Conflicted

by Lisa Suzanne

  He shrugged. “I’ve been called worse.” He shut the door and walked around to his side of the car.

  I inhaled deeply. His car had that same clean and fresh scent that he always sported, and it drove me wild.

  He got in and fired up the engine. The car purred provocatively.

  “Where are you taking me?” I asked once we were on the highway.

  “Santa Monica.”

  “For the Ferris Wheel?”

  He chuckled but didn’t respond.

  “The roller coaster?”

  He glanced in my direction before his eyes returned to the road. I couldn’t help but watch his command of the car with a whole lot of desire.

  It probably had less to do with his driving and more to do with the man himself. Pretty much everything he did turned me on.

  This was a totally different Cole Benson than I was used to dealing with on a daily basis, and I couldn’t help but wonder what life at the office was going to be like now that we’d broken down our barriers. His admission as to why he’d been treating me like crap since the day he started was fresh in my mind. Now that I knew his true feelings, I wondered if he’d still feel the need to be a dick at work to put on a show in front of others or if he’d be a little nicer to me.

  I thought about his words when he’d admitted he wanted me on my desk the night of the MTC dinner. So much had happened in the two days since he’d confessed that to me.

  He pulled off the highway and wound through some streets until we pulled up in front of a house. He got out of the car, and I followed suit. He tugged my hand and led me toward the garage. I watched as he flipped open a keypad and entered a code, and the garage door opened.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked as he twisted the knob to let me into the house.

  He didn’t answer as he stepped through a laundry room and into the living area. At first glance, I decided the house was both enormous and breathtaking. The open floor plan along with the massive windows made the house appear bright and pristine. It was a dream home—one of those kinds of places I could search on the realtor websites but would never see enough money in my lifetime to be able to afford.

  He led me through an expansive kitchen and modern great room. We stopped in front of a sliding glass wall overlooking the beach. He gazed out the glass toward the water, and then he turned around and looked at me.

  “I bought it. I closed the day before we left for New York. I’ll be in the hotel a while longer because I have some remodeling to do.”

  I held in my gasp, trying to play it cool. I wanted to ask how he could afford it. A gigantic home right on the beach with all the amenities and upgrades this one had? It had to be in the multi-million dollar range, but I supposed he probably made way more money as the company’s CEO than I did as his assistant.

  “It’s gorgeous, Cole.”

  “My parents are thrilled.” He paused, looking out the window again toward the beach. “I took the CEO position so my father could retire. I never wanted to move back to California, so I just stayed in a hotel at first. But now that I’ve been here a while, I want to stay.”

  “Your job wasn’t always going to be a permanent thing?”

  He shrugged, his eyes moving back to me. “According to my father it was, but I wanted a trial period before I decided for sure.”

  “And now you’ve decided for sure?”

  He nodded.

  “What made you decide?”

  He looked back out over the beach as if he was contemplating what to say. I gave him the space he needed to think. Finally, his gaze fell back to me. He shrugged. “Want the rest of the tour?” he asked, changing the subject.

  “I’d love it.”

  He led me around the house, showing me each of the four bedrooms and the office. He paused in the master suite as we both gazed at the space where his bed would eventually be. I broke the tension by walking over to the window. “Nice view from up here,” I said.

  Cole moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I can’t wait to fuck you out on that beach.”

  “What will it be like?” I asked timidly.

  A throaty chuckle escaped his throat. “Remember when you came over the phone?” he asked, his voice husky.

  I nodded.

  “Like that, only about a hundred times more intense.”

  “A hundred times?”

  “A thousand times.”

  I imagined it would be, and I wondered not for the first time how many women he’d been with. How experienced he was. I wanted to ask, if nothing else to be prepared when the time came, but I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.

  “Are you on the pill?” he asked.

  I nodded. I opened my mouth to tell him that John and I didn’t want kids for at least another year, but I stopped myself. I didn’t want to ruin the moment by mentioning John, but I was also convinced that John and I wouldn’t have kids in a year. Not with each other, anyway.

  “Are you—” I cut off my sentence, not sure how to ask what I really wanted to ask. “There was the blonde the night of the MTC dinner and a different blonde at the benefit…” I trailed off.

  “I’m always careful, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “What if I don’t want you to be careful with me?” I asked, imagining the feel of his skin moving against mine, nothing between us but sweat.

  “I’ll be careful if you want me to be, but my physical last month came back completely normal. We need to get back to the hospital, but I want you to know that I think about what it’ll be like with you all the time.”

  I moaned. He felt so good behind me, holding me up literally and, in many ways, figuratively. His lips moved away from my ear to my neck, and I arched back into him. He held me up with his arms around me, and I trembled at his words and his proximity.

  I turned around, and his arms tightened around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned down to kiss me, and I allowed myself to get lost in the moment as his tongue danced slowly against mine and our bodies melded together.

  I never wanted to leave. Leaving meant going back to the hospital and facing reality. It meant going home to John instead of staying with the man I really wanted.

