Nick stood suddenly, his lean body unfolding from the sofa with a powerful grace that made Mike take a step backward. He closed the distance between them, tension radiating from him in suffocating waves that froze her in place. He stopped an inch in front of her, staring down at her, holding her in place with nothing more than a look. Mike swallowed her sudden uncertainty and forced her gaze away from his, needing to break the hold he had on her. How was that possible, after all these years?
“Nick, please take me home.” Her voice was just above a whisper, pleading. But she didn’t care if it made her sound weak. She was weak, where Nick was concerned. She had always been weak with Nick. And she wantedâneededâto leave.
But Nick said nothing and she wondered if he had heard her because he just stood there, looking at her, his expression unreadable. Slowly he reached out for her, his hand gently closing around her arm and pulling her to him. His other arm wrapped around her back, tucking her body against his in a tentative embrace. Mike stiffened and placed her hands against his chest, trying to push away, only to have him tighten his hold. “Nick, take me home.”
“Not yet,” he whispered. His hand drifted up her back and behind her neck, then cradled her head and guided it to rest on his shoulder. His body began swaying to the music, so slow at first that Mike didn’t realize what he was doing. Her eyes closed and she swallowed, not wanting to follow his lead but doing it anyway. “Remember when you said you wanted to go back, just for a little bit? To pretend like nothing happened?”
Mike nodded, not trusting her voice, wondering where Nick was heading. His arm tightened around her waist, pulling her even closer, and his lips grazed her temple, a fleeting touch that was there and gone before Mike could react.
“That’s the final condition. While we work on this, we pretend the last ten years never happened,” Nick explained, his voice a soft breath against her ear. The words, wrapped in the seductive whisper of his voice, sent a shiver through her. She leaned forward, melting against him. It was too easy; it felt too good, even though her mind was screaming no. “We pretend to go back, just for a little bit.”
Mike pulled away, but not hard enough to break his hold on her. Anger flared then stilled, disappearing just below the surface, replaced for a brief moment by fleeting hope. She bit down on her lower lip and rested her forehead on his bare shoulder, just for a second before reality crashed over her. She pulled back again, still not breaking Nick’s hold, but no longer leaning against him.
“That’s impossible, Nick, and you know it. You can’t make it a condition. It’ll never work.”
“How do you know?” He studied her with a quiet intensity that disturbed her because she didn’t understand it. His eyes searched hers, silent and dark as his fingers gently rubbed the back of her neck. Nick’s right arm was still wrapped lightly around her waist, leading her in the gentle sway of the music. Mike closed her eyes, no longer able to meet his gaze, tempted to give in to the hope he waved in front of her.
Tempted to give in to him.
But what he was suggesting was impossible. She could never forget; she wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive. For all that she missed what they had before, they could never go back. They were two completely different people now.
“Kayla, look at me,” Nick whispered. Reluctantly she did as he asked. Her breath caught in her throat at the look in his eyes and she had to fight to hold on to the reasons she had just given herself. “I’m not saying forget. Too much has happened for either one of us to do that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m just saying that while we’re doing this program, we pretend like nothing is wrong between us. That we spend time together, that we act like normal people. No animosity, no tension.” He held her tightly against him, his hand rubbing circles on her lower back, distracting her. So much for the ‘no tension’, she thought. Mike closed her eyes, trying to concentrate, trying to remember why Nick’s idea was a bad one.
“I don’t think it’s going to work.”
“Will you at least try?”
She knew she should say no. There was no doubt that there was at least one ulterior motive behind his plan, probably more. Not to mention everything that could go wrong. But a small part of her, someplace deep down where she kept her secrets, wanted to say yes. To take just this small slice of time, this little bit of make-believe, and make it hers. To pretend there was no bad history between them. To pretend things were the way they used to be.
Mike took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then nodded. “Okay, I’ll try.”
It was probably her imagination but she thought some of the tension left Nick at her words. His arms tightened around her once more and she let go of the hesitation holding her back, allowing herself to lean against him, to wrap her arms around his waist.
Music drifted around them as they swayed in each other’s arms, not saying anything. She had been wrong, she realized. There was still tension between them, but not like she thought. This was something completely different, heat flaring to life with awarenessâand with her body’s reaction to the nearness of his. As close as she was to Nick, pressed against him, it was obvious he felt it as well. Her breath hitched in her chest as her pulse soared, awareness and excitement building along with apprehension. Nick’s lips trailed a light path along her jaw to her temple. Mike closed her eyes and tilted her head, her mouth seeking his and finding it.
The kiss was tentative at first, slow and searching, innocent and inquisitive. Nick’s mouth opened under hers and their tongues met. The kiss exploded, detonating the desire within her. She leaned against him, her arms moving up and wrapping tightly around his neck, her body seeking to get closer. Nick moved quickly, backing her against the wall, cupping her face in his hands while his tongue invaded her mouth, doing dangerous things to her mind and body.
And to her soul.
