by Lori Holmes
He reached out to touch her cheek, amazed by her tears. “You weep for me?” No one had ever wept for him before. Much less someone who should be his enemy. He was raknari. He was expendable. “Why?”
Frustration burned in her eyes as if his stupidity was forcing her to admit something she shouldn’t be made to say aloud. “Can you not figure it out?” she hissed, wiping her eyes, voice full. “Have I not made it perfectly clear? I love you, Juaan. I always have. I cannot bear to see you hurt. Even when it’s to protect me.”
Khalvir felt his breath catch in his chest. He wasn’t even sure if his heart was still beating. She might have called him by another’s name but that did not matter, she had been looking right into his soul when she spoke. His. And he did not know how to respond.
He could not admit his feelings for her, it would destroy them both when the inevitable happened. And that must happen soon. He watched her as she bowed her head, hiding her eyes from him. She looked so sad, so vulnerable, in her admittance.
He reached out to touch her smooth cheek, unsure, hesitant. He would admit one thing to her, one truth. “I… could not see you hurt, either.”
She looked up into his face and that unknown feeling swelled until he could barely contain it. The flashes of half seen images and emotion flickered in the shadows of his mind. Something, something he should know. It taunted him with its closeness. He shuddered, pulling his hand back. “What is it about you, elf? I do not know.” Khalvir looked deep into her eyes, fighting, wanting to understand, to know, but the images fled, dancing just out of his grasp.
Nyriaana reached out and caught his hands between her own before he could retreat. His eyes closed briefly at the feel of her fingers on his.
“Please stay with me, Juaan,” she whispered. “You do not have to go back there. I cannot let you go back. You are not their killer. They took you from me, now come back.”
Yes! I’ll stay with you. He wanted to say it. He wanted to remain in this moment forever, but she must know as well as he that it was not possible. A bitter smile twisted his face.
“How?” he asked. “Even if I wanted to, even if what you are saying is true and I am a boy you knew long ago, how can I stay here? My life with my clan may be hard but your people,” he pointed to the place where the watchman had stood only a short time ago as he stared her full in the face, “would kill me.”
She knew the truth. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted desperately to deny it, to cling on to an imagined dream, but she could not. More tears started in her eyes as she dropped his hands and turned away.
16
Pain
The buzzing of flies was becoming unbearable. The flying menaces were braving the cold, drawn out by the promise of drying blood on his skin and furs. Khalvir moved to put the garments back on to try and block them from tickling his back.
“You can’t put those back on,” she admonished him. The need for action seemed to shake her from the depression she had fallen into. “I’m going to have to take them and wash them in the river.” A spasm of concern pinched her face as she gazed up at the deepening sky.
Khalvir was relieved for the break in the tension, his thoughts were brooding. She had to go. He needed to think. He needed to decide. “Make sure you bring them back,” he said gruffly, folding his arms against the chill. He was already missing their protection.
He was rewarded with a soft smile. “I will. They needed a wash anyway. You were beginning to stink.” She wrinkled her nose dramatically as she lifted the dark furs.
Khalvir rolled his eyes at her comment and lifted his eyebrows as he spread his arms to indicate the lack of open water in the prison she kept him in.
“I know, I know,” she muttered in response, her attention already on the rope that would carry her to the surface. She seemed to be struggling under the weight of his furs. A frown crumpled her brow as she tilted her head to judge her climb.
Despite himself, Khalvir fought the grin that was threatening to break out and only partially succeeded. “Here.” He took the garments from her, swung back his arm and launched them up and over the edge.
She was watching him with her mouth hanging slightly open. The flush crept back up her cheeks and she ducked her head. “Show off,” she muttered as she took hold of the rope and hauled herself up and out of sight.
Khalvir let the smile drop from his face as soon as she disappeared, sinking down against the rock wall. He flinched as his back contacted the icy stone and huddled down over his knees, closing his eyes.
I love you, Juaan. I always have.
No one had ever loved him, not in the way she looked at him. He shivered as he remembered her face as she had spoken the words. The feel of her skin against his fingers.
I always have.
Khalvir screwed his eyes shut.
Please stay with me…
He groaned into his knees.
He did not know for how long he had dozed when a heavy thud beside him shocked him awake. Before his eyes were fully open, his body reacted to the threat. His arm had shot out, fingers closing around the throat of the intruder as he threw them to the ground.
“Juaan,” the familiar voice croaked through his choke hold.
His fingers released her like they had been burned. “How many times?” he swore. “Don’t surpri-” And then he saw her fully and the last vestiges of sleep evaporated. She remained crumpled upon the ground, her breath coming in sporadic hitches. The broken expression on her face was terrible to behold. “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Did I hurt you?” He could have broken her chest with the force of his attack.
“No,” she shook her head. “But nothing will be ever right again!” She broke down, burying her face in her hands to stifle her uncontrolled sobs. “What have I done?”
He had never seen her like this. Something red caught his eye. “You’re bleeding!” The skin on the inside of her right upper arm had been cut open. Blood was oozing from the wound, sliding down her skin to drip upon the ground. He was at her side before he even really thought about it, putting his hand around her arm to examine the wound.
