Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  “I...” Her head turned more into my chest and I used my fingers to bring her back to me. The steady slaps against her face caused enough pain to have her forcing her eyes back open.

  “Answer me, Diane. Will you miss anything about what we’ve shared?” I flexed my jaw while I awaited her response. Regardless of what she said, she’d hate me when she woke up. Not only because she thought she was dying, but because of what I had planned.

  “I…” her face drew in, as if she were trying to cry. A single tear slipped free and she sniffled. I tapped against her cheek, again, trying to pull her from the brinks of sleep.

  “Come on, baby,” I said under my breath. “Talk to me.”

  I needed to have her speak when she was most inclined to tell me the upmost truth. Here, she’d spill what I knew she’d be too proud to say out loud.

  “Slave,” I growled. “Wake the fuck up.” My hand slid under her head, lifting to bring her closer. The pain with the new round of slaps had her lids opening the smallest amount.

  “Answer. What do you feel for me? Anything?” I spoke fast, trying to give her more time to answer. Her leg jerked and she was already leaving me.

  “Master,” she whispered.

  One word was all I got before she grew silent. My fingers slid into the hair on both sides of her head as I pulled her forehead up to connect with mine. I exhaled deeply, holding on tighter.

  Master. Yes, I’m your Master. But little do you know, death doesn’t come for you, today. Hell does await you when you awake, though.

  Chapter 13

  Diane

  “Slave. Slave…”

  Pitch black consumed me as Master’s voice pulled me from the vast emptiness of my surroundings. His voice was demanding, reaching to places I didn’t want to feel. Places that I was scared to let emotion back into. The aching in my chest was heavy and I lifted to push against the hole that had seemed to live deep inside. The one that had appeared when I lost my family.

  “Master?” I took a step forward, fear inching up my skin like bugs were crawling over my flesh. To find him meant I’d be saved. Somehow, I knew this, even if I didn’t necessarily like it. But if he remained lost…I was trapped here. Lost in the emptiness that was ready to swallow me whole. I could feel it. Feel the pressure of the darkness pushing in harder. It wanted me. To keep me here forever.

  I swallowed hard, forcing my feet to move as I attempted to run. “Master?” Louder I called, feeling like I was sprinting, yet not making any ground at all. The nothingness made me twitchy, like some monster was going to come barreling out from the depths of my own personal nightmare, ready to pull me under forever.

  “Slave.”

  He was so close. I dug in my feet, trying to stop the feeling of the steady ground I was on from moving beneath me. Vertigo took over and I swayed as it leveled out. “Master!” I screamed as loud as I could. Fear oozed from every inch of my skin and I could almost smell it. The thickness from the mass around me was beginning to penetrate into my body¸ sliding into my mouth and nose until I couldn’t breathe. I clawed at everything and nothing, until my hands were trying to reach for my face…but I wouldn’t move. I couldn’t stop it from taking me over. God, I was it and it was me. We were one, or quickly becoming so.

  “Slave.”

  Cold air began to register in my lungs. It wasn’t heated or thick like before. I gasped, my eyes flying open as the reality of fingers down my side merged with my dream. Shaking took over every inch of my body as I locked eyes with Master, who was sitting next to me on the edge of the bed. The room was dim and the shadows on his face scared me almost as much as the nightmare. I didn’t understand what was going on. Couldn’t shake the darkness while I pulled at the cuffs, confused. My head was throbbing and my tongue felt swollen and dry.

  “Look at that. You live.”

  I blinked. Once. Twice. Like dominoes following over themselves, my memories came tumbling over each other, jumbled and blurred. My head was swimming and my mind wasn’t working right.

  “I’m not dead?” I had to clear my throat past what felt like cottonmouth, but a million times worse. So, that’s where the choking, suffocating feeling had to have come from in my nightmare.

  “Water?” I managed.

  Master’s hand came to settle at the back of my head and he lifted the glass to my lips. I took a big drink, not caring about the stream that made its way down my chin and chest. If anything, I felt dehydrated as shit. What in the hell had he given me? I knew it was pointless to ask. He wouldn’t tell me, just like he hadn’t before I had passed out.

