by Liz Lawler
At Bradford-on-Avon Tess exited the train station carrying a small bunch of flowers that she’d bought at the flower shop at Bath Station. She saw an old man coming towards her and stopped him to ask directions. It was two minutes before she managed to part company with him as he started to go into the history of the town. Fortunately, he remembered he had a train to catch. He proved accurate in his timing and descriptions as she reached a pretty bridge over the town’s canal in just under three minutes and saw what he’d described up on a hill. Old weavers’ cottages near to old textile mills dotted the landscape. If she wasn’t there for the specific reason of finding out if her husband had a first wife it would have been nice to have listened to the old man. In another life it was a place she would want to explore. The house she was looking for was not far from the cottages up on the hill.
Her in-laws’ home was a stone-built cottage with a white gate opening into a well-tended garden with a small vegetable patch either side of a narrow pathway. Tess walked up it and knocked on the blue front door. She had racked her brain on the journey there trying to recall their first names and couldn’t. She was not even sure if she ever heard them mentioned. They were related. They shared the same surname, yet she did not know their Christian names.
Mrs Myers’ shocked face told that at least she recognised her.
‘Tess!’ she exclaimed. ‘What a surprise to see you. What brings you here? Is everything all right? Stuart,’ she called to the back of the house. ‘Come see who’s visited.’
Stuart came out of a room at the end of the hall. He held a newspaper in his hands and his glasses were pushed up on his head. He stared at Tess worriedly. ‘Everything OK, lass? Nancy, don’t leave her on the doorstep. Bring her in.’
Tess now had both their names. She handed Nancy the flowers. She looked a little startled and a little flushed. As she entered their home, she noticed on the walls in the hallway several framed photographs of Daniel as a boy. Playing in a sandpit at an age of about four, hanging off a climbing frame as a bigger boy, and then sat on a bike looking like a young teenager. His face in all of them was solemn and he was unsmiling.
Nancy ushered her into a small sitting room and invited her to sit down, offering her tea.
Tess sat in a stripy armchair and curled her hands in her lap. They were both standing there ogling her as if she was from space. Both looked uncomfortable. Nancy had taken off her apron from around her very thin waist and was pushing her straight grey hair behind her ears. Stuart folded his newspaper into a small square as if he was in the process of making something into origami. A pull-along vacuum cleaner sat in the middle of the room and two chairs were standing on a small table. She had been in the middle of her chores, and no doubt would have preferred finishing them before getting this visit. She probably would have liked a bit of notice so that she could change out of her fur-trimmed slippers into some smarter footwear and tell her husband to shave his grey whiskers and put on a shirt over his short-sleeved vest. Tess’s well-cut navy dress worn with navy court shoes, matching in colour this time, probably made them both self-conscious.
‘No, thank you,’ Tess said to the offer of tea. ‘I just had a bottle of water.’
They both sat down. ‘And what brings you here, my dear?’ Nancy asked.
Tess smiled. ‘I just thought I should come and get to know you better.’
Nancy frowned. ‘Did Daniel ask you to?’
Tess shook her head. ‘No. It was my idea. I found your address and thought I’d pay a visit.’
‘Why’s that, lass?’ Stuart asked.
Tess turned worried eyes his way. ‘Should I not have come then?’
Stuart replied. ‘Well, the thing is, lass, we haven’t seen much of Daniel.’
Tess felt herself flushing under his keen gaze. ‘He’s been very busy since we got married. We moved from London as he got a new job.’
‘What I should have said is, Nancy and I don’t see a lot of our son at the best of times. Not since he was all grown up. Not since—’
‘Since he got busy being a doctor,’ Nancy cut in. She smiled at her husband. ‘Isn’t that right, Stuart?’
Her husband nodded. ‘Aye, that’s right. Since he got busy being a doctor.’
Tess fidgeted with the folds of her dress. ‘So when was the last time before our wedding that you saw him?’
