by Jessica Roe
“You're pissing me off, you know that?” he announced quietly a while later.
Gable had just been in that hazy place between awake and sleeping, but the sound of his voice jolted her into awareness. She blinked slowly, surprised that he wasn't already asleep.
“Really?” she replied through a sleepy yawn. “That's nice.”
“I just mean, I'm trying really hard not to like you after everything. After we were enemies for so long, you know? But I can't help it.”
She grinned. “Just give in to it. I'm too lovable. It's a curse, really.”
“I said like, not love.”
“Give it time.”
“Well it's annoying! I'm trying to hold on to my righteous grudginess. Stop being cool and making it so hard.”
“Ha! You like me.”
“Whatever.” But she could hear the smile in his voice.
“Hey, what's your deal, anyway?” she asked nosily.
“My deal?”
“Yeah. Why aren't you a Tracker? Keeping seems too tame for you.”
He waved a frustrated hand in the air. “It's a long story. Starts with my mum and dad.”
“I'm listening.”
“Really? You want to know all about my past?”
“Sure. Might help me fall asleep,” she teased.
He rolled his head from side to side, cracking his neck. Gable glanced over at him. It was dark in there, but she could see the outline of his face and the shine of his eyes as he stared up at the top of the canvas like it held all the answers in the world. “Mum and dad met in Guardian School,” he started. “Fell in love right away, I guess. Mum was from Canada, he was from England, but they were both training to be Trackers. Dad says they were always competing to be best in the class – that's why he liked her so much, said she had fire.
“But they got careless. Mum got pregnant with me and never got the chance to graduate. She and Dad married and moved to England, then she stayed home with me while he Tracked. I suppose she was happy at first, but she got restless after a while. When I was seven, she reapplied to be Tracker. I didn't understand why I wasn't enough for her.” He shook his head, like he was annoyed at his seven year old self. “So mum and dad spent the next seven years taking turns Tracking while the other stayed home with me, but it was never the same. We were never really a family again. While he was home, Dad taught me to fight – he knew I wanted to be a Tracker just like them. Mum hated it; she wanted me completely sheltered from that life, the bloody hypocrite. But she didn't care enough to stop leaving. And then she was offered the job of Canadian Head Tracker-”
“That's like, the boss of all the Trackers in Canada, right?”
“Yeah. Dad and I begged her not to take it. We knew if she did, that'd be it, she'd never come home.”
“But she took it anyway?”
“Chose it over her marriage and her kid. Dad quit Tracking after that. He didn't want me to grow up with two absent parents, so he applied to be a Keeper instead. The Elders were pissed. He was one of the best Trackers and they didn't want him to quit.”
“Oh, so that's why they stuck him in New York City?”
He nodded. “Heading the NYC Guardian Division was a kind of punishment, though they didn't exactly say that.”
“So what about you?”
“I went to Guardian School when I was sixteen, set to be a Tracker. Worked my fucking hardest to be the best in my class. But then mum swoops in last minute and uses her power to take me off the Tracking course and switch me to Keeping. No one dared argue with her, not the head of sodding Canada. She said she was keeping me safe,” he spat. “That was the last time I spoke to her.”
“Yeesh.”
“Yeah.”
“But Ginger Daddy Elder said he'll consider you for Tracking if this mission goes well.”
“Exactly.” He sounded very smug. “Not much mum can do about that.”
“You won't mind leaving your dad behind?”
“Kids leave home all the time. I never wanted to be stuck Keeping, Dad knew that. I gave the NYCGD three of years of my life, not even counting the two years I lived there before going away to school. It's time to be out there, fighting.”
She kind of admired his passion. “Well, you're sure as hell out there now.”
“I sure am,” he replied contemplatively.
Gable yawned widely, dropping her forearm over her mouth in a lame attempt to stifle it.
“We should sleep,” he suggested. “Got another long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“Mm hmm.” She let her arm fall back down and it accidentally pressed against his. He edged away an inch, but in such small confines it didn't really help. Gable rolled her eyes. “You're still uncomfortable around me.”
Shrugging an apology, he explained, “I suppose I spent so much time thinking one thing about you – you know, you're hot as hell but if it came down to it, I'd have totally shot you in the face – but things are different now and it's hard to get my head around sometimes. Now. . . Now I trust you.”
Gable remained silent as she digested his words. It should probably feel great, having so many good people put their trust in her, but it was just. . .wrong. It felt wrong. She was on this mission with them, sure. She was on their side right now, sure. But it didn't mean she always would be, even if she wanted to be. Those things she'd done with and for Pablo – he hadn't forced her. He hadn't held a knife to her throat or pointed a gun at her head or threatened the people she loved if she refused. He'd just asked her to do it, and she had. She'd been cold and dead inside and it had become second nature. So what if she felt differently now. She had something dark inside her, something bad and evil and he'd taught her that, shown her that. Maybe it had always been there, or maybe it had been born out of her desperation to find Sacha, but either way it didn't matter. Everyone thought Pablo's death had tamed her, but who the hell really knew? Perhaps there was a switch inside her that just needed to be flicked. What if they got to the compound only to find that Sacha was no longer alive? What would she turn into then?
