And it was beautiful.
Even as it ebbed, it was sublime.
She sighed happily, still floating on that beautiful yin sea. She felt cradled in its warmth, surrounded by it and Zou Tun, who continued to cradle her body, her legs now lax in dangling over his shoulders.
"That was sex," he said, his voice a low rumble against her thigh.
She grinned, too lost in languor to comment. He was settling her down on the bed, shifting his body. Soon she was flat on the mattress, or near enough to it. They had not adequately moved the blanket, so now it lay bunched underneath her hips, lifting her cinnabar cave higher on the bed.
She would have closed her legs then, would have moved to a more modest position, but he was still between her legs, lying on his belly, his legs extended beyond the bed. His face remained where it had been, a few inches above her cave, his smile as radiant as it was smug.
Then he touched her, wrapping his hands underneath her thighs, lifting them so that she bent her legs, her knees moving up in the air. She didn't like the shift, and she murmured a vague protest. The sensations were discordant, like tiny little fires flaring and dying randomly about her body.
"Zou Tun," she murmured, wanting to push him away but having no angle from which to do so. "Stop. I understand."
He nodded, his hands sliding in long strokes along her inner thighs. "You understand sex. But now you must learn practice."
She frowned and lifted her head, doing her best to look at him. "Practice?"
"The only way to ride the yin tide, to direct it to where you want it to go, is to experience it over and over until your mind can control it."
"Wh-what?" she stammered. She had no mind to comprehend his words, much less control anything.
"The yin tide is a tigress that you must ride," he reminded her. Then he grinned. "I have great stamina, Joanna Crane. I will give you many hours of practice."
"Many hours—" Her words ended on a gasp. His stroke on her thighs kept rising higher until his thumb began another slow figure eight around her cave.
"Many, many hours," he repeated. Then he leaned down and began his kiss.
23 June, 1896
Brother,
I have told everyone that you will bring the abbot to my wedding, and Father is most anxious to meet him. The date draws ever nearer, but the myriad preparations are confusing me. My temper grows short and even my summer garden brings me no peace. I fear I begin to sicken. Only your swift return will ease my heart.
Have all the brothers recovered from their disease?
Your anxious sister,
Wen Ji
~
Decoded translation:
Son,
The emperor is pleased with your progress. I have a few details to finish, but then I will be able to act against the monastery, especially as I now have Abbot's Tseng's death warrant from the emperor. You must return home immediately or you could be killed in the confusion.
Have you identified the rebels? Or should we kill all the monks in the monastery?
Your anxious father,
General Kang
7 July, 1896
Sister, you cannot wed so soon! You are too young. And certainly you should not marry someone old and feeble, whom you despise. Life for you must be very confusing indeed. But here, all is at peace. The disease is gone. The brothers are all busy with their studies. And Abbot Tseng is a great spiritual leader with no political leanings at all. Indeed, I am sorry to tell you that I will not be returning home for many, many months. Even years. It is beautiful here. And peaceful. Not a place for any unpleasantness at all.
Tell father I want to live my life here as a Shaolin.
I pray constantly that Father makes no more moves to wed you to someone ugly.
Your earnest brother,
Kang Zou
~
Decoded translation as understood by General Kang:
Father,
Please do not attack the monastery. The action would be hasty and ill-advised. I understand that my messages have been confusing, but rest assured that I have things well under control. The brothers are busy plotting rebellion. Abbot Tseng hides his plans well. Indeed, he is so devious that I plan to study him longer. It may even take years.
I pray constantly to make you proud, Father.
Your earnest son,
Zou Tun
The sea of desires is difficult to stay, but if you cannot rid yourself of desires, you will surely drown. A person with uncontrollable desires will not only be unable to feel satisfied or comfortable, but conversely, will feel pain and will harm his sense of self.
—Lao Tzu
Chapter 13
Joanna woke slowly, her body coming awake by painful inches. Sweet Heaven, she was sore. That should have made her irritable, but truthfully nothing could dim the delicious glow that warmed her.
