by Sakon Kaidou
“IS THAAAT A COUPLE I SEEEEE?!”
They looked up and saw the metallic legs. Not saying a word, the two silently analyzed the situation again. The scariest thing about this was that neither of them had noticed her come close.
They both had exceptional intuition, of course. Therefore, this had to be teleportation or something similar.
She’d also come to them after killing every single Master on the map, making it even clearer that she’d be a tough foe to fight. While Shu thought that they were in for some trouble, Figaro was excited.
Shu started out by trying to communicate, “Uhh... We’re just—”
“Eh? What?” She unexpectedly cut him off. “There’s a guy in that costume?”
You could tell by her voice that she was surprised by something. A few seconds later, she asked, “Are you a gay couple?”
“No,” Shu and Figaro replied in perfect unison.
“Then all’s goooood... Hold on a second.”
Suddenly, the hellish thundering subsided, the towering metal “legs” vanished, and a woman descended from the sky.
It was worth noting that it was over 100 meters worth of free fall, and she went down with great energy and splendor.
The woman was in her mid-twenties, and looked reasonably beautiful. However, her beauty didn’t seem to extend beyond her appearance.
“My name is Hannya,” she said. “Sorry if I surprised you.”
Her voice was nice to listen to — nothing like the curses she’d spewed while PKing.
That just makes her even scarier, Shu thought.
And why the hell would you name yourself after a Noh mask, of all things?
“I’m Shu,” he greeted her, cautiously, for he was experienced enough to know just how scary and complex women could be.
“And I’m Figaro. Nice to meet you,” said Figaro, as casually as ever, for he knew absolutely nothing about such things.
Shu appreciated that he was acting natural, but was also worried that he could step on a landmine.
“Oh, yeah. You say hi, too, Sandalphon,” said the woman.
“Yes. Right away.” Following the voice from her crest, it began to glow and released her Embryo.
And what a strange Embryo it was.
It looked human. That alone wasn’t strange. Both Shu and Figaro had seen human-like Guardians and girl-Embryos — the Maidens.
But this Embryo was different.
Unlike human-like Guardians, it didn’t have any inhuman parts, such as a tail or horns, but unlike Maidens, it wasn’t a girl... but a boy.
Not an androgynous girl, but very clearly a boy. Shu could tell.
It was their first time seeing an Embryo that looked like a human boy.
“My name is Sandalphon,” he said. “My Type is Apostle-Angel Gear.”
Neither Figaro or Shu had ever heard of “Apostle” or “Angel Gear” Types. Though they had a guess that the latter was a category unique to him, developed from either Arms or Chariot.
Regardless of what he was, his power was immense.
The ground Sandalphon had tread on looked completely ravaged.
The event monsters were fine, though, since they could only be harmed by couples.
“There weren’t any tians here, were there?” muttered Shu. “This’d be a real calamity if there were.”
“Don’t worry,” said the woman with a mild smile. “He has the ability to differentiate NPCs and Masters, so there aren’t any dead NPCs here. I don’t have any grudge against them, so I don’t want to kill them.”
So what you’re saying is that you have a grudge against Masters and want to kill them, Shu thought, sweating inside his costume.
“Why’re roo going around cursing and PKing?” he asked Hannya.
“Because couples are the enemy.”
“And you didn’t attack us because...?”
“You’re not a couple.”
Ah. We’ve got a walking pile of complications here. Best not pry deeper, Shu thought, setting his mind on changing the subject.
He was so careful with her that he even decided to refrain from using his puns.
However, that went to waste when Figaro asked, “Why are couples the enemy?”
“FIGGYYYYYYY!” Shu groaned.
The peaceful meathead at his side clearly didn’t notice the darkness surrounding her love life.
Hannya began answering Figaro’s question. “It happened 52 days ago... or about five months ago here.”
“...Ah,” Shu said as he realized what day that meant. Like Valentine’s, that was also a day tightly linked to love.
“Yes, it was Christmas,” she continued. “Back then, I had a boyfriend I was dating with the intention to marry him.”
Her eyes were calm and her tone was nostalgic, but Shu knew that this was basically like the peace you felt while going up a tall roller coaster.
Her emotional state would soon go downhill. Figaro, of course, was clueless, and just listened to her story.
“I knitted a sweater, scarf, and gloves for him, and made a full course Christmas dinner for both of us. I even baked a three-layered cake. I even had a marriage registration and betrothal money. I was fully prepared for him to propose to me.”
Damn, you’re overbearing, Shu thought, and praised himself for not saying it.
Figaro, on the other hand, simply thought, That’s impressive.
“But he didn’t come to my room at the time we agreed on...” Hannya continued.
“Here it comes...” Shu murmured.
“Huh? What do you mean?” Figaro asked.
You wouldn’t understand... Shu thought.
“I called and messaged him over and over and got no response until, about an hour later, he just wrote, ‘Let’s break up.’”
Shu said nothing.
“Why?” Figaro asked her.
Hannya opened her eyes wide, cracked a joyless smile and said, “‘I found someone I like more in Infinite Dendrogram, and we’re now going out in real life. Sorry.’ Ahahahah...”