He knew what had made such a cut. The edges of the wound were clean, not ripped and jagged as they would have been if she had simply caught herself on a branch or been bitten by an animal. “What happened?” he demanded, fighting the urge to shake her. If one of his men-
“Daajir,” she choked out. “We argued. I-I hit him and he cut me with your knife.”
Daajir. A red haze descended over Khalvir’s vision. Fury burned through him at the sound of the unfamiliar name. One of her own had done this. His hand tightened upon her arm. “Why?” He barely recognised his own voice as it slid between his teeth. He was shaking. In this moment he could not remember ever being so furious. This Daajir, the name burned through him again, had attacked her. He would kill him for that. His hand itched towards his waist and the knife that was no longer there.
“He wants to do something stupid, something terrible. He’s created a poison. He wants to use it on you. On the Woves. But I can’t let him. I can’t let him. If he finds you…”
Khalvir broke away from her. “He better hope that I do not find him.” If this Daajir wanted a fight he would give him one. He would pay for this unforgivable crime. Khalvir would throw him into the gods’ damnation. He started for the rope. The rest of her tribe may overpower him. He did not care so long as he managed to find Daajir first.
“No!” Nyriaana grabbed his arm. “Stay with me. I need you, Juaan. I need you now. Please. Stay. I need…”
Her pleading broke over his fury like a cascade of water, dowsing it. The red haze drained from his vision as he turned his gaze to her desperate face. The rope beckoned, offering him a path to vengeance but she held him as surely as if he were bound to the rock. He could not leave her.
He shuddered and sank to the ground a little distance away. “What do you need?”
Before he could react, she threw herself at him and curled into
his side. He was quite unable to breathe. He was sure he was trembling just as much as she was. He should pull away. He could not do this.
“Please,” she begged as if reading his thoughts. Her eyes slid closed as she pulled herself closer. Warmth engulfed his heart. Before he could question himself, his arm was winding around her shoulders, holding her as he had dreamed of doing for so long now. His body quivered as she turned her face into the side of his chest and nuzzled his bare skin.
“Just… speak to me.”
“About what?” He could barely get the words out.
“Anything.”
“You do realise you forgot my furs,” he murmured, unable to think of anything better to say. It did not matter. She was already gone, overcome at last by her exhaustion. Her soft, even breaths tickled the hairs across his chest. He melted into her. He should wake her but he could not bring himself to do so. He would let her remain for a while, to rest out of danger. Lowering his face, he pressed his lips into her dark hair.
One more night, just one more night and then he would let her go.
The deepening cold began to make itself known. He gathered her delicate body into his arms and carried her into the embrace of his little shelter. They would be more comfortable inside with the moss to protect them from the biting ground. He laid her down in the soft bedding; she was so exhausted, she did not even stir. Khalvir sat beside her. In sleep, her face appeared younger, more innocent. He reached out with his fingers to stroke her cheek. I’m so sorry, he thought, I’m so sorry for what we have done to you. I won’t put you in danger any longer. I will keep them away, even if it costs me my own life. He would take no elf back to his chief, he just had to be certain she was not here when his men came. If they saw her, he would be powerless.
“Juaan,” she murmured in her sleep. “Don’t leave me.”
With a helpless groan he wrapped his body around hers wishing he could hold her there forever. Her warmth spread through his body as her soft breaths lulled him. Just one more night. He vowed that he would not be here beside her when she awoke, but for now he could not fight what he was feeling. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling her familiar scent as sleep dragged him under…
Something was moving under his arm but he felt no alarm as he might otherwise have done. He was at peace. He breathed deeply in contentment, tightening his hold on his possession. The light of dawn pressed pleasantly against his eyelids as he slid back towards sleep.
His arm tugged again and reluctantly he opened his eyes.
Her face was right there, indigo eyes wide with surprise. Dismay rippled through him as he realised that it was morning and he was still wrapped firmly around her. He rolled loose, furious at himself for his lack of control. This had gone far enough, farther than he had ever meant to go. He was weak and his weakness was going to cost her her life.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled tightly. “I-it was cold and you didn’t bring my furs back.”
With his awakened senses he felt a flash of hurt. He was hurting her by his cool disregard but this hurt was nothing compared to the hurt that was coming.
He kept his back to her so that she wouldn’t see the agony on his face as he made his decision. It was time. He could no longer let his weakness rule him. He had to break the connection. He had to be prepared. Her love for him would only end in her destruction.
As if to vindicate his thoughts, another whistle pierced the air in the distance. It had to end.
“Juaan.”
No. He could not be her Juaan. He was Khalvir, her enemy, that was all there was, all there could be.
“Juaan…?” He felt her fingers brush his arm.
No!
