Crushing on Love (The Bradens of Peaceful Harbor, Book Four)

by Melissa Foster

  “I do,” he said seriously.

  “Then let me try and help you. Please?”

  “What about your research? This sounds…in­surmount­able. I would never forgive myself if you threw yourself into this project and didn’t get your research done.”

  She sighed but was not deterred. “I will do my research. I won’t let that fall through, I promise. I’ll just focus really hard. Besides, I can map this out while I’m watching the foxes. It’s perfect.”

  “Online begging, Shan?” His brow furrowed.

  Her big, badass lumberjack looked too adorable not to smooch. She pressed her hands to his cheeks and kissed him hard. “You are not begging. You’re not trying to buy this property to live in as a vacation home. You want to conserve the beauty of Weston, Colorado, for generations to come. You’re opening up a huge venture for other like-minded people to jump on board and do some good in the world. It’s an admirable effort.”

  “You’re so jazzed about this, it’s hard not to get excited and believe that together there’s nothing we can’t accomplish.” He smiled, and her heart soared. “That’s an amazing feeling. But I want to be careful.”

  “I would expect nothing less,” she said with a teasing tone, although she was serious.

  “Shan, I appreciate everything you’re offering and suggesting, but I don’t want to stress you out over this just because I care about it. And crowdfunding sounds risky. There are so many worries. What if people pledge money and then back out?”

  “I don’t know how that works, but I’ll research that and find out. And I want to do this. I didn’t go into research or study biology and natural resources because it’s the funnest job on the planet. I care about the environment and wildlife. And I care about you. Just because I’m not sure I want to do research for my whole life doesn’t mean I’m not passionate about it.”

  “I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, or like I didn’t believe you cared. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to fight this because I am.”

  She laughed. “Don’t you know me at all? This excitement you see.” She drew circles with her finger in front of her face. “That’s real, and it’s for the project. It’s a bonus that we can do it together, but the truth is, even if you mentioned the project and told me I’d be all on my own, I’d still want to do it. It’s important. And all this talk has made me think of something else. You probably need to form a company, but I think we can get my family to show me how to do that, too. I wish you’d just talk to Treat. This is what he does for a living. He could walk you through everything.”

  “Jo,” he said more to himself than to her.

  “Jo?”

  “Jo Finney. She knows the ins and outs of nonprofits and for-profit corporations. She’s well connected in several conservation communities, and unlike me, she lives in the online world.” He tapped the laptop. “She could help.”

  “Perfect! Can we call her? She seemed really nice, and it would be great to have the help.”

  His eyes turned serious again, and he pulled back a little. A chill ran over her skin, the kind of chill that preceded bad news.

  “Shan, I need to tell you something, and you may not want to hear it, but I don’t want to keep secrets from you.”

  “Please don’t tell me she really is your girlfriend and you’ve been cheating on her, because that’s a deal breaker for me. I’m not a relationship wrecker, and I’ll end us right here and now—”

  He took her hand and gazed into her eyes with a serious—and concerned—expression.

  “I’d never hurt anyone like that. Not her, not you, not anyone, okay?”

  She let out a relieved sigh and nodded.

  “Jo and I have been friends since we were kids. We’ve both never been into the bar scene, and we like our privacy. The summer after my junior year of college, we were talking about…” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “This isn’t easy to say, and not because I think we did anything wrong, but because I feel like I’m breaking her trust by telling you.”

  With her heart aching, she said, “Then don’t. I don’t want to cause a problem between you and a lifelong friend for something that happened that long ago.”

  He took her hand and moved closer. “If you feel anything close to what I feel for you, then I want you to know.”

  She held her breath, unsure if she wanted to hear what he had to say, but if she didn’t hear it now, it would be all she thought about until she did.

  “Okay,” she managed.

  “We got to talking and realized we were basically going months without any intimacy, and we got together. We were such good friends, we thought we could be more. But we realized right away that we weren’t meant to be together in that way. It was like a platonic sexual affair, I guess. That’s the only way I can describe it. We never dated. No one even knew we’d gotten together. We were kids trying to get through the summer. We didn’t call each other pet names or buy each other gifts, or—”

  Shannon had a million questions, but she tried to put them into some semblance of order. She knew how wonderful Steve was, and clearly Jo knew, too, since she’d known him so long. How could anyone be intimate with him and not fall in love?

  “I don’t understand,” she finally said. “If you two have so much in common, why was it platonic?”

  “Because sex is a physical act, and being in love is an emotional connection. I love Jo the way you love Jade or Max or any of your best friends back home. And she feels the same about me.”

  “But…”

  “Hear me out, please. Then I’ll tell you whatever else you want to know.” He drew in a deep breath, like she’d offered him some modicum of relief by listening.

  “It was more than a decade ago, and it wasn’t anything like it is between you and me. When I hear your voice, my whole world lights up. When I see you, my heart goes ballistic, Butterfly. Like I’m on speed. And when we kiss, Shan? When we make love?”

  The emotions in his eyes were so genuine, so palpable, they drew her closer.

