by Marata Eros
“Okay,” he relents, “let's talk.” His eyes don't move from that mar against my pale skin, heavy and damning.
“Go ahead.” I sit down across from him. I cock my head, my long hair sliding over my shoulder, and I watch him lick his lips. “After all, the burden is on you. Every bit of it.”
“I'm sorry, Faren.”
“You spend a lot of time apologizing.”
His eyes narrow, deepening to dark chocolate. “You know, you're goddamned rude sometimes.”
I nod. I don't know if that's the truth but it feels right. “Yes.”
“Fine,” Mick says, non-plussed. “As long as you know it.”
I lean forward, pushing my elbows into my sides, the motion driving my breasts forward and Mick's speech is arrested, his gaze pegging my assets as surely as the sun rises.
“Listen,” I begin, “you hit me with your bike.”
His eyes return to mine and a flush takes hold of his face. It's subtle, a heightening in the color across his cheekbones. It spreads as I watch, lighting the top of his ears slightly. I watch Mick fight his emotions.
Bingo.
If there's one thing lap dancing's taught me, it's my value. My body is a powerful tool. I've given up chunks of who I am in exchange for control over others. It's evil.
It's also a terrible necessity.
I put his feet to the fire. “And you more or less called me a whore. You implied that I was faking innocence.” I lean back, and cross a long leg, so utterly not innocent.
Mick watches my movement with a look I can't read.
“And now”—I throw my palm vaguely toward the door—“you've shown up in my apartment through entry of dubious means. I think the weight of explanation lies firmly with you.
That color that rose to the surface of his skin fades. “Fair enough. But you might not like what you hear.”
We stare at each other as my heart drums a rhythm that's fierce and insistent, reminding me I'm alive. That reminder is brutally beautiful.
“Fine. I'd rather have the bald truth. It's better than lies through omission,” I say.
His dimple flashes and disappears. Mick plows a hand through his hair, and I take in the edges of a sleeve tat. It’s been hidden all this time underneath custom tailored shirts, tethered by precious metal. Now he has rolled up his sleeves, folding them halfway up a bulging muscled forearm and I'm struck anew by his physique. He has the body of someone who's known physical labor. A man honed by honest work.
Not the privilege of the wealthy. The honest part is up for discussion.
That can't be. Rich guys like Jared McKenna have people who do all the work. They just delegate. Like the old story about Henry Ford pushing a button from his desk. An expert would come in and answer whatever question Ford couldn't answer.
Mick leans forward, his legs spread while his knotted hands dangle between his knees. He sighs, looking at me. “I've misunderstood you.”
He has no idea.
Mick stares at me, and I make my face blank. Easy to do when he's not touching me. I stay on my side of the coffee table, and he stays on his.
Miles separate us, and nothing does. Thinking about it makes my head ache. I feel the heat and magnetism between us like a living vapor twining and seeking entry into me.
“You asked me why I want to date you. Can it just be that I find you attractive?” he asks and I answer a question that might be rhetorical.
“No.” I hold his gaze. “You're mega-rich. You can have any girl you want. I'm not flattered.” Yet.
“True.”
I laugh and fold my arms. The arrogance.
“You told me you wanted honesty,” Mick defends simply when he sees my expressions morph in a myriad of emotions.
I nod. “Yes.”
“When I hit you with my Harley...” Mick dips his head, and his hand massages the back of his neck in a frustrated swipe. He lifts his eyes to mine, and his hand falls.
Mick's gaze seeks the bruise on my thigh, on perfect display against the backdrop of my gray shorts and peaches and cream perfection. It's ugly.
A battle scar.
He moves forward. “I had to make it right. Here's a young woman, so distraught she doesn't look where she's going, and I barely stop in time to...”
I finish for him in my head. Not kill her.