It was definitely a sad thing, in at least one way, if not a few.
Shu dedicated a moment to think about it. Real love born through MMO relationships and online game marriages had existed for almost half a century now.
And this was Infinite Dendrogram. A world as real and realistic as this gave plenty of room for love to blossom. Epic fights against powerful monsters could also produce a good suspension bridge effect.
Over half a year had passed since release, and you had more and more Masters marrying other Masters or even tians. There was even a term for it now: Dendromony.
However...
“WHY. WAS I LEFT. BECAUSE OF A DAMN GAAAAAAME?!” the woman screamed.
Yes, whether someone who was left for such a reason could accept it was an entirely different matter.
Shu knew that everyone loved differently, and that all loves had different origins. However, he wished that people would at least give their loves a clean conclusion. Otherwise, you could create people like Hannya — desperate and hurt creatures who went around causing trouble for others.
“Ah,” Figaro said, seeming to realize something. “Are you in Dendro to...?”
“TO CRUSH MY EX AND THAT THIEVING HOMEWRECKEEEERRRR!” she screamed her desire, crying profusely.
Sandalphon went to pat her on the back. He looked used to it, so this must’ve been common.
I’d like it if you didn’t bring real-life drama here, Shu thought with a sigh.
“Hoo, hoo... Sorry. This happens whenever I remember it... Sorry.” The scream worked as an outlet for her emotions, letting her calm down a bit.
Just a bit, though.
“Can’t you settle this in real life?” Shu asked. “Take him to court and make him pay for the emotional damage or something?”
“I’ve already been filed with a restraining order. That got me a criminal record, and I was fired for it, but I can still get my revenge on him here.”
“You got phy
sical with him before trying to solve it lawfully?” Shu mumbled.
She didn’t hear him and just began reciting what she’d gone through so far. “Once I got on Dendro to get my revenge, I started in Caldina, since it’s in the middle of the continent and I thought I’d quickly find him there. No luck, though. I then went to the west, since he likes Europe more than Asia. The time we went on a trip to Italy on my money, he—”
“Yeah, uhh... I get it,” said Shu. “And why did you go around crushing all the couples here?”
“Because they all seemed like him and the homewrecker to me. I mean, I don’t know what they look like here, and I don’t even know the thief’s name. That’s why I’ll treat all couples as them and C R U S H. T H E M. A L L.”
Damn it, woman, you’re one big step into insanity, Shu thought before saying, “You said you don’t know their faces or her name. Do you know the guy’s name?”
“Yes. He had a blog called ‘RockPanther’s Dendro Tour,’ so it has to be ‘RockPanther.’ But the blog didn’t get a lot of clicks, and he shut it down after I flamed it.”
“Flamed... Uh huh, okay. ‘RockPanther,’ right? Gimme a moment.”
“For what?”
“I think I might be able to find the guy...”
“Really?” Hannya asked while looking at Shu with eyes bordering on demonic.
There was no room for lies or jokes here.
Shu refrained from emphasizing the “might” and just said that he’d ask an informant he knew.
Then Shu walked away from Hannya and took something out of his inventory.
It was a luxury item imbued with communication magic, given only to the best customers of a certain information broker: the DIN.
You could only use it to communicate with DIN workers who had the receiver, but unlike most comms magic devices, you could use it just about anywhere.
“Uhh... Hey, it’s me,” Shu began talking to the informant. “I need you to find someone...”
She’ll probably attack us if they don’t find him, Shu added silently.
While he was busy with that, Figaro was talking to Hannya.
“By the way, you look pretty strong. What’s your job and Embryo form?” he asked.
She could absolutely crush skilled players who were hunting in this high-level area, so there was no doubt she was powerful.
Figaro, the battle-junkie that he was, also wondered if she would be up for a duel.
“Job... What was mine, again?” Hannya asked a seemingly impossible question. It wasn’t a joke or anything like that, though — she had actually forgotten her job.
Her revenge on her ex occupied such a large part of her that she couldn’t care about anything else.
“You are now the King of Berserk, Lady Hannya,” Sandalphon helped her.
“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Hannya nodded.
“...A Superior Job,” Figaro muttered in amazement.
Indeed — the King of Berserk was the Superior Job from the berserker grouping.
If she was telling the truth, she’d earned it within just fifty days since starting Dendro, which was simply staggering, even when you took into account the tripled time.
Even Figaro was still just aiming for the gladiator grouping’s Superior Job.
Granted, the only reason why he didn’t have it yet was simply that one of the conditions was to be first in the duel rankings. He’d already cleared the other two.
Figaro was currently second, and he was preparing to beat the first — Tom Cat.
By the way, while Hannya didn’t remember any of the conditions, and Sandalphon was too ashamed to say it, one of the King of Berserk’s conditions was basically unclearable.
It was: “To kill 444 humans within 10 seconds of seeing them.”
Berserking at its finest.
No sane person would even attempt it, and even if they would, they probably couldn’t do it. Unless you’d preemptively decided to kill everyone, you could never decide whether to kill someone and then do it within ten seconds.
In the time when there were only tians, you’d be hunted down and punished as a murderer. Those who’d tried it were many, but none had succeeded, making the King of Berserk into a true lost job.