Last night had been incredible. The yin tide had been overwhelming and unmanageable, but Zou Tun had been extraordinarily patient—and exquisitely capable of all sorts of interesting things. She lost track of how many times he had let the tide recede, allowed her to catch her breath, only to bring the sensations back, to raise the fire inside her again just so she could try again to ride it. And again. And again.
She stretched a hand behind her, searching for his warm presence. But he wasn't there. Cracking open her eyes, she saw him sitting beside her studying the Tigress's scrolls.
How wonderful that there were things written about these experiences! How marvelous that her partner understood them so well. And how ridiculous that no one in her own culture had ever thought to share them.
Surely married women experienced this yin tide. Surely they knew about these incredible feelings. Surely they...
But that was where Joanna's list of "surely" stopped. Because even with her little experience with men, she knew that most would not be as patient as Zou Tun. Most men would not have spent hours upon hours pleasuring her while their own dragons remained large and hungry and completely ignored. And, of course, most men would not be now sitting beside her studying texts on how they could use the experiences to attain Heaven.
Which meant she was most fortunate in her choice of partner.
She smiled, extending a hand to touch him. He turned to her immediately, an unspoken question in his eyes, but she was feeling too languid to speak. She simply wanted to stroke his beautiful skin, watch the planes of his angular face, and revel in the knowledge that he was her partner.
"How are you feeling, Joanna?" he asked, his voice strangely rough.
"Happy," she said. Then he touched her, a long stroke across her cheek, and she closed her eyes to better appreciate the sensation. "What's wrong with your voice?"
"It is punishment for removing yours. My voice will return when I have earned your forgiveness."
"I forgive you." She didn't even have to think about it. Last night was worth a thousand days of silence.
"Thank you," was all he said.
She smiled, delighted with the feel of him stroking her skin so tenderly. But in time his caress stilled. He remained connected to her, his hand a wondrous weight upon her shoulder, but she knew his attention had returned to the scroll.
She grinned in understanding. She, too, had many questions she hoped the parchment could answer. So she opened her eyes, loving the way his brows pinched when he read, even as the lines about his mouth smoothed into a slight, curving smile.
"What does it say about the yin tide? About what happened..." Her voice trailed off as she tried to find the words. She had experienced something last night, during that first time and then again later. Perhaps the dozenth time he had brought the yin tide back up to overwhelm her. For a moment she had been carried somewhere else. She had gone someplace... sublime.
But before either of them could say more, the door burst open with a rush of frigid air. Joanna gasped as she scrambled to cover herself, and even Zou Tun seemed to be startled. He spun around, his body crouching into a
fighting stance. But soon they both relaxed.
It was the Tigress, standing in the doorway with her eyes narrowed. She studied them.
"You had sex with her," the woman accused, her eyes angry.
Zou Tun straightened, his clothing creating a soft shirring sound as he moved between Joanna and the Tigress. "I did not," he answered coldly, though his words were thick and short, as if speaking pained him. "We practiced." Then he shifted uncomfortably. "She practiced."
"She was not ready," Shi Po snapped. She moved forward, but Zou Tun blocked her path.
They would have stood that way forever, glaring at each other, if Joanna had not shifted to her knees, wrapping her blanket about her, though its texture chafed her already abraded skin. "I was ready," she said as she gently pushed Zou Tun aside.
The Tigress's eyes focused upon her like the pricks of a sharp needle. "You are in pain."
Joanna met the Tigress's gaze, shrugging slightly. "It was worth it."
Her flat statement seemed to reassure the Tigress, but Zou Tun spun around in surprise. "You said it didn't hurt. You—"
Joanna pressed her hand to his lips, cutting off his words. "I have no regrets." She smiled slowly. "And many questions." Then her eyes shifted to the Tigress. "The yin tide is overwhelming. How does one ever learn to ride it?"