“You shouldn't trust me,” she finally replied to Zay in a quiet voice. “I don't even trust myself.”
He said nothing. No words of agreement, no argument, no debate. Instead, like he was proving without words that she was wrong, he moved his hand next to hers. The backs of their knuckles brushed for a moment, before he reached out for her, linking two of her fingers with his.
+++
She must have fallen asleep at some point because when Gable next opened her eyes, she was laying back on the beach where they'd first began their journey. It seemed like she'd washed up there such a long time ago. Could it really only have been a day and a half?
Sacha lay next to her. His face was scruffier than she'd ever seen it, but it looked good on him, she decided. Or it would, if not for the tiredness and the torment practically etched into the face she knew so well. His obvious pain caused her agony. So much agony.
He was on his back, facing the night sky, though he was peering sideways at her. “You're awake.” He was so quiet that she almost didn't hear him, but that was another thing she knew like it was a part of her – his voice. She'd recognize it whether it was loud or soft or screaming or merely a whisper. It was the voice that had laughed at her, with her, because of her. The voice that had teased her, had calmed her, had loved her. The only voice she had trusted for so many years.
“Pretty sure I'm not,” she replied dryly, and he almost smiled. Almost.
Sitting up on one elbow, Gable leaned over him, oh so careful not to touch. The last time she had tried to touch him she'd woken up. He looked even worse than he had then. His eyes were so dull, so lifeless.
“Is this real?” he wanted to know.
She shrugged one shoulder. “I don't know. This island. . .” Glancing around her, she looked from the gently rolling ocean to the colorful night sky to the dark, forbidding forest, searching for answers she knew she wouldn't find. “. . .it did some
thing to Cadby's powers. He's here too, you see. I think he might have linked our minds somehow. It was only supposed to be the one time but. . .I'm not complaining.”
He looked at her then. Really looked at her. “I've missed you,” he croaked. “So bad. I think about you every minute of every day. I was worried I'd forget your face but you're just as beautiful as I remember.”
Fighting back tears, Gable cocked her head and stared into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes, like the sky at noon. “I'm coming for you,” she promised, her voice cracking. “I'm coming, Sacha.”
He did smile this time, but it was a sad, forced one that didn't reach his eyes. “I wish I could still believe that. I used to tell myself that you were coming all the time, but now. . . That's probably why I'm dreaming of you. Maybe I'm finally letting you go.”
“This is real.”
“It's not. I could fool myself last time, but there's a leech nearby me now. This can't be real.”
She had no reply for that. If he really was with a leech then their shared dream shouldn't be happening, but it was. It was real. Cadby was that powerful.
Hot tears spilled, cooling on her cheeks in the night air. She wanted to protest, to somehow prove to him that it was real, that she was real and she was coming, but he was so broken. Nothing she said would get through to him. “What have they done to you?” she begged in a whisper. A huge part of her didn't want to know, couldn't bear the thought of it, but she also had to know. Had to know what had made him this way, what had made him so empty.
“You know I won't tell you that, Gable. It isn't your weight to carry. I would never hold you down that way.”
Her head shook as she tried to stifle a sob. “Sacha. . .”
“Please don't cry, it breaks my heart. You never used to cry before.”
“That's because I had you.”
He pressed his lips together then, as if he was holding all his emotions inside. Together, they sat up straight, their faces only inches apart. An unnamed forced pulled them close, pulled them in, but neither wanted to fight it.
“You have no idea how desperate I am to touch you,” he told her hoarsely, ghosting a large hand over her cheek, not quite close enough to make contact. “I ache to touch you.”
His breath was warm on her lips. She could feel it. Feel it. They lifted their hands, mirroring each other, their palms almost pressing. If she could touch him just once. . .
Gable bolted upright in the tent just before her hand touched Sacha's, the tears she'd cried for him still wet on her cheeks. It was dark outside, still night time – she couldn't have been dreaming for long.
“What's up?” came Zay's sleepy voice behind her. She'd forgotten he was even there. He sat up next to her, blinking in confusion when he got a look at her tear stained face. “Did something happen?”
“I saw him again, I saw Sacha,” she spilled out. “I don't know how because Cadby wasn't even linking us this time but I saw him, I swear I did. It was really him. It wasn't a dream.”
“Hey, it's okay. Shh.” Probably going against every one of his instincts, Zay slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her head down to his neck. “Cry if you want to. It's just me.”
“He's so different,” she uttered, gripping a hold of his black vest with a clenched fist. “So broken.”
Like earlier, he didn't try to tell her she was wrong, didn't try to make excuses or deny her fears. All he did was comfort her, stroking her hair and making her feel just the tiniest bit safer. And for the first time in a really, really long time, Gable forgot that she was supposed to be tough. She forgot that she was supposed to be bad, that she was supposed to be strong, cold, impenetrable. She was just a girl. A scared, lonely, heartbroken girl.
She fell asleep wrapped up in Zay that night, his arm her pillow and his body warming her all over.
