What We'll Leave Behind

by Len Webster

  “I love this moment with you. This is perfection,” he softly said, interrupting her.

  She blinked quickly at the realisation that he had translated that one French sentence she had spoken last night. Suddenly, she didn’t feel like a loser in his game anymore. Instead, she felt like the prize and the winner. She felt mighty, almost high off it.

  “Keep reading,” he urged.

  She stared at the next few sentences and breathed out, knowing that what she was about to say could never be taken back. “Julian?”

  “Yes, Stephanie.”

  “Tu es perfection,” she uttered.

  You are perfection.

  She thought about it for a second and then grinned. Because in the short time she had known him, he had been perfection. He was natural and he was freedom. He was what made her breathe easy.

  Then she continued to read to him not caring that he’d stolen a piece of her heart away. Or maybe she’d freely given it away. She didn’t care which. And frankly, she didn’t mind at all because she didn’t want any fragments he’d take from her to ever be returned.

  I’ve stopped paying attention.

  I’m just watching the way her lips move.

  Memorising each breath she makes before she starts the next paragraph.

  Enjoying the way her body moulds into mine.

  Perfection. Perfection. Perfection.

  It had been ten minutes since Stephanie had started to read aloud to him. She had read slowly, ensuring that Julian didn’t miss a word. Her voice poured out so much love for literature that it almost hurt him. Every now and then, she paused and sighed. It was like she saw a different meaning to the book than he did. But that was what made her so special. She didn’t have to voice it for him to know. It was the way she looked at the little things. The way she stared at the bonfire last night, for example. And by God, did he want more of her.

  As much as he was enjoying sitting on the sand and listening to her read, the brutal sun was burning his skin and, no doubt, Stephanie’s. Tonight, he hoped she’d read some more. And tomorrow, he’d hoped she’d read less and let him stare at the way she viewed the world.

  “Stephanie, stop reading for a second,” he instructed. Then he kissed her hot shoulder and pulled back.

  “This is one of the important parts of the book,” she argued.

  “I’ve read the book, Blondie.”

  She sighed and placed the book in her bag. “I know. I just thought you were enjoying me reading to you.”

  Then a frown twisted her lips. And shit, did it plunge deep into his chest. So deep that, when he found a way to take his next breath, he never wanted to experience it again.

  Julian stood up and held his hand out to her. “I loved you reading it to me. I want you to continue. But I thought we’d test the waters today. What do you say?”

  A flash of fear overtook her eyes, clouding over the bright blues he loved.

  He loved her smile. Loved the colour of her eyes. Loved the way she breathed and spoke. Loved the way she made the word ‘love’ sound thrilling and easy.

  Too much love for someone I just met.

  Like, Julian. You like all of that stuff.

  But like isn’t as strong as love.

  I like-love every attribute Stephanie possesses.

  There. That doesn’t make me sound so whipped.

  “Oh, umm…” Stephanie hesitantly placed her hand in his. It wasn’t like last night. It was no fluid motion with a hint of confidence. She seemed scared to touch him.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Her nod was also slow.

  “Stephanie, you can tell me what’s wrong,” he said, trying to reassure her.

  That frown of hers reverted into a shy smile. “Sorry. I’m not really fond of water.”

  Oh, shit.

  Way to go, you inconsiderate asshole.

  Julian tugged her against the side of him and wrapped both arms around her. “Bad experience?”

  She laughed lightly. “Are you fishing for information about my life back home?”

  He looked down to see her bright-blue eyes staring at him with curiosity. A curious Stephanie was a beautiful one.

  Julian stepped back and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Of course, not.”

  She grinned. “Good. And no, not a bad experience. The knowledge that something could kill me is in there is all.”

  Without a thought or hint of hesitation, Julian moved his hands to cup her face. “They’ll kill me first, okay? There’s enough of me where you’ll have time to escape. I’ve been told I’m annoying. So I’ll probably be a pain in the ass to kill. Nothing is going to hurt you.”

