Buddy and Leah are waiting for me to come out. He is first to stand, rushing me, causing me to stumble back. I’m not ready to be touched, so I hold up my arms to keep him away. His eyes scour my face and I can feel their intensity as he struggles to keep the tears from falling. Leah pulls up short next to Buddy. Her hands are clenched and kneading a Kleenex that has long since wiped its last nose. I look around to see if others are maintaining the vigil with us, but with the exception of Leah and Buddy, the waiting room is empty.
“Any word from Tyson?”
“Not in the last hour. He should be here any moment.” I drop to the nearest vacant chair. This would be the first time I would meet my sister’s son, but I didn’t want it to be under these circumstances.
“Any change?”
Unable to reply, I merely shake my head.
“I want to see her. No, I need to see her.” Buddy doesn’t wait for permission. He leaves the room with hitching shoulders as he struggles to keep from crying. I always knew in my heart that Buddy loved Sammie but it was never more evident than at this precise moment. His pain is written all over his face.
“So we still don’t know any more, do we?” I ask Leah.
“Buddy shed a little light on the subject, but I think that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he was supposed to meet Sammie at the mall, but she ran into Jessie first and they got into it. Looks like Sammie got pissed off at the world and shut down. She hasn’t been answering any of Buddy’s phone calls and she hasn’t been to work either.”
“Why didn’t she call me?”
“Good question. I was thinking about that on my ride over here and the only reason I can come up with is she didn’t want to speak with anyone. You would’ve answered your phone and probably cussed her out. But my phone is turned off during the night and she knows that.”
“Yeah, you got a good point, but I thought we were closer than that.”
“Jazz, I just don’t know. Only time will tell.” I don’t want to say what is on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I keep my dark thoughts to myself as we wait for Buddy to come out of Sammie’s room. The waiting is the hardest part. Trying to get comfortable in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar room runs a close second, and the third is not giving way to the fear that is struggling to choke me.
“I think now would be a good time to pray.” Leah crosses the room and we join hands with heads bowed. Buddy joins us when he comes back into the room and we welcome his strong hands into our fold. We are interrupted by the doctor.
“Sammie is stable. There is nothing that you can do here for her tonight. We will call you if anything changes.” I don’t want to leave, but I am starving and too tired to pay attention.
“I’m not going anywhere. You two go ’head and I’ll call you when she wakes up.” Buddy is trying his best to hold it together.
“Yeah, Jazz, we can come back in the morning.”
“Leah, do you wanna go and get some breakfast?”
“Yeah, I could use a bite to eat. I’ll follow you.”
“Buddy, do you want us to bring you something?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll call you if anything changes or Tyson shows up.”
Leah
I call Craig as I drive the few short blocks to Waffle House.
“Hey, baby, everything okay?”
“Still no change with Sammie, but I guess no news can be considered good news. Jazz and I are going to get something to eat. She’s a wreck, so I want to spend a little more time with her.”
“Take your time, sweetheart. The kids are fine.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” I don’t know what I did in life to deserve such a good man, but I constantly thank God for him each and every day. I lock the car and join Jazz at the door to the restaurant.
“I’m so hungry, I could eat raw horse meat right about now.”
“Damn, that’s hungry. I prefer my meat cooked.”
“Girl, I’m just playing. I like my shit well done.”
“Me too.” We order the all-star breakfast and settle back with our coffee.
“So how have things been going with Craig?”
“Girl, I can’t even complain.”
“He’s one of a kind.”
“Look, Jazz, this might not be the best time, but I can’t keep this information to myself much longer. Craig and I got married.” Noticing the ring, Jazz lets out a high-pitched squeal.
“Oh, Leah, I’m so happy for you. Why didn’t you say anything? This ring is off the chain.” She reaches across the table to get a closer look.
“Thanks, Jazz. I’ve barely had a chance to get used to it myself. Our lives have been high drama ever since we did the do.”
“Did ya’ll do it when you went away last weekend?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t the way he’d planned it, but he said the ring was burning a hole in his pocket. He was acting strangely and I was getting worried that he wanted out of the relationship. Next thing I know, we are in front of the wedding chapel.”
“Wow, how romantic. So what did your mother say?”
“Mom is on cloud nine. We are going to have a reception as soon as things start to calm down.”
“Girl, I knew that man was the truth from the moment I laid eyes on him. I wish you both the best of luck.”
“Thanks Jazz, I wasn’t going to say anything while Sammie is so ill. She just has to make it through this. I can’t lose another friend.”
“I know that’s right. Sammie’s biggest problem is that she’s spent her entire life worrying about what people think of her. She’s never felt free to be who she really is and keeps trying to reinvent herself to make someone else happy. That’s why I like Buddy so much, because he allows her to be herself.”
“Then what happened?”
“I can only guess. We had that cookout and it didn’t go as nicely as I’d planned. My aunt made this comment about her mother, which kinda started things off on the wrong foot, but it got better. My aunt can be a pain in the ass, especially when she’s drinking. She took a jab at me when she mentioned Buddy and that pissed me off too.”
