‘I’ll go and say hello to Justin if he’s still awake.’
The door creaked as she pushed it open. From the streetlight shining through the unlined curtains, she saw that the table and chairs had been pushed to one side. She could just make out the bundle of Justin curled up in a sleeping bag on a blown-up lilo on the floor.
‘Who’s that?’ came a loud whisper.
‘It’s only me, Auntie Sarah. I didn’t mean to wake you.’
He sat up straightaway and held out his arms. They sat on the floor cuddling each other in the dark.
‘Todd’s been taken into hospital.’
‘Grandma told me. But he’ll be back home in a couple of days when they’ve had a chance to sort out exactly what’s wrong.’
‘He will be all right won’t he?’ In all their anxiety, it was evident that none of the family had thought to explain to Justin exactly what was happening. Like most brothers of that age, the two boys were constantly bickering, but that did not loosen the tight bonds that tied them together.
Sitting beside him, arm around his shoulders, she explained, as best she could, that the doctors did not know what was making Todd ill. He needed to stay in hospital so that they could use all their special equipment to find out.
She would like to have been able to claim that she and Justin were close, but the truth was they really did not know each other that well. She only saw him three or four times a year and always with the rest of the family. Though she had read him the odd bedtime story, the number of long conversations between the two of them could probably be numbered on one hand.
It was a dreadful admission, she knew, but she was not that good with children even though, unlike many of her colleagues in Further Education, she had a teaching qualification. She was doing a PGCE the year Justin was born. Her teaching practices had all been in secondary schools and a sixth form college, which was when she decided she was much better with older students. Finding the vocabulary for dealing with an eleven year old did not come easily, particularly when he was worried and upset.
‘Sorry, I’ve pinched the bed,’ she said to take his mind off the problem.
‘That’s okay. I like it in here. It’s like camping.’ He was trying to put a brave face on things.
‘There was something I wanted to ask you, young man. It’s your birthday in a couple of weeks. Any ideas for a pressie?’
She had a sudden fear that he was going to say something about wanting his brother well again. He shook his head and the body sagged. Instinctively, she cuddled him closer.
‘There must be something you’d like?’ He gave a great sigh. ‘What are mum and dad going to get you?’
That was obviously not the right thing to say. He scrubbed away a tear.
‘They were going to take me and Todd to Disneyland Paris over half-term.’
‘I’m sure they still will. Maybe not this holiday as it’s so close, but as soon as Todd’s better. They haven’t forgotten all about you, you know. They still love you to bits. It’s just that they’re worried about Todd at the moment.’
‘What’s going to happen tomorrow?’
‘I don’t know, Justin.’ She made a sudden decision. ‘But when we’ve been to see how Todd is, you and I are going into the city. We can have a look round the shops for your present and then go and have a McDonald’s. Would you like that?’
‘Mum says hamburgers aren’t good for you and I’m only allowed chips once a week.’ He mimicked his mother’s tone of reproof.
‘I won’t tell on you, if you don’t tell on me!’
He gave a low gurgle of laughter and cuddled down. She gave him a last good night kiss. She felt quite pleased with herself for coming up with something pleasant for him to look forward to.
‘Night, night poppet. Sleep well.’
Chapter 15
Sarah doubted any of them got much sleep that night. They were all up early in the morning waiting for the phone to ring. Greg had promised that he or Jenny would get in touch first thing. By eight thirty, there was still no news. Her mother was making endless pots of tea and mountains of toast that no one wanted, and her father kept wandering aimlessly from room to room. Justin sat curled up on the settee still in his dressing gown.
‘Perhaps they’re waiting until after the doctors have done their rounds,’ Sarah suggested lamely. ‘We could ring the hospital.’
‘We mustn’t do that.’ Her mother became flustered. ‘They’ll be ever so busy at this time of day getting patients up and giving them breakfast and medicines and whatnot.’ She had always been in awe of anyone in authority, and the thought of troubling important people like doctors or nurses filled her with apprehension.