  I pulled back, breathing deeply, as he lowered me and put the glass back on the nightstand. What did I say? There were too many conflicting questions that kept pushing through. Was he angry that I’d thrown up the pills? That I’d chickened out on the death he was probably looking forward to witnessing? That’s what he got off on, wasn’t it? Watching people die? They wouldn’t come here if that weren’t the case. My mind blanked out as his words shocked my system. He’d said something about wanting to keep me, hadn’t he? About his name being on my stomach…which made me his?”

  Nervously, I let my eyes lift to his. Still, he was watching. What was he thinking? Did it even matter?

  “Can I go home, now?”

  Silence.

  “I know you wanted me dead—”

  Before I could say anything else, his hand slammed over my mouth. A small hint of blood washed over my tongue and tears clouded my eyes. The pure rage that shone through his stare caused the wetness to spill over. Fear engulfed me as I tried not to let myself break out into full-blown crying mode. Emotions were overpowering me and I couldn’t turn them off as I usually did. It had to be the medication he gave me.

  “Do. Not. Ever…assume to know what I want. Ever. You wanted yourself dead or else you wouldn’t have taken those pills. The choice was yours and yours alone. And because you’re blaming me, you’ll take your punishment.”

  “But...” My eyes widened, my voice muffled under his palm. Panic had me jerking under his hold so I could dislodge his palm. I knew where this would lead.

  “I don’t want to hear a single thing you have to say. To ensure that I don’t, you’ll be wearing this.”

  The red ball had me trying to flee. All it got me was his fingers digging into the hallows of my cheeks. I yelled, more from the pain, giving him room to shove the gag in my mouth. The fastening was harder for him to accomplish, but he managed within seconds.

  “There.” He stood, walking over and grabbing the crop. I couldn’t stop my pussy from getting wet. It was uncontrollable and made me want to cry harder. This was so wrong. The fucking guilt was going to kill me. Why hadn’t I died? Why had I made myself throw the pills up?

  I knew why.

  Because I wanted to live. A part of me hated him for it. Yet, the flame that he’d awakened was growing. It was brighter than ever, being faced with what I’d come to crave. Not necessarily just the pain, but the pleasure, too. The way he made me feel wanted, even if he was using my body for his own sadistic needs. There were moments, like when I’d pulled back before. The intimacy left me ready to run, but I couldn’t deny that it had felt good that he’d tried. I wanted more, regardless that it wasn’t right.

  “Spread your legs.”

  The order pulled me from my thoughts and I hesitated. The sting had me breathing in heavily though my nose. Three quick slaps moved up my thigh, closer toward the one place that wanted contact the most.

  “Now, slave,” he growled.

  The end came down hard and vibrations filled my mouth as I sobbed. I kicked my leg over, opening for him as wide as I could. I knew it wasn’t what he wanted. He’d only meant for me to put distance between them, but I couldn’t help but defy him. My eyes narrowed as we gazed into each other’s eyes. Everything inside of me begged to break the contact and I would have, if not for the hunger that took over his expression. I barely saw the crop move in time before it connected with my
clit. The force was enough to cause a deep warmth, but not enough to hurt. I arched, unable to stop myself.

  “I thought you hated me? Never wanted me to touch you again?” He kneeled on the bed, his hand gripping just above my knee. “Looks to me like you’re begging to be fucked. Did you miss my cock, slave? Or are you determined for me to finish you off with my bare hands? You want me to end your life because of your defiance? Do you think me so unstable that I lack control?”

  My head slowly shook.

  “You want me to fuck you, then?”

  Again, I shook my head.

  The narrowing of his eyes told me he was frustrated. Good. Maybe he’d take off the damn gag.

  “Well, too bad. I’m going to fuck you anyway.”

  My legs shot together, barely missing his hand as he pulled it out of the way. Not like it would have hurt him, but I would have at least had the satisfaction of being faster.