Shi Po's answer was as predictable as it was enlightening. "A great deal of practice, young cub."
"But in the end," Joanna pressed, "what awaits us?" Last night she had felt the power of a Tigress, felt it grip her in its mouth and shake her. But there had still been that moment of something else: that glimpse of sheer ecstasy that held a hint of so much more. If only she could learn to control it. If only...
"I will send you a tea for the pain," answered Shi Po, interrupting her thoughts. "And texts beyond what you have already been given." She gestured to the scrolls that lay open and forgotten beside the bed. "You may come to me after you have finished those. We will discuss your conclusions then."
But as Joanna looked at the writing beside her, Zou Tun pulled away. He dropped to one knee in another imperial kowtow. "I have erred greatly, Tigress. I thought she was ready for the next step. I did not realize there would be pain." On his last word, he cast a quick glance toward Joanna, but she could not tell if it was in accusation or worry.
Either way, Shi Po would have none of it. She leaned down, curling one long fingernail beneath his chin, tilting Zou Tun's head upward so that he looked her in the eye. "Did you force her?"
"Of course not!"
"Is she your pet?"
Again he exclaimed in hot denial, "Of a certainty, no!"
"Then why do you take responsibility for her actions, monk? Does she not choose for herself?"
He hesitated, clearly thrown.
Shi Po elaborated. "With choice comes responsibility, monk. Do not steal it." She shifted her eyes to Joanna. "Do you understand?"
Joanna nodded. She did understand. Last night's activities had been her choice. If she suffered a great deal of stiffness because of it, she had only herself to blame. But even more, she now realized that the Tigress teachings were more than just physical experiences, more than just a yin tide to set her mind afire; they were a way of life.
She was only now beginning to understand the physical and emotional demands required to walk this Tigress path. Last night her mind had been unprepared for the tumult of yin, and it nearly drowned her. This morning she knew that her body had not been completely ready either. She would need hours of mediation to discipline her mind, hours more physical exercise before she was ready for the next attempt.
But now, more than ever, she was committed to her course. Even if it took a lifetime of study, she wanted to experience that perfect moment. She wanted to find Heaven again, and know how to remain there as long as possible.
Joanna lifted her chin, meeting the Tigress's stare. "Is there another class today? I am most anxious to attend."
The Tigress nodded, her movements graceful as she accepted Joanna's decision. But it was Zou Tun who captured Joanna's attention. His sigh was loud and deep, and he shifted to face her. His gaze transfixed her, and she read hope and fear mixed there.
"Are you sure, Joanna?"
She grinned. "I have never been more sure of anything." She looked up at the Tigress. "I want to learn this. I want to become an immortal. And I will devote my entire life to learning."
Silence greeted her statement. From Zou Tun she sensed great relief and joy. But the Tigress Shi Po sank slowly onto the bed. She stared at Joanna.
"You have already felt it," she said in an awed whisper. "On your first night of practice, you have already tasted the sweetness of Heaven. Haven't you?"
Joanna didn't need to answer. Shi Po had surely seen the truth. But as Joanna watched, the Tigress's face grew hard, and her words rushed out in angry demands.
"What did you experience, barbarian? Tell me everything. Why does it come so easily to your kind?"
Joanna frowned, startled by the sudden change. Before she could answer, there came a commotion, a loud banging and the rush of feet outside. Seconds later the bedroom door burst open and a young servant stood there, her eyes wild, her breath ragged.
"What is it?" the Tigress demanded, clearly annoyed.
"Soldiers!" the woman gasped. "A general!"
Shi Po pushed to her feet, her face tightening as never before. "Serve him tea!" she snapped at the servant. "And send for Kui Yu. I am coming."
The servant nodded, then sped away. Zou Tun had gained his feet, but beyond a long, searching look exchanged with the Tigress, he said nothing. The Tigress said nothing, either. She seemed to dismiss him with a quick wave of her hand, her attention fixed on Joanna.
