Since I’d failed miserably at keeping the vow I'd made with myself yesterday, I made a new vow.
I had a few hours before I had to go have lunch with Ian, so I spent a good half an hour taking a quick shower, my meds, my shot, brushing my hair, dressing in a nice loose skirt and a blouse.
Adrian was already at the kitchen table having his breakfast, while Mom was busy with the coffee machine.
"Good morning," I said as I sat at the head of the table.
"Oh, good morning, sweetie. How was your night?" Mom asked her usual morning question.
"It was good, I slept well," I smiled, sort of glad that there wasn't any tension between us after last night's conversation.
"What do you want to have for breakfast?"
"Um, nothing, I think I'll share that orange juice with Adrian. You don't mind, Adrian, do you?" I asked him with a smile, but of course he didn't reply.
Before my mom had time to say anything, her phone rang and she said she had to take it outside. I just nodded.
"Adrian?" I tried, but he just kept texting and said nothing.
I nudged him in the knee with mine, trying to get him to look at me, but he just huffed and didn't even glance at me.
I took his glass and sipped a little. The taste wasn't so amazing while I could still taste my toothpaste, but I didn't show it. I had no idea how on earth he drank it every morning for years.
I put the glass back and kept watching him, thinking maybe if I tried being annoying he'd give up eventually and talk to me.
My staring didn't work.
I took another sip, put it back, stared. Nothing.
"Would you just talk to me?" I pleaded.
Nothing.
I nudged him with my knee again.
Nothing.
Again, and again, then again some more. That was when his hand gripped my upper thigh, right under the table – and under my skirt.
I froze.
His eyes slowly made it to mine, and he glared.
"Quit acting like a child!" he snarled quietly.
I stuck out my tongue, because I didn't know what else to do, or say. I thought maybe he'd laugh and all of this silent treatment would stop, but no, it didn't go like that.
He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned, like he was mad or something.
Uh-oh! What did I do now? What do I do now?
His eyes opened slowly, then he glared at me once more. His hand moved slightly up my thigh and he squeezed.
I gasped.
"What the fuck do you want?" He moved a little higher.
"I, uh, I – I just want you to talk to me," I whispered, my throat suddenly dry, and my stomach in knots, all because of his hand.
"And I don't want to talk to you, so can't you just let me be?" His face was so close to mine as he leaned in a little to move his hand a little higher on my thigh. I could feel his breath on my face.
"Uh, why? Why won't you talk to me?"
"Why do you want me to talk to you?" His hand was an inch away from my sex, and I couldn't help the wetness between my legs.
I didn't reply. I didn't know how to talk. How does a human form words anyway?
"Your douche of a boyfriend is not enough for you? Can't you just go and talk to him and leave me alone? Or is it that when you're together you get so busy that you have no time for talking?" he asked in a low tone, yet the anger was clear in his voice.
"I, uh … Oh God!" I gasped again as he cupped my sex with his hand and squeezed a little.
"What is it you say, little sister? I didn't hear you."
"I want you, uh, to – "
"You want me to do what? You've been bugging the shit out of me nonstop. What is it that you want, huh?"
"I just want you to talk to me," I moaned softly as he rubbed me through my panties with pressure.
"I don't think that's the only reason, little sister. Is this what you want from me?" He moved my panties to the side and moved his finger along my slit.
"Oh, God!"
"So wet!" he whispered. "What? Your douche of a boyfriend is not doing enough for you?"
"Oh, my God!" I gasped as he plunged two fingers inside of me.
"Fuck!" he groaned. "You're so fucking tight! I see he still didn't take that away from me!" He moved his fingers in and out of me, causing a little pain as he stretched me.
"Still nothing made it in here, huh? What is it with the condom then, little sister?"
"God!" His fingers curled inside me, and I almost fainted because of too much pleasure.
"Stop praying and answer my fucking question!"
"I … uh … God – oh God!" I still couldn't form words. I gripped the table hard with one hand while the other made it to cover my mouth, and tried my best to muffle my moans, aware that our mom was just a few steps away from us.
I had bought the condom a long time ago, even before I dated Ian. I wanted to piss Adrian off with it, and make him find it accidentally among my stuff, but I didn't know where I should put it. Then things happened and I forgot all about it.
"What? Something's wrong?" he asked, acting like nothing was going on under the table.
"I'm – oh – I'm so …" I couldn't say it, too embarrassed.
"You're so what? Close? Yeah I know, I'm pretty aware of it. Do you want me to make you come?"
Oh my God! This is so embarrassing.
I can't say it! Just can't.
I nodded, barely able to open my eyes.
"Oh, I'm gonna need more than that. Say the words!"
I can't! Damn it!
"Say it!" He pushed his fingers harder.
"Oh, God!"
"Wrong answer!"
Then his fingers were gone, and he left the table.
I hate my freaking life!
I had tried lots of things with Ian, and I was ready to try more. I couldn't remember how many times we were so close to having sex, but we didn't.
He refused every time.
Yes, he, not me.
He said I wasn't ready, and I needed to be sure, and we should wait for the right moment, blah blah blah. I just wanted to do it and get it over with.
But then again, I knew he was right. I wasn't ready. And I was aware of the fact that I only wanted to do it with him because I wanted to get it over with. Just to get it over with.
