Oh god.
“Your ability to burn toast, and blame the toaster, the way people flock to be in your spotlight. I’ve been so torn about everything, not wanting to appear like the lost soul I was. How do I say how I feel without putting any more pressure on you?”
“What do you mean, Kai?” My breath caught. What pressure?
“You know, when I found out I was adopted I ran. Took my things, cursed them all and got lost in the biggest country I could find. And now I see it for what it is. Without knowing the truth, without reconciling the past, I wouldn’t have found you. I would still be in Australia catching waves, and building other people’s houses, but missing something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.”
“So…?” Was this goodbye?
“It was you, Clio. That’s what was missing from my life. And now I see I had to make sense of the past, to be able to live for the future. And I hope that future will be with you. Here.”
“You’re staying at Cedarwood?” My legs were like jelly, but I fought the urge to stumble into his arms. It was all too good to be true, I was sure it was a dream and any minute I’d wake up.
“If you’ll have me. I told my boss I wasn’t coming back. Leaving you would be like someone turning off the sun, and I just want you to know, you’ve changed me, made me whole again, and even if you don’t feel the same way, I will always love you for that. For what I know can be…”
“I can’t believe you’re really going to stay.” I grinned, while my heart thrummed so hard I was sure he could hear it.
“For the last month I’ve been trying to find a building job closer to Evergreen so I could be near you. Just on the off chance, in case you had the same feelings for me.”
“But wasn’t it obvious how I felt?” Golly, I was clearly useless at expressing myself to him. “I told you.”
“Well, there was Tim calling every three minutes, and with your history and all…I had to get myself together, first, before I admitted it to you. Then there was my parents, my job. I had to be sure I was in the right space and was making the right choice by you, Clio. And if you’d have chosen Tim, then I would have respected that. But the last thing I wanted was to admit how I felt about you, and then you tell me that you loved another guy. And I had to make peace with who I was, and who I want to be. Which is here, with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”
“Tim is just a friend, but how did you even know it was an issue?” Before the words left my mouth, I knew.
“Amory,” he said, laughing. For once I wouldn’t scold her about sharing my secrets. “She told me you weren’t interested in Tim like that because you were head over heels in love with me.”
“Head over heels? Well, I guess I am.”
My pulse raced, and I wanted to pinch myself to make sure this was real. That the blue-eyed Australian boy in front of me was really staying at the lodge, because he wanted to be with me. I was the girl Amory dubbed icy heart – but Kai had proven a heart could be thawed, it just took the right person. It took Kai. A man who’d managed to sweep me off my feet with his sensitive soul, his zest for life, and his passion. “I hope you stay forever, Kai.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Clio. I promise you that.”
He lifted my chin and pulled me in for a swoon worthy kiss, and while I still felt dizzy with desire for him, I also felt something else, something like hope and the promise of forever.
Epilogue
Fourteen months later
Sun shone down, training triangles of light on the lush green grass. With respectful faces, we stood huddled by the newly pruned maze.
“Ready?” I asked and gave Mom’s hand a squeeze.
“Ready.”
Hand in hand we wandered through the newly pruned maze, Mom knowing her way even after all these years. When we came to the middle, the large square, we stopped short, Mom gasping and covering her face. After a minute she removed her hands, and said, “It’s beautiful, Clio.”
In the small square clearing at the center of the maze, we’d planted a garden bed, and laid a length of grass. In the middle of the grass patch sat a stone memorial bench with Tabitha’s name engraved on a gold plaque.
Mom reached out, ran the pad of her finger along the plaque and said, “I’ll never forget you, Tabitha, but today I’m saying goodbye.”
Gone but never forgotten.
Kai wandered over, pot of roses in hand. “Any place in particular?” he gently asked Mom, who pointed to a spot. He dug out the earth, and planted the pretty pale peach rose bush. Mom had asked for a rose garden, and a rose garden she would have. The maze was a place of solitude for her now, a place to visit and reflect. Her days sitting in her cottage alone were over, she’d moved into one of the chalets by the lake, and spent her days with Isla, manicuring the gardens and the grounds – just like she’d always dreamed of doing.
