He sucked in a sharp breath when my arm brushed his stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared. I didn’t know what that would mean for us. The only thing I knew for sure was that your life was about to change in ways you hadn’t even imagined. You were about to become a full-time single dad. At a time like that, the last thing a man needs is the stress of a new relationship.”
Instead of putting some distance between us, he reached around me for another small bottle, and he tipped the contents into his empty glass.
I watched him bring it to his lips, but instead of tossing it back as I’d expected him to, he rested the rim against his lower lip before he set it back down without taking a sip. “That’s not what I need now. What I need is answers, and you’re the only one who can give them to me.”
I watched him take the glass from my hand and set it beside his. When I thought about protesting, he claimed my hands, and all other thoughts fled. He was touching me again. Finally.
“Tell me why you couldn’t talk to me. Tell me what you were thinking and feeling.” He released me and ran a hand through his hair as his gaze left mine, fixating on something over my head instead. “I went through hell thinking you just didn’t want me.”
I rested my hands against his solid chest, inhaling deeply so I could appreciate that woodsy, aquatic scent that always made me think about getting naked with him on the beach.
“Don’t,” he whispered, curling his hands around my wrists. “Don’t touch me.”
“Why not?” Though he claimed he didn’t want me to touch him, he hadn’t torn my hands away, so I knew he was facing the same internal battle I was. He wanted something he believed wasn’t good for him, something he doubted he could have.
“Because if you do, I’ll forget all the reasons you shouldn’t.”
I leaned in closer, allowing my eyes to drift closed as I reveled in the pleasure of his arousal, of knowing that he still craved my body the way I craved his. “Maybe that’s what we need to do. Just forget. Forget the past and focus on the future.”
He swore softly before releasing his grip and stepping back. “Don’t say shit like that. You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“I’m asking you to take a chance.”
“I can’t.”
I hadn’t come to his room to pressure him about a relationship. I’d only wanted to apologize and know that I had his forgiveness so I could sleep, but after one look into his tortured eyes, I knew I had to tell him how I felt about him. I couldn’t let him go on thinking I’d left because he hadn’t been enough to satisfy me.
“I’ve never felt about anyone the way I did about you.” I loved him even more now than I had then, but he wouldn’t believe that. So I focused on the past because I knew that was safer. “I thought I’d been in love before, but I guess I wasn’t.”
He stepped around me, looking more anguished than frustrated. “You’re like that rare chocolate truffle you know you shouldn’t have. If you have one, you’ll want another and another, and soon you’ll be addicted.”
I knew I should be insulted he was comparing me to a piece of chocolate, but I couldn’t be when I caught a glimpse of the lust in his eyes.
“Nothing else that ever passes your lips will taste as sweet. You’ll crave that flavor for the rest of your life, and everything else will pale in comparison.”
“Is that how’s it been for you?” I asked, torn between curiosity and terror. I didn’t want to hear about the women he’d used to try to erase my memory, but I couldn’t help my obsessive need to know. “Have other women paled in comparison?”
He closed his eyes, tipping his head back as he grimaced. “I haven’t even tried to replace you. I knew there’d be no point. You’re…” He opened his eyes and stared at me. “One of a kind.”
My heart rocketed with the knowledge he hadn’t had any other lovers since I left town. It was almost inconceivable to me that a man as sexy and passionate as Chase could have abstained for so long, but my friends would never have believed me if I’d told them about my period of abstinence either. “So are you.”
His eyes widened. “Are you saying…?”
“You were my last lover.” I let him process that for a minute. “I haven’t wanted anyone else. Haven’t even been tempted. If that doesn’t give you some indication of how you’ve been monopolizing my thoughts this past year, I don’t know what more I can say.”
I knew he may not believe me. After all, he only had my word, and he’d already made it clear he didn’t find me trustworthy. But when his full lips tipped up in a half smile, my heart tripped. He believed me.
“You don’t know how happy that makes me. I went through hell this past year, imagining some other guy doing all the things to you that I wanted to do.”
His eyes swept across my body, resting on my peaked nipples, and I knew it would only take one small tug on my drawstring pants to get this party started.
“I didn’t want anyone else to touch me,” I said, biting my lip as I toyed with the hem of my tank. I was trying to entice him as I raised it just enough to give him a glimpse of my belly button ring. “I only wanted you. I still want you. I crave you.”
I’d never been shy, but baring myself to Chase was different than it had ever been before. This wasn’t just my body; it was my heart and soul.
He swallowed, obviously torn between acting on impulse and putting on the brakes. “We need to slow this down. You just got back to town. I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t deny I was disappointed, but at least he wasn’t the slamming the door in my face again. “I can wait. As long as you need me to.”
“Why?” he asked, his eyes thoroughly tracing my face. “Why would a girl like you waste a single day waiting for a guy like me?”
Because I love you. “I guess you’re worth waiting for.”