“It's an Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole, Faren.” His molten whiskey eyes never leave mine, and the intensity of that gaze pins me helplessly against my chair. His eyes caress me as he speaks. “I never meant to fall down that hole, but once I made sure I’d taken care of your needs and you would live without permanent damage...” He lifts those broad shoulders and claps. “I found out what I needed to. His eyes don't waver as he pierces me with the heat of his confession. “I know you take care of others. Then, I wondered why you chose to be a physical therapist. So, I googled you.”
I feel a slow tumble of muscled limbs as Mick rotates down that unknown tunnel that is my life.
Oh my God, he googled me. Goosebumps rise, fleeing over my skin and I shiver, thinking of what he knows.
His expression frightens me, it darkens like the promise of a storm bent on staying awhile, cleaning the corners of everything it touches and scattering it to the wind.
“And that bastard who called himself your father.”
I watch those large hands of his separate, clenching and flexing. They remind me of my own bad hand. My eyes stray to my isometric device, and Mick follows my glance.
He nods. “I know how difficult your recovery was. I know what he did.”
“You don't know everything.” My stomach burns even though he does not mention Ronnie by name. My mother's beating and subsequent hospitalization was sensational enough to be easy pickings on the internet.
Mick shakes his head. “I know enough.”
I can handle him knowing, I can compartmentalize his hotness, his wealth. It doesn't have to affect me. It's something for me to experience as my punchcard for this life fills as I sit here with him.
What I cannot stand is his pity. I can't bear the compassion in his eyes. I won't be some kind of mercy case.
I want to know, just once, what real sex is before what I do makes me indifferent to what sex can be.
And my heart has made up my mind for me. My intellect screams that I should just find out about sex with an anonymous Joe. Hell, there're a million laps that would take what I offer.
I don't want those. I want Mick. He knows it. I know it.
For the first time in my life, I'll have what I want on my terms.
I stand, and he does too. His fists are still clenched, ready to pound someone. Those few seconds of introspection I force on myself were mine alone. Mick still wants to avenge me from the phantom mugger.
I scare myself with how badly I want him to hurt Bunce. Feeling that way doesn't help me with my most pressing goals. I need to keep my shit together. I can't allow things to get all jumbled.
Ronnie will turn up. My mom needs me. I need the job that's under Jared McKenna.
And I want to be underneath him as well, losing something precious
Not stolen by the thievery of men who hold value only for their wants.
~ 4 ~
Mick takes my left hand as we impose an artificial and calculated distance between us. He raises it to his lips and kisses the hills of each knuckle, lifting his eyes to mine between the valleys of my left hand. My hand spasms in his grip, and his eyes tighten.
I'm embarrassed and try to snatch it away.
“No, Faren,” he says.
I can't make the damn thing cooperate. My lip rolls into my teeth, and I hold it there, worrying the supple flesh like a dog with a bone. Mick turns over my hand, and his deep brown eyes run over the fine scars that map where the doctors played Humpty Dumpty.
Putting me back together again.
I gasp as he lays his mouth against my shaking hand. It quiets under the heat of his lips, and a sigh escapes me. His touch comman
ds a visceral reaction from my body. It's sensual when he doesn't mean for it to be, tender and resolute, taking me by surprise.
An unguarded moment, but not unwanted.
“He did this to you.” Mick’s tongue flicks over the uppermost knot of scar tissue, a peak in the center of my palm.
The press of his hot tongue undoes the yarn of my memory and the ball unwinds. I try to hold it back, but like all memories that hold savagery, this one runs like uncontainable water.
I see the knife stab my hand, pinning me to the carpet. A matted pool of blood congeals under me, binding me and cooling me. I can't move. Bunce gets close. He twists the knife. My fingers flinch involuntarily, movement where none was meant to be.
“Gotcha,” he whispers in a foul vapor of stale beer and unwashed teeth.
I scream deeply, my voice a hoarse shriek. Mom lays unblinking, one side of her face frozen. The other eye slides to her daughter crucified on the floor.