‘When he turned twenty-five,’ Stuart replied.
Tess stared at him astonished, her eyes open wide.
He could see he’d shocked her. ‘Don’t be worried, lass. It’s just the way he is. He was always independent, needing little of anyone. He was like it as a boy.’
Tess sat silently, thinking fifteen years was too long a gap to simply call it being independent. Something must have caused this absence. This explained why they had not been sat at the top table. It would have been difficult for them after not seeing their son for nearly fifteen years. He’d have been like a stranger to them. She looked at his mother.
‘May I ask what you meant when you said on the phone you call him every year?’
Nancy took a tissue from the sleeve of her cardigan. She didn’t use it though, just held it in her hand.
‘I’m not sure what you mean, Tess.’
Tess chewed her lip. The atmosphere in the room was stilted. It was like getting blood from a stone.
‘You made it sound like the date was important.’
Nancy gave a little smile that didn’t reach her eyes. ‘I think you must have misheard or misunderstood me, my dear. I call my son once a year, every year, to make sure he’s well and alive.’
‘And do you catch up on everything then?’
‘Our conversations are usually short.’
‘So you don’t know what he’s been doing with his life? Don’t you miss him?’ Tess asked a little exasperatedly.
‘As long as he’s happy we’re satisfied,’ she said primly. ‘He knows where we are if he needs us.’
Tess calmed herself. She didn’t know these people or their circumstances. So she shouldn’t judge them. ‘I take it this is where Daniel grew up?’
‘His bedroom’s right up those stairs if you want to see it,’ Stuart said, pointing up at the ceiling. ‘He went into a big bed when he was three. It looks pretty much the same as it did then. He went to the local schools here, and then he went off to university in London where his new life pretty much started. I don’t think Nancy or I were ever bright enough for him, lass. Not that he ever said. It was more that he never looked to us for any of his learning.’
‘Never looked to us for any love either,’ Nancy said quietly, almost to herself. She looked upset for a moment. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like a cup of tea?’ she asked again.
Tess said yes this time, she would have one. Then she asked them if she could have a look at their son’s room. Nancy nodded and told her it was at the top of the stairs to the right. While Nancy went to make the tea Tess went to look at her husband’s childhood bedroom. There were three rooms off the small landing. A bathroom and a bedroom with doors open. Both looked tidy with loo seat down and double bed neatly made. The second bedroom had its door shut. Tess opened it. Her first impression was it was not unlike the bedroom she’d had as a child.
It was small and rectangular with a window at its far end. A single bed and a chest of drawers sat against one wall, a plain wardrobe and desk on the facing wall. Two pine shelves above the desk held study books. A-Level books on human biology, physiology, chemistry. There were other books on microbiology, pathology and diseases. The rest of the room looked fairly barren with no posters on the walls or left-over toys or games or even reading books. It looked like a room you would rent out to a student only minimally decorated to give it a bit of personality. It was very different to how her husband lived now. Yet, as she thought of the things she packed up from his flat, it was really only the size and space he lived in that was different. He liked quality and he chose carefully but there was nothing personal in those ob
jects. He’d not had among his personal possessions a single photograph of himself or anyone else for that matter. His parents had clearly been out of mind. Tess had a small album of their wedding photographs and one in a frame that he’d put up in the drawing room, but she couldn’t recall ever seeing any photos he might have.
She stayed and had tea with them and then a short while later said her goodbyes. She wouldn’t be seeing them again. And nor would their son, it would seem. His life was alien to them. She wondered if they liked their son. She had picked up that they were holding things back. Maybe it was their lack of feelings she picked up on. Her impression was of two people heading into old age who were childless. Their behaviour and acceptance hadn’t been normal. Where was the natural interest to catch up on the fifteen years of their son’s life they had missed out on? They should have been keen to ask her all about him. Questioning her about his welfare, his future plans, not letting her leave until they’d had their fill. Instead, they’d been restrained, guarded when talking about him. Again, she wondered if they liked him. Were they glad not to see him?