Reaching forward I gave her a tight hug, glad to have her back in my life now. And grateful that we had made it through everything and here we were. Not quite the TV mother and daughter I’d pictured, but getting there.
Pulling back she laid a hand on my cheek and smiled, “I’m just going to sit here awhile,” she said shading her eyes from the spring sunshine which we took as our cue to leave.
As we left the maze behind us, Kai reached out to me. Hand in hand we walked back to the lodge, and took a pitcher of iced tea to the deck. Kai’s mom and dad were sleeping off their jetlag in one of the suites upstairs, and I was eager to show them around once they’d napped. They were a lovely couple, I’d spent two weeks last winter with them when we made a flying visit to Sydney, Australia. They’d promised us then they’d come and visit Cedarwood, and here they were. I was proud of Kai, he was their boy again, and it didn’t matter that they were bound only by love, not blood. They were eager to see what Kai did, and where he lived, but I was more nervous about the secret we’d kept from them, our reason for inviting them this time a guise.
It was getting harder to keep it secret too as each day went on and the weather grew warmer. Tonight, we’d surprise them all. Mom and Aunt Bessie were staying for dinner. They’d assembled the world’s biggest donut tower to wow Kai’s parents, they’d sent me countless photos of each step as they decorated it. Aunt Bessie was leaving Puft in Mom’s capable hands a week later because she was being interviewed for a segment on a cooking show with the potential to have her own show if ratings were good. It was mind bending that my Aunt had set Instagram on fire with her donut pictures. People adored her, worshipped the bubbly woman, and we’d had an influx of visitors at the lodge who came all this way to meet her in person. To know Aunt Bessie was to love her, and I was so proud of her. And Mom too. Mom still struggled being the center of attention in town but she didn’t run and hide anymore, she just faced it head on and smiled her way through it, claiming each day it got a little easier.
Cruz and Amory would also be joining us, they were eager to meet Kai’s parents, and eager to show off their newest edition to the family. Scotty the dog now had a sibling, a little fluff ball named Hem. Amory worked hard planning parties, and keeping me sane at the lodge just like normal, but Saturday afternoons she volunteered at the local dog shelter, and it lit her up from the inside out, the work she did there. While party planning would always be her passion, I think the work at the shelter grounded her.
Even Micah and Isla were taking time out of their renovations to the new house they’d just bought and would attend dinner tonight. They worked at the lodge during the day, and spent most nights bashing down walls and then rebuilding them, hoping to get their house finished by summer. I could only imagine how amazing it would look once Isla planted a garden out front and Micah painted the new roof. Their wedding had been a hugely fun night, our bellies had hurt from laughter, and it was obvious how perfect they were for each other. When Micah had serenaded her there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. I was glad they’d taken a night off their renovations, because I wanted th
em to share in the special moment with us.
Summer was around the corner and the lodge was completely booked out for the season. We’d soon be run off our feet. That positive and the secret we’d managed to keep thrilled me. I only had to keep my mouth clamped closed for a few more hours, and then I could tell my family and my friends. Finally! It had been torture not confiding in my best friends, but I figured our parents should all find out at the same time.
Everyone would be together and it would be the perfect time for Kai to brandish the tiniest of hiking boots we could find, and tell our loved ones there was a baby on the way…
When you know you know.
As the sun colored the sky saffron Kai leaned over and planted a kiss on the soft swell of my belly, and I sent up a thank you to the universe. It was true, coming home had been the best thing I’d ever done…
If you were dazzled by the beauty of Cedarwood Lodge than read on for an excerpt from Rebecca Raisin’s Little Bookshop on the Seine.
Chapter One
October
With a heavy heart I placed the sign in the display window.
All books 50% off.