“Jab at you? I don’t understand.”
“Buddy and I used to kick it. We never got intimate, but that’s not because he didn’t want to. He used to follow me around and my aunt remembered him. So she insinuated that Sammie stole Buddy like her mother stole my father.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, she kind of threw us all under the bus making it seem like I can’t keep a man and Sammie was just like her mother, trying to steal one. I almost let that old bat have it right in the kisser. I tell you the truth, Leah. I’ve never been so ashamed of my family as I was at that moment.”
“That’s deep. But you know how old folks are; you can’t control what comes out their mouths. It’s like kids say the damnest things; old folks take it a step further.”
“Ain’t that the truth? If Sammie wasn’t so hurt by her candor, it might have been funny.”
“So do you think it was enough to push Sammie over the edge?”
“I hope not, but I really don’t know. Sammie is her own worst enemy at times. She has this self-destructive behavior that kicks in when things are going good.”
“You noticed that too? I thought it was just me. It’s like she can’t stand for things to go right and she just has to stick her hand in it.”
“Exactly.” She looked so distraught I felt that I had to say what was on my mind.
“Look, Jazz, I want to say something and I’m afraid that you might take it the wrong way.”
“Go ahead, girl.”
“You know I love you and Sammie to death, but now I’m concerned about both of you. Sammie is lucky as hell to have found you when she needed you, but you can’t save her from every bump and bruise in life. She’s grown through your love and it’s time she stands on her own two feet, for better or worse.”
Many
emotions play across Jazz’s face—anger being one of them. For a moment I thought I’d overstepped my bounds, but a weary smile wins out in the end. Tears of acceptance appear as she grabs my hands across the table.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that. Ever since I met Sammie, I’ve felt responsible for her. Her life was so much different from mine, and I took it upon myself to right the wrongs that were done to her.”
“But, Jazz, can’t you see that you can’t fix what you didn’t break? You’re doing a disservice to yourself by trying. What about your goals and aspirations?”
“Girl, it’s not that bad. I’m okay.”
“Okay, humor me. Name one thing that you’ve always wanted to do and haven’t gotten around to.” I put down my fork and give her my full attention. This is the first time that Jazz and I are actually talking to each other one to one.
“Be a mother.”
I think she’s kidding until I look in her eyes. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
She nods her head. To say she caught me by surprise would be an understatement. Jazz doesn’t seem like the change-the-diaper-in-the-middle-of-the-night type.
“I love kids and since I can’t have my own, I wanna do the next best thing.”
“I didn’t know you can’t have children. I just assumed it was your choice.”
“Naw, it isn’t a choice on my part at all. I didn’t know it, but my ex left me a little something to remember him by and as a result, I can’t have kids. Motherfucker almost killed me. I’m just glad I went to the doctors when I did.”
“Damn, girl, that’s deep. Did you confront your ex?”
“Yeah, but what’s done is done. That’s why he’s paying me out the ass to keep quiet about that, and the fact that I caught him dick deep in my next-door neighbor’s ass. If word gets out that he is HIV positive, his practice will be over.”
“He gave you AIDS?” My heart feels like it has dropped into my shoes as fresh tears well in my eyes. I cannot take another friend being at death’s door.
“So far no. I get tested every six months to be sure. The realization that he was sleeping with a man was enough to scare the hell out of me about having kids until I knew for sure. But his stank ass gave me an STD and I had to have a hysterectomy.”
“Wow. He was sleeping with a man? Oh my God, that’s some Jerry Springer shit.”
“I know, right? For a long time, I couldn’t talk about it but I’m cool now. I’ve been thinking about adopting, but I keep having second thoughts.”
“Why? To me it’s simple; either you want kids or you don’t.”
“Spoken like a true mother. Leah, I’ve never been around kids like that. I play with your kids, but at the end of the day they go home with you. What I really need is to be around them just to see if I am actually cut out for the job.”
“Well, that’s easy to solve; you could start spending time at Craig’s center. He has all the kids you need and I’m sure he could use the help.”
“Actually, that’s what I was thinking, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Do you think Craig would let me?”
“Hell, yeah, do you want me to call him right now?”
“No, not right now. You can talk to him later. Tonight’s been hard enough without going into mo’ drama. Let’s just eat and see if we can get any rest tonight. I plan on being back at the hospital at the crack of dawn.” We pay the check and head to our cars, each lost in our own thoughts. I give Jazz a long hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Make sure you call me if there’s any change, or if you need me. I have to go back to work in the morning.”
“I hear ya. Oh, how’s your ex taking your marriage?”
“I haven’t told him yet. I haven’t spoken to him since the fire.”
“Fire, what fire?”
“That’s a long story and I need to get home. I’ll call you later and fill you in on the details.”
“Make sure you do. This sounds like it’s going to be good.”
“Trust me, it is. That fool finally started paying child support and watching the kids. He thinks we’re getting back together.”
“Now, where in the world did he get that idea from?” We both laugh as we get in our respective cars.
Kentee
“Leah is not going to have any choice but to see me today. I’m going to sit at her job until she comes out. I’m sick of waiting for her to return my calls and I want to see my children.”
