by C. A. Harms
I took in one steady breath after another before finally responding. “Just had a sharp pain hit me,” I explained as I leaned back in my chair, attempting to play it off as nothing. “I think I’m okay.”
“Maybe we should have you checked out.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, expecting to get a smile or even a small chuckle in response. Hell, even an arched brow, but I got nothing. Just a firm, hard stare. “Okay.” I caved quick when that same pain returned, only this time as I leaned forward, I felt a gush of something wet that frightened me. Instinctively I looked at my lap.
“What is it?”
I didn’t even have to respond before he spoke. I guess he’d noticed the same thing I had.
“Get a doctor or a nurse,” Gage barked, gaining my full attention along with that of every other person in the room. His eyes widened with worry as he leaned in close to me. “Fuck that,” he mumbled, then lifted me into his arms and hurried through the waiting area toward the large doors at the opposite end.
“Gage, slow down,” I tried to soothe, but he wasn’t listening.
“I need a doctor,” he announced, getting the attention of everyone in the hallway. I wanted to tell him he was being ridiculous, but then another pain shot through me. When I tensed in his arms and grabbed for my stomach, his panic went into overdrive. His grip on me tightened as he barked orders and demanded I be attended to now.
Soothing voices asked Gage what was wrong and I continued to focus on my breathing and my rising fear.
“Okay, sir, let me grab a wheelchair.” I looked up to see a nurse hurrying away and returning just as quickly with a chair.
I could sense his hesitance, but after a few silent seconds, he slowly lowered me to the wheelchair and stepped to the side. But before they’d taken me far, he was jogging to catch up. “She’s early,” he said, still looking terrified.
“How early?”
They paused near the elevators and I looked up to see Gage’s lost expression. “I’m just over thirty-six weeks.”
Our nurse smiled and brushed my hair back from my face. “There’s no need to panic, honey. I delivered my son at thirty-four weeks, and though he was tiny, he was mighty. Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
I didn’t expect to be shipped off to the maternity ward still not knowing what had taken place with Patrick. I needed to be there.
“My husband’s being admitted and I need to know what’s going on with him.” The nurse looked at Gage and then back at me with a puzzled expression. “This is my husband’s best friend.”
She nodded and the sound of the elevator’s arrival echoed through the hallway. “Let’s get you upstairs and checked out. We need to make sure everything is good with you and your baby.” She pushed me inside and tapped a button on the panel. “I promise we’ll check on your husband’s condition and keep you posted.”
I wasn’t completely happy with the fact I was now going to be four floors up from Patrick, but I had no choice. She was right; I had to think of our little girl too.
When we arrived on the maternity floor, I was thrown into a whirlwind of tests and questions. I could see the panic still in Gage’s eyes, but I didn’t have any time to make sure he understood what the doctor was saying. He looked a little lost; poor man had no idea what he was in for. So much was happening, and he continued to watch every move going on around him. It was sweet really that he was taking the promise he’d made to Patrick so literally. It was also almost comical to see him guarding the area as if he would run to my rescue if needed.
I was relieved when Dr. Haynes entered close to forty-five minutes later. “Hello, Sawyer,” she greeted as she stepped closer and looked over at the machine to my left. “It would appear this little lady has decided she wants to come a bit early.” Her gaze wandered to mine and the realization of what she’d just said hit me.
“I felt fine earlier,” I assured her, worrying that maybe during the events of the last day, I may have missed some sign. “But then things got a little stressful.” When her expression changed to one of concern, I continued. “They’re admitting Patrick. We brought him in last night and I’m afraid he’s not doing well.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Sawyer.” She wasn’t just saying that to be kind. I knew she felt my pain. She’d been with me throughout the rough road after Patrick’s diagnosis. She’d listened to me cry and talk about my fears more times than I can count. She’d also been there when Patrick showed such joy at finding out he was going to be the father of a little girl.
“Chronic stress, such as the situation you’ve been going through for some time, can cause long-term changes in your body. This is most likely what has led to your premature labor.”
Guilt filled me as I thought of all the times I let myself grow overwhelmed with everything taking place around me. I should have been more cautious, more aware of the levels of stress I could and couldn’t handle.
“Is she gonna be okay? “Gage finally spoke as he stepped up on the opposite side of the bed, placing his hand on my shoulder. “And the baby?”
When Dr. Haynes gave Gage a questioning look, I felt I’d better introduce them. “This is Gage, Patrick’s best friend and mine.” His features softened when I said he was my friend too. But it was true. Over the last few months, our bond had grown stronger and we’d gotten used to leaning on each other for support.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard all about you from Pat and Sawyer during our many visits.”
“You too,” Gage said as he reached out to shake her hand.
“To answer your questions,” Dr. Haynes went on, “yes, they’ll both be fine. We are monitoring them closely. My only concern is you’re not progressing, and with your water breaking and the passing of your mucus plug, we’re now on our countdown.”
Gage turned a little green at the mention of mucus and I couldn’t help but smile. I imagined him passing out or, worse, throwing up when things got a little more real. Poor guy hadn’t signed up for any of this.