‘Then I’ll drive down there and see what’s going on.’
A worried frown creased the older woman’s brow and she began to twist her wedding ring around her finger, no longer able to keep her hands still. Sarah could not remember seeing her mother in such a state of near panic before. She felt annoyed with Jenny for putting her parents through all this.
Sarah was about to fetch her car keys when Greg arrived with the news that Todd had spent a reasonably comfortable night. The doctors had managed to get his pain under control and had scheduled a series of tests for later in the day.
‘Can we go and see him?’ her mother asked. All the agitation was gone. Whatever she was feeling inside, for Greg’s benefit, her mother was now trying to appear calm and matter-of-fact.
‘Probably not today. They’re taking him for tests at ten and he won’t be back on the ward till late afternoon. They told me to get Jenny home for some rest. She’s been sitting by his bed all night.’
‘So when will you hear the results?’
‘You know what they’re like. They say it will be a few days because the labs don’t work over the weekend.’ He ruffled his older son’s hair. ‘Will you be all right here for a bit, boyo?’
‘Don’t worry about Justin.’ Sarah smiled across at them both. ‘We’ve got a busy day planned, Justin and I, haven’t we, sunshine?’
‘He can stay here as long as you like. Tell Jenny not to worry.’ Her mother gave Greg a reassuring pat on the arm.
Sarah was tempted to walk out with Greg to his car and give him a lecture about keeping her parents up to date with what was going on but decided against it. Greg was already under a lot of strain and her mother was sure to think that he was telling Sarah something that he had not wanted to worry them with. The one thing she could do was to take Justin out of everyone’s way.
Although visiting times were generous in the children’s ward, they restricted the number of visitors at any one time. As Jenny insisted on staying by Todd’s side, it was quite late on Sunday before it was Sarah’s turn to go up to the hospital.
To judge by the drawn features, Todd had lost weight since she had last seen him; nonetheless, he was surprisingly cheerful and, though not quite his old bubbly self, seemed in a far better state than Jenny.
‘Hi, trouble. Do I get a kiss in exchange for what’s in this bag?’
Todd was delighted with his present. She and Justin had spent some time choosing something suitable. Justin was not impressed with her suggestion of a book and Todd was too old for cuddly toys. In the end, wandering through the arcade, they had found a shop window devoted to marionettes. Inside was a splendid collection of glove puppets. Predictably, Justin suggested a lurid green monster with enormous plastic fangs but they eventually settled on a red squirrel with an enormous, fluffy tail. The soft, furry fabric stretched right up to the elbow. It had all the advantages of being something for Todd to cuddle when he felt all alone without any of the stigma of being a toy for babies.
After twenty minutes or so, Greg persuaded Jenny to go down to the cafeteria with Sarah while he stayed with Todd. Jenny protested that she had no appetite. Sarah eventually talked her into having a bowl of soup. Making the excuse that she’d be driving back to Wiltshire when she left the hospital – which was true – and ne
eded a good meal inside her before she left – untrue, her mother had cooked the usual enormous Sunday roast. Not that any of them could do it justice. Sarah had piled her plate high hoping that seeing her tucking in would tempt Jenny. It did not work. Jenny crumbled the roll into small pieces and let the soup go cold after only a couple of spoonfuls.
In an effort to move the conversation away from Todd and all his troubles, Sarah told her about her day out with Justin.
‘Thanks for looking after him,’ Jenny muttered automatically.
‘He’s a smashing kid. I enjoyed it. He told me all about the birthday treat to Disneyland Paris.’
‘Well that’s off now,’ Jenny snapped, irritated that Sarah had brought up the subject.
‘But surely, it’s a couple of weeks away yet. Todd will be home and you’ll all be back to normal,’ Sarah protested.
‘I can’t think about gallivanting off now, not with a sick child lying upstairs,’ Jenny rounded on her sister angrily.
‘Naturally, Todd comes first at the moment, but Justin has been looking forward to it so much. He is worried too, you know. It wouldn’t hurt to pop across and see him. He hasn’t spoken to you for nearly three days and he’s missing you.’