Chapter 23
Fortune
Fortune groaned groggily as somebody shook him awake, interrupting the rather nice dream he'd been having about a dancer he'd had a fling with back when he'd visited Italy. For a moment he worried the guards were coming to take him away for testing again, but they never came during the night. Evil scientists had to sleep too, he guessed. Blinking, he waved a hand to swat his pest away, but the shaking continued.
“Fortune,” Sacha hissed.
Fortune rubbed at his bleary eyes at sat up. Sacha had never done this before, never woken him in the middle of the night. That alone made him pay attention.
The lights were long out and with no windows to let the moon in he could barely make out Sacha's form. He was just a shadowy shape crouched next to him in the darkness. If not for the little lamp at the end of the hallway for the guards, Fortune would be totally and completely blind.
They were surrounded by the sound of snoring, some soft and gentle and some grating. As always, Fortune could hear the low, pitiful sobs of somebody crying themselves to sleep. That was nothing new – there was always somebody crying themselves to sleep. Down in the cells, learning to sleep through various noises was a must.
“What's wrong?” Fortune asked, his voice low so as not to wake the others. If he woke Gelasius up he'd never hear the end of it, and Xahlia would bitch for days. “Sacha, are you okay?”
He felt rather than saw Sacha turn and sit down on the concrete floor, his back against Fortune's cot. Fortune pushed off the thin, scratchy excuse for a blanket and joined him down there.
“I dreamed of her again.” Sacha sounded miserable.
“Who? Gable?”
“She said she was coming to get me.” He gave a self deprecating laugh. “I tried to touch her and I woke up. Even my dreams won't give me a break.”
“You okay?”
“Not really.” He heaved a sigh. “I mean, there's a leech here this time, so I know it wasn't real. It just felt real. So damn real.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't be. At least I get to see her again, even if she's only in my imagination.”
Fortune wasn't sure that was an entirely healthy attitude, but he was hardly one to talk. Some of the other inmates called him Man of Chalk. It wasn't exactly a super cool nickname.
“Now I can't get back to sleep,” Sacha continued.
“Huh?” Fortune lifted his head, pretty sure he'd been dozing off again.
“I've been trying to get back to sleep so I could see her again, but I can't. You know when you're really trying to sleep and it just makes it harder to fall?”
“Want me to sing you a lullaby?” Fortune joked. “I do a mean Rock-a-bye Baby.”
“Hit me.”
“Calm down, it's not that bad.”
“No really, hit me.”
“What?”
“Knock me out so I can sleep.”
“Sacha, no. That's ridiculous. I'm not hitting you.”
“It's why I woke you.”
“Well, it's bonkers. Completely nuts. Crazy.”
“Maybe I am crazy.” He sighed again, despondent. Fortune wondered whether he'd have to stay awake for the rest of the night just to make sure Sacha didn't do something stupid. “I just want to see her again.”
“I know, buddy.” Fortune punched his friend on the shoulder gently. “I know.”
Chapter 24
Gable
It was a little cooler when Gable crawled out of Zay's tent the next morning, early enough that she hoped to avoid the others – no doubt they'd make false assumptions. She breathed the fresh air in, shivering lightly as the skin on her arms broke out in goosebumps. She welcomed the cool respite, knowing the overbearing heat would be back in no time.
A shadow fell over her and she glanced up quickly.
Nicky stood a foot away, his expression frozen in a mixture of horror and betrayal. He must have been on morning watch. How the hell could she have forgotten?
She closed her eyes for a brief second, imagining what she must have looked like climbing out of Zay's tent. Nicky's imagination was probably going into overdrive. Stra
ightening up, she opened her mouth to explain. . .something, but before she could he shook his head and turned on his heel to stalk away, his shoulders stiff as stone.
Damn it!
She wanted to call after him, but the others began to emerge from their own tents and she lost her chance. There was no way in hell she was having that showdown in front of them.
As she watched Nicky walk away, the wicked, dark part of her considered leaving it be, letting him think exactly what he was thinking. Perhaps it would be a good thing? For her, anyway. If he thought she'd hooked up with Zay then maybe he'd back off and let her go, maybe he'd finally get the message and she wouldn't have to keep wrenching both of their hearts out and stomping on them every time she had to reject him.
But God, she couldn't do that. To anyone else, sure. But not to Nicky. Not to the guy who was still there for her, was always there for her, even after everything she'd done, even after all the shit she'd put him through. It had only been a few weeks since she'd smashed a chair over his head and made him believe she'd murdered a mother and child that he'd been guarding, yet he still tried to help her. The only reason he was on this damned faerie island was because of her.
She no longer had it in her to be that cruel to him, and she didn't particularly relish the idea of destroying his friendship with Zay. Those guys needed each other. If someone had ever tried to come between her and Sacha, or even her and Terelle, like that, she'd have ended them. Pure and simple.
She sighed and moved over to her tent to retrieve her pack, dreading the day ahead.
+++
Breakfast of dried fruit and energy bars was consumed quickly and then the team packed up camp and marched out, much earlier than they had the day before, which Gable was infinitely grateful for.
Nicky stomped ahead, leading the way. Most of the team barely took notice of his temper – they were all tired and aching and grumpy from little food, so his mood was to be expected. However Zay did shoot him a confused look every now and then when Nicky gave him the cold shoulder especially.