by Jodi Payne
"Oh,” Aubrey replied, smiling around the kiss. “Good."
"Consider this your security deposit.” When Aubrey started to laugh Kelly grinned widely. “I didn't mean that ... I mean, that was a total accident."
"Ray's gonna love that one."
Kelly snaked his hand between them and tucked his fingers around Aubrey's where they were squeezing Kelly's cock, pumping his own erection a couple of times. The groan that followed sent chills up Aubrey's spine. “Shut up and fuck me, cowboy."
He'd have had to be dead not to hear that order loud and clear. Aubrey slicked up his fingers, looking into Kelly's eyes as he easily slipped two inside.
"Mmm,” Kelly hummed at him. “God, yes. Who are you, and what have you done with my rough riding cowboy that never slowed down enough for foreplay?"
Aubrey didn't answer him, but he thought briefly about Gale and remembered how those fingers felt stretching and easing him open. He thought about how that very friendly cowboy, without realizing it, had helped Aubrey understand that sex didn't always have to be a struggle to be satisfying; that he could want cock and still be a man.
Kelly had given up words and had started moaning again, with one lip caught between his front teeth. Aubrey added a third finger and Kelly rolled his hips, pushing into the touch. “Aubrey. Please. Come on,” Kelly begged, and Aubrey reached for the lube again.
Until that moment, he'd had his libido relatively under control. He knew he was hard, he knew he wanted Kelly, but he'd been able to keep his thoughts centered on driving Kelly out of his mind. Suddenly, as his fingers fumbled with the condom wrapper and brushed over his cock, his need became blindingly intense and as he rolled the latex over his prick he groaned, the touch almost too painful a tease.
"Fuck, Kelly."
Kelly pulled on him. “That's what I'm after, cowboy."
Aubrey pressed the head of his cock against Kelly's ass and bent down to kiss him. “Missed you so fucking much,” he whispered before claiming Kelly's lips and sinking in deep.
Kelly tore his mouth away to gasp. “Yes!” He pulled his knees up, locking them around Aubrey's hips. “Aubrey, fuck, yes."
The feel of Kelly's body around him started his blood boiling. He tried to keep it slow for a while, gentle and controlled, but Kelly was begging and calling his name and Aubrey couldn't hold back for very long. Finally letting go, he surged into Kelly, his thrusts deep enough to force air from the kid's lungs and rock the headboard into the wall.
At some point the room disappeared and there was only Kelly; Kelly, who was his heart and his home; Kelly, whose body and soul were driving Aubrey on and on until his orgasm threatened to overtake him. “Ah! Aubrey!” He heard Kelly shout and as Kelly's body went rigid and Aubrey felt the hot spray between them he allowed the last of his control to crumble. His hips snapped fast and hard, his thrusts shallower and urgent, chasing after the lightning that was exploding before his eyes.
He gasped as he came with Kelly's name on his lips. Not a shout, but a sob that was accompanied by tears and trembling much like the first morning after his withdrawal. Unlike the emotions he'd wrestled with at Haley's that morning, there was no stopping the tears this time, though Aubrey wasn't sure that he wanted to anyway. He let them come, clutching at Kelly and pinning the kid to his chest, wishing that they could share a skin.
"I'm sorry,” he said deliberately, speaking from that raw and aching place inside him. “I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for the drinking, the phone calls, the Hell I pushed on you. My Hell.” He rambled on, letting out everything he'd wanted to say to Kelly but couldn't before. “I'm sorry I was such an ass. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man that you needed me to be, Kelly, but I'll be that man now. I want to be. I can."
"Shhh.” Kelly wrapped his arms around Aubrey and Aubrey tried to be comforted.
He couldn't say how long it went on, but at some point he'd fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep. When Aubrey woke there were streaks of dim light coming through the window and he was alone in bed. He sat up, blinking to clear his vision, but his eyes felt a little swollen and his head was fuzzy. Before he could put the pieces together, before the absurd seed of a thought that Kelly might have left him alone could take hold, the kid appeared out of nowhere with two mugs in his hands.
"Coffee, big guy.” Kelly, clad only in soft, grey sweatpants, sat down on the bed beside Aubrey and handed him a cup.
Aubrey took it silently and sipped it slowly before he could summon words. “Thanks."