If things didn’t pick up soon, it would read Closing down sale. The thought alone was enough to make me shiver. The autumnal sky was awash with purples and smudges of orange, as I stepped outside to survey the display window from the sidewalk.
Star-shaped leaves crunched underfoot. I forced a smile. A sale wouldn’t hurt, and maybe it’d take the bookshop figures from the red into the black – which I so desperately needed. My rent had been hiked up. The owner of the building, a sharp-featured, silver-tongued, forty-something man, had put the pressure on me lately – to pay more, to declutter the shop, claiming the haphazard stacks of books were a fire risk. The additional rent stretched the budget to breaking level. Something had to change.
The phone shrilled, and a grin split my face. It could only be Ridge at this time of the morning. Even after being together almost a year his name still provoked a giggle. It suited him though, the veritable man mountain he was. I’d since met his mom, a sweet, well-spoken lady, who claimed in dulcet tones, that she chose his name well before his famous namesake in the Bold and the Beautiful. In fact, she was adamant about it, and said the TV character Ridge was no match for her son. I had to agree. Sure, they both had chiseled movie star cheekbones, and an intense gaze that made many a woman swoon, but my guy was more than just the sum of his parts – I loved him for his mind, as much as his clichéd six pack, and broody hotness. And even better, he loved me for me.
He was the hero in my own real-life love story, and due back from Canada the next day. It’d had been weeks since I’d seen him, and I ached for him in a way that made me blush.
I dashed inside, and answered the phone, breathlessly. “The Bookshop on the Corner.”
“That’s the voice I know and love,” he said in his rich, husky tone. My heart fluttered, picturing him at the end of the line, his jet-black hair and flirty blue eyes. He simply had to flick me a look loaded with suggestion, and I’d be jelly-legged and love-struck.
“What are you wearing?” he said.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I held back a laugh, eager to drag it out. So far our relationship had been more long distance than anticipated, as he flew around the world reporting on location. The stints apart left an ache in my heart, a numbness to my days. Luckily I had my books, and a sweeping romance or two helped keep the loneliness at bay.
“Tell me or I’ll be forced to Skype you and see for myself.”
Glancing down at my outfit, I grimaced: black tights, a black pencil skirt, and a pilled blue knit sweater, all as old as the hills of Ashford. Not exactly the type of answer Ridge was waiting for, or the way I wanted him to picture me, after so many weeks apart. “Those stockings you like, and…”
His voice returned with a growl. “Those stockings? With the little suspenders?”
I sat back into the chair behind the counter, fussing with my bangs. “The very same.”
He groaned. “You’re killing me. Take a photo…”
“There’s no need. If you’re good, I’ll wear the red ones tomorrow night.” I grinned wickedly. Our reunions were always passionate affairs; he was a hands-on type of guy. Lucky for him, because it took a certain type of man to drag me from the pages of my books. When he was home we didn’t surface until one of us had to go to work. Loving Ridge had been a revelation, especially in the bedroom, where he took things achingly slow, drawing out every second. I flushed with desire for him.
There was a muffled voice and the low buzz of phones ringing. Ridge mumbled to someone before saying, “About tomorrow…” He petered out, regret in each syllable.
I closed my eyes. “You’re not coming, are you?” I tried not to sigh, but it spilled out regardless. The lure of a bigger, better story was too much for him to resist, and lately the gaps between our visits grew wider. I understood his work was important, but I wanted him all to myself. A permanent fixture in the small town I lived in.
He tutted. “I’m sorry, baby. There’s a story breaking in Indonesia, and I have to go. It’ll only be for a week or two, and then I’ll take some time off.”
Outside, leaves fluttered slowly from the oak tree, swaying softly, until they fell to the ground. I wasn’t the nagging girlfriend sort – times like this though, I was tempted to be. Ridge had said the very same thing the last three times he’d canceled a visit. But invariably someone would call and ask Ridge to head to the next location; any time off would be cut short.
“I understand,” I said, trying to keep my voice bright. Sometimes I felt like I played a never-ending waiting game. Would it always be like this? “Just so you know, I have a very hot date this afternoon.”