  But the real world was knocking, and I needed to answer the door.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  As the hospital came into view, guilt started stabbing at my abdomen. What if John was there waiting for me? What if Kaylee woke up? What if my parents were there with Madi, waiting for me to take her for a while? What if Kevin’s condition worsened?

  A million different worries plagued me, but the old adage that virtually everything we worry about will never actually happen rang true for me this time.

  Everything was just as we’d left it only a couple of hours earlier, but Cole’s hold over me squeezed just a little tighter.

  Once we were back in Kaylee’s room, Cole glanced at his phone and then stood. “I hate to leave, but I have a dinner I need to get to.”

  I stood and grabbed his hand. “Thank you for spending the afternoon with me.”

  “You shouldn’t be alone, Lucy.”

  “I’m not. My sister’s right here.” I nodded in her direction.

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “You know what I mean.”

  I nodded, and I appreciated his concern. “I’ll be okay.”

  “Call me tonight.”

  “I’ll try. I had to sneak out of bed last night.”

  He sighed. “Get caught so we can move forward.”

  I wanted to ask him what we were moving forward to, but I refrained. It wasn’t the time for that conversation.

  “Soon. I promise.”

  He nodded, leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my lips, and then left.

  “How long have I been out?”

  I jumped at my sister’s voice. “Jesus, Kay. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Sorry,” she said, wincing. “Any update on Kevin?”

  I shook my h
ead. “No news.”

  “Is good news,” she finished my mom’s adage.

  “Do you need more painkillers?” I asked.

  “No. I hate sleeping the day away.”

  “You need rest.”

  “You need to explain why that gorgeous boss of yours just kissed you.”

  I felt my face heat. “You saw that?”

  She gave me a pointed look.

  “Don’t worry about me. Let’s get you healthy so you can get out of here.”

  A nurse walked in to check on my sister, so I was saved from more grilling. I said my goodbyes even though I hadn’t spent much time with Kaylee. She reminded me to give her daughter a million kisses, and then I headed out to pick up Madi. I’d promised her a big Saturday night sleepover that included hot chocolate, popcorn, nail polish, and, of course, Frozen.

  I thought for sure that John would be home by the time we got there, but I was wrong.

  “Where’s Uncle John?” Madi asked when we walked into the quiet apartment.

  “Working, sweetie.”

  “On a Saturday?”

  I nodded and gave her my best apologetic smile.

  “Can we call him?”

  I would’ve preferred not to, actually. “Sure.” I pulled up his contact information and handed the phone to Madi.

  “Hi Uncle John. When are you coming home?”

  I watched as she waited patiently for a response, her blonde curls bouncing as she nodded her head as if the fate of the universe depended on this phone call. I chuckled at her dramatics.

  “Okay. We’re going to start the movie,” she said into the phone. “You’re gonna miss it.”

  She waited for his reply. “Okay. Bye!” She handed me the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Low blow making Madi call. I thought something was wrong.”

  “Nothing new. Madi wanted to call. When will you be home?”

  “Ask your niece.”

  I fumed. He didn’t have to be such an asshole, and I’d have told him that if she wasn’t standing right beside me.

  “Isn’t that nice. Can’t wait until then.” I used the fakest, most sugary-sweet sarcastic voice that I could muster, and I hung up the phone.

  “You didn’t say ‘I love you.’ Mommy always says that to Daddy when they hang up.”

  “He knows I do,” I lied. “What do you want first? Popcorn or pizza?”

  “Pizza!”

  I called and placed the order, and then we sat down to watch the movie. I didn’t bother asking Madi when John said he’d be coming home.

  Just after the pizza arrived and we were introduced to the snowman for the first time in the movie, my phone dinged with a text notification.

  I checked the screen, and it said I had a new message from April Levine.

  My heart pitter-pattered. He was thinking about me, and that was enough to bring a big, wide smile to my face.

  “Is it Uncle John?” Madi asked.

  “Uh…no. It’s just a friend.”

  “What’s it say?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t read it yet.” I was sure I was blushing. How had a child made me blush?

  She turned back to the movie, obviously losing interest in my text, but my curiosity was surely piqued.

  I excused myself to the restroom to read the text.

  I can’t stop thinking about kissing you this afternoon in my new house. I want to press your naked body up against the glass. When can I see you? Monday is too far away.

  I grinned like a maniac at his text. I agreed. Monday felt like ages away. I didn’t want to wait until then, either, but I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to see him. Not with Madi here, and not with John coming home who the hell knew when. I thought quickly.

  Up against the glass? I’m in. I need to see you, too. Can you meet tomorrow around ten? I’m dropping Madi off at my parents’ in the morning.

  I saw the bubbles appear indicating that he was replying to my text, so I waited. Where?

  There’s a Starbucks around the corner from my parents’ house. I’ll text the address later.

  I slipped my phone into my pocket and headed back out to watch the rest of the movie. We started another movie, and five minutes in, Madi fell fast asleep on the couch. I pulled a blanket over her and shut off the movie.

