by Trish Wood
I think we had roughly thirty of those debriefings and I would say about twenty-two of them involved death or the death of a soldier. The other ones were for extreme traumatic events. There were quite a few suicide bombings in Tall Afar. Soldiers weren’t injured, because suicide bombers were targeting people that were going to sign up to be a part of their police force or people going to vote, but there were mass suicide bombings where thirty or more people were killed. The soldiers had to witness it and clean up the aftermath. Part of our mission is humanitarian, so we clean that up, we package up the bodies as best we can and send them basically to the mortuary. That was one of the soldiers’ tasks. Could you imagine being an eighteen-year-old private and having to go clean up thirty bodies that were just blown apart, picking up an arm here, a leg there, and putting arms in a pile and legs in a pile, then trying to figure out what goes with what body? It’s extremely traumatic. The biggest concern soldiers had was seeing the children. Children were blown so high that they would land on the roofs of buildings, and soldiers had to go and retrieve the bodies. They said that really affected them, mostly because they had children of their own.
Some soldiers would come and talk to me and be fearful that, yes, they didn’t know what to expect, especially with the threat of IEDs. They can be anywhere, and they can be remotely detonated. The first, lead vehicle could go over an IED and the second thinks this is a clear path, but there is someone over there with a remote control and as soon as the second vehicle goes over, it is detonated. The whole unknowing aspect of what’s going to happen when they leave the wire is what soldiers were fearful of. They accepted the fact that every time they went outside the wire they could potentially get killed, but their fear was, Well, what if I don’t get killed and I just lose my arm, I couldn’t make it through life with a handicap.
Being away from their families was a big stressor for them. The fear of maybe doing the wrong thing with all the chaos that’s over there and our rules of engagement always changing—they were fearful that they would get put in a situation where they would have to decide, “Should I fire my weapon to save my buddy, or if I fire my weapon and kill this person am I going to get prosecuted because I didn’t follow the rules of engagement?”
Unfortunately, I had a soldier who was on a mission and part of his mission was to ensure that vehicles were not going to be driving down a certain roadway, and he fired his weapon because the Iraqis weren’t halting and he did kill two children. That was very traumatic for him and he was a young guy who had children of his own. The fact that he took two children’s lives was very hard for him, even though his platoon buddies reassured him he did the right thing. He was not charged with anything. It was just a tragedy of war.
On occasion, as a mental health professional, I do have a conflict of interest about doing my client, the soldiers, the least amount of harm. There were a lot of cases where my professional opinion was . . . that this soldier was in Iraq during the first rotation, redeployed back to the U.S. where he was appropriately diagnosed with PTSD, getting treatment with medication and individual therapy, but due to the need, he is cleared to go back for a second tour. Clearly this just adds to his symptoms. The DSM has actually come out with a new definition of that kind of PTSD, where it accumulates, called complex PTSD. I’ve already seen problems with the redeployment of soldiers. This one soldier was on his second deployment, and he talked to me about how the first time was bad and he was appropriately diagnosed with PTSD, but this time around he knows he is adding to his issues, even though he was getting through it. I believe there are many soldiers out there in the same situation. They are coping and able to do their job, but in the long run I think it is going to hit them overwhelmingly.
At my level, all I can do is recommend they go for evaluation. Under the Department of Defense’s standard, if it’s not too extreme we give them rest and recoup time, let them vent a little bit. We give them some counseling and then put them back in their unit. If they can still function, they can stay there, but just because they can function, it doesn’t mean that the continuation of experiencing trauma isn’t going to hurt them in the long run. Maybe a month or ten years after they get back, this could hurt them more, so I did have an ethical dilemma with that, but unfortunately, that’s not my call, you know, when you’re a professional in the military.
The way I resolved it was to tell myself that it was beyond me. I was honest with soldiers and I explained to them that my professional opinion was, You’re not doing so well, your sleep is off, your eating is off, you’re obviously stressed, possibly depressed, but I encourage you to keep speaking with me about what’s going on, to help cope with it through your time here. See a chaplain, talk to your buddies. I tell them, As soon as you get back home, go to mental health, get everything documented, because in the long run if you do get out of the army and you’re still having issues, you need to turn to the VA and get help.
After seeing so many people, I started ordering stress balls and relaxation CDs and aromatherapy candles, self-help books, anything tangible I could give the soldiers to help them other than the counseling and the recommendations on things to do. I tried to get them to use any and every resource I could provide for them. Sometimes I would feel extremely helpless.
After September, Colonel McMaster and 3rd ACR were involved in what was a huge mission called Operation Restoring Rights. It was very big, but you may not have heard much about it in the media because during that time was when Katrina struck. They brought 82nd Airborne—roughly six hundred soldiers—to support them, and they literally moved into Tall Afar. They took over buildings, and soldiers lived in these buildings to basically run off the insurgents who were coming across the Syrian border. They were only supposed to be out there a few weeks to clean out the city. For whatever reason, they decided to keep the soldiers out there for the rest of their deployment, which was up until February of 2006. So from September on I would just hitch rides on resupply vehicles, and that would get me out to where the soldiers were engaging the enemy. They had set up patrol bases in Tall Afar, so that’s where I would go when I could. I would go out with the field artillery guys who provided security, maybe stay a day or two, and then come back in any way I could. I would hop on the Black Hawk medical helicopters that were used for transferring soldiers, or any other way I could get out there to the soldiers. Many health professionals won’t go outside the main bases because they are afraid, but being prior military—meaning I was enlisted for so many years and had many different jobs—I view myself as a soldier first. If an infantry soldier can go outside the wire, I should be able to as well.
