Her eyes flooded, and she blinked back. She would not cry in front of him. “He told me that if I were faithful and patient and lived worthily, the Lord would reward me with a worthy priesthood holder who would take me to the temple one day.” The tear slid down her cheek, the traitorous tear. “I’ve never forgotten those words.” Josh stood still, never breaking eye contact.
Sofia closed her eyes momentarily and inhaled. She wiped the tear off her face, then dropped her hands to her side, as the last weight and vestige of her tirade seeped out of her chest. She walked out of the kitchen before she said anything else she couldn’t take back.
If she could only forget the blue of those eyes so intent on her.
*
Josh remained rooted to the spot, the force of Sofia’s words still ringing through him.
“That was you, wasn’t it?” Paulo interrupted.
“Yep.” He paused as the memory of that long ago day trickled back to him. “I gave her that pendant on her baptism day. I had written my family about this girl we were teaching, and my sister Ashley sent it for her.”
It had been such a thoughtful thing to do. The Young Women logo pendant on a simple gold-plated chain. And because he hadn’t bought it, and she was still of Young Women age, he’d convinced himself it wasn’t inappropriate, this gifting something personal to the girl he’d taught. Never mind that she was pretty and smart and he’d been there to witness her growing faith and to walk with her into the baptismal font. Never mind that he’d suppressed his attraction for her every time he saw her. He was a missionary and he never would have broken the rules. Gifting her the pendant had not been a big deal. Or so he’d told himself.
He remembered the whole scene now. “For some idiotic reason, I felt impressed to tell her those exact words when I gave it to her.” The very same words she had spoken just a few seconds before.
Paulo rested a hand on his shoulder. “If the Spirit moved you to say it, it wasn’t idiotic.”
Josh let out a breath. “But she broke an engagement because of me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Paulo shook his head. “From the bit I know of her, I’m sure she prayed hard about it and waited for the Spirit to confirm it. She knew what she was doing.”
Maybe she did. But Josh would be carrying the memory of Sofia’s words and the expression of her face for a long time.
She still wore the pendant. Amazing.
When Josh and Paulo finished in the kitchen and returned to the living room, Sofia and Margarida sat on the sofa in front of the television, watching the local weather report.
It took Josh by surprise to see her there. If he’d caught someone talking about him like Sofia had found him and Paulo, Josh would have left. Maybe Margarida had convinced her to stay.
Paulo went to sit by his wife and said, “Turn it up, please.”
Josh sat on the other sofa, at the right angle to Sofia. He glanced at her, but she kept her gaze straight ahead, seemingly interested on the weather patterns for the next few days.
Why did he and she have to be at odds with each other so much lately? Maybe it was for the best that this friendship between them wasn’t a comfortable one. If they didn’t get too close, it would be easier to leave when the time came.
Paulo repeated his name and Josh turned from his musings. “What was that?”
“I said this may be your chance.” Paulo gestured at the screen.
Josh shifted his attention to the weatherman and his predictions. Instead of clouds, blinking suns dotted the area of northern Portugal. “What’s he saying?” The guy on T.V. talked too fast.
“He’s saying we’ll have a couple of days with sunny weather.” Paulo glanced between Josh and Sofia. “This could be the chance for that visit to Briteiros you were talking about.”
Sofia and Margarida exchanged a look that told Josh there was a story going on. When Sofia cast a timid glance in his direction but didn’t comment, it wasn’t hard to assume she didn’t have any interest in going with him anywhere. And he couldn’t blame her.
Margarida sat up. “Sofia, didn’t you say once that you worked at the Citânia de Briteiros for two weeks one summer?”
Was that a challenge? For a moment, Sofia didn’t reply. The pointed look at her friend was transparent enough. Josh had five sisters and he remembered how girls communicated.
“It’s probably best—” he started.
“Yes, I did work at the Citânia for two weeks. Margarida.” Sofia raised an eyebrow at her friend and enunciated her words.
Yep, that had been a challenge and this was the challenge being accepted. He let it play out. They probably thought he couldn’t understand what was going on. Only he wasn’t completely clueless on the subject of the female speech, and how girls expressed themselves, with all the sisters in the house and him being the youngest in the family. Paulo winked at him and he acknowledged with a small nod.
“When do you want to go?” Sofia asked him, finally acknowledging his presence.
“Whenever’s good for you. I can work around your schedule.” Although Josh did want to go to Citânia de Briteiros, he didn’t wish to put any more tension between him and Sofia.
In the end, Sofia said she’d get back with him about her schedule.
When Josh arrived at the hotel room, he took the battery off the camera to charge and started uploading the images in his memory card to his laptop. He removed his shoes, his jacket, then sat in bed, thinking of the evening’s events. And before he lost the courage to do it, Josh took out the cell phone and sent a message to Sofia.
You don’t have to do this, Sofia.
Do you mean the trip to the Citânia?
Yes. I can go by myself if you don’t want to come.
But if I give you the tour, you’ll get to know all its secrets and go special places where visitors can’t go.
Was she teasing him? Are you saying I’m special? Pause. Had he gone too far? That sounded too flirty. Maybe not the best move on his part. Not yet.