As she walked back to the station a realisation came to her. She had sat with them nearly an hour with her hand heavily bandaged in her lap and neither of them had asked what happened to it. Had they guessed it had something to do with their son and therefore wouldn’t ask? If that was so then they were guarded because they knew of his dark side and may even have experience of it.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
As Tess arrived back in Bath she got off the train feeling sick. The painkillers had worn off and unable to control herself she emitted a low groan and had to stand still, clearly in discomfort.
‘Afternoon,’ a man’s voice said. ‘Can I help?’
Tess raised her head and saw a policeman standing in front of her. Oh God, why couldn’t it just be someone ordinary? She was acutely uncomfortable on this platform after what she’d tried to do.
‘Would you like some water?’ he offered, sounding concerned.
She tried to summon a smile, but it came out as a grimace.
Blue eyes in a freckled brown face stared at her. ‘Let’s get you sat down. You’re white. There’s a bench just behind you.’
‘I just need to take some more painkillers.’
‘Well, sit down and I’ll get you some water.’
Tess watched him disappear into the information office behind her. If the platform wasn’t so long she’d get up and leave, but he’d be back before she got halfway. She took from her bag a blister packet of paracetamol. When he returned with a plastic cup of water she was trying to pop one out of the foil one-handed.
‘Let me,’ he said, taking them from her. ‘One or two?’
‘Two, please,’ she said, breathless, as her energy had been robbed by pain and the effort of the task. She swallowed them quickly, drinking all of the water. ‘Thank you.’
‘Is it very painful?’ he asked.
‘Very.’
‘They look like they did a good job bandaging it.’
‘I did it myself. I’m a nurse.’
‘Thought it looked professional. What did you do to it?’
‘Burned it draining boiling water.’
‘Ouch!’
‘My own fault. Too hasty.’
‘Less haste more speed my mum always says.’
She managed a weak smile. ‘Good advice.’
‘You did it yesterday?’
Her eyes met his. ‘Yes. Silly me.’
‘You travel regularly.’
Her eyes turned guarded. He’d made his remark sound like a statement. Tess caught a flash of orange behind him and saw the platform man standing by the office door watching them.
‘I, er—’
She was stuttering and the policeman was looking at her carefully as if sensing something wrong.
‘I, um—’
‘Tess!’ They both turned at the sound of an excited, high-pitched voice further along the platform.
‘Tess!’
‘I think she’s calling you,’ he remarked, standing up and edging away as they saw a determined woman waving and making her way towards them.
‘Shit,’ she whispered, then was aware he was close enough to hear.
Vivien was dressed like she was going to, or had been, somewhere special. Her hairdo and make-up and expensive-looking pale blue suit suggested it might be to a nice restaurant or even a wedding.
‘Oh my God, what on earth have you done?’ she screeched in alarm at seeing the bandages. ‘What happened to your hand?’
‘I burned it.’
‘You burned it!’ the woman repeated like a parrot. ‘Good grief! How?’
‘Boiling pasta. A whole pot of it.’
‘My God! You poor thing. What did you do? Drop it on yourself?’
‘I was silly. Poured pasta over my hand instead of into the bowl.’
‘Gosh, that must have hurt. So what are you doing here? Surely not going to London?’
Tess stared at her entreatingly. ‘No, and Vivien I must ask that you please don’t say you saw me. Daniel will be livid if he knows I tried to go. I got as far as here, but I’ve given up and I’m going home now. So please, don’t say you saw me. It would upset him to know I’ve been this foolish. He left me in bed with strict orders to rest.’
‘Of course I won’t say anything, my dear. He made enough fuss when he heard I had coffee spilled on me and left you sitting alone. I wish I hadn’t mentioned it when he phoned me. Look, I insist upon seeing you home. My meeting isn’t important. They can do without me for once.’