"Sure."
Kelly looked tired, more than just lack of sleep tired. “Did you sleep?” Aubrey asked, grateful for the chance to turn the conversation away from him for a while.
"Some."
"Tell me."
Kelly shook his head. “I'm just kind of scared."
Aubrey nodded. “Not sure you can trust me yet.” It wasn't a question; Aubrey could almost feel Kelly's apprehension.
Kelly looked into his coffee cup. “Maybe. I hate how that sounds, Aubrey. I swear I do."
"It's okay, kid. I've got a lot of ground to make up. This isn't just about me, I know that. I'm grateful you're giving me the chance."
Kelly shrugged.
"Is that why you didn't answer my letter?"
"Yeah,” Kelly admitted, nodding. “Yeah, that's some of it."
Aubrey felt something flip flop in his belly. “...just some?"
Kelly didn't answer, he just glanced at Aubrey and then into his coffee cup again. He took a few sips and seemed to be reluctant to say anything more.
"Talk to me, Kelly. I've done a lot of the talking, right? I've had a good cry and a chance to say my piece. Now tell me what's on your mind."
Kelly nodded slowly. “Okay,” he replied, but went silent again for a bit. He seemed to be considering his words carefully. “I ... I've been waiting for a night like last night—for sex like that with you—as long as I've known you. I wasn't sure you..."
"Had it in me?"
Kelly nodded.
"Me neither. Not until recently.” Aubrey said softly. “I've changed, Kelly. I'm hopin’ it's all for the better."
"Well that much was,” Kelly conceded.
Aubrey's brow furrowed. “But?"
Kelly reached out and set his coffee on the nightstand. “Your letter...” He leaned back against the headboard and rested his hands on his knees. “I was all keyed up after I read it. I couldn't decide how to feel about any of it. I was stunned and happy that you'd kicked the alcohol. I was sad and angry that you hadn't asked me to be there to go through it with you. And I was so thrilled that you wanted to see me again, except ... I was also hurt."
Some part of Aubrey had expected Kelly to be upset that Aubrey had chosen to go through the withdrawal alone. It seemed natural that the kid would have wanted to help, and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to fully explain why he had to straighten up on his own. But that last part ... “Hurt?"
"Hurt,” Kelly sighed, and then went on. “Hurt that nowhere in it...” the kid looked up and turned his eyes on Aubrey, their brilliant green muted by the early morning light. Aubrey swallowed, completely unprepared for whatever Kelly was going to say. “Nowhere, Aubrey, not once in that letter—not last night, not even once since you've been back—have you told me you loved me."
Aubrey blinked, stunned. “I love you,” he blurted, feeling himself start to panic inside. He hadn't said it? At all? A horrible fear settled into his gut. “I love you,” he said again.
"Aubrey..."
"No.” Aubrey quickly put his mug down beside Kelly's. “No, Kelly. I mean it. I love you, I do."
The kid shook his head and got out of bed, narrowly escaping Aubrey's attempt to stop him.
Aubrey's heart was pounding in his chest as he awkwardly climbed off the bed. “Kelly?” He barely got his feet under him before he lunged toward the kid. “Wait. Kelly!"
Kelly had his arms wrapped around himself and he didn't stop, hurrying out the bedroom door and down the hall.
"Fuck,” Aubrey swore, following as quickly as he could manage. “Kid? Kelly?” He followed Kelly out into the living room.
"Don't, Aubrey. Don't just say it because I asked you to. Not like this."
"Stop,” Aubrey said, reaching out for Kelly, but Kelly jerked his arm away and Aubrey missed. “What the...?” He reached out again, this time making damn sure he got hold of Kelly. He tried to pull the kid close, but he had to fight against Kelly's opposing shoves. “Stop! Kelly, stop. Hey, now."
Kelly squirmed and fought him and, not wanting to hurt the kid, Aubrey finally let Kelly go, holding his hands up in front of him.
"I can't take it, Aubrey!” Kelly shouted in his face. “I swear to Heaven above, Aubrey, I can't take a lie.” His voice shook angrily.
Aubrey was shocked. Impulsively he reached out and grabbed at Kelly again, and this time his fingers wrapped solidly around each of Kelly's arms. He dragged the kid closer.
