by K. M. Scott
Olivia frowned and continued, “Before you, Stefan and Lola had been spending time together—”
I turned to Carrie. “What a nice way of saying fucking, isn’t that?”
Carrie gave me the “you’re being a bitch” face and I turned back to face Olivia. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t shoot the messenger.”
“It’s okay. I’d probably be just like you are now, so there’s no need to apologize. Yes, Stefan and Lola were fucking each other. Nothing exclusive like the two of you. Just a workplace get-together every so often. But Stefan didn’t know that Lola’s father was the person they paid to keep things good at the club. When he found out and it became an obligation to spend time with her, he didn’t want to. The problem is Lola still wanted to.”
“So her father put the pressure on Stefan to sleep with his daughter or risk hurting the club?” Carrie asked.
“Exactly. Stefan put her off for weeks as you and he were getting close, Shay. And the pressure wasn’t just coming from Lola and her father. Cash and Kane were also telling him he had to find a way to keep Lola happy so her father wouldn’t stop protecting the club. They didn’t know Stefan was falling for someone, so they acted like they always have. Why wouldn’t they? All he had to do was what he’d always done, so why would it be a problem now?”
“Why did he decide to do it that night?” I asked, needing to know why after telling me he loved me he’d go and do something he knew would break us up.
“Because her father stopped by the club to talk to him and told him if he didn’t get back to hanging out with Lola, he’d stop protecting the club. Stefan didn’t want Cash to have to worry and he didn’t want the club to suffer just before our engagement party and wedding, so I guess he didn’t think he could find another way and still protect Cash and me.”
“How honorable.”
“I know it sounds pretty dirty, and in many ways the world Cash, Stefan, and Kane live in is dirty. But what Stefan felt for you was real. I admit I didn’t believe it when I first heard it either. Once a man whore, always a man whore, right? But he changed because of you.”
“Once a cheat, always a cheat, Olivia. I know what he did with Cassian’s ex-wife. He told me.”
“I know, but I think that’s part of why he did this too, bizarrely enough. For years, Cash couldn’t forgive his brother for what he did. It was only after he and I got together that he could finally let that go. Stefan couldn’t let it go, though, and even though it didn’t appear to bother him, once he began spending time with you, what he’d done to his brother seemed to really eat at him.”
“I don’t know what to say to all this, Olivia. I’m not sure it changes anything. He lied to me and even if he didn’t sleep with Lola and even if she still had all her clothes on, he betrayed me. I don’t see how I can forgive him.”
Olivia looked disappointed but gave me one of her gentle smiles. “I understand. I just wanted to make sure you knew that this wasn’t just him being the player he’d always been. He’s crazy about you. Cash tells me he’s a mess since this happened. He hasn’t been to work in days, and Cash and Kane found him last night drunk and pretty much out of it on his couch.”
“Why are you telling me that? So I’ll feel bad for him?”
She shook her head. “No. I guess just because I’d want to hear the man I love is a mess without me.”
I stood and forced a smile. “Thanks for coming by, Olivia.”
As she walked toward the door, she said, “I hope you’ll still come to the engagement party out at Alexandria’s house. It would mean a lot to me if you’d be there.”
“I don’t know. It might be too soon. I’m not sure we could be civil to one another and not ruin your party.”
“Please think about it, and if you need anything, call me, okay?”
“Thanks. I will. And thank you for coming by to check on me. If you decide to report any of this to Cassian or Stefan himself, would you do me a favor?” I hesitated and then quietly as the tears began to come again said, “Would you make it sound like I’m okay?”
Olivia touched my shoulder softly and smiled. “Yeah. I’ll say you’re doing fine.”
“Thanks.”
I closed the door and Carrie took me into her arms as I cried harder than I’d cried in five days. Nothing Olivia said should have made me sadder, but it did. And angrier, but I didn’t know who to be angry at. Stefan? Lola? Lola’s father? All I knew was what Olivia told me muddied up how neatly I’d planned on hating Stefan March for the rest of my life.
A uniformed man waved me forward into the line of cars waiting to be parked, and I handed him my keys as I closed my car door. “Take care of the old Taurus. She needs to get me through a few weeks more.”
“Not to worry, miss. We’ll take good care of her.”
I turned and saw Alexandria March’s home all decorated for the Christmas holiday and looking like something out of a design magazine. Its Victorian charm had been amped up about a thousand percent by the evergreen boughs draped over the top of every window and the tiny white lights that twinkled along the verandah railing. Crowds of people milled about on the large wrap-around porch, and it looked like everyone in Tampa had turned out for Cash and Olivia’s party.
Dressed in a silver strapless gown Carrie had loaned me from the boutique and wearing my hair in an upsweep, I felt like an entirely different person than the Shay I’d always been in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt. Being a different person sounded like a good idea as I walked up the stairs to enter the house since the person I really was felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb.
Like everyone at the party knew what had happened between Stefan and me and were staring at me judging me for the fool I was.
