"It will change nothing, Char. I must still dedicate myself in the morning."
She nodded, and he felt her tears drop onto his face. "I know," she whispered.
"And a child..." He swallowed. How he wanted such a thing! "You are a lone woman—"
She shook her head. "I'll say I'm a widow. I'm old enough. That my husband was killed by the Boxers." She rolled her eyes. "That's common enough these days."
"But—"
"There are ways, Ken Jin. You don't think it's never happened before, do you? That a single woman got pregnant." She released a soft laugh. "If nothing else, I'll work at the mission. Someone will help me."
"You would have all my money."
"I don't need—"
"You would." He grinned. "And we'll steal something from my brother. He has imperial jade. He showed it to me."
"You probably paid for it anyway." She began untying his tunic, stripping it away with impatient hands.
"This is madness. You cannot—"
"I can. I want to." His tunic was thrown wide and she ran her fingers over his chest. Then she leaned down to kiss his nipples, sucking just hard enough to make his entire body thrust upward. A son. A family. Of all the things anyone had ever offered, this was the most precious. This was what he had always wanted.
"You will be alone," he said. "Once I am in the Forbidden City, I cannot leave. I cannot help you."
"I don't care," she said to his belly. Her lips were kissing lower down his body. Her hands tugged at his pants.
"Char," he groaned. "What of William? What of your family? They will never accept a bastard child. And they will know he is mine."
In his mind, it was already done. He already had a son with dark black hair, a quick mind, and a ready laugh. A child that ran like the wind and loved like the sun. A child like his mother. How he wanted it.
She pulled opened his trousers and his dragon sprang free. She had learned a great deal about kissing in the last few days. She knew how to stroke his mouth with her tongue, how to caress his chest with her hands. She did so now, pressing her fingers into the points he had shown her, stroking her tongue across places she had discovered on her own. He knew she was placing herself, drawing herself higher on his body. And while he struggled with his conscience, before he found the strength to set her away, she dropped herself down upon him.
Her yin rain was plentiful, so his dragon slid quickly into her tight cinnabar cave. She gasped in shock and froze. He grabbed her arms to lift her away, but he hadn't the strength, and she hadn't the will.
"You're very large," she said, her voice high.
"Lift off," he said. "We must stop."
"No. No." She tightened her legs to grip him with force. He bit back a groan. He could move. He should move—away—but nothing had ever felt so excellent.
"Char," he growled as he forced himself to deny them both. "Think about the future. Think what it means..."
"No. No." She gasped out the words, but with each breath, she seemed to grow stronger. Her eyes focused on him. Her lips curved in a radiant smile. And as she spoke, yang surged through his blood. His mind fogged with her yin power. She was radiant with it.
She leaned down. He didn't know when she'd swept off the last of her ripped gown, but it was gone now. She was naked as she leaned forward, and her breasts dangled enticingly above him.
He helped her move, thinking she meant to lift away. But she didn't. Instead, she shifted his grip. She took hold of his wrists and moved his hands to her breasts. "Touch me, Ken Jin." How soft her skin was. How powerful the yin pulse beneath his fingertips. "Carry me away," she added as she moved his hands over her. "Take me to Heaven."
He shook his head. "I can't." He couldn't think. He couldn't focus.
She extended forward, drawing herself up high enough to kiss his lips. He let her go, but not far enough to lose her all together. He was not man enough to draw completely out. Not yet. Not...
"You can," she whispered. She leaned down. She trailed her lips across his cheek, the heat of her caress nothing compared to the lick of her yin power across his face and body. It engulfed him. "You just have to want it."
He did. He wanted it more than life itself. And yet...
"Love me, Ken Jin."
"I do," he swore. "I always have."
He thrust.
* * *
Charlotte felt his driving energy and knew why the Chinese called it a dragon. Ken Jin was so very large inside her. Thick and full, his power pushed at her, filled her, expanded her. She was growing along with him, this heat in her belly. With his every thrust, she felt a quickening, a surging, a... something.
Her yin tide was rising. His hands were so skilled upon her breasts. His mouth nipped and stroked and suckled, one after the other, and she arched into the glorious tide. After all, she'd felt the yin rush numerous times before. She'd been overwhelmed by it, carried by it, even drowned in it; but this was different. This was...
Love.
She looked into his eyes and finally understood the truth. He loved her. He'd always loved her. That was why his touch sent her flying. That was why she craved him beyond reason, beyond logic. Because he loved her and always had. Only this time, he admitted it. And this time, he showed her without restraint. How else could his yang lift and push and expand her soul until she felt larger than her own body? How else could her yin draw him with her, combining together in the glorious cauldron of her sex, until together they became fire and air and more?
She slid to his lips, needing to fuse with his mouth while giving him more room to move below. He was saying something: whispered Chinese words that she couldn't hear. But she felt them. Each word brushed across her lips, each breath heated the dark recesses of her mouth. She arched in glorious response. How could simple words feel so wonderful?
His hands shifted off her breasts to slide down to her hips. But she remained poised above him, her nipples stroking across his contoured chest. Larger circles, then smaller, tighter circles. The yin fire sizzled in her breasts.