“What does that mean?” he finally asked when he regained his composure and his face returned to normal.
My doctor smiled at Gage because he’d continued to ask the questions before I could think of asking them myself. “You’re only a week away from being considered full-term. Generally at thirty-seven to forty weeks delivery is safe. I think if we gave you a little something to move along the delivery, it would be perfectly fine.”
“But I’m not at thirty-seven weeks,” I finally said. “Isn’t that when you’re considered full-term?”
“I have no concerns regarding the delivery of your baby, Sawyer. You’ve had no complications during your pregnancy and her heart rate is strong. Thirty-six weeks and one day isn’t that far off from full-term. Everything will be okay.” She placed her hand on my leg and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I think this is our best option at this point.”
Chapter 20
Patrick
“At this point all we can offer is to keep you comfortable.”
I stared at the doctor, hearing nothing I didn’t expect to hear. I knew coming in that I would most likely be saying goodbye. I knew it was over—fuck, I could feel it. Everything was a struggle. Knowing that the hardest of times was near was the biggest reason I’d insisted on being brought here instead of continuing with Hospice.
“We’ve already begun the intravenous drugs to help with the pain.” Dr. Sheppard stepped to the side to allow the young nurse to move in closer. The moment she lifted my hand to inspect the IV, I felt just how weak I truly was. I was like dead weight in her grasp.
“Your family is waiting to see you.” I moved my head to the side, looking back at him again. My eyes drooped as I fought to keep them open. Exhaustion threatened to consume me as the room grew blurred and hazy.
“Sawyer,” I whispered, though it took great effort to complete just that one word.
“Of course.” He knew she was my rock. Though I loved my family and Gage with all my hea
rt, she was who I needed at this point. That might be selfish of me, but I knew my time with her was almost over. I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to hold myself together. It felt like it was only yesterday when I stood at the altar watching her move toward me down the aisle. That long white dress hugged her body as she smiled back at me like I was her everything. I’ve said it before and I will say it until I take my last breath: she is my angel.
I jumped at the sound of Gage’s voice. I’d given in to the effects of the medication and at some point had dozed off. I blinked a few times, bringing him into view as he stepped up to the side of my bed.
“How are you doing, brother?” he asked as his gaze roamed over the machines surrounding my bed.
“Sawyer?” I repeated my earlier request and a defeated look filled his eyes. Panic raced through me and just like that my exhaustion was gone. I might not have been able to get out of bed and demand to know what was going on, but I sure as hell could lie here and do so. “Where is she?” I sounded as if I’d contracted the worst possible case of laryngitis.
“She’s upstairs.” Gage placed his hand on my shoulder. “Her water broke a couple hours ago and they’ve admitted her.” He paused and I let the meaning of his words settle in my mind. “Your daughter will be here within the next twenty-four hours, Patrick.”
I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for my wife and daughter. Though I wanted to go to her, hold her hand and assure her everything would be okay, I was too weak. “Go to her,” I said, staring back at Gage. Telling my best friend to be by my wife’s side while she gave birth to my daughter was so fucking hard. But it was my only option, and laying aside my jealousy toward him for being able to do something I couldn’t, I trusted him with my girls. I knew he’d provide for them since I couldn’t now.
“Tell her I love her,” I said in a raspy whisper. “Tell her I’m with her, even though I can’t be by her side.” He nodded. “Take care of them.”
I didn’t just mean now, but forever. I had to know that no matter what the future held, they would both be safe.
“Go,” I said and shrugged away from him. “I’ll be right here wanting to see my sweet girl.”
He nodded as he backed away with reluctance. I could only imagine the feelings that must be racing through his mind.
When he reached the doorway, he paused and his eyes bored into my own. “Hold on.” His words were forceful. “Don’t you fucking go anywhere, do you hear me?”
It was my turn to nod, and that movement would have to be enough to assure him I would do my very best.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
“I’m gonna need one more hard push, Sawyer,” Dr. Haynes coached. “Come on, you can do this.”
Willow stood to my left, wiping the sweat from my forehead and whispering encouraging words. Gage stood to my right with tears in his eyes as he watched everything unfold.
When the contraction hit, I did just as the doctor had asked and gave it all I had left.
“There you go,” she praised, “you’re doing amazing.”
I relaxed on the mattress as a loud, high-pitched, screeching cry echoed throughout the room. To me it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
We have a sweet little lady with a great set of lungs, I whispered in my mind, as if I could somehow let Patrick know that his daughter was here and we were both okay. I closed my eyes and a tear rolled down my cheek.
I looked to my left and watched as the nurse took Abigail to the table and began documenting all the things they had to for a new baby, like weight and length. Waiting to hold her was torture. I wanted to ensure she was okay. I wanted to count all her little fingers and toes and kiss her plump cheeks.
The moment the nurse turned to face me with my daughter wrapped securely in a soft pink blanket, my chest ached with a love that took my breath away.
“Here you go, Momma,” she whispered as she lowered Abigail to my chest, and I wrapped her in my arms snuggly.