  “Legs.” The demand was clear in the one word and I glared as I obeyed. Heat was already pouring from the earlier connections. Had he hit right over the bruises already littering my skin? It sure as fuck felt like it.

  “You’ll take ten on each side. If you so much as move, I’ll add ten more. Nod if you understand.”

  My eyes rolled, but I nodded.

  “Five more on each leg for the attitude.”

  The first strike nearly had my leg jumping from the impact. My fingers searched for the chain connecting the cuffs and I held on as he went to work on my thighs, both inner and outer. Warmth at the slaps just below my pussy had drool escaping. Tingling made me feel alive. I ached to rotate my hips. If it wasn’t for the whimpering and need to escape, I might have.

  “Seven left. You sure you don’t want to move? I’d love to keep going.” The end of the crop traced over my slit, collecting my juices. At my shake, he brought it back over my tender skin. I flinched, feeling the tears slide down the sides of my face. The rest came slow, drawn out between each connection. It only made it that much more painful and from the look on Master’s face, I knew he loved every minute of it.

  “Anything else you want to blame me for before I put this away?”

  At my silence, he pushed my leg over, turning me to my side. The spanking on my ass left me sobbing as best as I could with the buffer in my mouth. The covers swept away the tears, snot, and drool that were making a mess of my face and I grew louder as the gag fell free.

  “Now, answer me. Are you done blaming me?”

  “Yes, Master.” I didn’t move. My face turned deeper into the silk while I broke down. I’d almost fucking died and now I was getting punished by a man I had mixed feelings about. It was enough to drive me insane. Fuck, I no doubt already was. Hence, the craving of his treatment. Stockholm Syndrome at its best? Wouldn’t have surprised me in the least. Of course, I had been secretly enjoying this since the beginning, so that kind of knocked that possibility out of the water.

  Pressure from Master’s hand gripped my shoulder and he turned me over to face him. Nothing was displayed across his features. No expression whatsoever. Flashes of the stranger he’d been projected in my mind and I tried to figure out which one I liked better. The good side, or the bad side? The intimate, or the rough? It was almost as if he were two different people. Like they weren’t personalities at all.

  “You’re going to remain in here until I decide. I will visit. Sometimes even stay for long periods of time, but you have a job to do and I won’t distract you from it.”

  “A job?” My voice was raspy as I tried to wrap my head around what he was talking about.

  “I’m big into charities. I have an event coming up for a foundation I’m very passionate about and you’re going to write my speech.”

  “Charities? You?” I almost wanted to laugh at how absurd that sounded, but stopped at the twitch in his cheek. The monster, the man who didn’t mind branding me his with a Goddamn scalpel, was big into helping…people? Helping…my eyes rose to his as I tried to piece everything together. This was bigger than me; bigger than I could probably even comprehend. Something told me that down to my bones. The status. The money. The power he radiated. He’d already said he’d lost someone, which would make me think that he wouldn’t let me kill myself. But he had given me pills. Was going to allow me, had I not been chicken and threw up the majority of my one-way ticket to heaven or hell? What did that mean? Nothing made sense. “Who are you, really?”

  “Kind of late for introductions, don’t you think, slave? Not like it matters anyway.”

  He stood and I didn’t miss the sadness that was etched in the downward curve of his lips.

  “Wait...please, Master.” I swallowed hard, trying to push myself up to sit. Damn, if my intrigue wasn’t overshadowing my anger. I wanted to discover who he really was. Had he not shown me his other side, I might have assumed this monster was just giving back the only way he knew how. Charity. But, no, I’d sensed something else within him. Something I had a feeling he wanted to hide, and maybe for good reason.

  “What is it?” He turned, once again, his expression solid stone. My mind raced. He’d taken me away from my family. Not physically, but my need to try to join them. I couldn’t ignore that or quite forgive him yet, but there was a mystery within that I couldn’t ignore. Even though I knew it was more dangerous for myself, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

  “Will you kiss me, now? Like…you were going to do before?”