  Stephanie’s lips made a tight line before she gave up and chuckled. “How noble of you, my dear annoyance. So very noble. Just make sure I get to land before you give up, okay?”

  “Done deal, Blondie. Done deal. Now, let me undress you.” He winked the moment her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. “Going to stop me?”

  Stephanie’s grin grew larger, deepening her cheekbones and showcasing her perfect teeth. “We’ll see.”

  God, I love the sound of that.

  After his hands had trailed down the side of her body, his fingers stopped at the hem of her baby-pink sundress. He rubbed the material, loving the feel of the softness of it against him. Then he peeked up at her and smirked.

  “Any objections, Blondie?” he asked. He couldn’t help the smugness that laced his voice.

  She shook her head. “All I hear is you being a wimp.”

  “You’re afraid of water,” he retorted.

  “I am not! If I were so afraid, why did I wear a bikini to the beach?” Stephanie took a large step back, pulling her dress away from his grasp. Then she took a few more, creating more distance between them.

  “Honestly, I have no answer for that. I have no idea what goes on in that pretty little head of yours,” Julian answered before he removed the grey shirt he was wearing and dropped it next to her bag.

  He didn’t mind her wandering eyes. And he definitely didn’t mind the way she licked her lips. He was sure she wasn’t even aware she had done so.

  When their eyes locked, he couldn’t help but thank whichever higher power had allowed him to be the focus of her stare. Whoever’s handiwork it was, Julian was very appreciative.

  He took a slow, calculated step towards her, and Stephanie froze. Then another until his body was centimetres from hers. She continued to stare at his chest until the moment he slipped his fingers underneath the spaghetti strap of her dress and pulled it off her shoulder. Those vibrant, beautiful, and get-a-man-to-say-stupid-shit blue pools shot up and collided with his. The way her heavy breaths sounded made him weak in the knees.

  Just as he was about to pull her other strap down, Stephanie grasped his wrist and shook her head. He began to apologise for crossing a boundary when she lowered his hand towards the hem of her dress. Julian swallowed hard as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

  “Any objections?” she asked in a whisper.

  Julian leant forward, his lips close to her right ear. “None from me, Blondie.” Then he placed his fingers on the end of her sundress and lifted it up off her body, revealing her light orange bikini.

  Perfect.

  Every curve and inch of her was perfect. Every surface of her sun-kissed skin was where his lips wanted to touch and taste. The woman was every wet dream and fantasy somehow wrapped into one. He wanted that body of hers under his, those long legs wrapped around him, and her breasts pushed against his chest as he took her mouth with his.

  Oh, shit.

  Shit.

  Shit.

  Fuck!

  His grip on her dress tightened, wrinkling it. He knew that if he didn’t get in the water soon, things would be awkward in the pants department. Sure, he could parade it off and give her a well done for making him hard, but that wasn’t really romantic. Nothing says romance like, “Here’s a hard-on.” Normally, it was the go-
to plan, but not with Stephanie. She was far too different from the women back home. Far too special for dirty tricks.

  “Drop the dress,” she instructed, breaking him from the spell her breasts had cast.

  Breasts, why do I love you so?

  Why do I love Stephanie’s perfect rack?

  Because they’re perfect.

  I could write a poem about how perfect they are.

  Maybe even a song.

  Double fuck!

  “Yes, ma’am,” Julian said and dropped the article of clothing.

  Then he waited.

  The nervous flash in her blue eyes had him stepping towards her and taking her hands. His fingers threaded hers, and then he leant in close, his nose brushing against hers.

  “Ready for some fun, Stephanie?” he asked, loving the way she stared up at him.

  Wonder. Beauty. Only two of the million different emotions that had taken hold of her face. And there were countless expressions he still needed to see.