  “I’ve never lost myself in anyone the way I do in you,” he said. “I think about you endlessly. The other night, when you forgot to leave a light on, I worried about you walking from your Jeep to the house. It’s ridiculous, I know.”

  He reached up and brushed the back of his hand down her cheek, and it was all she could do to swallow past the lump of emotions clogging her throat.

  “All those things are new to me, baby. So when you ask why we were platonic, it’s because none of that existed until you.”

  She opened her mouth to respond and closed it again to try to regain control of her emotions. Her mind was starting to process what he’d said more clearly. They were like friends with benefits, or friends who hooked up. Okay, she knew people did that sort of thing, but she’d never dated anyone who had done it before. Or maybe they just hadn’t admitted it.

  He was being honest, and that meant a great deal to her.

  “It was more than a decade ago?”

  He nodded. “And it’ll never happen again.”

  “How do you know? She’s beautiful, and you two were very friendly.”

  He smiled. “We are friendly, but not cross-the-line friendly. When I see Jo, I see a trusted friend who knows my quirks and puts up with me anyway. I see a fellow nature lover and a good, loyal person. How do I know we’d never get together again? When she and I got together and then realized it was a mistake, it was a wake-up call for me. That’s when I swore off casual sex. There have been plenty of times when I’ve longed for a woman’s touch, and not once did I think about filling that void with her.”

  She didn’t want to ask who he had filled those times with, or about Rachel, the only other person she’d been curious about. Instead, she asked, “Are there other women that I’ve met that we should talk about?”

  He laughed. “No, Shan. No skeletons in my closet. No secrets.”

  She felt better knowing that. “Does Jo know about us?” She did
n’t know why that was important, but it felt like it was.

  “Yes. Before you went home for Cole’s wedding, she sensed my interest in you, and we talked about it. I wasn’t even admitting it to myself at that point, but girls have a sixth sense or something. And she called earlier to tell me the injured goshawk she’d picked up from me the other evening had woken up and he should be fine after his wing healed. I told her about us, and she said she’d felt our connection when she picked up the bird. She’s happy for us, Shannon, but I understand if you need time and space to figure out if you still want this.”

  “You thought I wouldn’t want to be with you because of a woman you were with more than a decade ago?”

  He shrugged. “I hoped you would, but…”

  “But people aren’t always what they seem.” Fatally flawed. She knew it must have been hard for him to confess what he had, and now she understood the worry she’d seen in his eyes. After what had happened with the lifelong friendship between his father and her uncle, the way it had ended over one big reveal and remained broken for more than forty years, it was no wonder he’d been worried about telling her.

  But he had told her, and that’s what mattered.

  “I appreciate you telling me before I jumped on the phone with her, because finding out later would have hurt. I want to be with you, Steve. I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, so who am I to judge who you slept with before me? At least you were with someone you trusted, which is better than what I can say about the few guys I was with. Two of my past boyfriends cheated. You guys had the bond of friendship. That’s enviable.”

  She sighed and said sheepishly, “I admit, I’m a little jealous, so can we hold off on asking her for help right now?”

  “Anything you want, and if you’d rather not do the crowdfunding, we can nix it altogether.”

  “What? No way. That’s important to you, and it’s important to me.”

  He held her closer, his blue eyes swimming with emotions. “Shan, are we okay?”

  “Yes.” She touched her lips to his. “Honesty trumps jealousy. I mean, it was so long ago. It’s not like you were together six months ago or anything. You guys have had years to see if there was something more. And I trust you. Besides, I think I’m more envious of the long friendship you two have had than anything else.”

  “Because you think she knows my deep, dark secrets?”

  “No,” she admitted. “Because I want the strength of years behind us.”

  He was silent for a minute, and she worried she’d revealed too much. But she hadn’t been able to hold in the truth.

  “I feel like we’ve been together way longer than we have.” He touched his forehead to hers, and she closed her eyes. “We’ll have the strength of every day of the next few weeks.”

  What if that’s not enough?

  Chapter Ten

  SHANNON AWOKE THE next morning in her new favorite position, wrapped up in Steve. One of his arms curled over her side, his hand resting over her breast. His hips cradled her butt, his erection nestled between her cheeks. Even in his sleep he was sexual. He was so sexually intense, she couldn’t imagine him going without, but he’d said it had been a long time, and she knew Steve was an honest man. Painfully so. She ran her hand over his leg, which was bent and resting over hers, trapping her against him in the most delicious and possessive way, as if he were afraid she might disappear.

  He stirred and pressed his hips forward. She smiled and tried to turn in his arms, but he tightened his grip and pressed his thigh more tightly to hers, holding her prisoner.

  “I want you right where you are,” he said in a sleepy, sexy voice. “You feel incredible.”

  He rocked his hips, his arousal moving between her cheeks, and he took her nipple between his finger and thumb, tugging it just hard enough to alight all of her senses. She felt herself go damp and closed her eyes.

  “Grizz,” she whispered.

  “Feel good, baby?” He sucked her earlobe between his teeth.

  “Oh Lord,” she whispered.

  He moved her hand to her breast, guiding her finger and thumb to replace his, and together they teased her nipple.