‘Are you telling me how to look after my own child?’ Her voice rose and several pairs of eyes swivelled in their direction.
‘Of course not! All I’m saying is that Justin is your son too and…’
‘Don’t you tell me what to do! You think you’re so bloody perfect but you don’t know the first thing about relationships. You walked out on a good man because of one stupid, little mistake. Let me tell you, Miss Goody Two Shoes, if I need advice, you’re the last person I’d listen to. Go back to your ivory tower and let those who live in the real world get on with it.’
The last thing Sarah wanted was a public shouting match. She knew it was worry that had prompted the tirade but, if Jenny had intended to take out her hurt by wounding Sarah, she’d succeeded. The blazing eyes dared Sarah to contradict. Jenny had a string of accusations lined up to throw and was waiting for the excuse to let rip. Sarah could out-argue Jenny any day, she could even match her temper, however making a scene in front of all these people would not help either of them. Jenny needed to give vent to all her pent-up frustration and pain, but this was not the time or the place.
Sarah picked up her bag and turned to go.
‘That’s right! Run away. Never face any unpleasantness.’ Sarah could hear Jenny snarling through gritted teeth as she walked towards the door. She prayed fervently that her sister would stop at screaming out obscenities.
Sarah remembered little of the journey home. However illogical, she was riddled with guilt. Had the tension of the last few weeks made her insensitive to other people’s problems? She should have been able to reach her sister somehow.
Anyone who witnessed that painful exhibition could be forgiven for thinking that she and Jenny were always at loggerheads. It was true that they were not exactly bosom pals, the difference in their ages made that difficult as children, but had they really grown that far apart? Jenny had just started senior school when Sarah left to go to university. After drifting into the Sixth Form, Jenny had been half way through her A’ levels when she fell pregnant with Justin. Once she was married, they had not seen so much of each other. It was easy to blame pressure of work and Norfolk was a long way away.
The phone was picked up before the second burble.
‘It’s only me. Just to let you know I got back safely.’ She knew her mother would worry until she heard from her.
‘Are you all right, Sarah?’ She knew from her mother’s tone that Jenny had spoken about their earlier set-to.
‘Fine. The roads weren’t too bad and I had a stop for a cup of tea just outside St Neots.’ She wanted to tell her mother her version of events – get her to appreciate that it had not been her fault. She had gone home hoping for a little TLC for herself. Todd’s troubles were more than enough for all of them to cope with, without her adding to the burden. Not that she’d planned to tell her parents what had been happening, but perhaps, deep down, part of the reason she’d come home this weekend was for the security of being somewhere where she felt loved and cosseted and less isolated. Now it would not be fair even to ask her mother to take sides, especially when she was so worried about Todd. Her mother probably thought Sarah was an insensitive monster but, however much that hurt, she would have to live with it for now.
‘Jenny said you two had words.’
‘Sort of. I didn’t mean to upset her.’
‘I’m sure you didn’t. She’s under a lot of strain at the moment.’ Her mother said all the right things, but then it was not in her nature to criticise or to take sides. It did not stop Sarah wishing she knew what her mother was really thinking.
‘I’m worried about her, mum. Of course she’s anxious not knowing what’s wrong with Todd but she really does need to get things into proportion.’
‘Yes.’
‘You agree with me?’ Sarah was surprised.
‘Of course I do. She’ll have a breakdown if she goes on the way she is.’
‘So why haven’t you said anything to her?’
‘It wouldn’t do any good, and anyway both my daughters stopped taking my advice when they started going to big school.’
‘Mum, that’s not true!’
Sarah heard a rueful laugh at the other end.
‘You two are so alike. Strong-willed and stubborn, the pair of you. Where you both get it from, I’ve no idea. It’s a complete mystery to me why you two are so jealous of each other.’