His hands were large on her hips, and he stabilized her against his thrusts. His power was growing, and his yang became a pounding beat that had her thighs opening wider to accommodate his greater strength. He was still speaking, his mouth teasing her neck, his breath hot and wet across her quivering pulse. Only this time, she wanted to know his words, know what beat in his mind and heart, so she reined in her senses and listened.
"All of you. All of you," he said.
She smiled. "All of us. All of us."
He blinked and, like her, had to shift focus. But when he finally heard her, the change was stunning. His face lit. His eyes became brighter, clearer, and his entire body opened. She had no other words for it. His energy gates were fully, gloriously open.
She thought his yang had been strong before; now it became a force of nature. What had been a steady push of energy became a deluge of fire. What had been powerful, now infused her with a joy so profound it could only be...
Heaven. On Earth. He was launching them to Heaven!
"I love you," she whispered again; then she poured all she was into him. Just as he enveloped her with all that was him.
Their energies merged—yin and yang boiling together—but there were pinpoints of heat, nexuses where they joined more than others: his dragon, thick and hard inside her, as it churned her yin. The heat there felt like a tiny sun. Her breasts, as they brushed against his chest, trailing fire across his skin and pouring her power into his heart.
Those two places—chest and groin—were the top and bottom of the circle, yin and yang coiling and combining in ecstasy. That was the physical joy, and the electric burn of power. But they had something more. It came from his eyes, and it sang in her own—a vibration, a joy, a love that grew in beauty the longer they looked at one another.
Below was power, above was love. Both were expanding.
Their breaths quickened. Their hearts trembled.
Charlotte arched i
nto him. Ken Jin rammed into her. And their gazes held.
"We..." she gasped.
"Whole..." he mouthed.
The energies touched and ignited.
His seed roared through her. Her womb opened to receive. And the power took them to Heaven.
* * *
"I am here. I am finally here!"
Charlotte turned to smile at Ken Jin's spirit. It was distant to her—a shadowy outline—but she could hear his voice and feel his joy. If she had to guess, she would say he was dancing.
They stood in the Chamber of a Thousand Swinging Lanterns. According to Ken Jin, it wasn't Heaven proper, but the antechamber to those glorious gates. And yet, how could anything be more wonderful? Black velvet dotted with swinging lights. A song of love felt more than heard. A joy that enveloped and permeated all that she was.
All that they were, for Ken Jin was here with her.
"Charlotte? Can you hear me?" he called.
"I am here!" she replied with a giggle. She doubted they were actually speaking. The words came as thoughts carried on emotions: felt, experienced, but not spoken aloud. They were so intertwined that she knew what he knew, and he felt what she felt.
Love. In all its myriad forms. For one another. For family. For animals and plants and birds. For the world. And for William, who glided closer.
Just as before, the radiant form of her brother appeared, with a great smile and wide-open arms. Charlotte felt her heart sing in joy as they embraced. Beside her, Ken Jin bowed deeply and with awe.
"Master William."
"Ken Jin and Charlotte. How pleased I am that you are here."
Charlotte felt his pleasure warm her soul. She had so much she wanted to say, so much to ask, but the words clogged in her mind and refused to step forth. It was ridiculous to feel intimidated by her little brother, but this being of light and love was beyond the boy she'd chased through the house to make him take his baths. This was William—an angel.
"Not an angel," he corrected, clearly hearing her thoughts. "I am William—the part you do not see in my body."
"His soul?" And her old fear returned. "You're not dead, are you? You're not—"
He laughed, not in mockery but with simple pleasure.
"Do you believe that I am so small as to be contained in a single biological form? That any of us are?"
She hesitated, unsure what she thought.
"I am so much more than what you see on Earth. All of us are." He paused and turned saddened eyes to Ken Jin. "Or all of us can be."
She followed her brother's gaze, automatically extending her hand to her love. But Ken Jin was too far away to grasp, too indistinct to clearly see more than just his outline. Except... She narrowed her eyes. He was here beside her. She could touch him. She could feel him, but his light was so dark, his power so cold.
"Ken Jin!" she cried. "What has happened?"
Her lover dropped his eyes, his shame a palpable weight dragging him away from her. "I am not worthy," he said.
Again William laughed, and again there was no malice in the sound, only the gentle humor of a parent to a child. "All are worthy, Ken Jin. It is you who have chosen this form. Do you wish to change it now?"
She felt Ken Jin's confusion, felt his pain in her own heart. But mostly she felt fear. Ken Jin was growing heavier by the second.
"William!" she cried. "Help us!"
So her brother bent down and kissed her cheek. She felt his caress and the joy it brought her. And then she heard one last message. "Thank you for lifting your shadow, big sister. Now I can grow stronger on my own."
She jerked her attention upward. They were plunging out of Heaven at a dizzying rate. And yet, there was no mistaking his words. But what did they mean? What shadow?