  Stephanie stepped back towards the water, taking him with her. Julian happily followed. In that one heartbeat, he decided he’d follow her wherever he needed to just to be near her. Then the thought of how short-lived this all was worried him for a minute. There’d be good-bye and good luck. But he didn’t want that. A squeeze of his hand had him shaking his head slightly. No. He was working himself up to knowing so much more of her. He’d find a way.

  And the first step was to know, to taste, and to learn her lips.

  Once she let go of his hands, he watched her shriek as a wave came crashing towards them. Stephanie turned in time for the wave to hit her back, and the fearless expression on her face caused another jump of his heart.

  When she pulled her hair to one side, she sent a smile his way, and then Julian followed her into the water.

  I’m going to kiss you, Stephanie.

  I know when.

  I know how.

  Just let me try.

  “Stop swimming away, Blondie!” he shouted once she resurfaced.

  It had been an hour of chasing and fighting. They’d played Marco Polo once, but she had caught him cheating and that was the end of their game. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Now, Stephanie brushed her wet hair back from her face and stared at the horizon. Julian slowly made his way to her and then wrapped his arms around her soft and wet body.

  For a second, he thought she’d pull away, but instead, she closed her eyes and sighed. As much as he wanted to freeze this exact moment in time, they were still in the middle of their game. It was an asshole move to do what he was about to, but he couldn’t help himself. He had sucked in air before he lifted her up. The second she giggled and squirmed, he dunked her into the water.

  There was no movement, just her blonde hair swimming in the water. She was so still that it frightened him. As soon as he bent his knees to get her, she stood up and gasped. Cold water splashed him, but it didn’t relax the frantic surge that met his body at the thought of her being hurt.

  Stephanie wiped her face with her hands then huffed. It was the cutest huff, and it brought a smile to his face. Then Julian noticed that her nostrils had flared as she pointed her finger at him.

  “I can’t believe you just dunked me!” she cried.

  Her attempts at being angry were futile as he let out a chuckle and pulled her against his chest. “Lighten up, Stephanie. You were giggling. You loved it!”

  You feel good in my arms.

  The thought had him squeezing his arms around her. Just as he was getting comfortable, she pushed at his chest and took a few steps back. The startled look on her face was one he very much enjoyed.

  “I was not!” she argued. She furrowed her brow and glared at him.

  “You were! Now, come here,” he said, closing the distance until she was in his arms again.

  She didn’t fight him. She willingly let him hold her. And as God as his witness, it was one of the greatest moments of his life.

  I want to kiss you.

  I want it to be a memory for the vault.

  I want you to kiss me back.

  I want you to need me like I’m afraid I’m going to need you.

  “Wrap your arms around my neck,” he whispered, hoping she would.

  And then, like a blessing from the skies, Stephanie did as he’d instructed. Their noses touched, which sent electricity to every one of his fingertips and in his chest, where it lingered. When he noticed that she was staring at his lips, he knew she wanted this kiss to happen like he did.

  “Close your eyes for a moment.”

  Her eyes snapped to his, and he gave her a reassuring smile, hoping she’d let him have one taste, one moment of exploration, one moment of magic.

  “Julian.”

  It was a soft call of his name. So soft and sweet that the electricity lingering in his chest drove straight into the depths of his heart. It had been the best and worst pain of his life.

  “Shh. One more memory for the vault.” And then he went for it. He didn’t care that he barely knew this woman. He didn’t care about what was to come or the details of her past. He just needed to feel her. He needed the relief her lips gave.

  She kissed like no other; seeming almost so unsure that he was worried she’d stop. But she found her way and her speed, kissing him back with as much desperation as he offered.

  Desperate and needy, heavily were their kisses laced with it. It was all so much more than anything he had ever dreamed. And then she did something he hadn’t expected. She gently bit his bottom lip, and he groaned or growled. He wasn’t sure which. It had sounded like a mixture of both.

  More.

  God, do I want more than just one kiss.