He smiled, making me feel more hopeful than I had in a long, long time. I stood in front of him, reaching up to stroke his jaw before I rolled forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. Chase wasted no time deepening the kiss as he drew me into his arms. I felt limp but never more alive as I trusted him to support me. He took his time getting to know my mouth all over again, reminding me how incredible it had been the first time I felt the depth of his passion for me. But this time, it was so much more. He was letting me know he still cared about me. My heart pounded against his as our breaths mingled, our lips barely touching yet somehow still connected.
“I love kissing you.” I needed him to know that the things I used to take for granted with other men, like kissing, I didn’t with him. After all the nights I’d lain awake, thinking about how amazing it would be to kiss him again, I knew I would never take that simple intimate act for granted again.
“Not half as much as I love kissing you, baby.”
Baby. I’d always hated being called that, but any term of endearment rolling from his lips made me melt.
“Then kiss me again,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. I tipped my head, inviting him to continue the exploration. “And again.”
He groaned, holding my hips to keep them a safe distance from his. “As much as I want to, I meant what I said about putting on the brakes. We can’t rush into anything. I need time to figure this out. So do you.”
I’d already had more than enough time, but since I had breezed back into his life without warning, I understood why he needed more time to process it. “Fine.” I gave him one more quick kiss. “But can I talk you into having breakfast with me before we hit the road in the morning?”
“You got it.”
I slowly backed out of the room, eyeing him suggestively. “Should you decide to ease up on the brakes, you know where to find me.”
***
Sharing breakfast with Chase reminded me of the times we’d met at our favorite café before heading into work. We’d talk about the game plan for the day over muffins and coffee, and he’d tease me by listing his attributes a
s he tried to talk me into going out with him.
I missed those days. Maybe, if I played my cards right, we would be having breakfast like this every day.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, reaching for his juice.
“I was thinking about how we used to meet for breakfast every morning when we were working on my father’s restaurant.”
He smiled. “I pretended we just bumped into each other by coincidence the first few times. But you were on to me by the fourth day, so I decided to give up the pretense and let you know I was interested.”
“I remember. That’s when you asked me out the first time.” I’d never met a man so forthright. At the time I found it unnerving since I’d been struggling with my feelings for him, but now I would have given anything to know exactly how Chase felt about the prospect of dating me.
“Yeah, first of many times, if I recall.” He chuckled. “I’ve never been shot down so many times. I’m surprised I didn’t need a bout of therapy after that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Please. I’ve never met a more confident, self-assured man, and that’s saying a lot given my family.”
“I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment or an insult,” he said with a half smile. “And it’s probably best if I don’t ask you to explain.”
It was definitely a compliment. I wouldn’t have been drawn back by a weak man. Chase was the first and only guy who’d really challenged me. He didn’t try to control me, but he wasn’t afraid to call me on my B.S. either. He built me up when I needed it, tore me down when I deserved it, and poked fun when I needed to laugh. I’d dated enough losers to know a winner when I saw one, and Chase definitely won the prize for most compatible, if only I could figure out a way to convince him of that.
“It’s not like you to be so introspective,” he said, pouring coffee into our cups from the carafe he’d charmed the waitress into leaving on the table. “I was convinced you didn’t have a censor. Whatever pops into your head pops out of your mouth.”
I took his teasing as a good sign. It meant we were easing back into the easy rapport we’d once enjoyed as friends and coworkers before the sexual tension made it difficult for us to be in the same room.
“Maybe I’ve changed in that regard too,” I said, watching him over the brim of my cup before I took a sip. “I told you I’ve changed a lot this past year. Don’t you believe me?”
He popped a bite of scrambled egg into his mouth before tilting his head and studying me. “I don’t know yet. It’s too soon to say. I think you believe you have. But old habits die hard, right? Who’s to say you’re not going to revert back to your old ways?”
“Why would I want to?” I cut my French toast before popping a raspberry and blueberry into my mouth. “I’m happy now. I wasn’t then.”
He looked doubtful. “You weren’t happy with the single life? That was never the impression I got, Cat. I assumed you loved the single life—that’s why you didn’t want to get tied down.”
“That was true.” I took a minute to enjoy my breakfast as I considered my response. I knew this was the conversation I’d hoped to have with Chase, so I couldn’t afford to screw this up and plant more doubts in his mind. “I looked forward to getting back to Chicago, my work, my friends, my home, but when I got there, I realized it wasn’t as great as I remembered.”
“How so?”
“I thought dating would make me forget you, so I tried it. Every experience was worse than the last.” I tried to suppress my smile when I said, “And those were my A-list guys.”
“Your A-list guys?” he asked, scowling. “What the hell does that mean? You rate them? Please tell me it’s not based on sexual performance.” I kicked him under the table and laughed when he said, “Ow!”
“I haven’t even slept with most of them. Those were just the ones I’d call when I wanted to have a good time. They were fun, no strings attached, ya know?”
“I guess,” he said, digging into his breakfast as though he needed the distraction.
“But spending time with them only made me miss you more.” I waited until he looked at me before I added, “So I stopped wasting my time going out with them and started spending it more productively, getting to know myself better.”