Then she saw. He was so bright that she hadn't noticed before. His radiance, his power... But with distance, she also saw a shadow, an outline that darkened his features and obscured his lines. Then, as she watched, it began to fade. She saw it clearly, how he was growing brighter as the darkness began to lift away. Her shadow? But...
She plunged back into her body—heavy, dark, exhausted.
And alone. No one shared the thin pallet. No other presence filled the room. Where was Ken Jin?
Five-Minutes Acupressure
Wellness Exercise
Step 1 Briskly rub your lower back along both sides of the spine. Rub these Sea of Vitality points (B23 and B47) briskly up and down for one minute, creating warmth from the friction.
Step 2 Hold the base of the skull and the Third Eye point.
Step 3 Hold the Sea of energy (CV 6) three finger widths below your belly button in your lower abdomen.
Acupressure's Potent Points
Michael Reed Gach
Chapter 18
Cold. He had never felt so cold in all his life.
Ken Jin looked down at his hands, able to see but not feel them. He had spent much of his life in some level of numbness, but the lack of sensation now was particularly glaring. After feeling everything a few hours ago in Heaven, after being whole for a short time, he was completely disconnected now. Why was it so cold even in sunlight?
"Ken Jin?"
He lifted his head, though the motion was stiff and slow. Charlotte stood in the doorway to his room. She was completely naked, amazingly beautiful, and even his unworthy eyes could see the tendrils of Heaven that still made her skin glow.
"You have returned," he said, his voice rusty from the night's silence.
"Was I...? How long...?" She licked her lips as she struggled with her surroundings. He understood her confusion. He, too, had been disoriented for an hour or more.
"It is just past sunrise. You stayed in Heaven longer than I." He'd woken beside her, and felt her body still entwined with his. He knew she remained in Heaven while he had been cast out. So he lay beside her, thinking of his life and basking in her heat. But he had never been able to think clearly when enveloped in her yin. Eventually, he forced himself to separate from her. He left her side and came to his room to kneel before the east-facing window and pray.
"No..." she said. She shook her head, her expression fierce. "We fell at the same time. I tried to hold on, but..."
"But I was too heavy," he answered for her. "I was unworthy of—"
"Don't say it!" she snapped. Then she stomped into the room, her breasts bobbing with her fierce movements. "You most certainly are worthy! Nobody is more worthy. You've given everything to the family that has treated you like dirt! You've—"
"I've cut myself into tiny pieces for them. I've given them all that I can, and now that it is morning, I am to cut my body as my spirit has been sectioned."
She gaped at him. Clearly she had not expected such clarity of thought from him. He almost smiled. "I have had many hours to meditate, and Heaven gives a man much to contemplate."
She shut her mouth with a snap. Then she crossed the last distance between them to kneel beside him. She moved so quickly, whereas he still felt the sluggishness of Earth dragging at his limbs. Before he could say anything, her arms wrapped about him, her chest caressed his back, and her sweet lips pressed to his cheeks. So hot was her presence, her kiss seared him like a brand; but he welcomed it nonetheless. A man in pieces needed the power of a woman's qi. Of this woman's qi.
"And what have you decided?" she asked.
He closed his eyes to better absorb her strength. Odd, that he had spent so many years searching for ways to take a woman's yin. He had spent nights stimulating one woman after another only to end up feeling weaker. And yet, all that time Charlotte had been nearby. The answer had been with him the whole time.
Perhaps that was why he'd always drawn yin from white women: because he was searching for Charlotte. And now, when he felt most confused, most alone, she gave him such power with no effort. Such was the generosity of her spirit that he had only to think of her and his qi strengthened. His dragon too, he realized, looking down. Hard and proud, it jutted eagerly upward against his p
ants, seeking her again.
"Ken Jin?" she pressed, her tone anxious. "What have you decided?"
"That I am whole with you." He reached up and drew her down onto the floor before him. He had come to this room seeking warmth in the sunlight. His was the only room with a window, but now he realized how wrong he had been. The warmth he needed came from her. It came from being a whole man. It came from having a unity of purpose and mind—which is exactly what she gave him.
"I want to remain with you," he stated firmly. She smiled at him and his blood heated. It was so wondrous a sensation that he nearly missed her next words.
"But what about returning to the Tao? Are you giving up on that?"
"I did abandon the middle path so many years ago when I tricked my brother, but not because of my foolishness. I wandered off the middle path when I left home."
"I thought they sent you away."
He nodded again. "I left part of my heart with my family while the rest of me traveled to Shanghai."
"That's why you've always wanted to return home."
He nodded. "And so I gave more of myself to my fiancée and her family. And then—"
"More to your brother and his wife and their son."
Ken Jin sighed. "Shi Po often said that a man of divided heart cannot find the Tao." He lifted his gaze to Charlotte. "Since I was eight years old, I have split my efforts, cut off pieces of my heart and my life. Only one thing has ever unified my heart and spirit and body."
Her eyes softened, and she reached for his hand. He gripped her tightly in return, and the numbness in his fingers began to fade.
"You have been my one purpose. When I am with you, I wish with one heart, I act with one body, and—"
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