‘No, Vivien! It isn’t necessary. Please don’t cancel on my account.’
‘Tess, when you get to know me better, you’ll know I don’t take no for an answer. I’m seeing you home and that’s that.’
As Tess walked slowly along the platform she glanced back at the policeman and saw the man in the orange hi-vis walk over to him. They started talking and Tess felt their eyes on her burning as intensely as her hand had burned. She couldn’t wait to get off the platform and away from the watchers.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘Your house is so big, Tess. You could put mine into it twice over and still have room to move,’ Vivien declared wistfully.
Tess felt awkward seeing the grandness of it through Vivien’s eyes. When she saw the library she climbed the ladder like an excited child. She was finding it surreal having the woman there. The second woman to visit her home in the space of a few days and she knew neither of them very well.
‘Your house is lovely. All that beautiful countryside.’
Vivien screwed up her nose. ‘I wake up smelling cow manure and go to sleep smelling it. Lovely if you like that sort thing. This house must have cost a fortune?’
Tess feigned getting into a more comfortable position in the chair, wincing with eyes squeezed shut to avoid talking of things she didn’t know. Though, in fact, since Vivien gave her some codeine she was nicely floating. The woman carried a pharmacy in her bag, and was leaving Tess with half a pot full.
‘We could never afford to move to the city, unless we want to live in a box. Daniel must have been pretty successful, even before his consultant’s post.’
‘Have you ever worked?’ Tess asked, changing the subject. ‘I mean, obviously you’re working hard in other areas, but I mean for money. You’re clearly very capable and driven,’ she added in case Vivien had taken offence.
A cat-like quality entered the woman’s eyes. She stared at Tess unblinking. ‘I was Mark’s secretary before I married him, and I worked ad hoc for a long time after that. And then a little miracle happened… we had a baby girl.’
Tess felt her insides still. There was something in Vivien’s voice…
‘We had her for a long time, so we must count ourselves lucky. And then we didn’t have her anymore.’
Tess’s eyes pricked and she willed back the tears. This woman did not need to see her cry.
‘The only comfort I take is my
beautiful girl will always be young. Always.’
‘Did you? Could you—’
‘I’m forty-five, Tess. I went through the change when I was thirty-six. There is no chance of having another.’
‘You look younger,’ Tess offered lamely.
‘Don’t I just?’ she said, suddenly twirling and giving a little shake of her shoulders and arms, a determined smile fixed on her face. ‘Now, how about I fix you something light to eat? You probably think I can’t cook after seeing I had a young woman helping me serve dinner, but let me assure you I can and do. Soft scrambled egg should do the trick and I promise to clean up after myself.’
Bemused, Tess could only sit and watch as Vivien disappeared into the kitchen. Even if she wanted to, she could not have stopped her. Vivien was on a mission. Tess closed her eyes with exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed with what she’d learned. She’d been unkind in her thoughts towards this woman, without really knowing her or knowing of her loss. She was someone to admire, not ridicule. She was living and making her life useful and she made Tess feel ashamed. And very tired as she heard pots and pans clattering in the kitchen.
Vivien was smiling at her kindly when she nudged Tess awake. ‘I ate the scrambled egg. You’ve been asleep for two hours, but I had to wake you, I’m afraid.’
‘What is it?’ Tess asked sleepily.
Vivien sat down. ‘Nothing to be alarmed about I’m sure, but Mark just texted me as he knows I’m here. I sent him a text a few minutes ago and his reply came almost straight back.’ She pressed her lips firmly together as if wanting to keep back what she was going to say, before giving an exasperated sigh. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing. Just Mark being a bit dramatic, I dare say.’
Tess sat up straighter. ‘What’s happened? What does Mark want?’
She took a deep breath. ‘Well, he wants to know where Daniel is. It seems the naughty man is nowhere to be found. They’ve had to cancel an operation because he didn’t turn up. He’s gone AWOL, Mark said.’