If he let her touch him, he would not be able to do this. He flinched away. “No! No more. I can’t allow it. I am Khalvir. I am not your Juaan. I cannot be who you think I am. I should not have allowed you to keep coming to me. It would have been better for the both of us if you had just killed me from the start.” He crawled from the shelter. He was suddenly furious, raging against the pain in his heart. This was all her fault, why had she had to come into his life and made him suffer like this?
He tensed as she followed him. “Juaan, don’t. Don’t do this to me! Please, not now, I need you,” she half sobbed. “Why are you saying these things?”
Her tears threatened to break his resolve. He hardened his heart and tried to block out the sound of her sobs.
“Just leave. Go back to your people where you belong.”
An hysterical laugh burst from her, catching him by surprise. He risked turning to look at her face. With an effort, he kept his emotion from his features. “I’m not sure if I do anymore. I struck another Ninkuraa. Such a crime is forbidden.” She turned her eyes on him, beseeching. “Please, Juaan, Juaan listen to me. Your clan is still here. They have been searching for you.”
Yes, I know, and you need to get out of here. Now!
She swallowed in the face of his cold expression, seeming to screw up her courage. In a small voice she asked. “You are their leader. You can save the lives of my people and your own. You must order them away. Tell them to leave. If you can make my people safe, I-I will leave. I needn’t see you again.”
Betrayal shot through him, she wasn’t here just for him as he had foolishly come to believe. He should have known. There was always a motive. “So that’s what you want. That is why you have been coming here? You thought you could use me to order my people away from your forest?” He gave an incredulous laugh. She had fooled him so completely, made him feel like someone like him could be loved. All she had really wanted was a way to save her people. They had no doubt sent her here. It had all been a ruse. He knew it was irrational to feel this but he couldn’t help himself, he was in too much pain.
She was shaking her head, denying as she reached for him. “No, no, that is not the only reason, I have not lied. I love you, Juaan.”
No! He stepped out of her reach. It was time for the truth. “It matters not. I cannot do what you say. I cannot order my men away.”
“Why not?” Her face crumpled as if her last shred of hope had been taken from her.
He turned angrily. “Because they will never stop coming, you fool! I am not their true leader. My clan chief will not stop until he gets what he wants.”
Her slender arms dropped to her sides her face going pale. She had failed in her mission, a mission to bend the leader of her enemy to her will. “What does he want? What could we possibly have that he wants?”
He barked a laugh, she was so blind. “Have you still not figured it out?” he spat mercilessly. “Do you still cling to the belief that my people mindlessly pursue you for no other reason than to gobble you up? You are mistaken.” He shoved his hand with the fingers she had healed into her dazed and confused face. “We covet your healing skills! I did not understand the drive for it until I witnessed it for myself. Now I understand.” He touched his recently healed leg. “It is your healing skills that have put you in danger. My clan chief will never stop until he possesses the skill for himself.”
“W-what?” Now she looked faintly green. Khalvir stood and let the implications of his words sink in. She reached out to support herself against a rock wall. “I-I never thought, we j-just thought-.” Her voice faded as she frowned. “B-but… if you didn’t believe in our powers before… how did anyone else… why?”
He laughed bitterly. “I am not the first to be healed by one of your kind, elf,” he said. “My clan chief was mortally wounded when he was no more than a child. His scout party left him for dead on the edges of a forest. An elf found him, took pity and healed his wounds. As soon as he was strong enough, the child attacked the elf in fear. He tried to cut his throat but the elf was too quick. He only managed to wound the healer’s face. He got away and returned to his clan.
“His father, amazed by the miracle, grew hungry to possess this power for his own people and started hunting your race in an effort to capture a live elf. He thought to use them
as slaves or capture women to breed with in the hope they would pass on the gift to their offspring. When the chief’s son grew up to take over the clan, he continued the efforts. We have taken many, but none of them ever survived away from their forests. They grew sick and failed.”
Her hands went to her face and she dug the heels of her hands into her eyes as if to block out the terrible truth he had just revealed to her. “I can’t believe it,” Nyri whispered. “I can’t…”
He wished he could take it back and ease her pain. His heart yearned to go to her. But he could not give in. He would not be fooled again. She did not truly care for him. His voice was cold as he told her:
“Believe it. It is the truth. I am your mortal enemy and I will bring you only death. I never was your Juaan. I am Khalvir. Now leave before-”
He didn’t get to speak further. One moment she was standing and the next her knees were buckling from under her, agony ripped across her face. He was at her side in an instant, his tenuous control shattering as he watched in horror as she toppled forwards, clutching at her chest. He reached out to steady her.
“What is it?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”
She gripped his arms. “I have to go,” she rasped. “I have to go.” She pushed him sharply away as she fought to rise to her feet and ran from him. Without a backward glance she scrambled up the rope and was gone.
He had done it. He had broken her and he knew instinctively that she would never return. “I’m sorry,” he called softly, knowing she would not hear, then sank to his knees and let the grief have him.
17
Betrayal
Galahir sat upon the fringes of the camp, miserable and alone. He still could not look the rest of the men in the eye as they continued to treat Banak’s injury. The puncture wound had been small but deep and very painful. Luckily it had not punctured anything vital.