I was told on occasion that they viewed me with a lot of respect, and that helped with rapport because I’m not just this little girl just sitting in an office for the next year waiting for soldiers to come to her, but I was out there. I would go to the ranges with them to help show them that I don’t put myself on a pedestal because I’m a professional—no, I’m a soldier like you. Sometimes I would just go out and just hang out and casually chat with soldiers, and sometimes during those chats they would open up. Some professionals don’t view that as a form of counseling, but I did, even though it wasn’t set up in a clinic. Hopefully I provided some relief.
“What the fuck is wrong with
that guy? . . . He’s an Iraq vet.”
GARETT REPPENHAGEN
CAVALRY SNIPER/SCOUT
2-63 ARMORED BATTALION
1ST INFANTRY DIVISION
FEBRUARY 2004-FEBRUARY 2005
BAQUBA
I understand why some people might enjoy war, but I don’t. I don’t like seeing people getting hurt and I don’t like to admit that I was directly at hand hurting people. It’s just not in my nature normally. I’m put in that situation and no matter how I try to rationalize it, it still is me out there with the gun pulling the trigger. I don’t want other people to see me as that person, either. I know it’s ridiculous because I was a sniper in Iraq, and the first thing a
nybody is going to assume is that you’ve killed people. But I don’t like to think that I did.
It takes a lot of complicated, intricate pieces of American life to motivate a country to go to war, and it goes right down to the very people who live in that country that are responsible for it. If I’m going to start pointing fingers I’m not going to stop at myself and at the army. It’s everybody’s fault.
We’re all to blame that this war is going on. I see that reflection in everything that’s American, in every Wal-Mart that I drive by, every SUV parked on the side of the road, every gas station that I see, every McDonald’s, you know; every fat, obese person I encounter is just a product of that.
The “Support the Troops” ribbons on vehicles begin to look like swastikas because it’s really “Support the War,” not “Support the Troops.” It’s a guilt-free way of saying, “I’ve done my duty. I support the troops. Look, I’ve got the sticker,” when it’s a bunch of bullshit. If I really, really get into it, I don’t think that I’m going to come back out of it for a long while. America might have to change before I can change.
I could have been a conscientious objector and bowed out. I could have gone to prison. I could have run away. You make a conscious choice to kill people. Even though the alternatives aren’t very pretty, you could still take those alternatives. You could take that harder road. But I was a coward. I was too afraid to say, “I’m not going to Iraq; fuck you guys. Fuck you, I’m not going. Do what you need to do to me. I don’t ever have to see my daughter again. Lock me up. I’ll run away to the farthest corner of the world and never see my family again. But I’m not going to go to war.” In the end, I couldn’t stand up to my convictions and I went. I did the things that I did on a daily basis because I was afraid of being punished. I don’t think it’s going to be anytime soon that I can just let myself off the hook. You’ve got to be accountable for your actions. I don’t think I’ll ever find 100 percent redemption, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop looking.
When one Iraq vet is balled up outside a bar crying his guts out, it doesn’t help to have two of them balled up outside the bar crying their guts out. I try to stay as strong as I can so I can be the one that tries to pick people back up off the ground and get them into the car and drive them home. The average American is not going to do it. They just look at you like, What the fuck is wrong with that guy? You know. He’s an Iraq vet. They just look at you like, What planet are you from? What the hell’s wrong with him? Get him the hell out of my bar. Get him the hell out of my country. Put him away somewhere where I can’t see him. People are ashamed to even see people like that. You want to turn and tell them: you did it to him.
“I’m glad you’re doing it
and not me”
BENJAMIN FLANDERS
NEW HAMPSHIRE ARMY NATIONAL GUARD
3-172ND INFANTRY (MOUNTAIN)
MARCH 2004-FEBRUARY 2005
BALAD (LSA ANACONDA)
When I came home on leave from Iraq I had to go through the Atlanta airport; it’s sort of the hub for all soldiers going in and out of Iraq. There’s a direct flight from Atlanta to Shannon, Ireland, or Germany and basically all soldiers that are on leave kind of channel through Atlanta. It’s obviously a red state and they’re very promilitary and so there’s lots of clapping and all that business as you’re walking through the airport.
One time I was eating a meal there and somebody threw down twenty bucks and said, “Hey, it’s on me.” And they said, “Thanks for your service.” And just kind of, like, walked away. And I don’t know what that means. “Thanks for your service” sounds closest to “I heard it’s really hot over there and it really stinks. I’m glad you’re doing it and not me. Thanks.” That’s what I’m sensing.