"Kelly. Listen to me.” The kid writhed in his grip and wouldn't meet his eyes. “I guess I never said the words, okay? That was plain stupid of me. But I've said it other ways. Didn't I say it last night? Loving you?"
Kelly shoved at his chest.
"Goddamnit, Kelly Ayers.” He shook Kelly once, hard enough to startle the kid into going still and meeting his eyes. Kelly stared at him wide-eyed and looked a little panicked, and part of Aubrey wanted to shake even more sense into him. “You tellin’ me I didn't make it plain enough? Touching you like you was fucking fine china? Christ, Kelly! I'll say it every minute of every day for the rest of my goddamn life if you want me to. I mean it! God knows I mean it."
Kelly stared at him for a long time and Aubrey stared right back, both of them breathing a little hard and tuned up tight as harp strings. Finally Kelly backed down with a harsh sigh. Aubrey pulled the kid tightly to his chest. “I love you, Kelly. I would never just say it, you gotta know that. If I was one just to toss big words like that around I'd've done it a long time ago."
Kelly nodded against his chest and circled Aubrey's waist with his arms. “I love you, too,” he said softly. “I love you."
"I know, kid. I know."
Chapter Twenty Eight
A week later the barn was running like Aubrey had never been gone. He fit back into his work at Haley's farm like he'd been born to be there. He fit back in with Kelly like he'd been born to be there, too, and that made for the only condition of Haley's that Aubrey found he was having trouble complying with.
Kelly Ayers was more of a temptation than whiskey could ever be.
The little bastard knew it, too, and made a point now and then of winking at Aubrey or sauntering past him just so, making Aubrey growl and cuss under his breath while his cock responded much more agreeably. Aubrey didn't know where the kid got his self-control, but it wasn't fair. Not fair at all.
This morning, he and Kelly were setting up to give Haley's new mare a little air. They'd let her stay nice and cozy and tucked into her stall since the day Aubrey had arrived, but since yesterday she'd actually been looking over her stall door to catch a breeze and a look at the sunshine. Aubrey had been able to coax her into a bridle yesterday morning, and managed to remove it again in the afternoon. She'd been a little touchy, but her feet stayed on the ground the whole time he was in her stall.
"Okay, kid. I'll take that lead now.” Kelly nodded and reached out slowly, the lead hanging over his arm. Aubrey took it and clipped it onto Hera's bridle. “Cross ties,” Aubrey said, leading Hera out of her stall.
He liked her. Her confirmation was nothing special to look at, not like Guinevere, who was a Queen among her breed. No, Hera was just a mutt, but she had a certain knowing look in her eye and a strength in the way she carried herself that Aubrey had to admire.
He walked Hera out into the aisle and faced her toward the open doors and the fresh air. Slowly, he took one, and then the other cross-tie from Kelly and hooked them onto Hera's bridle. When she was secure, Aubrey started to rub her down.
"Do you know,” he asked Kelly, “whether Haley tried to ride her with a saddle?” He ran his hands over Hera's coat, touching everywhere with smooth, consistent pressure.
"I believe he did.” Kelly nodded. The kid was keeping his distance, which made Aubrey grin.
"Think I'll try her bareback,” Aubrey suggested.
Kelly snorted a laugh, his tone more than a little suggestive. “Oh, that'd so work for me."
Aubrey glanced sidelong at Kelly, only suppressing a growl because he didn't want to spook Hera. “Kid, when we're through with the lady here, you and me are gonna have a little talk."
"That sounds ominous."
Aubrey didn't dissuade him of that thought, just kept on touching and stroking the big mare, finally reaching for a grooming brush.
"Are you seriously gonna ride her? I thought we were just takin'er for a walk."
"That was my plan, yeah. She may have other ideas, but I thought I'd see if I could sit her."
Kelly shook his head. “If you break your fool neck now, after everything, I'll..."
"What? Kill me?"
"Fuck off, cowboy."
Aubrey laughed. Hera was leaning slightly into his brush and he stroked her harder, getting into the itchy places. After a while, he set the brush aside and started talking.