The tears pooling in my eyes were so thick that I could no longer see her adorable face. “She looks just like him.” I attempted to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Just like her daddy.”
I quickly lost the battle to hold myself together. Then Abigail and I were engulfed in a strong pair of arms, and Gage and I sobbed freely He offered me a strength I couldn’t have on my own right now. I knew this was hard for him as well.
“I want to see him,” I whispered and Gage pulled back just enough to look me directly in the eyes. “I need him to see her, even if it’s only for a second. I need that, Gage.”
He stared back at me for a moment before he looked at the doctor and the nurse. “We need to make that happen.” It wasn’t a request. “We need to do whatever it takes to get Sawyer and Abigail downstairs to Patrick.”
Silence set in over the room as Gage looked at them, they looked at us, and then at one another.
“You know how important this is, Doc,” he pushed. “These aren’t normal circumstances. We all know that Patrick may not have a tomorrow. Hell, he may not even have tonight.”
I could see how much the impact of his words had on everyone in the room. Everyone paused for a moment as solemn expressions took over their faces. That glassy-eyed, slack-jawed look showed they were fighting to hold back their tears and remain calm. I recognized it so well. It was the same one that almost every member of our family now wore almost daily.
“Let me pull a few strings and see what we can make happen,” the doctor said, and relief washed over me. “But in the meantime, we need to let them finish up with Abigail and with you.”
“Okay.” At this point I would have agreed to anything.
I had never felt the combination of emotions that I was currently feeling—a mixture of sadness, weakness, and love. I trailed behind the nurse who pushed baby Abigail toward Patrick’s room, while she lay cozy inside the cart. Gage followed pushing my wheelchair as Willow walked beside us.
As we inched closer, the hollow feeling inside me grew. I had no idea what to expect, because no one would tell me his current condition. This to me meant that what I would find would be the one thing that would break me.
We paused just outside room 318, and my anxiety amplified as I took deep breaths. This was it.
Willow stepped forward and held the door as the nurse entered the room, followed by Gage and me. The first people I saw were Rachel and Luann, who stood near the foot of the bed. They lit up when they realized we’d brought the baby to see her father.
As we inched closer, I found Perry sitting at Patrick’s side, lovingly holding his hand. “Patrick,” he whispered, and everyone could hear it in the silence of the room, “there are two pretty girls here to see you.”
My eyes filled with tears as they met Patrick’s. He was exhausted, yet he found the strength to offer me his best attempt at a smile. “Hi, Angel.” His voice was unrecognizable. “I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too,” I confessed, unravelling more with each second. “I brought someone to meet her daddy.”
His eyes widened a bit as he looked around the room. His movements were slow and his breathing labored as if that action took great effort. “Abigail?”
“Yes.”
He closed his eyes, and his chest began to shake as he struggled to control the rush of emotions, only it was impossible.
I turned in my chair and looked back at Gage only to find that his expression was similarly heartbroken. “Can you get her?”
His eyes met mine, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed before he nodded. Willow moved me to the opposite side of Patrick’s bed and I took his hand. He offered me a weak squeeze just before I pressed a gentle kiss against his fingers.
Perry moved out of the way so Gage could sit on the opposite side. I watched in complete awe as he gently laid Abigail upon Patrick’s chest.
Silence settled again over everyone in the room as we watched in amazement. Patrick’s tired eyes scanned over her again and again
as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
And when he spoke I realized that what I was feeling before had nothing on what I was feeling now. I slowly began to break as I watched the man I adore speak to his daughter for the very first and possibly the last time.
“Hello, my sweet girl,” Patrick whispered in a deep, raspy attempt at words. But we all heard him, and slowly we all began to fall apart.
“You, Abigail, are why I’ve held on.” I hung my head as my shoulders shook. “It was almost as if I could see you in my mind, yet that wasn’t enough. I wanted to hold you and be able to tell you just how much I’ve loved you since the moment I knew you existed.”
I lifted my head to see Patrick place the softest of kisses upon our daughter’s forehead. “I told your mommy from the beginning that I’d get a little girl with her eyes.”
I couldn’t hold back my tears.
“Though I may not be here by your side to love you, Abigail, I promise to watch over you. I’ll be your guardian angel, my beautiful girl, always.” My eyes locked with his. “I’ll always be with and your mommy.”
That moment was Patrick’s last coherent one. It was hard to watch him fade with each hour, but as a family, we all sat by his side and assured him that it was okay to go.
Though inside I was screaming, No, please don’t go. Please, just one more day. I need one more day, I knew it was time to let him go. I needed to assure him that I’d love him always, but it was time he’ found peace.
Through our sadness, somehow we were all able to find the strength we needed to say our last goodbyes. But that night, a part of me faded with him. That vibrant girl he loved fell apart and I didn’t think she would ever return.
Chapter 22
Gage
I’d promised to hold her up and stand by her side even when she tried to push me away. That was the dying wish of the best man I knew. Patrick had been a huge part of my life for as long as I could remember, and his absence cut me so fucking deep that I’d swear my heart was bleeding.