by Ciara Graves
“We’re not sure yet. Do you have anything in your pockets that might help?”
Rafael started to look, but Bowen took hold of my arm and dragged me away.
“How do you know he’s not putting on a show?” he asked. “That he didn’t do this to himself as a trick to get closer to you.”
“And do what? You're paranoid.”
“He’s a Fed. You might trust him, but I still don’t.”
“Fine, you want proof he’s truly lost his memory?”
Bowen nodded.
I marched back over to Rafael. “I have something to tell you.”
“Okay,” Rafael said slowly.
“I’m part mage and dragonborn.”
His eyes widened.
Bowen snapped my name followed by several curses. “Are you insane?”
“Dragonborn?” Rafael’s brow furrowed.
I held my breath, waiting.
Then his eyes lit up, and he smiled. “I thought they were all extinct. That’s incredible.”
“Yeah, it is.” I spun back around to face Bowen and his pissed off face. “See?”
“You’ve lost your mind.”
I shrugged. He wasn’t far from the truth. Once he learned what I’d been up to since getting back from Sector 18, he’d really think I’d gone crazy. Especially with Todd’s ghost of hanging around, but no one could know about him, or I’d be in even worse trouble. I told Rafael to take a seat back on the couch and dragged Bowen into the kitchen area with me.
“Look, I have a lot of questions I need to ask you about what I’ve found out, but right now Rafael is in trouble, and we can’t leave him wandering around without his memory.”
“So call his partner,” Bowen suggested. “She can take care of him.”
“No,” I said, uncertain why dropping him off at the Fed building bothered me so much.
“He’s not your responsibility.”
“Maybe not, but he was there for me when I needed him.”
Granted, we were even at this point, I thought. There really was no reason for me to keep an eye on him, but a part of me was curious to know what Rafael was like without the burden of his past hanging over his head. He was so much more relaxed and open. Was it wrong of me to want to take this time and get to know who he was beneath all the shit that he’d been through in his life?
“I’m going to help him whether you want me to or not,” I told Bowen.
He hissed, eyes flaring for a moment. “I will never understand what you see in that demon.”
“Compared to what, a vampire prince who’s hiding a very large past from me? You are a prince, aren’t you?” I countered.
He scowled at me.
“Right, sorry, that was… I’m sorry. I’m just a bit stressed out at the moment.” I turned back to check on Rafael and bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from freaking out.
Todd was sitting right next to him, poking him repeatedly with his ghost finger.
I frowned at him, but he shrugged.
“Bored. What else do you expect me to do?”
“Mercy?” Bowen asked.
“Are you going to help or not?” I asked Bowen, giving Todd’s ghost one last glare.
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll help you keep an eye on him and figure out where his mind went. But when I come back tomorrow night, you are telling me everything you’ve gotten yourself into. And I mean everything. No more secrets.”
“Yeah, no more secrets.” Because that day would never actually happen. I was losing track of how many secrets I had these days and whom I was keeping them from. All it would take was one slip up, and I’d be watching my life come crashing down around me all over again. “Where are you going now?”
“Back to the Underground where he was wandering about. See if I can’t find someone who saw him go with another supe. I’ll be back tomorrow after the sun sets.”
“Thanks, Bowen.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I mean it, Mercy. You will tell me everything, or I’ll go to Damian.”
“Damian.” Shit. I had to go to him in less than ten hours, or he’d be coming here, and I did not need him dragged into this mess. He was going to want to know where I’d been for the last week and that was not going to be an easy lie to tell. “I’ll tell you everything.”
“Good.” Bowen gave Rafael one final annoyed look, mumbled something about sinking so low he had to save a demon, then blurred out of my apartment. The door slammed shut seconds later, and I went to lock it after peering into the hall to make certain it was empty.
When I returned to the living area, Rafael was studying the pages on the coffee table. He’d unfolded them and was holding up the one with the tree and the blood moon. “What are these?”
“Recognize them?” I doubted he would, but it was worth a shot.
He turned the pages over, flipped through the others, but his furrowed brow said he had no more ideas about the Blood Moon than he did about himself. “Nothing, sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Are they important?”
“You could say that,” I replied, sitting down on the couch beside him.
Todd had vacated the seat and was currently in the chair, raising his brows and pointing his thumb at Rafael. Then he pursed his lips like he was going to kiss someone.
This ghost was going to be the death of me. “I hope you don’t mind sleeping on the couch. Just like old times,” I told him with a grin.
“It is? I’ve slept here before?”
He didn’t seem too upset by that idea and grinned at me.
“Ah no, but I crashed at your place for a while. We were working on a case together, made things easier.”
“A case?”
“Yeah, you’re a federal agent, and I’m a bounty hunter,” I explained. “We were after the same guy. We worked together.”
“Did we catch him?”
I scrunched my face up wondering if I should lie, but there was no point. “No, we were attacked by gobs, and they turned on the mage. He was killed, but we survived. We saved one of his victims. It wasn’t such a bad night.”