The outside of the house may have looked like it belonged on the cover of a magazine, but the inside was even more breathtaking. Designed as a Victorian home, it had obviously been updated but in a way that integrated the Victorian style with modern beauty. The heaviness of the Victorian look had been replaced with the lightness of white painted walls and woodwork. By the time I made it down the main hallway and into the kitchen, I was so engrossed with admiring the décor that I’d forgotten where I was and who would be there.
“I’m glad to see you came,” a deep, raspy voice I instantly recognized as Kane’s said.
Turning around, I saw him leaning against the wall just inside the kitchen looking distinctly uncomfortable. Dressed in a black suit and shirt with a blue tie that nearly matched his crystal blue eyes, he cleaned up nicely.
“I almost didn’t.”
He gave me a smile and nodded. “Me too, but I couldn’t let Cash and Olivia down.”
“Same here.”
“As long as I avoid Alexandria, I should be fine. She always stares at me like she’s deciding if today’s the day she won’t hate me.”
I smiled as the conversation I’d had with Stefan’s mother flashed through my mind. “It’s not hate. She’s worried you’re too alike, actually.”
Kane didn’t ask what I meant, and we stood in silence as the entire party seemed to pass in front of us right there in the kitchen. Something about having him near me made me feel safe, and the idea of Alexandria not approaching me because I was next to him appealed to me. Not that I didn’t like her, but any discussion between us that night would invariably be awkward and end up coming to the subject of Stefan, which I so desperately wanted to avoid.
“You know he’s here, right?” Kane said low in my ear.
My heart began pounding in my chest as I attempted to remain calm and scan the room for any sign of Stefan or his mother. “I assumed he would be, but it’s a big house. With any luck, I’ll be able to avoid him.”
“I don’t think so.”
I turned to look at Kane and saw his eyes focused on the living room across the hallway. Following his gaze, I saw Stefan standing alone over near a large bay window. He wore a dark grey suit and deep red shirt, and even though I couldn’t say I’d ever seen him
look so good, something about him told me it was all a façade. He stared at me with a longing in his eyes that pinched at my heart, even now after days of my swearing that I would never let myself feel for him again.
Turning away, I smiled up at Kane. “It was nice seeing you again. Where can I find the happy couple?”
“Through that room he’s standing in. They’re in the room right past it.”
I sighed. “Merry Christmas, Kane.”
“Merry Christmas, Shay.”
There was no way to avoid him now, so I mustered up all my courage, even as my legs began to shake under my dress, and walked toward where I saw Cassian and Olivia. I felt Stefan’s gaze on me every step of the way, and as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn’t help but look as I walked past him. The longing I’d seen from the kitchen had changed to utter sadness in his brown eyes.
My chest hurt so much I wasn’t sure I could breathe, but Olivia’s smile beckoning me toward her and Cassian helped and I made it past Stefan without collapsing to the floor. I couldn’t stand much more of this, though. Even when I couldn’t see him, I knew he was looking at me with those eyes so sad.
“Shay, I’m so happy you came!” Olivia said as she reached out to hug me. Dressed in a gorgeous pink floor length gown that highlighted her red hair, she looked stunning. Stepping back away, she said, “I’m so glad to see you. You look beautiful!”
“Thank you. You look lovely. Congratulations to both of you.”
Cassian kissed me on the cheek and handed me a glass of champagne. “Time for a toast.” Addressing the room full of people, he said, “Thank you to everyone who’s come tonight to celebrate with Olivia and me. I hope each of you finds the happiness we’ve found.”
Everyone said, “Cheers!” and I raised my glass to them. “I’m very happy for the two of you. Thank you for inviting me, but I think I need to go.”
Both of them looked over in Stefan’s direction and then back at me. Leaning in to hug me again, Olivia whispered, “I know it was probably hard for you to come tonight, but I’m so glad you did. I hope we get to see you again soon.”
Her words made my tears well up in my eyes. I didn’t know why since Stefan and I had never planned on being anything permanent, but I felt like I was losing a friend as I turned away to leave. I slipped out onto the porch and took a deep breath of air, happy that I’d made it through it all.
Just as I began to believe I’d made it out emotionally unscathed, a hand touched my arm, and I looked to see Alexandria standing next to me. “It’s so wonderful to see you again, Shay.”
“Hello. I was just leaving. You have a lovely home.”
“Are you leaving because of Stefan?”
“You’re more direct than I am. I can respect that, though. Yes, I’m leaving because he’s here.”
Alexandria’s brown eyes searched mine as she said softly, “I was sorry to hear that the two of you aren’t together anymore.”
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again. Swallowing hard, I said, “I have to go. I’m sorry, but I can’t be here. It’s too hard. I hope you understand.”
“I hope I get to see you again, Shay. I liked our time together, and I think you made my son happy.”
It was all I could to push a weak smile on my face as I bid her goodbye and walked quickly toward the road. Unfortunately, I had no idea where the attendants had parked my car, and they were nowhere to be found. On the verge of tears and searching for anyone who might be able to help me without having to go back to the house, I heard footsteps coming behind me and turned to see Stefan walking toward me.
“Please don’t go. I was hoping we could talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Just leave me alone so I can find my car and drive away from here.”
Stefan slid his hand over my shoulder, and just the merest touch made a yearning spike inside me. “Please stay. I know you miss me as much as I miss you.”