"All right, Hera my girl, you and Kelly and me are goin’ for a walk.” He loosened the cross-ties and let them fall to the ground, knowing Kelly would tidy them up for him. “Come on,” he coaxed, taking slow steps toward the barn doors. She was ready to be out of her stall and she moved more easily than Aubrey had expected. “That's it. See? Fresh air, open sky...” He tugged her head around close to him to keep her from seeing the riding ring. He was headed for open land, in case the ring was part of what was fueling her anxiety. There would be time enough for something more formal. Today he just wanted to see her move.
They walked for a while and Aubrey let Hera graze now and then. He and Kelly stayed mostly silent, letting the mare get used to her new surroundings and to the bridle and lead. Finally, Aubrey came up beside her and made a couple of moves like he was going to mount just to see where she stood on that subject. Either she had no idea what he was up to, possibly because he hadn't saddled her first, or she didn't care because she kept right on grazing.
"Leg up?” He glanced at Kelly. “And then you might want to get out of the way quick, kid."
"Are you sure about this?"
"No. If I was sure about it I wouldn't be telling you to get out of the way.” He gave Kelly another knowing grin and the kid rolled his eyes.
"Careful, then."
"You know it.” Aubrey took hold of Hera's mane in his left hand, bent his knee for Kelly, and up he went. After that, he didn't have time to worry about Kelly, so he hoped to hell the kid could take care of himself.
Hera tossed her head and danced sideways, trying to get a good look at the damn fool that dared to sit his ass on her back. Aubrey just wrapped his legs around her middle and held on, talking, as he always did with the animals, in as soothing a tone as he could manage.
"Ho! Ho, girl. Whoa, there,” he said, sitting deep and just holding on as she got a good long look at him and danced sideways again. Aubrey saw Kelly out of the corner of his eye; the kid was about ten yards away. Far enough not to get stepped on, but close enough to come save Aubrey's sorry ass if he got thrown. He turned his attention back to Hera, trying to make damn sure that didn't happen.
She was nervous, but she never bucked, she never squealed, and, after a few minutes, she gave up and stood still, puffing and watching Aubrey, but with all four feet on the ground.
"That's a girl. Easy, easy little lady.” Aubrey kept right on talking as he leaned forward to give Hera a rewarding pat on the neck.
He caught wind of her train of thought a second too late to stop her. Hera snorted and bucked and Aubrey went right off over her head, landing with a surprised “whoof” in the grass.
"Aubrey!"
Aubrey groaned and sat up just in time to see Hera turn her ass to him and saunter back toward the barn, grazing casually as she went.
"Aubrey?” Kelly slid to his knees next to Aubrey. “Are you okay? That bitch—"
Aubrey held a hand up. “I leaned forward and she took advantage of me being off-balance. She might be a bitch, or she might just be smarter'n both of us.” It was a game now, and Aubrey liked games.
"You stupid fuck, I can't believe you even tried."
Aubrey looked at Kelly. The kid's eyes were wide and he was a little breathless, and even Aubrey's cock responded protectively. He had to fight the urge to take Kelly into his arms. “Two steps back, kid."
"What?"
"Take two steps back before I...” Aubrey groaned. “Just do it."
Kelly moved away.
"Thank you.” Aubrey got to his feet. “I'm fine."
Kelly snorted. “You're fine?"
"I am fine, Kelly. And you're workin’ for me right now, so if I tell you I'm fine, you say ‘okay, Boss’ and that should be the end of it."
"What the hell is eating you all of a sudden?"
Aubrey ignored the question and followed Hera toward the barn.
* * * *
They'd just gotten Hera back into her stall and Aubrey was more than ready for that talk. He grabbed Kelly by the arm and made his way out of the barn.
"Aubrey?"
Aubrey said nothing, he just marched the kid across the yard and toward his truck.
"Hey! What the hell, cowboy?"
"It's lunchtime."
"So we'll go to lunch. You don't have to drag—"
"Shut up and get in the truck.” Aubrey snapped and gave Kelly a shove and Kelly obeyed, climbing into the passenger side.
"Wait, our lunches are in the—” Kelly broke off as Aubrey hit the gas, heading down the drive and toward the access road at a good clip. “Okay, are you going to tell me what's eating you?"
"I've got rules, Kelly. I need to follow those rules if I'm going to keep my goddamn job."
"Yeah,” Kelly nodded. “I know."
"And the way you strut around that barn makes it damn difficult for me to keep my fucking hands off of you."