Speaking to my reflection in the mirror, I am trying to bolster up some confidence that I’m not really feeling. I feel sorry for Tarcia, but until I find out the circumstances of the fire and why she stabbed me, that bitch is on hold. Life is tough enough without having to deal with crazy pussy, and to me, that is all Tarcia is. I never had the feelings for her that I have for Leah. I just thought I did.
Part of the problem was that I was unwilling to accept that I could father a child with a mental disability. That was the beginning of the end, but when it is all said and done, Leah has more class in her pinky toe than Tarcia has in her entire body. Tarcia is strictly ghetto and for once, I am ashamed of my own damn self for leaving my lady for a ho.
I remain resolved to win my baby back and reclaim my family. Glancing at the clock, I decide to make a trip to the mall my first stop before camping out at her job. My neck is still sore, so I swallow two more pain pills.
“I hope this shit doesn’t make me sleepy. That’s all I need right now is to fall asleep and wreck my car.” I carefully choose what to wear. I want to be sexy cool for my baby. I know it is going to take more than a two-karat engagement ring and some flowers to woo her back into my life, but I am prepared to use the children to my advantage as well. Once I’ve proposed I know I can find my way back in the house and into her bed.
A little voice in the back of my mind speaks up. What about Daddy Daycare? Don’t you think he’s hitting that?
“Hell fucking no! That’s my shit. She wouldn’t give it away no matter how bad I fucked up.” I try to shake that annoying voice right out of my head. In fact, I shake my head so hard, I develop a headache. Briefly, I consider taking another pain pill but change my mind. Hopefully, the fresh air will cleanse my thoughts and ease the pain.
Grabbing my keys, I set my alarm and jump in the car. Again that nagging voice whispers to me. You know Leah is going to let your ass have it for taking the kids to Tarcia’s. How ya gonna handle that, player?
“Shut the fuck up. Ain’t nobody ask you a damn thang.” I gun the engine and jump on 285 headed to The Shane Company. After all, diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Leah’s first ring wouldn’t even compare to the ring I plan on buying her this time. I turn up the radio and try to think pleasant thoughts as I fight the afternoon traffic.
“Don’t these motherfuckers have jobs?” I say, slamming my hand down on the steering wheel, willing them to get out of my way. I turn widely into the mall parking lot and hastily look for a parking spot. Again that voice speaks up. Dude, do you think Leah is stupid? Ain’t it a little late for a ring? I’ll bet she been hanging out with that Craig guy and that’s why she hasn’t been home every time you do a drive-by. Are you sure he ain’t hitting your pussy?
“Ugh, shut up, damn it!” I yell. I turn to see if anyone is paying attention to me. Heads turn to face me, but quickly turn away when our eyes meet. I can see eyes stealing glances at me as I stumble through the mall. The pain pills are affecting my equilibrium.
I have got to get myself together. When she sees this ring she is going to cream her panties and start begging me to give her this dick. Leah always loved this dick and the way I put it down. That much I am sure of.
An hour later, with the ring safely in my pocket, I drive to Leah’s job. I am acting mainly out of fear. I am afraid of what will happen when Leah finds out I left the kids with Tarcia. I cannot tell her that I am slinging drugs and need to reup. I don’t want her to find out that I am doing drugs again for fear that she won’t allow me to spend time with
the kids. I also don’t want to mess up any chances of us getting back together. The ring is burning a hole in my pocket and I cannot wait to give it to her.
I am still stunned that Tarcia actually stabbed me. I thought I had that heifer under control, but obviously I was wrong. I should have left that young pussy alone, but my dick has a mind of its own. Don’t get me wrong. The shit was good when it was good, but on the back end, I paid a healthy price. The pain in my neck is not worth the pleasure of my dick.
I knew Tarcia was straight-up ’hood when I met her, but she had a booty that went on for days and I just could not resist it. In hindsight, I should have done things differently and remained true to my wife, but shit happens. Now it was up to me to pick up the pieces of our lives and make lemonade out of the lemons I have.
Sweat is pouring from my forehead as I wait in the car. I don’t know if it is because of the medication or just plain fear that Leah is going to ignore my ass, or worse than that, clock me upside the uninjured side of my face. I am hoping she will be sympathetic to my injury and show me some love. I don’t see Leah’s car, but I am not leaving until I show her how much I love her. I didn’t count on her boyfriend picking her up from work and it takes me a moment to regroup when I see her getting in his car.
He is not her type. He is a GQ wannabe and seems too suave for her. Left with no choice, I follow them. I am prepared to wait until he leaves to present my ring to her. I almost crash into his car when he leans over and kisses her. She is obviously talking and pays no attention to me tailing them. That is my woman and he has no right to put his lips on her. The fact that she is smiling and shit doesn’t sit too well with me either.
Something isn’t right; they ride right past the center and they don’t stop. Where is he taking her and where the hell are my kids? I have no choice but to follow them. This shit isn’t cool at all. I fight the urge to dial her number because I know she won’t answer when she sees my number on her caller ID.
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