Aren’t we all special in our own little ways?
Nice save there.
Yes, of course. And thank you for arranging this trip. I’m looking forward to it.
Don’t thank me yet. I still have to contact some people I know and then talk to the park’s director to get a special pass.
As long as you’re sure about coming with me.
Her reply came a few seconds later. I’m sure. It’ll be fine.
Josh was glad she sounded so sure, because he wasn’t. If he were smart at all, he’d cancel the trip or go another time by himself. But he couldn’t deny that getting a backstage pass to the Citânia and having Sofia as the tour guide were all the incentives he needed to go ahead with the plan for the visit. The weather didn’t matter. He just needed his feelings to cooperate.
The meetings with the financial advisor and the course counselor at the university were sobering for Sofia. All the money she’d been saving for the past five years was barely the right amount to cover her monthly tuition and study materials. And although she only had to be at the campus a few days a week, the research and studying and writing would demand time out of her schedule she didn’t have.
For a momentary flash, the urge to cancel everything and run from there had been so strong that she almost gave in to it. Thankfully, she recognized it for what it was: the fear of starting something new and completely overwhelming. Giving up was out of the question. Sofia had been working toward the goal of her doctorate studies for so long, and now that it was finally set to start, it was only normal that her reaction was a cautious one.
As she pulled from the parking lot, her cell phone rang. It was her neighbor Dona Luísa. Sofia quickly veered into another parking space, set the car in park, and answered the phone.
“Dona Luísa, que se passa?”
“Are you almost home, Sofia? Your mother injured herself, and I think it’s best you come home.”
Sofia grasped the phone tighter. “Injured? How b
adly?”
“Not too badly, I put a bandage on it. Are you coming soon?”
“Yes, I’m leaving right now.”
When Sofia opened the front door to the apartment, Dona Luísa walked toward Sofia. “Oh good, you’re here. Your mother is in her room. I really have to go now.”
She grabbed the handle to the front door and moved to open it. Sofia stopped her. “Wait. Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I was in the bathroom for a few minutes and when I came out she was trying to pour water for tea. She startled and the water spilled and she burned herself.”
Sofia closed her eyes and pressed her fingers against her forehead. The pressure was mounting already.
“How bad was the burn?”
Dona Luísa made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “Just a little red.” She opened the door and stepped out. “She’s okay.”
Sofia’s concern was for Mother and she let the woman go. She locked the door behind her and walked to Mother’s room. Mother sat on the stuffed chair in front of the small, antiquated television they had brought from the old apartment.
Sofia knelt in front of her. “Mãe?” Mother looked straight ahead, her eyes fixed on the screen. “Mãe?”
Mother wrinkled her forehead and touched a finger to her lips. “Shh, I’m watching.”
Sofia drew Mother’s hands forward and examined them. She must have pulled off the band-aid already. There, on the left hand, on the pointer knuckle. The area was red and slightly swollen, but it didn’t look serious enough for a visit to the urgent care clinic.
After retrieving the antibiotic cream from the medicine chest in the hallway closet, Sofia applied a pea-size portion to the affected skin. Mother flinched and tried to pull away. Sofia would keep an eye on it, in case it got worse.
Dinner was a simple meal consisting of vegetable soup with toast and fresh fruit. Mother didn’t eat much and Sofia helped her with the bedtime routine and then to bed. Within a few minutes, Mother fell asleep.
What was Sofia to do? The situation was getting worse and she had to find a solution for it. She got her cell phone from her purse and sat down on the living room sofa. While she debated calling Margarida, the phone rang in her hand.
“I was about to call you this very minute,” she said to Margarida.
“I saved you a call then. Everything all right?”
Sofia took a deep breath. “Mother had an accident and burned her hand when she was trying to make a cup of tea.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t too serious.”
“Why was she making tea? Wasn’t your neighbor watching her?”
“She said she was in the bathroom.”
Margarida paused. “Sofia, it might be time you find someone qualified to watch over your mother.”
“I know, I know.” Sofia passed a hand through her hair. “But I can’t stop thinking about the promise I made to my father.”
“But you didn’t know it was going to turn out like this.”
Sofia closed her eyes for a minute before going on. “I need to start looking.”
“You know who might know—”
A knock sounded at the front door.
Sofia rose from the sofa. “Hang on, someone’s knocking at the door.”
“Knocking? What’s wrong with the doorbell? Don’t open the door without looking, Sofia.”
“I know that.”
“Stay on the line with me and tell me who it is.”
Sofia lowered her voice. “Aren’t you being a little paranoid now?” She leaned on the door and peeked through the peephole. It was Josh.
She held her phone against her chest, blocking the speaker. “Olá, Josh.”
Josh smiled. “Can I come in?” At her hesitation, he added, “It won’t take long.”
She stepped away and opened the door wide for him. “Sure, come in.”
Josh walked to the living room, and Sofia closed the door and walked behind him.
Margarida was still on the line. “I’ll have to call you back. Josh is here.”
“What? Why is Josh—”
“Xau, Margarida.”
She sat opposite Josh and placed the phone down on the coffee table.