His body pressed closer to hers. Her hips arched against him, rubbing against the hard length of his erection as her hands reached under his shirt and moved up his chest. A groan broke free from her, only to be swallowed by Nick’s mouth, still ravenous on hers, hot and wet. Frantic.
Mike broke free from the kiss with effort, trailing her lips along his jaw and down his throat, nipping. She pushed his shirt up, exposing his chest, and trailed hot kisses along his heated flesh, feeling the rapid beat of his heart under her lips. He reached up and lightly gripped her chin, tilting her head back to claim her lips again, opening her mouth under his. The kiss slowed, then stilled, and Nick finally pulled away with a soft moan.
“I think it’s time for me to take you home,” he said in a ragged whisper. Mike shook her head to clear it, not grasping the meaning of his words. Her body was still anchored between him and the wall, and there was no denying that Nick was effected by their physical contact. She tilted her hips slightly against his and let out a moan of frustration when he pulled away.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him, at the heated desire burning in his gaze, and knew she hadn’t heard him correctly. She leaned forward, only to have him pull away a little more. His thumb gently caressed her cheek as he stared down at her, leaving her confused. And frustrated.
“I need to take you home, Kayla,” he repeated.
“Why? I don’tâ”
With a sigh, he stepped away, leaving her feeling cold and empty. She cursed her body’s reaction to him, to the loss of him, even as she stared at him in bewilderment.
“Because I don’t want you to think this is about sex. And if we keep this up, if we finish this, that’s exactly what you’re going to think.”
Mike uttered a colorful curse in frustration. She ran her hands through her hair and clenched her jaw so tightly her back teeth were grinding. Did he really think he was doing either one of them any good by stopping? “God, this is so stupid! That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! First you get me to agree to this stupid game, then you start something, and now you’re telling me to
stop! You’re not making any sense, Nick.”
“Yeah, I am. Look at me Kayla.”
She waved him off and continued her frustrated pacing. She didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Or just run over and jump him and finish what he started. The choices made her even more frustrated, which increased her agitation.
“Kayla, stop and look at me.”
“No. No, no, no. This is stupid, Nick. So stupid.”
“Is it?” He finally grabbed her arm and pulled her into his embrace, a glint in his eye as he looked down at her. One corner of his mouth twitched and she realized he was trying not to laugh. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and tried to pull away, only to have his arms tighten around her.
“Let me go, Nick. I don’t believe this! How can you stand there and laugh? This isn’t funny!”
“You’re right, it isn’t. C’mon, hold still and listen to me.” A smile briefly curved his lips before his expression turned serious again. He rocked his hips against hers, just once, leaving no doubt that his body, at least, wanted her. “Kayla, there is nothing more that I want than to take you right now, to make love to you all night long and then some.”
“Then let’sâ”
“No. Because if I do, you’re going to convince yourself that this is about sex, that that’s all I want from you, and it’s not. And then you’re going to regret it, just like you regretted it the other week.”
“I won’t regret it, really.”
Nick offered her a small smile, his arms briefly tightening around her waist. “Yeah, you will. And then you’re going to pull away again and shut yourself down, and convince yourself it was another mistake. I don’t want that to happen, not this time.”
Mike squeezed her eyes tight, trying to contain her frustration. He was being ridiculous and she searched her mind for a way to convince him of that. But every argument fell flat because at least part of what Nick was saying made senseâand it pissed her off that he could still know her so well, even after all this time. Because he was right, she would convince herself it was all a big mistake, and blame it all on Nick.
Which didn’t say a whole lot about her. Did it make her just as crazy as he was, actually seeing the logic of his argument? She let out a loud sigh and eased away from his arms, part of her cursing the ease with which Nick let her go. She opened her eyes and watched him for a long minute, then took another step back, finally nodding.
“Alright, you win this one. Now take me home before I say something just as stupid as your insane idea.”
“Insane, huh?”
“Yeah, insane.” Mike turned away and grabbed her coat from the recliner where she had tossed it then shrugged it on, careful to keep her gaze averted from Nick. Outside she might look calm and reasonable, but inside she was shaking. The depth of her body’s response to him scared her. The emotions that lurked beneath the surface terrified her. She refused to look at them too closely, afraid of what they might be. Worse, she was afraid of what she wanted them to be.
“Kayla.” She jumped at Nick’s whisper, surprised to realize that he was standing so close behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind and he held her, resting his chin on top of her head. “Are you mad at me?”
She stiffened in his arms for a brief second then let herself relax as she shook her head. “No, I’m not mad. I do think you’re crazy, though.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to laugh, glad that her back was to him so he couldn’t see her faceâand the emotions she was sure were clearly written on it. “Now take me home so I can jump in a cold shower.”
***
Nick watched from the warmth of his car as Kayla walked into the house, briefly waving at him before she closed the door. He had wanted to walk her in, felt bad about waiting in the car, but she had insisted. And in that she had been right, because if he had gone in with her, he wasn’t sure if he would have left. It had been hard enough pulling away from her once. Twice would have taken more resolve than he possessed.