“How’d you do that?”
I was still cautiously optimistic, but I could almost see his walls coming down. “I started reading a lot more. Books that helped me figure out who I was and wanted I wanted.”
He smirked. “You don’t seem like the type to read self-help books.”
Ignoring the barb, I continued. “I started figuring out the things that brought me joy, and that meant spending less time partying with my friends. I didn’t need that anymore. It had served a purpose when I was younger, but now I’d much rather meet a friend for dinner or a coffee.”
“Interesting.” He chewed his toast slowly as he regarded me carefully.
“And I started spending a lot more time alone. And you know what? I liked it.” I laughed self-consciously. “I used to hate hanging out at home with nothing to do. I’d get lonely, so I’d have the TV or music blaring just to hear voices. By the time I left Chicago, I had a whole list of things I liked to do when I was home alone.”
“This I gotta hear.”
He may have been teasing me, but as long as he was willing to listen, I was open to sharing. “Like I said, I read more. I even took a cooking class. My parents always implied no man would want a wife who couldn’t boil water, so I refused to learn, just to spite them. But I eventually realized I was interested in learning and refusing to do so because of them was silly and juvenile, so I learned to cook and even bake a little.”
His jaw dropped. Obviously he remembered my vow to live off of someone else’s cooking for the rest of my life. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I enjoyed the fact that I’d shocked him. It proved he didn’t know me as well as he thought he did, and in this case, that was a good thing. I wanted to erase his memory of the old Catia and introduce him to the new and improved version I’d been cultivating. “I don’t want you to think I changed for you. I did this for myself because when I went home, I wasn’t happy with life as I knew it anymore.”
“I respect your willingness to change. Most people would rather stay stuck in lives that don’t please them than risk change.”
I nodded, turning his comment over and over in my head. “I know myself a lot better now than I did then, but I’m still learning and growing. Hopefully that will never stop.” At the question in his eyes, I explained, “There are things I’ve always wanted to do and haven’t yet.”
He chuckled. “I can’t imagine what that might be. You seem like the type of woman who’d risk her neck for a thrill.”
“I’m not talking about a five-minute thrill,” I said, thinking about some of the daring stunts I’d pulled in my twenties. “I’m talking about committing to something hard—learning, failing, and trying again until I get better. Like the piano. I’ve always wanted to learn, so I bought a piano for the new house. I’m looking for a teacher so I can start taking lessons.”
“Really?” he asked, sounding surprised. “My mother teaches piano. The girls take lessons with her. She’s basically retired now, but if you’re serious, I could ask her whether she’d be willing to work with you.”
The fact that Chase was willing to introduce me to his mother was a huge step, even if it was for professional reasons, and I didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity. “I’d love that. If you don’t think she’d mind.”
“Are you kidding? Piano is her passion. Too bad it’s like pulling teeth to get my girls to practice.”
“I was like that as a kid,” I said, polishing off my now-lukewarm breakfast. “My parents thought it was important we learn to play. Kara didn’t mind because, let’s face it, she’s the good daughter. But I was the headstrong one. I didn’t want to do anything for the sake of pleasing my parents.”
He shook his head before offering me a wry smile. “I
have two girls like you. How the hell am I going to survive?”
“I can give you some pointers,” I said, smiling. “You know, from a reformed bad girl.”
“I guess if there’s hope for you, there’s hope for them.”
And maybe, just maybe, there was hope for us.
Chapter Six
Chase
I passed by my parents’ place on Monday at lunchtime. I couldn’t get my breakfast conversation with Catia out of my head, and I wanted to talk to my mother to see if she might be willing to take on a new student as a favor to me.
“Oh hey, honey,” my mom said, meeting me at the front door. “This is a nice surprise. Have you had lunch?”
“No, I can grab something later.”
“Nonsense, I have a loaf of bread coming out of the oven.” She reached for my hand. “Come. I’ll make you a sandwich.”
I would never have gotten through the past couple of years without my parents. While I’d taken care of them financially when my ship came in, I didn’t think I told them often enough how much I appreciated their help with the girls.
“What brings you by?” she asked, stacking homemade roast beef on bread before adding my favorite toppings.
“I wanted to ask you something, but first I want to say thank you.” I was leaning against the counter, facing her, my arms and legs crossed.
“For what?”
“Being so amazing.”
Her cheeks flushed as she shook her head. “You’re being silly. Where is this coming from?”
“Maybe it’s the fact that the girls have been giving me a run for my money lately. Makes me realize I didn’t always make life easy for you and Dad when I was growing up.”
“No, you didn’t,” she admitted, shaking her head. “But that was your job. You were a kid trying to figure things out, trying to make your own way in the world. That’s what you were supposed to do. Dad and I knew that.”
“And that’s what Elsie and Em are doing? Just trying to figure things out?” I knew with my mother, her musings always came with a not-so-subtle message.
Catia (Starkis Family #6) Page 6