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Cole. Madi just fell asleep and John isn’t home.

  Can you call me?

  I headed into the office to make the call. I quietly shut the door behind me and sat in the big, comfy chair.

  “Hey,” he answered after a few rings.

  “Hey.”

  “How are you?”

  “Good. You?”

  “Fine. I’m still at this awful dinner, but I said I had to take this call.”

  “I feel so important.”

  He chuckled. “Where are you?”

  “In the office, in the same chair I was in last night.” I toyed with the edge of the desk calendar in front of me.

  “The same chair? I wonder if we could produce the same result as the last time you sat in that chair.”

  My cheeks heated. “I bet we could.”

  His voice lowered to a sexy rasp. “Are you still wearing jeans and that sexy as fuck tight shirt?”

  I giggled. “Yes.”

  “Why don’t you slip your hand under your shirt?”

  I did as he requested, my fingertips grazing the skin of my belly and moving up toward my breasts. “Now what?”

  “Hold on a second. I’m standing in the lobby of the Hilton.” I heard some shuffling, and then he muffled his voice. “Leave your breasts in your bra, but slip your fingers into one of the cups and play with your nipple.”

  I caressed my hardening nipple, the idea of his public exhibitionism sending an extra thrill to my core. “It’s getting hard.”

  “So am I. Now pinch it.”

  I did, and I let out a soft moan. I closed my eyes, soaking in the pleasure of my own touch while picturing Cole in a towel from that day in our hotel room.

  My peaceful moment of pleasure was shot to hell when the door to the office opened. I whipped my hand out of my shirt, my eyes wide as I was both exposed and caught. My first thought was Madi, but it wasn’t Madi who walked through the door.

  It was my husband.

  “What are you doing in here?” he asked.

  “Um, I have to go,” I said into the phone. I hung up and looked up at John. I thought quickly, trying my hardest not to appear guilty…which was incredibly hard since I was guilty. “I didn’t want to wake Madi. She fell asleep while we were watching Frozen.”

  He gave me a strange look like he didn’t really believe me. He shouldn’t have believed me. Part of me wanted him to probe, but I knew he wouldn’t.

  He was just making it easy for me.

  It was wrong for me to take advantage of him, but I’d justified my reasons enough times in my head. As soon as Kaylee and Kevin were well again, I’d talk to John. But for now, I planned to be a pillar of strength and a shining example of stability for sweet Madi.

  “Who was on the phone?”

  “My friend April.”

  “April?”

  “I met her in New York.” The lie rolled easily off my tongue.

  “Any news on Kaylee or Kevin?”

  I shook my head. “Everything’s the same. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll get some good news.”

  He nodded. “I’m going to change.”

  “Okay.”

  He walked out of the room, and I closed my eyes. God, that had been a close call.

  I texted “April” to let him know why I’d hung up so abruptly. John came home. Sorry.

  I didn’t get a text back. Either he’d gone back into his dinner or he didn’t want to text me again in case John was around. I just hoped we’d be able to meet up in the morning.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I woke up the next morning when John was just get
ting out of bed. He peeked over at me before standing up. “Good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning.” I stretched with grogginess. “You been up long?”

  He shook his head. “Just woke up.”

  He paused and looked at me thoughtfully as if he wanted to say something more, but then he stood and started toward the bathroom. I couldn’t help but wonder what he wanted to say. Did he want to finally clear the air? Was he going to ask me to be honest with him?

  Was I ready to be honest with him?

  I got up and checked on Madi, who was just waking up. I helped her out of bed and we got to work on breakfast.

  “Smells good in here,” John said after he emerged from his shower. He picked up a giggling Madi to swing her around.

  “We made bacon,” she announced.

  “My favorite,” John said.

  From the outside, surely we looked like a happy little family. But we were two adults in a broken marriage and a child whose parents were suffering.

  This was all wrong, and there wasn’t much I could immediately do to fix any of it.

  After we ate, John announced that he had to go into the office.

  “On a Sunday?” I asked.

  His gaze lingered on me for a moment, making me feel a bit uncomfortable. “Yep. Sorry.”

  I shrugged, and he mussed Madi’s hair before heading out the door.

  “You ready to head to Grammy’s house?”

  “I want to go home.”

  I pulled her into my arms. “I know you do, sweetheart. And you will get to go home very soon.”

  She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder, and my heart broke a little more for my sweet niece.

  Immediately after dropping her off, I called Cole. “Are we still on for Starbucks?”

  “I’m already at a table waiting for you.”

  I glanced at the clock. It was only a few minutes after ten. “Sorry I’m running late. I had a hard time leaving Madi.”

  I knew how he lived for punctuality, but this wasn’t business. This was the two of us meeting under personal circumstances, and surely he couldn’t fault me for being late considering what was going on with my sister.

  Instead of reassuring me that it was no big deal, he said, “What would you like to drink?”