Because tonight had been, with a doubt, the dumbest thing he had ever done. He needed his head examined for turning Kayla down, especially since she was as hungry for him as he was for her. But his conscience wouldn’t allow it, no matter what his body wanted.
And his sexual frustration aside, he was happy with the way tonight had gone. He had expected more of a fight from her when he mentioned each condition, especially the last one. Part of him still couldn’t believe she had actually agreed. But she had, for which he was grateful. If he could just get her to let go of the past, even for a little bit, it would give them each a chance to get to know each other again. Not who they were back then, but who they were now. And if they did that…
Nick hoped it would be enough to convince Kayla to at least think about moving forward. That, more than anything, was what he wanted. He still had feelings for her, deep feelings, and all he wanted was a chance to see what they might be together now, without all the baggage from their past weighing them down.
He watched as the downstairs lights went off, followed by a dim glow from the upstairs window. A few minutes later and that, too, went dark. Nick sighed and put his car in reverse and slowly backed out of the driveway, feeling too much like a stalker watching the dark house.
Yes, Kayla’s agreement had been a complete surprise and he was afraid to read too much into it. Part of him wanted to think that she only needed an excuse, no matter how weak, to spend time with him. That maybe part of her was willing to look forward to what they might be able to have together. The other part of him, the part rooted in reality, knew that her friend Jay probably had more to do with her agreement than anything else.
He sighed and cast one last glance at Kayla’s darkened house, then drove away, wondering at all the things that could possibly go wrong.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“So how do you think it went?” Nick leaned against his desk and watched Jay and Kayla, waiting for their answer. Jay shrugged, his brow creased in thought as he began collecting the leftover pamphlets that littered the desks.
“I don’t know. Okay, I guess. I mean, it could have gone worse. I think for the first one, it wasn’t too bad. We weren’t aiming for perfection the first time around, were we?” Jay’s rambling was unusual, the words spoken quickly and as close to emotionless as possible without being completely flat. Jay continued picking up the pamphletsâmost of them had been left behindâbut said nothing else. His face was carefully blank and he wouldn’t meet Nick’s eyesâwhich made him wonder exactly what he was trying to hide.
“Hm.” Nick looked over at Kayla. She was still sitting at the back of the room, her elbows propped on the desk, her chin resting on her folded hands. Her expression was one of sheer boredom and it reminded Nick, unfortunately, of the expressions on the students’ faces during most of the presentation. “Well, Kayla, what do you think?”
She sat up straighter and slowly stretched, her uniform shirt pulling tight across her chest. Nick looked away, his mouth suddenly dry as he wondered how she could look so appealing dressed in that shapeless, unflattering uniform. For the thousandth time in the last few weeks, he questioned the wisdom of his self-imposed celibacy. And for at least the hundredth time since then, he wondered if Kayla had acted to deliberately get his attention.
“I think you lost them after the first five minutes,” she finally said, her voice matter-of-fact. Nick let out the breath he had been holding, realizing he had expected an answer like that from her. The worst part of it was, she was right.
The students had let it be known, clearly and without having to say a word, that they weren’t interested in the topic. And not only were they not interested, they resented being forced to sit still and listen to it for forty minutes.
The reception to this had been worse than his class on the symbolism of the evils of humanity in The Scarlet Letter.
Jay tossed the stack of pamphlets on the nearest desk then leaned against it, his arms crossed
tightly in front of him. The muscle in his clenched jaw twitched as he stared at Kayla. Nick realized that the man was upset about the less-than-successful program that had just ended. Or maybe he was upset with Kaylaâs blunt assessment. “So do you have any better ideas?
“Don’t go copping an attitude with me, Jay. It wasn’t anything you did, okay?” Kayla’s voice was mellow and reassuring and Nick was amazed to see how quickly Jay’s anger faded. Kayla stood and reached for a pamphlet, flipping through the colored handout with mild interest. “They’re seniors. Seventeen and eighteen years old. They’re invincible, remember? We all were at that age.” Her gaze slid to Nick and rested on him briefly. He shifted, understanding her meaning all too well.
Kayla paced around the room, stopping at the blackboard where bulleted items were listed, a visual aid to the lecture that had just ended. She reached up with one finger and tapped at each one, blurring the chalky words. “They think that nothing is going to happen to them. Lecturing them isn’t going to change that, and that’s essentially all this wasâa lecture. They know that drunk driving is dangerousâjust not for them. Invincible, remember? Preaching just makes them tune out.”
She turned back around and faced both of them, her gaze fixed on Nick for a long minute before moving to Jay. “Did you drink in high school?”
Nick straightened, an automatic defensiveness surging to the surface at her question until he realized that it had been directed at Jay, not him. Jay tossed an uncomfortable glance his way then faced Kayla, shrugging.
“Of course. Who didn’t?”
“Exactly. And if some official authority figure came in and lectured you on the evils of drunk driving, what would you have done?”
Once Burned (Firehouse Fourteen Book 1) Page 15