire in his eyes shot straight to her center.

  I’m sorry, can I take it back? I want you right now!

  Beck’s hands slowly released
from her hair, and they smoothed over her shoulders and down her arms to her hands.

  “I said I’m going to make it up to you, babe; and I will. If this is what you want…” his eyes roamed over her again, and he took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “…This is what you’ll get.”

  Raven’s mouth hung open, and she licked her lower lip into her mouth. Just a few words with the correct inflection and she was turned on.

  She was in so much trouble.

  Beck held her hand and turned to walk down the street.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “To my car. I’m taking you on our first date,” he winked.

  “But I’m not dressed for a date,” Raven said, pointing to her black tee and pants.

  “Raven, you look amazing in anything.” She smiled shyly as her face flamed. “Here we are.”

  Beck had stopped next to a black Audi Q7 Sportback with five double spoked alloys wheels. It looked expensive.

  “This is yours?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he chuckled. “It’s all part of the ‘business image’ as my dad puts it,” he said.

  “It’s gorgeous.”

  “Thank you,” he replied, opening her door for her.

  “A gentleman,” she smiled. “Are you after something?” She giggled as she sat in the black sports seat, even though she was nervous.

  The whole interior was black with a chrome trim on the doors.

  Beck walked around to the driver’s side and got in. A gust of Beck smell hit Raven in the face, and she held her breath.

  You need to hold out! Don’t give in yet!

  Raven watched his arm muscles flex as he reached for his seatbelt.

  “Raven?” he whispered. “Did you hear me?”

  “Hmm?”

  Beck smiled broadly. “I said to put on your belt.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Raven blushed, just like she had a million times before when she got caught staring by Beck.