“Did I interrupt your call?” Josh cast a glance at the phone.
“That was Margarida, I’ll call her back later.”
He nodded. “How have you been?”
Why was Josh in her apartment trying to make small talk? The hesitation before her reply was enough for him to notice.
“Everything all right?”
Sofia blew a breath. “My mother burned herself today trying to pour a cup of tea.” Why did she blurt that out? There went her self-restraint.
“How did that happen? Was she not being supervised?”
“Yes, of course she was. My neighbor was watching her but she said she had to go to the bathroom.”
“And you believe her?”
Sofia sat up tall. “Why wouldn’t I believe her?” The feelings inside her started to boil. “And why are you asking me these questions? Do you think I’m not caring well for my mother?” She stood, trying to put some distance between her and Josh.
Josh paused and then reached out a hand to her. “No, of course not. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.” He waited. “I know you’re doing the best you can for your mother.”
His apology mollified her but not enough to sit close to him as before.
“Have you considered placing her in a skilled nursing facility?”
Sofia sat down at the far chair. “It’s not as easy as it may look. I think I’ve told you before, the government-run facilities have a long waiting list, and the private ones are expensive.”
“Yes, you have. I’m sorry for asking again.” His expression was contrite. “What about proofing the apartment?”
“Proofing? What do you mean?” She was only familiar with baby proofing and she didn’t have any babies.
“It means to minimize the chances for her to get hurt, like securing the dressers and bookcases to the wall, installing sliding door locks so she can’t go on the balconies, and things like that.”
That was a good idea. If only she had the time and money to get it done. “Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll have to look into that.”
“Would you let me help?” His tone was cautious. “With the proofing.”
His offer caught her off guard and she didn’t know what to say for a minute.
Josh continued. “We had to do it for my grandma and I know what needs to be done.” He waited for her reply, then added, “It wouldn’t take very long, and I could do it while you’re in school, if you let your neighbor know I’m coming.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you.” It was too generous and she wouldn’t let her pride get in the way of accepting the help, not when it concerned Mother’s safety and when her budget was so tight. She’d have to think of a way to thank Josh. But for now it was probably better to change the subject. “What about you? Is everything all right?”
He nodded slowly. “Everything’s fine. I’d thought we could go to Citânia this week but I got a job offer and it’s too good to pass.” His eyes shone with the unmistakable sign of excitement.
“Are you going to tell me what it is or is it a secret?”
He smiled a little. “Not a secret. I’ll be shooting a destination wedding at the Terceira island.”
“In the Açores islands. Fancy.”
“Not sure how fancy it really is. All I know is that both the groom’s and the bride’s grandparents came from there. The couple lives in New Jersey, but opted to have the wedding in Terceira to celebrate their heritage.”
“I didn’t know that you photograph weddings.” The curiosity grew for Sofia. “Do you have a portfolio?”
“Not a lot of them, but I do shoot some on occasion, especially when the location is new and interesting to me.” Josh crossed his ankle at this knee. “When the coupl
e is fun and up for trying new things, it makes it even better.” He paused, then added, “And I have a website under my name.”
Sofia thought about his words. What would it be like to have a job that excited her like that? The rewards of teaching seldom yielded immediate results, let alone the gratification or recognition from her ‘clients’. “Well, I wish you good luck and lots of success with it.”
Josh cleared his throat. “Actually, I just came to see if I could get a rain check on that trip to the Citânia de Briteiros.”
“Yes, of course. How long will you be gone?”
“I’m expecting three to four days, at the most. I’m leaving in the morning.” He stood.
Sofia rose from the chair and walked ahead of him to the foyer. “Well then, I hope everything goes well for you.”
Josh stopped in front of the door and turned to her. “Can I call you when I return? To make plans for the trip, I mean. And to proof the house,” he added.
Despite the placid expression and neutral smile, Josh fiddled with the keys in his pocket. Was he nervous? She didn’t know Josh well enough to read him yet. “Sim, podes ligar-me.”
Josh nodded and then reached for the door handle. When Sofia tried to intercept him, their hands brushed against each other. The contact of his skin on hers sent a tremor to her fingers and Sofia pulled them back. Her eyes turned up and met his, already looking at her. Her cheeks heated. What was it about this man that always had her feeling like a school-age girl?
After an uncomfortable pause of waiting to see who’d open the door, she pulled at the handle and swung it to let Josh pass. He was out of reach before she even had the chance to think about a farewell beijinho, and she was glad for it. Cheek-to-cheek contact, even with his beard in the way, would have been even worse to her nerves.
Josh pushed the elevator button and held a hand up to her. “I’ll see you soon then.”
Sofia waved back. “Have a good flight.”
*
As soon as the elevator door closed behind him, Josh shook his head. It was like he didn’t have any experience with girls and didn’t know how to talk to them, and awkward and lame were the words of the day. Why hadn’t he just sent her a text message? But no, he had to see her before he left, for whatever reason that he couldn’t even explain to himself. Sofia had gotten under his skin and, for the first time in a long while, he didn’t know what to do about it. For someone who prided himself in his tightly contained life, these new feelings threw him off course.
The Secret Life of Daydreams Page 8