  He pulled away; too afraid he’d do something she wasn’t ready for. That unsureness should have been an alert from the start. He knew she wasn’t as experienced as he, just in the way she kissed. And that in itself was enough for him to break their contact. This. This was special. This was more than just a summer fling. There was something about Stephanie.

  You before me.

  Always you before me.

  He smiled. It was all he could do. He would savour this. Her. And them.

  “Vault’s not quite full yet. I need more memories with you, Stephanie.”

  “That is one big motherfucker!” Roxy said in wonder as she looked at Big Buddha.

  Stacey, Melissa, and Cassie laughed. Stevie just smiled as she took photos of the attraction. She hadn’t wanted to go sightseeing, but Cassie had almost had a fit. Apparently, as ‘friends,’ they hadn’t done enough. Stevie couldn’t argue. If she did, the girls would have been suspicious, and she didn’t want them ruining what she had with Julian. It wasn’t about anyone but them. They were in their own little world. He hadn’t kissed her again, but he had held her on the beach as they’d watched the sunset. That had been almost twenty-four hours ago.

  She felt awful for not meeting him on the beach this afternoon. It had been a quick agreement they had made before she returned to her hotel room. Stevie had had no idea that the girls from her business management class would want to spend the whole day together. From swimming at Kata Noi Beach to getting Thai massages, shopping by the street stalls, and now visiting Big Buddha, they’d had a full day. Next was the night market for street food. As she’d spent more time around them, Stevie had grown to like her classmates, but she resented them at the same time. Had she known they’d be together all day, she’d have found a way to tell Julian not to wait.

  Maybe he thinks I’m not showing because I hated the kiss.

  All she could do was frown. She had no idea how to find him; she wasn’t even sure where he was staying. Once they got back, she’d wait at the beach all night and even tomorrow and hope he’d show up again. But the chances were slim, so she sighed. He’d no doubt find some other girl. And that caused a pang of jealousy in her chest. It rendered her speechless.

  “Stevie?” Roxy’s voice had her craning her neck.

>   The concern in Roxy’s eyes towards her was not what she was used to. Neither was the use of ‘Stevie.’ But since yesterday, Roxy had consistently used her preferred nickname rather than Stephanie.

  “Yeah?” Stevie placed her camera in her bag and turned her attentions to her roommate.

  “I’ve got this,” Roxy stated with a smile.

  “What?” Stevie asked, confused.

  “That guy you’re spending your time with. I saw you both yesterday when I was coming back from the Scotsman’s hotel room.”

  She knew she should deny Julian’s existence. Not let anyone know. But Roxy had seen them, and yesterday, Stevie and Julian had been too hands-on to claim otherwise.

  “What about the guy I was with yester—Wait!—You call him ‘the Scotsman’? Isn’t that weird?” Stevie pulled on her ponytail to tighten the band’s hold of her hair.

  Roxy grinned. “I call him other things, too. But that’s between us. Go back to the beach. I’ve got you covered.”

  “How?”

  Then Roxy’s grin turned into a huge smile that was actually a little frightening. “Like this.” She paused. “Girls, Stevie’s gotta run.”

  Melissa continued to take more pictures of the Big Buddha while Cassie and Stacey turned around.

  “What?” Cassie asked in a high-pitched voice.

  “Sorry?” Stevie offered with a shrug.

  “You’re going to miss the night market. No. Absolutely not. No way are you—”

  “She has to call Jarred,” Roxy stated, interrupting Cassie’s rant.

  Cassie’s cheeks turned a pink shade, and then she closed her mouth. Stevie raised an eyebrow at Roxy, who winked at her.

  “Yes,” Stevie said confidently. “He misses me. A lot. Like, so much.”

  “Run along, Stevie. Make sure you tell your brother we said hi. Right, Cassie?” Roxy asked.

  “Yes,” Cassie blurted out before she composed herself. “Tell him we said hi.” Then Cassie flipped her long, black hair and turned around.

  Stevie couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s dramatic antics. “What was that about?” she whispered to Roxy.