Refusing to face him, I hung my head. “No, I don’t.”
He came around in front of me and cradled my face in his hands, looking down at me with pure pain in his eyes. “Yes, you do. I see it in your eyes. It’s the same look I see every time I look in the mirror.”
I couldn’t do this with him. Closing my eyes, I willed the tears away, but they came anyway, a single one sliding down my cheek followed by the rest that wouldn’t stay hidden. “Please let me go,” I sobbed. “Why do you want to see me cry? So you can know I still care? Fine. I care. Now let me go.”
Stefan gently slid the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks. “I can’t function without you, Shay. I try, but all I can think of is you and how much I hurt you. These last two weeks have been hell. I know I fucked up huge. I know. But I’ll do anything if you’d just come back to me. You’re everything to me.”
“I can’t get the image of you with her out of my mind. It hurts so much, Stefan. Every time I think of you, I think of that night and every inch of my body aches.”
Pressing his forehead to mine, he whispered in a voice full of his own pain, “I’m sorry, Shay. I never meant to hurt you. I just couldn’t let Cash suffer for me anymore, but I never wanted you to get hurt.”
I stepped back, afraid of what my heart was already feeling. “How could you think I wouldn’t get hurt when you did that?”
“I wasn’t thinking straight. I just didn’t want to fuck up Cash’s happiness anymore. Shay, I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. I can’t go on like this. Every day without you is killing me.”
I closed my eyes and lowered my head. “Olivia told me what happened with Lola’s father. Why didn’t you say anything to me? We were supposed to tell each other the truth.”
“I couldn’t tell you. I think I knew I’d eventually have to risk everything, but I kept thinking I could push it off to the future. When he came to see me, I knew the time had come. That’s why I finally told you I loved you that night.”
“I wish you would have told me what you were going through. I might not have understood, but you wouldn’t have been alone.”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you see me as that kind of man. I can’t deny I was that man for a long time, but you made me want to be someone better.”
I stared up at him as my heart broke for both of us. It was stupid and foolish and I couldn’t explain it, but I loved him even now after all the times I’d sworn to hate him forever.
“Please don’t go. I’ll do anything, Shay. Just don’t go.”
“I was always going to go, Stefan. What does it matter if it’s now or at the end of the year? We always had an expiration date, whether we wanted to admit it or not.”
Stefan shook his head. “No. Doesn’t it matter that we love each other? That’s got to mean something, Shay.”
“We were never going to ride off into the sunset like Cassian and Olivia. We’re not that kind of people.”
“Why not? Why can’t people change? I did because of you.”
Stefan pressed his lips against mine in a kiss that made me wish we could rewind time to before all the horrible things happened. I’d been lying to myself thinking that I could be fine if I never saw him again. I couldn’t be. But I couldn’t change the reality of who I was either.
Taking his hands in mine, I brought them to my lips and kissed them. “Before there was a you and me, there was just me, and I’ve dedicated years to my future. I have to be who I am, and who I am is someone who’s leaving in a few weeks and will be gone for a whole year while you’re back here with the Lolas, Mikas, and Kats of the world. How could I ever believe you’d wait for me?”
“Because I would. I could install cameras throughout the bar and in my office so you could see wherever I am and whoever I’m talking to at all times. I’d even put cameras in my condo so you could see it’s just me moping around all lonely wishing you were there next to me.”
“Cameras? What kind of relationship is that, Stefan? This is what happens when two people don’t have honesty between them. I don’
t want to watch you like a hawk, worried that you’ll want someone else because I’m not there. I can’t do that.”
I backed away from him as the reality that a year apart from each other would bring all those problems. I couldn’t live like that.
“We were never meant to be forever. You and I knew that. I love you, Stefan, but it’s time to say goodbye.”
“No! I can’t let you go. I can’t believe I’d finally fall in love and then lose you before I had a chance to show you I’m not the man you thought I was from that first day. I swear it, Shay.”
I kissed him softly on the cheek. “I know, baby. I know it’s not fair, but I can’t spend an entire year wondering if the man I love is making another mistake. Maybe when I finish my year away if we still feel the same—”
As I tried to keep myself from crying at the thought of us never being together again, he pulled me into his body and held me against him. “You can give me a thousand reasons why we won’t work. All I can give you is one answer. I love you. You’re my everything. I’m lost without you. Make whatever demand you want and I’ll do it. Quit the club. Move to Copenhagen with you. Leave behind the life I have here. I’ll do all of them if you’ll just give me a chance to show you I love you.”
I looked at him, stunned by what he’d just said. “Your entire life is here. You would do those things for me?”
“I would do anything. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Being without you is killing me. Please say we can try again.”
“Stefan, how can I ever trust you?”
He frowned and shook his head. “I don’t know. All I can do is show you every day that I love you and hope that one day you believe me.”
“What if that’s not enough?” I asked, afraid of his answer.
“I made you happy once. I can do it again. I know I can. All I need is the chance.”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him close and buried my face in his chest, whispering, “I want to believe you. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve never been so unhappy in my life. I want to be like we were, but what if too much has happened?”