“Only one of his victims?”
“Sadly, we were a bit late catching onto his game, but he’s dead now so he can’t hurt anyone else.” I studied his features closely, the way his brow wrinkled, and his hands closed into fists on his thighs. Even without his memories, the instinct to protect others was there. As was the anger when he found out he hadn’t been able to save everyone. “We worked another case recently, too. Werewolves this time.”
“Did it end well?”
“We stopped a turf war from breaking out.”
“That’s good.” He leaned back against the couch, pointing to the pages I took from Liam’s home. “And these? Are they for a new case we’re working on together?”
How did I answer that question? Technically there was no case unless we were talking about revenge. Rafael believed Liam was the one who cursed me. In truth, I was just now tracking down that bastard. If only I had his real name instead of what everyone called him. I bet he gave himself that nickname, too. Envy. What a load of bullshit.
“Sort of,” I finally said. “You haven’t been caught up to date on this one quite yet.”
“I’ve got time now.”
“You do, but I think you should get some sleep,” I suggested. “Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, and you look a bit worn around the edges. Don’t think you’ve been sleeping well.”
“Would you know if I wasn’t?” The question was innocent enough but loaded with the underlying question of what we were to each other.
I swallowed hard.
He smiled, reaching for my hand. “I just uh, I’m floundering a bit here trying to make sense of what we are to each other. Aside from partners, I guess. My gut’s telling me there’s more to it than that.”
Suddenly I wanted Rafael back to his old self. It made getting mad at him easier. This Rafael was nice. Sweet almost. The way his han
d held mine was so unlike the night he tried to strangle me for touching his scars. Granted that had been on instinct to defend himself. It was such a harsh touch compared to what was happening now. Butterflies fluttered around my stomach, and I found myself studying our hands.
“We’re not sure yet,” I replied quietly. “It’s a work in progress I guess you could say.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I want to say yes, but ah, but we haven’t really talked about it much. Us, I mean.”
“Should we?” His thumb rubbed over my knuckles.
The butterflies multiplied. Thankfully I was sitting down because my knees shook. My breath caught as his hand moved up to cup my scarred cheek.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s not saying much when you can’t remember anything,” I said with a light laugh. I should have pulled away, should have told him to put his head down and go to sleep. Too bad my body wouldn’t obey me.
His hand remained on my cheek.
“Rafael.”
“Hmm?”
He hadn’t once asked about the scar, not since he first saw me. Usually, it was the first thing someone noticed about me. “The scar. You didn’t ask about it.”
“No?” His brow wrinkled even more.
I reached up to smooth out the lines without thinking. He caught that hand in his free one and kissed my palm. I was in trouble, very deep trouble.
“Think I already know what happened.”
“You do?” I stilled. Was his memory coming back already? I shot a worried glance to the pages on the table. I had to hide them away and what if he remembered what I told him? This time when my pulse shot up, it had nothing to do with what he was doing and everything with sheer panic. I held my breath, waiting for his eyes to fill with recognition then anger, but they never did.
“You were hurt by magic,” he answered. “Something tells me we took care of it though.”
“Not yet,” I admitted then mentally kicked myself.
“No?”
“No, but that’s what we’re working on now.” That’s it, Mercy, just keep digging that hole deeper and deeper. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut around him?
“Is that what really happened to your face because I know it wasn’t a bar fight.”
“How could you know that?”
“You don’t lie as well as you think. If whoever you’re after caused this, then I’m in.”
I said nothing, his first words still echoing through my mind. I’d been lying to Rafael since I met him. With all his pain and own baggage stripped away, he was clearheaded enough to catch me in my lies, and that boded ill for me.
“Mercy, did you hear me? I’m not letting you take this on alone. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”
I coughed, trying to come up with a reason for him not to get involved, though hearing how angry he was at my getting my ass kicked stirred up some strange dormant emotions of what it felt like to have a guy be protective over me. And not because he knew my parents. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea with the state you’re in. You should rest, take a vacation—”
He leaned in and kissed me, just a gentle brush of his lips against mine, but it was all it took for me to forget what I was telling him.
He kissed me again, and this time, I scooted closer, wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands slipped to my waist. It was like the dream all over again, except this time was real. We stayed locked together, content to forget the rest of the world.
I opened my eyes to find Todd nodding in approval as he watched from his chair.
Crap. I’d forgotten he was here. Slowly, I pulled back, smiling. My face was flushed. Rafael’s was too.
“Sorry, I’m not sure what came over me. Just had this feeling I’d been waiting a long time to do that.” His eyes glowed a soft red as he leaned in and brushed his lips over mine once more.
“Don’t apologize,” I argued. “I’m happy you did, but you should really get some sleep.”
“Right, of course.”
“I’ll be just over there if you need me.” I motioned to the bed. “And bathroom is back there.”