It's not like Ian couldn't turn me on. He could. Very well could. But every time I was with him, I felt like something was missing, something big. And I felt that twisting in my stomach, that ache in my chest, voices in my head making me feel like I was cheating.
It was so hard to be focused with Ian, when I was always thinking about Adrian.
I just wanted to see if it'd feel the same during sex, or if sex would free me from all of those forbidden feelings I had toward my brother.
And I was wishing with all of my heart that they would go away.
"Ugh!" I sighed in frustration.
I thought my hoo-ha was broken or something. I couldn't get myself to come. So maddening!
Ian wouldn't go any further than second base with me today. He said he wasn't sure if he could control himself if he did.
The hell do I care if he couldn't! Just get inside me already, or at least get me off!
I didn't know why Ian was so careful with me like that! It was like he was the virgin, not me. So annoying!
I tried to touch myself again. Then again. Eventually I put my pillow over my face and screamed at the top of my lungs.
You can't do that, Lily. Stop thinking about it. Don't you dare. It's wrong. Don't even.
After a long inner fight, I walked to the bathroom. Took a shower, brushed, dressed in shorts and tank top, then …
I knocked.
I can't believe I'm doing this!
I knocked again, then again.
I hadn't knocked on that door in a very long time, and I really couldn't believe I was doing it now. I was about to go back to my room when he finally opened the door.
He looked me up
and down, but said nothing.
I stepped in and closed the door behind me.
"To what do I owe the pleasure, Miss Smith." He folded his arms in front of his bare chest; he was only in his boxers.
I looked at the floor. "Uh, I … Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"
"Oh! You want to sleep in my bed?"
I nodded.
"And why is that? Something wrong with your bed?" he asked.
"Uh …" What do I say? Why didn't I think about this before I came in here? "I'm cold." And an idiot!
"Cold? I'm so sorry about that. Use an extra blanket." He reached for the door and tried to open it.
Darn it!
"Please, Adrian. I'm … uh, I'm scared. Let me just spend the night in here," I begged, stopping him from opening the door.
"Of course you can spend the night in here." Yay! "Only if you say the real reason why you're here." Oh, crap.
I chewed on my lower lip and didn't reply, looking at the floor.
"Go back to your room!" He reached for the door again, but I stopped him this time, holding his arm.
He stood still for another moment, giving me some time.
"What brought you here, Lily?" he asked in a low voice.
I decided to just yank the band-aid and get it over with.
"I want you to make me come!" I said, not looking at his face.
I just said that?
Oh, kill me! Kill me now!
I heard him take in a sharp breath.
Silence.
"Why do you think I'd do that?"
Oh, God! Are you freaking kidding me?!
Silence.
"Go back to your room, Lily."
"Adrian, please! I'll do anything!"
How pathetic! I sound desperate even to my own ears.
"Really?"
I nodded.
"You'll do anything?"
I nodded again, still chewing on my lip.
"You'll let me fuck you?" he whispered; suddenly he was so close to me.
"Please, Adrian… Anything but that!"
It was too much for me. I couldn't just let my brother take my virginity – this was messed up enough.
"Hmm … all right then. I won't." He stepped back.
I looked up at him, and he was just standing there, arms folded in front of his chest, as if he was waiting for me to look at him before he spoke.
"Strip!" he ordered.
Crap! Can't he do it for me? It'd be less embarrassing if he did.
"Lily?!"
I didn't reply, I just stood there, frozen.
"Maybe this is a bad idea after a—" he started, but I interrupted him as I started undressing.
Yes, I'm that desperate!
"Hmm …" he hummed as my tank top reached the floor, followed by my shorts and panties.
I didn't look at him the whole time I was taking off my clothes, but I was aware of his breathing changing.
He took a step closer, then he walked around me. I felt like my skin was burning under his gaze, and the heat of my blush was almost unbearable.
"So beautiful," he whispered as he stood behind me.
When he made it back to stand in front of me, I saw the obvious bulge in his boxers. I still looked down, couldn't look at his face.
"Look at me."
I slowly moved my gaze up the floor to look into his eyes. They were dark with desire, making my stomach turn, and my girly parts to get even wetter.
"On your knees, little sister!"
Rose is a loved mother, wife, and a stay at home lawyer. Writing is her passion, and reading is her obsession. Music is her best friend and sarcasm is her speaking trend. One of her joys is bringing happiness to others and her biggest wish is that they stay true to one another. Through her stories, she wants to spread nothing except understanding, peace and love.
Find Rose B. Mashal
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Blind Love
Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy, Book 1)
Pretty Faces and Dark Places
Coming Soon
Illicit Needs (The Illicit Series, Book 2) April 2016
White Locks (The Colorblind Trilogy, Book 2) June 2016
Illicit Needs (The Illicit Series, Book 2)
"I would never hurt you, never." He kissed my neck. "If you let me fuck you, I'll be so very gentle, you will feel no pain, I promise."
Table of Contents
Title
Copyright
Summary
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
About the Author
Additional Works
Teaser for Illicit Needs
Facebook
Twitter
Blind Love
Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy, Book 1)
Pretty Faces and Dark Places
Illicit Desires (Illicit #1) Page 17