Bunce never sees her roll in a graceful turn of feral fluidity, the instinct to protect her child the only one that matters. The heavy glass sphere in her hand hits his head with a meaty thwack.
He's unconscious when I tear the knife from my palm. The metal slides and grinds as it sucks out of my flesh. I gasp in pain, swallowing it like the deeply bitter pill it is.
“Run, Faren!” Tannin Mitchell screams.
I stagger to my feet and stumble out the door and down the steps that led to our perfect house. Like a spoiling cake, the interior had rotted while the frosting remained pristine.
My call for help came too late to save my mom.
“Faren.”
I hear my name through my fog of recollection, a soupy existence on a plane only I know. My private hell.
My eyes open to Mick cradling me.
“Come back to me,” he says.
“I'm here.” My mind still floats in the horrible memory, suffocating me. I went away for a little while when he kissed the remnants of that battle for my life.
Mick folds my body against his. “I'd kill him if I could.” His face contains thunder.
For the first time in my lust-filled dilemma, I wonder who the real Jared McKenna is.
I come back to myself as Mick watches my personality fill the vacancy of my eyes. I see the truth in his. Mick doesn't want easy. He might even believe in fate.
I've never believed in fate more than I do in this moment. “I know,” I say, answering him.
His eyes search mine. “I really am sorry.”
I nod. His strong hands wrap around me. Then, inch by painful inch, he sets me away from him. Our bodies silently cry out for each other, and he actually winces.
Mick continues to gaze at me, seeming to come to a decision. Maybe it was him watching me battle a memory he can't know anything about. Maybe it's my recent close call with danger.
“I have something to confess.” A smile ghosts his full lips and I find myself licking mine in unconscious response.
Oh no, what now?
“I want you to know how I made my money.” His weighted eyes land on mine.
I shrug.
Nothing he can tell me will bring him down to earth for me. I'm living a rare existence measured in breaths, not years. He can't affect me with his background, though I am curious. My heart races from remembered tragedy, from his nearness to me.
“I—I invented something.” The way Mick says it, he sounded as though he's admitting something embarrassing.
That’s not what I’d thought he would say. His words peg me to the floor as my mouth hangs open, begging for flies to catch. He chuckles, nervousness threading through his attempt at a light confessional.
He explains his invention, giving me the layperson's rendition, I'm sure. I fold my arms under my breasts as I get up and walk to my couch. I stare at him. The calloused hands, the muscles too striated for words make sense now. Those muscles don't dance before my eyes because he's a mirror lover in his thousand-square foot gym of glass and exercise equipment I imagine is at his disposal.
“Let me get this straight... You invented a fuel cell for airplanes? That’s ground-shattering technology. What, do you have an incinerator for the money in your mansion?”
Mick doesn't deserve my sarcasm. I can tell he told me that to normalize himself in my eyes. I scan his expensive clothes. His shirt is worth more than a quarter of my monthly pay.
His face hardens. The beautiful cleft in his chin is a dark spot like a period on the end of the sentence of his anger. “Listen, I never had money. I did the same thing my dad did, but with a twist. He was an auto mechanic, and when I was a kid, I dreamed of planes.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets, stares at his Italian shoes, and frowns. “I wanted to fly planes, but at the time, pilots needed perfect vision. So I became an airplane mechanic. I went through school, working full time, and I found I had a knack for making a leap of logic. Several, as it turns out.”
I don't miss his double entendre. My ear has been to the ground since the minute I lay on that cool street, his hand in mine as his bike rumbled in the background.
Mick meets my eyes. A trick of light makes them look like low burning embers of raw emotion and conviction. “It's not only planes. The part I conceptualized to advance fuel economy has given me the means to do more than I’d ever imagined. I've used those means to grow an empire of holdings. But in the beginning, I was just a kid with a dream who used what he'd been given.” His eyes bored into me. “With a ton of sweat and determination, I made my life what it is now.”