  There it was. The hard angle melted at my request and the stranger before me was searching my eyes for something I couldn’t grasp. At that moment, I could have cared less what he was looking for; I was enamored by this new side. By the curiosity, yet resistance, it had toward me.

  “No. I’ll be back with your food.”

  Even as he walked away, I couldn’t stop taking in everything I saw. From the way he walked, to how he kept looking over at me, to how he flexed his fist as he made his way up the basement stairs. I was getting under his skin. He’d said he wanted to keep me. That wasn’t the good side, but the monster who had stated that, so what happened if I tried to seduce the good? Was there a medium to the man who called himself Master? Or was his evil too dominant to overpower? I wasn’t sure, but hell if I didn’t want to find out. Consequences and all.

  Chapter 14

  Master

  Could I kiss her like before? She couldn’t have been serious. The question pissed me off. Made me want to take the crop back out and beat her with it. It fucking made me want to obey her — to kiss her slow and passionate until she was fighting to breathe past her need for me. Goddammit. I couldn’t think. Diane fucked with my head just as hard as I fucked her body. Although, what she did wasn’t intentional, or was it? What would bring on the question? What even made her think about it?

  My hand paused from grabbing the tray at my line of thought. What changed her mind? Had the thought of death, or her reawakening after she thought she survived, make her reassess whatever feelings she might have for me? I’d be damned if I knew. The woman drove me crazy in every way I could imagine.

  “Kiss her.” Sarcasm filled my tone as I shook my head and placed the bowl on the counter. Fuck, my cock wanted me to. But there was nothing passionate about my current need. She had me riled now — worked up and craving to fuck her nice and hard. Perhaps I would. Teach her a lesson and make her stay the hell away from the other side of me. She didn’t need to know him. Even he wasn’t good enough for her. Sure, I did helpful things in the eyes of the public, but there was always this person I was now. I couldn’t escape one without the other far behind. Responsibilities were carried on both sides. It was all or nothing with me. Nothing was safer for both of us, regardless if I couldn’t look past keeping her. Inside, my brain told me there was no getting past it. Diane was mine. There was no if, ands, or buts about it. Yet, the inkling of reality was there, too. I couldn’t keep her and the reasons for that were long enough to fill a fucking novel. When she was better, she had to go. From what I’d seen
within the last twenty-four hours, it wouldn’t be but a couple of more weeks. No, I was over-exaggerating the time frame. It’d be less than that.

  “Kiss her,” I repeated again. “Damn that woman.” Damn me for even attempting to be intimate with her. Now she knew I possessed something other than what she’d come to believe. I had to try to block it out. To make her forget what she’d seen.

  Beeping and then…“Master?”

  Jaime’s voice had my eyebrows drawing in. It wasn’t out of character for him to stop by unannounced, but I really didn’t feel like dealing with anything right now. And more than likely, whatever he had to say would be work related.

  The front door shut, the alarm kicking back in as footsteps heavily walked my way.

  “In the kitchen.” I put the soup on the stove and turned around just as he came through the entrance. The suit he wore was fitted, displaying his wide shoulders and thin waist. The yellow tie threw me off. Usually, he wore black, blue, or red. It wasn’t like him to mix it up. He’d been a creature of habit since I’d met him.

  “Ah, lunch.” His hands pushed into his pockets as he looked around toward the small table further back in the room. The glance only lasted for a few seconds before his stare moved toward the door of the formal dining.

  “She’s not in there,” I said dryly, grabbing a spoon to stir the soup.

  “Has she not earned her way into the kitchen yet? It’s been a little over a month.” Concern shadowed his face for the briefest moment before he composed himself. The narrowing of his eyes while I watched him study me didn’t sit right.

  Silence reigned between us as I continued to stir and contemplate how much I wanted to tell him. I’d never hidden anything about the slaves from him before, but then again, he’d never really cared to ask how any of them were doing.

  “Diane failed her test this morning. She took the pills. She’s not ready yet.”