Although her mother had never been one to lecture either of her daughters, they were not allowed to get away with things. Their father, a shy, retiring man who rarely expressed an opinion on anything, was frequently indulgent and they could twist him round their fingers most of the time, but not so with their mother.
She had taught the girls right from wrong when they were small and expected them always to know the difference. Discipline in the household, though never lax, didn’t need to be rigorously enforced. Falling short of their mother’s expectations and seeing her hurt at being let down was usually enough of a deterrent. Listening to the disappointment in the older woman’s voice, Sarah felt all the old shame. She did not know why because she could not see any truth in her mother’s last comment. Neither of them had anything to be jealous about.
Sarah changed the subject. ‘Look, mum, I’ve been thinking. Justin will be terribly upset if his trip is cancelled. I know it’s still a couple of weeks away but Jenny seems to have already decided that, even if Todd is out of hospital by then, he won’t be well enough to go and I understand that. But, do you think you can persuade Jenny to let me have Justin here for half term instead? I could take him to somewhere like Alton Towers or Chessington for the day. It’s not the same as Disneyland I know, but it would give him something to look forward to. That’s if he’d like to come, naturally. And it would mean that none of you would have to worry about him when he’s not in school and it might do Justin good to get away for a bit.’
‘Are you sure you could cope with him?’
‘I’m not that helpless and he’s not a baby.’ Sarah smothered her irritation. She was in charge of a college with two thousand-plus full time students, double that number of part-timers and over a hundred and ninety staff, but her mother was concerned about her ability to look after one eleven-year-old for a few days. ‘I’ve been thinking about it all the way back. I’m sure it would be fun for both of us.’
‘I’ll suggest it to Greg,’ her mother conceded.
‘Fine. I’ll ring again tomorrow to see how Todd is. You’ve got my college number if there’s any emergency haven’t you?’
‘Your business card is sitting here by the phone. Bye, love. God bless.’
Chapter 16
The sheer volume of work gave Sarah little opportunity to dwell on her tormentor or her family problems. Although there were no cl
asses in the college over half term, it was rare for her not to work through the break. There may not have been any meetings, but it was a good time to catch up on all the paperwork. If she was going to take time out to spend with Justin, she’d need to make some attempt at clearing her desk in advance. On Monday evening, she worked right through and stopped only when the caretaker came round to lock up after the last of the evening class students had left.
Tuesday was one of those days when she seemed to be at the beck and call of everyone. She had not had a minute to herself all morning. To get away from the frenetic atmosphere of the place, Sarah decided to take an unaccustomed lunch break despite her workload.
There was a pleasant little tearoom less than ten minutes’ walk from the college, which was run in aid of a local hospice. It was rather quaint and old fashioned – chintz curtains and flower prints on the walls – although, because it was manned by volunteers, the service was somewhat variable. Patronised mainly by middle-aged, middle-class housewives indulging in a respite during their shopping expeditions, it had the distinct advantage that it was unlikely that any of her staff or students were liable to drop in.
‘Sarah! It’s been ages. How are you?’ The penetrating tones rang across the room. ‘Do you mind if I join you?’
Sarah’s heart sank as Geraldine, without waiting for a reply, came up and proceeded to arrange her assortment of packages around the chair opposite. Her mother-in-law was the last person she wanted to see. As she’d only eaten a couple of mouthfuls of the cheese and broccoli bake and not even started on her coffee, Sarah could hardly claim that she was about to leave.
‘Just let me go and order myself something. What have you got, dear? They do a nice baked potato with mushroom topping.’ Not waiting for a reply, she was off.
The two had not spoken to each other more than two or three times since the separation. Why Geraldine should greet her like a long lost friend Sarah could not fathom. Although she had always been civil, at least to her face, Sarah was under no illusions that she was number one on Geraldine’s hate list. She would not have been surprised if the woman had completely ignored her. A brief nod of acknowledgement across the room should they happen to catch each other’s eye would have been the most Sarah would have expected or wanted. Trying to work out just what that devious lady was up to kept Sarah fully occupied until Geraldine returned.
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