I don't know what to say. If he says he misjudged me, I'm guilty of that as well. I feel shame, but for different reasons. If he has billions of dollars, why does Mick choose to run the premier strip clubs of the west coast? His Black Rose establishments pepper this side of America. If he's so goddamned good, so hardworking, so everything... why is he okay with selling flesh?
He nods, almost to himself. “There you have it. I'm not some rich guy who... what did you say?” He chuckles.
“Poops gold,” I reply absently, buried in my conjectures.
Mick laughs in a rich baritone that makes my insides clench and my core tingle. I'm so in trouble. Why did I have to meet someone who seems so tailor-made for me when I can't fully realize the potential? It's like a horrible tease. As Mick unwraps his history like a finely packaged gift, the mystery, the fine layers of the man don’t dissuade me. His motivations should alarm me.
Instead, they heighten my desire.
“Hey,” Mick says in a quiet voice, seeing something on my face that makes him move toward me in two graceful steps. His eyes search mine. “I told you that because I want you to know we're not much different.”
I shake my head with a little laugh. “Au contraire, Mr. McKenna. We so are.”
His lips twist in sage agreement. “You're right. I'm jaded and you're... innocent.”
I feel the heat from my blush and hate it. I hear another low chuckle and move away, erecting that careful distance again. But Mick gently tugs me against his hard body.
“No, we're the same where it counts, Faren.”
He laces his fingers through mine and raises our knotted hands to his heart. I swallow through the heat of my desire and my despair at my circumstances.
I feel the warmth of our hands through my thin cami and close my eyes, so lost in the sensation that I can't think. His words slip into me like cool water against my parched mind, soothing... complete.
Dangerously drowning.
“In here.” Mick presses my good hand more tightly against himself. His heartbeat pushes against my flesh.
He doesn't elaborate. He doesn't need to. Our hearts beat in sync like they were always one, and I suddenly know. He wants meaningful sex.
And I want more.
~ 5 ~
We bounce apart like guilty teenagers caught making out as pounding reverberates against the door. “Faren!”
Kiki. Fuck.
I give Mick an apologetic look. He frowns but walks o
ver to where his jacket lies neatly folded. My heart rate decreases. I heave a sigh and undo the three locks. The chain keeps the door latched as I take in Kiki's brown eyeball.
“What?” I hiss.
Her wide eye lights on my body, roaming me head to toe. Seeing I'm in one piece she glances behind me at Mick.
“I heard.”
“Not now.”
“Yes now,” she insists.
I close the door, slide the chain back, and open the door. Kiki breezes in wearing half of her costume from the club. Mick gives her a considering look, the wheels in that fine mind turning. I guess he really doesn't know who works for him.
Too many women to keep track of.
Mick sure as hell knew who Thorn is though. But acknowledging him in my hospital room would have meant explaining why, and I don't think Mick's ready for me to know that part.
He hasn't told me he owns ten clubs on the west coast. His confession might have meant more to me if he'd come clean about that. However, it's not a requirement.
I cast my eyes to the floor, regaining my composure.
It's not fair that I expect him to tell me why he owns strip clubs when I don't admit I'm one of his many employees.
I turn my bad hand over and look at the healing bruise on my wrist. Using my wrist as a balancing tool on the pole instead of gripping had become too much. I don't know how much longer I could have kept it up. Certainly not on the complicated sets. That'd been a small part of my decision to move to laps. They were awful, but they didn't take hand work.
Well, not that kind.
“The cavalry's arrived,” Mick says dryly.
I smirk, my eyes roving to his crotch in what I think is a subtle glance. His brows pop as he catches me checking on the condition of his package. I feel heat climb my body, and I want to gag at my obviousness. He's making me obtuse.
“Yeah,” Kiki says, her hands on her curvy hips. She looks from me to him. “Did I interrupt anything?”
Kiki doesn't care. She asks the question as she faces me so Mick doesn't see her expressions. Not obvious or anything. Yeah, right.