He gasped. “You better be talking about a fictional date.” His tone was playful, but underneath there was a touch of jealousy to it. Maybe it was just as hard on him, being apart.
“One very hot book boyfriend…though not as delectable as my real boyfriend – but a stand-in, until he returns.”
“Well, he better not keep you up half the night, or he’ll have me to answer to.” he faux threatened, and then said more seriously, “Things will slow down, Sarah. I want to be with you so much my soul hurts. But right now, while I’m freelance, I have to take whatever comes my way.”
“I know. I just feel a bit lost sometimes. Like someone’s hit pause, and I’m frozen on the spot.” I bit my lip, trying to work out how to explain it. “It’s not just missing you – I do understand about your job – it’s…everything. The bookshop sales dwindling, the rent jacked up, everyone going on about their business, while I’m still the same old Sarah.”
I’d been at this very crossroad when I’d met Ridge, and he’d swept me off my feet, like the ultimate romance hero. For a while that had been enough. After all, wasn’t love always the answer? Romance aside, life was a little stagnant, and I knew it was because of my fear of change. It wasn’t so much that I had to step from behind the covers of my books, rather plunge, perhaps. Take life by the scruff of the neck and shake it. But how?
“You’ve had a rough few weeks. That’s all. I’ll be back soon, and I’m sure there’s something I can do to make you forget everything…”
My belly flip-flopped at the thought. He would make me forget everything that was outside that bedroom door, but then he’d leave and it would all tumble back.
What exactly was I searching for? My friends were getting married and having babies. Buying houses and redecorating. Starting businesses. My life had stalled. I was an introvert, happiest hiding in the shadows of my shop, reading romances to laze the day away, between serving the odd customer or two – yet, it wasn’t enough. In small town Connecticut, there wasn’t a lot to do. And life here – calm, peaceful – was fine, but that’s just it, fine wasn’t enough any more. I had this fear that life was passing me by because I was too timid to take the reins.
It was too hazy a notion of what I was trying to say, even to me. Instead of lumping Ridge with it, I changed tack. “I hope you know, you’re not leaving the house when you get home. Phones will be switched to silent, computers forgotten, and the only time we’re leaving the comfort of bed is when I need sustenance.” A good romp around the bedroom would suffice until I could pinpoint what it was that I wanted.
“How about I sort out the sustenance?” he said, his voice heavy with desire. “And then we’ll never have to leave.”
“Promises, promises,” I said, my breath hitching. I hoped this flash of longing would never wane, the sweet torture of anticipation.
“I have to go, baby. I’ll call you tonight if it’s not too late once I’m in.”
“Definitely call tonight! Otherwise, I can’t guarantee the book boyfriend won’t steal your girlfriend. He’s pretty hot, I’ll have you know.”
“Why am I jealous of a fictional character?” He laughed, a low, sexy sound. “OK, tonight. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
He hung up, leaving me dazed, and a touch lonely knowing that I wouldn’t see him the next day as planned.
I tried to shake the image of Ridge from my mind. If anyone walked in, they’d see the warm blush of my cheeks, and know exactly what I was thinking. Damn the man for being so attractive, and so effortlessly sexy.
Shortly, the sleepy town of Ashford would wake under the gauzy light of October skies. Signs would be flipped to open, stoops swept, locals would amble down the road. Some would step into the bookshop and out of the cold, and spend their morning with hands wrapped around a mug of steaming hot tea, and reading in any one of the cozy nooks around the labyrinth-like shop.
I loved having a place for customers to languish. Comfort was key, and if you had a good book and a hot drink, what else could you possibly need to make your day any brighter? Throw rugs and cushions were littered around seating areas. Coats would be swiftly hung on hooks, a chair found, knitted blankets pulled across knees, and their next hour or two sorted, in the most relaxing of ways.
Midnight and Mistletoe At Cedarwood Lodge Page 12