  “So hot, Butterfly.” His voice was thick with desire.

  He slid his hand down her belly and between her legs, which were still trapped beneath his thigh. She tried to open them wider, but she was lying on her side and his leg was too strong. He moved his fingers in and out along her wet folds. She bit her lower lip to keep from groaning at the dark pleasures he roused. Her sex swelled and pulsed, reaching for him, but he continued his relentless teasing. His hips withdrew, and she felt him shifting angles. His thigh lifted from hers, freeing her legs. His hips thrust forward, and he guided the wide crown of his cock against her center.

  She pushed down, pleading for him to fill her, but he remained perched against her sex, sliding the head along her wetness, as his fingers worked their magic. A dull ache grew low in her belly, swelling with each stroke.

  “Please,” she begged.

  He put his mouth right against her ear and said, “Please what, baby?”

  His heady voice sent shudders rolling through her. “More.”

  She raised her knee, opening wider for him. He pressed on her clit and pushed just the head of his cock into her, stretching her, teasing her, as he laved his tongue over her neck.

  “I want to feel you come like this, with us both aching for more,” he said.

  His hips gyrated, his wide crown rubbing over all the right places, flooding her with need. She pushed her hips lower, but he wouldn’t succumb. His tongue glided over her shoulder, up her neck, and she couldn’t stop a whimper from slipping out.

  “Please, Grizz. Let me feel all of you.”

  “Soon,” he promised. “I want to feel you lose control. I want to hear my name sail from your lips as you come, before you get the rest of me.”

  He pushed harder with his fingers, circling her sensitive nerves, moving over them, around them, until she was panting, blinking madly, unable to focus on anything but reaching that pinnacle. He sealed his teeth over her neck and bit down hard, sending shocks of pain shooting through her core and unleashing a violent tumult of pleasure.

  “Steve—”

  She clutched his hip as he slammed into her, burying himself to the root. Her inner muscles pulsed. Rivers of pleasure coursed through her, consuming her as he drove into her time and time again, each thrust harder than the last. His arm circled her waist, crushing her to him, rendering her unable to do anything more than take everything he had to give—and she freaking loved it. She abandoned all attempts to gain control and succumbed to the hidden part of her he’d unearthed. The part that brought a loud, guttural moan, that drove her fingernails into his arms. The part that wanted to be rough, possessed, claimed, owned.

  “Harder. Take everything.” The words fell from her fast and unexpected, but she wasn’t embarrassed. She wanted to be taken hard by him—only him—and she was getting so much more. Despite how roughly he was taking her, despite the crushing weight of his arm across her body, raw, untethered passion seeped from his every pore. Passion that was driven by more than the need for release.

  He grunted with each thrust, his strong fingers pressing into her. She could tell by his fast breaths and the sheer power behind his efforts that he was as lost in them as she was. His heart thundered against her back as his hips plowed into her, sending her spiraling into another toe-curling orgasm, and when he followed her over the edge, she felt every blessed pump of his release.

  He held her as she came out from under her post-orgasmic haze.

  “Baby,” he said breathlessly. He kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheek. “Was I too rough?”

  He shifted her onto her back and gazed into her eyes. Lust and power mixed with deep, unwavering concern stared back at her. It was overwhelming to see that much emotion in his beautiful eyes, but even more powerful was the look of pure, unadulterated affection she saw come over him. T
he “L” word slid to the tip of her tongue, and her throat thickened. She didn’t dare believe it. Not after just two days. Not when she was leaving in a few short weeks.

  “Baby, did I hurt you?” he asked again, his eyes more serious, dragging her from her thoughts.

  “No. That was amazing.” She reached up and touched his scruffy cheek.

  “You make me feel things and want things…” His eyes were serious, his voice even more so. “Each time we’re together, I lose a little more control, and I want to go further, to possess more of you. If I ever get too rough, you have to let me know, baby. Promise me.”

  “You would never hurt me.” She knew he was just being careful with his warning.

  He touched his forehead to hers and whispered, “Never, baby. Not on purpose. Just promise me, if I’m too rough, you need to tell me.”

  “I promise. Do you have some dark secret I should know about? A secret torture chamber? Whips or chains?”

  He laughed. “No.”

  “Then what are your dark secrets?”

  The spark left his eyes, and her thoughts stammered. “Grizz?”

  He rolled onto his side, and she turned onto hers, facing him. His arm circled her and he tugged her closer, easing the worry that had begun to creep in.

  “No dark secrets, baby. Just a life already lived. Lessons learned.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He shrugged one shoulder.

  “What does that mean—‘a life already lived’? ‘Lessons learned’? It sounds like you’re talking about a relationship gone bad.”

  He shrugged again. “I don’t know.”

  “Stop being cryptic.”

  His lips curved up in a troubled smile. “I’m not trying to be cryptic. I just don’t know what you’re asking.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  He pulled her into a loving, tender kiss. “What’s troubling you, baby? Did I say something or do something that made you worry?”

  “It’s more what you half said.”

  His hand slid over her hip. “You want to know about old girlfriends?”