Masters would’ve probably attempted it with other Masters, but as mentioned above, this condition had been completely buried by the time Dendro was released.
There were probably berserker grouping Masters doing this and that, trying to figure out how to get the Superior Job, completely unaware that it had already been taken.
Now, though this condition was something you normally couldn’t and wouldn’t clear, the fact that she was the King of Berserk was all the proof you needed that she could and had done it.
This was due to Sandalphon’s skill that allowed him to differentiate Masters from tians, and due to Hannya being a dangerous person who instantly killed any Master couple she saw.
As a result of her shenanigans, she had inadvertently cleared the long-buried condition for the King of Berserk, and taken the job.
“And my current form is six,” Sandalphon continued.
“Six... Amazing,” Figaro said.
Neither Shu nor Figaro were there yet. He did feel like his evolution was close, but it was still five.
“He’s an ‘Apostle,’ right? Maybe they evolve quickly,” Figaro guessed.
“Maybe,” said Hannya. “I only know Sandalphon, though, so I can’t be sure...”
“I barely see my own kind,” said Sandalphon. “I wonder why?”
There was a time when a thing called “category-based personality analysis” had enjoyed decent popularity. It was simply personality guessing based on people’s Embryo’s base categories, so Figaro wondered what kind of personality the super-rare Apostle represented.
Then, he noticed Hannya looking at him weirdly.
“What?” he asked.
“Well... I just felt like it’s been so long since I’ve had a proper conversation. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone since my ex left me. Except Sandalphon, I guess.”
“Indeed,” the Apostle said. “As far as I can remember, this is the first time.”
Of course it was.
She was a PKer who went on a rampage the moment she saw a Master couple, and the onlookers would see her as a rabid dog, if not worse. She herself knew that she was weird, but that awareness wasn’t enough to hold back her emotions.
Even Shu couldn’t help but be a bit freaked out by her.
“Umm... are you sure you want to talk to me? I’m weird, aren’t I?” she asked.
“How?” Figaro asked, puzzled.
The only ones who could look at her without any sort of lens... were those who couldn’t even understand what was weird about her.
As a sickly person all his life, Figaro had limited experience in everything, so he assumed that even Hannya’s eccentricity and rampages were nothing special.
There was also the fact that his first friend had been a man in an animal costume. It was like he didn’t even have a compass for the very concept of weirdness.
Hannya looked at him in silence. Figaro had just honestly asked her what was so weird about her, and since she didn’t know that there was something wrong with him, it had made her heart skip a beat.
“Can we meet again once I’m done with my revenge?” she asked.
“Hm...? Sure,” Figaro replied. “I’d like to see you again, too. Want to exchange emails to stay in touch?”
He only wanted to see her again for a duel, and was completely unaware of the romantic potential of his words.
“Yes! Of course!”
And so, the clueless, meatheaded son of a wealthy family exchanged addresses with a yandere King of Berserk.
◇
“All right, thanks... I know where RockPanther is,” Shu ended the call and said as the two were talking.
Hannya turned to him so fast you could hear it and said, “Really?”
“There’s this larg
e group of info brokers called ‘the DIN.’ They have a list, and he was on it. He’s a Legendarian right now. You’ll get the details if you go to a DIN office and tell them the number on this paper.”
“Ohh...” Hannya was so moved that her eyes filled with tears and she joined her hands. “I’m so glad I came to this country... to this area... and I met someone... and got a hint to help with my revenge... Oh, dear... Are you an angel?”
Shu wanted to say that her Embryo was the angel here, but didn’t.
She looked calm right now, but there was no telling what could set her off. However...
“Ahahah. Your Sandalphon is the angel here, isn’t he?” Figaro asked.
His friend didn’t seem to care about such dangers.
He’s got the wrong job, Shu thought. He ain’t a Gladiator... he’s a goddamn Hero!
Thankfully, it turned out that it wasn’t a dangerous thing to say, and Hannya just giggled and said, “You’re right.”
Shu felt that she was being strangely nice to Figaro, but again, he didn’t say anything.
“Then I’ll be going to Legendaria,” said Hannya. “It’s to the south of here, right?”
“Yeah. Just go straight south. You can’t miss it,” said Shu.
“Thanks again. Let me help you out with something after I’m done with my revenge.”
“No need. Really.”
Seriously, don’t, he added silently.
“Goodbye, Shu. And... Figaro!” She walked up to the Gladiator and handed him something
“What is this?”
“I just got them. It’s Valentine’s Day, right?”
It was the chocolate dropped by the event monsters.
“I’ll send emails,” he said. “Let’s meet again!”
“Yeah. See you,” she said as she waved, made Sandalphon transform back to the towering, metallic legs, hopped on and ran off into the horizon.
She was heading to Legendaria, and it was guaranteed that she’d make a scene.
Man, I’m glad her boyfriend isn’t in Altar, Shu thought. I do feel bad for Legendaria, though.
“Let them handle the rest themselves, I say,” Shu whispered.
If she was to be believed, her ex was at fault, so he believed — or, rather, chose to believe — that this was the right decision.