“Thanks.” His eyes were filled with contentment for once and getting up off the couch took a lot more effort than it should have.
I grabbed my sleep shorts, and tank then went to change in the bathroom. When I got out, he was lying on the couch, eyes closed. As soon as I passed by though, I sensed him watching me. When I turned back to look, his eyes were closed again, but he had a sleepy grin on his face.
“My, my. Sparks are certainly flying,” Todd said.
I rolled over.
He was sitting on the edge of my bed. “He likes you.”
“Really?” I breathed. “You think?”
“No, Mercy, I mean he likes you. Not just this version of him.”
“How can you tell?” I asked, frowning. “He’s not exactly himself.”
“That impulse he had to kiss you? That’s the real Rafael in there. Trust me on this. I know what I’m seeing.”
“Says the hitman.”
“The hitman who once upon a time had a loving wife. Before she and everyone else I knew was taken from me. We had so little time together.” His eyes grew sad. “Don’t let yourself get so lost in your lies you lose a good thing.”
“I can’t tell him everything.”
“Can’t you? What’s the worst that could happen? He’s already risked so much for you. As you have for him. Don’t wait too long is all I’m saying.”
On my back, I looked at the ceiling. If ever there was a time for me to tell Rafael the whole truth and see how he took it, it would be now. What would I do if his memory came back and he recalled everything I told him?
Then again, what if his memory never came back?
I was still awake when the sun came up, listening to Rafael’s soft snoring, torn between letting his real partner handle this situation or taking him along for the ride to see what we could really do together when he was just Rafael and not Rafael the Fed.
Chapter 7
Rafael
Antonio’s eyes glimmered as he stomped around, fire catching anywhere he stepped.
“All this time you’ve been inside my mind,” I said softly, “how did I not know?”
“There was never a reason for me to show myself. Until you failed me.” He shook his head. “I must say, brother, I am very disappointed in you.”
“The rest of you moved on. You should do the same, stop yourself from suffering.”
“Ah, so you do care for me.”
I snarled at his words. “I’ve always cared for you. I mourned your death. What makes you think otherwise?”
“You never avenged me.”
“The ones responsible were put to death. I saw it happen.”
He howled, and the fire spread out from him, threatening to burn me. “You have a known mage working with you. She stayed in your home. And you have feelings for her. How could you?”
“Mercy has nothing to do with the slums, or our pasts,” I argued. “She is innocent.”
“She is a mage. None of them are ever innocent,” he spat. “Once upon a time, you knew that to be true. It’s time you were reminded of the horrors her people inflicted on ours.”
“I am going to set you free from this,” I told him. “It’s time for you to move on.”
“Why?” he asked lightly. “Why would I want to move on? My death hasn’t been avenged, and your oath is far from fulfilled.”
Shadow figures moved around us. Their faces were growing more clear, the longer I stood there facing my brother. The shadow figures were the others killed in the slums. Those I hadn’t been able to save. How long had it been already? A few minutes? I had no way of telling time in here, no way of knowing what was happening outside of my mind. The only way out was through my brother and the memories holding us both back.
“This is happening,” I assured. “It’s time I let
go of my guilt, and you can’t stay with me forever.”
“You promised me you would make them pay,” he snapped. “You swore so. As I took my last breath in your arms, you swore you would. And yet you stand there with your hands clean as a mage walks free? She’s just like them. Her power is exactly the same.”
“She’s known hardship in her life just as we have,” I argued. “She was not in the slums.”
“You said they were all alike,” Antonio ranted. “That every mage deserved to die no matter who they were because that was how the world saw us. No one loved us. No one came to save us.”
“We grew up in a shitty sector,” I agreed, “but that gives me no right to pass judgment.”
“It gives you every right when she’s a mage.”
I hoped in starting this I would have a chance to talk sense into this small bit of my brother’s soul, but it seemed he was more content to argue with me than to listen to reason. There was none of my brother’s kindness in his eyes, no innocence. I walked toward him then around, searching for a way to reach my memories.
“We’re taking this journey,” I informed him. “We’re facing our past together.”
“You want to face our past?” he challenged, suddenly right beside me again. “Fine then, brother. Let’s face our past. Shall we start with your first failure?” He snapped his fingers, and a door appeared in front of us. Solid wood. I peeked around it, but there was nothing on the other side. “Open it if you’re so keen to revisit the past. Let’s see what truly happened back then.”
“I know what happened,” I snapped. “I saw more suffering than you did. I protected you from it the best I could.”
“Didn’t do a very good job, did you?”
“You were never meant to be involved.” After our parents died, my main priority had been keeping Antonio safe and finding a way to sneak him out of Sector 2. He was the only family I had left, and I planned on keeping him alive even if it meant I would die. “I am sorry for your death. I’ve never stopped being sorry for it, but I cannot change what occurred. I can’t bring you back.”
“You think that’s the only memory haunting you? Oh no, brother, there are plenty more examples of your failures. Shall we start with the first?”