by JK Ensley
“What Viatrix is trying to tell you without telling you, is that our traditional ceremony calls for you, the bride, to pass by all Vanir. If they approve of you joining our family here in Vandermil, they will pin a ribbon of their own design onto your shift. Thus, your dress may change on the way to the temple.”
“May change?”
“Well, yes,” Viatrix explained. “If they accept you, then your shift will be covered with many colorful ribbons. It will become a uniquely beautiful wedding dress by the time you reach the altar.”
“If they accept me? Why wouldn’t they accept me?”
“Well, my darling, you did threaten to gut them in their sleep,” he reminded me.
“Oh yes… I did do that, didn’t I?”
“All will be fine, child. It really doesn’t matter to Vindicus what your dress looks like. He loves you and that’s all that truly matters.”
“No, Viatrix, it’s not all that truly matters to my extended family Vanir. It will take many lifetimes for me to heal all the damage I have caused in such a short while. As for my wedding shift, I don’t care if I have to walk to the cathedral completely nude, absent dress entirely, as long as Vindicus accepts me. That’s all I want.”
“Completely nude? Wow, imagine what would happen if we all dressed to match.” He winked, smiling mischievously.
Viatrix laughed. “I’m glad you feel that way, my dear. I was afraid you would be terribly hurt if you were shamed on such a momentous day.”
“I will not lie to you and tell you it won’t hurt me terribly if my shift remains ribbonless. I deserve it. I know that. Yet I will proudly bear my shame if it means I can stand with the man I love, declaring our eternal union to all of Vandermil.”
“Will you marry me?”
I turned to find Vindicus kneeling beside me, a smile on his face, tears in his eyes.
“I didn’t get to ask you before, it happened minus our words. I wanted to ask you properly because… you take my breath away and I love you, beautiful Angel.”
My smile couldn’t be contained, and I never wished it to be. I jumped into his strong arms, kissing him over and over.
“So, I presume this is a yes,” he moaned.
Viatrix left us then, and I’m very glad she did.
*****
His attention was, as always, worshipful. Never had I felt so delicate, so precious, as I did when Vindicus held me in his gentle arms. He consumes me, melts me. I can’t get enough of this man. Never am I content. The more I have him, the more I desire him. His overwhelming love will be my undoing, and I revel in that glorious notion.
He is my Ambrosia, my Turkish Delight. That thought made me giggle. My mind drifted back to the many wonderful books I’d abandoned back on Earth. I sighed.
“Do I bore you, dearest Anicee?”
“You know better than that, sapphire boy.” I tapped the tip of his nose.
“Boy, is it?” He scooped me up in his arms. “Shall I find you a man, or will this boy suffice?”
I giggled. “Apologies, Milord. If you are a boy, I shouldn’t be able to handle a man. You own me, Vindicus, own me in a way I never thought possible, never even imagined.” I gently traced my fingertips down his sculpted cheek, stared deep into his perfect sapphire eyes. “I cannot breathe when you leave the room. When you’re removed from my sight, even for a moment, a giant gaping hole opens up right through the middle of me. How is this possible, my love? How can one soul’s very existence depend so heavily upon another?”
“We are joined, Anicee. Never will we be whole without the other. I feel as you do, sense your every emotion, your every thought, every desire. We are one.”
He kissed me once more, tenderly capturing my lips.
“It’s an unexplainable joy,” I whispered. “An awesomeness that cannot be described, not properly. And yet, in the same breath, it’s terrifying beyond all comprehension.”
“Yes, the need to be whole, the need to keep you whole and safe, will always rule my being, always.” He gently ran the tip of his finger out the length of my collar bone. “You are my hallelujah, Anicee, my amen, my everything.”
The tears came, unbidden. How can I love so hard, so completely, so utterly intense? I wish to devour him. I wish him to remain within me, always. The universe can fall away, yet leave me this man, this incredibly magnificent man.
“Jenevier, my love, I have something for you.”
I smiled softly, still basking in the amazing afterglow of our unmatched love. “Mmm… Is it a surprise?”
He brushed my curls back. I felt a slight weight about my neck an instant before he kissed me there.
“Your collar, Milady,” he whispered against my tingling skin.
“Collar?” I snorted out a sardonic laugh.
“No. No, that’s the wrong word.”
I reached up, fingering the cool gem as it lay flush against my warm skin. “Do you wish to collar me? Am I to be your caged pet?” I playfully winked.
His gorgeous smirk returned, erasing the confused look he had been wearing while searching for the right word. “You are most definitely my pet, Anicee.” He chuckled softly near my ear. “Yet I fear even I am not capable of caging you.”
“It’s a choker.” I kissed his sculpted cheek and reluctantly crawled from the warm bed.
“What? Choke her?”
I was admiring the vibrant blue sparkle, made even more radiant back dropped by my ethereal skin. Turning from the looking glass, I cast him a tender smile over my shoulder. “The word you were looking for… it’s choker.”
“Well, that’s a rather violent sounding word. I like collar better. I do not wish to choke you.”
I giggled, my gaze remaining fixed on the lovely necklace my husband had just gifted me. I felt the coming tears burning the backs of my eyes.
Vindicus slid his strong arms around my waist, pulling me back against his warm chest. “That’s my stone you wear about your delicate little neck, beautiful Angel.” His tickling whisper left my ear as he bent to kiss my bared shoulder. “Never has it glowed as radiantly as when wrapped about your lovely throat. It is stunning.”