I’m sure some people are sincere and saying it out of patriotic pride and think . . . You see that guy over there? He went to Iraq, and I think that’s brave and noble. But to see the disconnect between these people actually understanding the nature of the war and supporting the military, the fact that sometimes they disconnect themselves, that’s the only part that really pisses me off. They don’t invest themselves in the real issues of the war. Why did we get over there? When are we going to return? What is happening? How many soldiers have died?
If I were to ask you, ballpark—how many soldiers have died in Iraq . . . well, do you actually know?
GLOSSARY
107MM: a type of rocket favored by the insurgency
.50 CAL: .50 caliber machine gun, a powerful standard-issue weapon often mounted on the back of a Humvee
A-10 WARTHOG: aircraft designed to offer ground troops close air support
AAV: amphibious assault vehicle, also called an amtrack, used by marines
AC-130 GUNSHIP: military aircraft used for close air support and force protection
ACR: armored cavalry regiment
AIR EVAC: medical evacuation by helicopter
AK: short for AK-47
AK-47: a Russian-made assault rifle used by the insurgency in Iraq
ALI BABA: slang for insurgent, used by both Iraqis and American troops
AMTRACK: amphibious armored tracked personnel carrier (LVT/AAV), used by marines
AO: area of operations
ARTICLE 88: from the Uniform Code of Military Justice: “Any commissioned officer who uses contemptuous words against the President, the Vice President, Congress, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of a military department, the Secretary of Transportation, or the Governor or legislature of any State, Territory, Commonwealth, or possession in which he is on duty or present shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”
AWOL: absent without leave
BATTLE RATTLE: military slang for full combat gear, weighing roughly fifty pounds, including flak vest and Kevlar helmet
BIAP: Baghdad International Airport
BRADLEY: short for Bradley Fighting Vehicle, used to transport GIs and provide both medium- and long-range firing capabilities for the infantry on the battlefield
C4: a high-velocity plastic explosive used by the military
CAMELBAK: portable rehydration system used by the military (modern canteen)
CASH: combat support hospital
CJTF: Combined Joint Task Force, including all branches of American forces and troops from other countries
CO: commanding officer
CORPSMAN: an enlisted person in the U.S. Navy or Marines trained to give first aid, primarily in combat situations
CPA: Coalition Provisional Authority, the U.S. occupation government that set itself up inside the Green Zone
DAISY CHAIN: two or more explosive devices wired to detonate together or consecutively
DEUCE: a heavy-use military truck
DI: drill instructor
DISMOUNTS: a patrol undertaken on foot
DSM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the reference bible of psychiatry
E4, E8: military pay grades
EOD: explosive ordnance disposal
FLEXICUFFS: plastic restraints used by soldiers to handcuff detainees
FOB: forward operating base
GHOST DETAINEES: an army report into Abu Ghraib mentioned eight “ghost” detainees whose presence was kept off the prison’s roster
GI: general infantry
GREEN ZONE: the heavily guarded safety zone in Baghdad where U.S. occupation authorities set up shop. It is also referred to as the International Zone and includes former palaces of Saddam Hussein, now housing various ministries. As security has deteriorated, the zone has also become home to virtually all of the international media, who risk their lives when they venture outside this “gated community.”
GUNNY: military slang for gunnery sergeant
HAJJI: Arabic for a person who has made the pilgrimage to Mecca. American military slang term for Iraqis, anyone of Arab decent, or sometimes anyone even looking vaguely Arab. It can be neutral or derogatory depending on the context.
HARD SITE:
at Abu Ghraib, the cell area that had been refitted to the American military’s specifications. It housed Tier 1A, where the abuse of detainees took place
HEMMET: military slang for HEMTT, or heavy expanded mobility tactical truck
HILLBILLY ARMOR: Iraq war slang for homemade armor for soft-skinned Humvees
ICDC: Iraqi Civil Defense Corps
IED: improvised explosive device, a homemade bomb often detonated by remote control and used against U.S. forces in Iraq
INFANTRY: soldiers and marines who fight on foot
IR STROBE: high-intensity infrared strobe that pulses light that can only be viewed with special night-vision equipment
IVAW: Iraq Veterans Against the War
JDAM: joint direct attack munition (bomb) dropped from military aircraft
KBR: Kellogg, Brown and Root—a large civilian contractor operating in Iraq
KEVLAR: military body armor—in Iraq, troops use Kevlar to refer to their helmets
KIA: killed in action
LZ: landing zone of a helicopter
M4 CARBINE: assault rifle
M16 230: a military-issue assault rifle
M60: machine gun used by American forces
M88C: tank recovery vehicle
M240: standard U.S. Marine Corps machine gun
MARK 19: also MK-19, a belt-fed grenade launcher
MI: military intelligence
MP: military police
MRES: Meals Ready to Eat, dehydrated portable food for troops in a combat zone, much maligned by American forces in Iraq
MWR: morale, welfare, and recreation
NCO: noncommissioned officer
NCOIC: noncommissioned officer in charge
NVGS: night-vision goggles
OCS: officer candidate school
OGA: military abbreviation for other government agency, in Iraq usually the CIA