"Remain here," she hissed. Then, when Joanna dipped her chin in a wobbly acknowledgment, Shi Po stepped forward, her entire body rigid. "Hear this, ghost barbarian. If you wish to learn, it must be from me. And it must be here. Leave without my permission, and you will never touch Heaven, never gain immortality. Do you understand?"
Again Joanna dipped her chin in agreement. This sudden intensity startled her even as her mind wrestled with its meaning. Just what did the Tigress want? Why were there soldiers here? What had Zou Tun done? But there was no time for more questions as the Tigress spun on her heel and left. In the distance, the noise from the soldiers was growing louder, and Zou Tun looked more and more uncomfortable.
Joanna said his name, but he cut her off.
"We must leave. Now." He turned, quickly gathering what few possessions he had. With an almost casual movement, he tossed coolie pants and a loose shirt at her. "Get dressed. We will escape out the back garden."
Joanna's hand twisted, holding the coarse fabric of the pants. A strange revulsion hit her. She had just spent the last few days steeling herself to removing her clothes. She had just discovered something amazing: Putting clothing on felt like a step backward.
Yet Zou Tun obviously had no intention of remaining.
"Didn't you hear Shi Po?" Joanna asked. "We have to stay here. She is coming back for us."
"I heard," he said, as he rummaged through the single-drawer chest, quickly packing ointments and Joanna's stone balls into his bedroll. Then he paused, his hands hovering over the open Tigress scrolls. Before Joanna could say anything, he rolled them tight and stuffed them into his pack.
"The Tigress will send the soldiers away," Joanna said. "She knows you are hiding from them." She narrowed her eyes, seeing confirmation in the quick jerk of his body. Yes, he was hiding from the soldiers. And yes, he was very afraid. "What did you do, Zou Tun? What do they want with you?" Are they really going to kill you? Kill us?
She didn't speak her last questions aloud, but he must have understood them. He turned to her, the air whirling with the force of his movement. "She cannot send them away. Those are imperial soldiers in the front courtyard. They have tracked me down."
"How?"
He slipped to the door, opening it a tin
y crack to peer out. "I don't know how. But it is not a large step. The abbot of my monastery was the Tigress's brother. Now please, please get dressed."
She shifted, pulling on the pants to calm him. "Was?" she pressed. "The abbot was her brother?"
He nodded, a quick slash of his chin. "He's dead now. As are all the others." He turned haunted eyes to her. "I am the last of Abbot Tseng's Shaolin."
His anxiety was infectious. She hurried her movements, pulling the loose blouse over her head with quick jerks. When she could see him again, she met his gaze. "Why, Zou Tun? Why did the soldiers kill everyone? Why are they looking for you?"
He returned to looking out the doorway, but his words traveled to her nonetheless. "They believe we are revolutionaries."
She straightened, pieces beginning to fall into place. After all, why else would a Manchu, a member of the ruling class, be running from his own government? Unless, of course, he supported rebellion. "So you are a Boxer."
"No!" His denial was vehement—and honest. He did not have the look of someone who wished to overthrow the government.
"But the others were," she said. "At the monastery. And so—"
"Yes. No." He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I don't know, Joanna Crane. Some, yes, wanted to end the oppression. But they were just boys, talking as boys do." He pulled her to her feet. "Please, will you come with me now?"
"But it was a fighting monastery. So the government thinks—"
"Not now, Joanna. I swear I will tell you everything. But only after we leave here."
He meant to pull her out the door, but she dug in her heels, refusing to move. "The Tigress said if I leave she will not teach me. I will never learn the rest of this practice."
He paused, his breath catching in his throat. Then he turned his head, his eyes at last focusing completely, intently, upon her face. "But you are not serious about this teaching, Joanna Crane. You are merely a bored rich girl with uncommon intelligence, and this has been a pleasing distraction."
The Way of the Tigress 1-4 Page 52