I sniffed. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” I placed my hands over his about my waist. “I shall treasure it always. I love you, Vindicus.”
“I knew that minus your words, Anicee. We are one, you and I. And… I love you more.” He quickly snatched me up in his arms, falling back onto the bed.
My excited giggles filled our happy little home, that is, until they were cut off by his melting kiss.
I completely lost myself in this incredible man. He was my whole world.
This… this was true bliss.
Chapter 21
Valencia
(vah-LIN-cee-ah)
The door slammed and I jumped.
My charming Vindicus had gone to see to the final preparations for our wedding and Viatrix was retrieving my ritual shift. I was terrified—thrilled beyond containing it—so I was brushing my hair, busying my hands to calm my nerves.
“Vindicus, is that you, my love?”
A strange voice answered me. “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. How in the hell did you get in— Ahh… By all that’s holy…”
I didn’t know the tinkling angelic voice, yet something about it tugged at the recesses of my mind.
“What… have… you… done?”
I turned from the looking glass to find the lovely, impatient Vanir lady who had winged me here from my eighth layer purgatory.
I smiled. “There you are. I was wondering where in the Otherworld you’d disappeared to. I haven’t seen you for days. Did you come back for the wedding?”
The angelic woman froze in her steps and very nearly swayed. I quickly stood, poised to catch her. Regaining her composure, she glared at me, astonished.
“Days? Wedding?” Her voice was oddly disconnected, trance-like.
I smiled, nodding my affirmation to her halting question
s.
“You stupid little… Jenevier, you’ve been here only hours. Wha-what have you done?”
Her disbelieving words turned to venomous accusations. She cautiously approached me, moving one foot purposely in front of the next, inching closer.
“I have been searching everywhere for you. Why didn’t you stay put as I told you to?”
I laughed, flippantly. “Hours? Have you gone mad, Angel? Have you lost your wits upon your journey? Besides, I’m exactly where you left me. I stayed put.”
The confused woman with the silver hair hurriedly closed the gap between us, roughly placing her giant hands on my shoulders. She looked deep into my eyes for one long, disquieting moment, seeking a truth I was not hiding. Then, she did the strangest thing. She licked my neck. Never had a woman Vanir shown me she had such ability. The sensation brought back vivid memories of my first day in Vanahirdem with Vareilious. She tasted me, rolled my scent around in her mouth, then sniffed the air about my face.
My heart lurched within my chest when that familiar guttural growl formed in her throat.
“Tell me all that’s happened since your arrival,” she rasped. “Leave out nothing, no matter how small.”
Terrified and confused, I spilled forth the story of my past week with minute detail. “When first we arrived and you welcomed me to Vandermil—”
“Vandermil? I did no such thing! You are as you have always been, Jenevier, intentionally ignorant. There’s no such place as Vandermil. Didn’t you complete your studies as part of your training? I carried you to the Nether, the waiting place. You strolled into this realm all on your own. You obviously weren’t coerced and you most certainly cannot be forced. Your feet led you here. Freely you entered this place. And by the look of things, I should just leave you here. If they weren’t all waiting for you, I would.”
My stomach was already turning in on itself. Weakening knees forced me back upon my gilded stool. Turning to the mirror, I caught my ethereal interrogator’s reflection within the looking glass. Pure horror was painted across her majestic features. I couldn’t force myself to turn again, too scared to face her proper. Continuing my recitation with my back to the stranger, I only glanced up occasionally to see her stricken image. She remained deathly silent.
“When I arrived, Vindicus, the Gate Guardian, was first to greet me. Soon after, I met Vybius. He brought me here, the exact twin to my home in Vanahirdem. Then something happened to me. I passed out I guess, I’m not sure. Anyway, Vybius found me and took care of me, whispered me back from the void place. He spent days upon the task.”
“Tell me what this Vybius looks like to you,” she demanded.
“Well, he’s beautiful, like Varick. But where Varick is golden, here in front.” I touched my own hair by way of explanation. “Vybius is amethyst. Oh, and the same with his eyes. Yet Vybius’s pupils are bright silver and they flash sometimes. Like when he’s reading my soul.”
“Go on.”
“Well, I woke just in time for their council meeting. I met many wonderful Vanir there. Everyone was very curious as to what had befallen me and my life. Vybius was kind enough to use his magic orb thingy to replay every moment—from when I first received my curse, right on up to my execution.”
“He replayed your life? To you only?”
“No. The whole of Vandermil watched.”
“I see… Go on.”
“So, the next day Vybius was going to show me what happened to everyone else back home, in Ashgard and Vanahirdem, while I was in exile.”
She smirked knowingly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Let me guess, he couldn’t show you anything. His orb was broken or he was too tired or he was called away suddenly.”
“No, none of those things… albeit strange of you to say thus. It just never got to happen, never got to be.”
“What do you mean? What happened instead?”
“Actually, this is the embarrassing part. I’m afraid it was entirely my fault. You see, I was extremely nervous about seeing how everyone had gone on with their lives, how they’d continued on without me. Vybius tried his best to lend me comfort—”
“Did he bed you?” she interrupted.
“No. Goodness, no. He only held me and tried to reassure me. Anyway, I begged his leave, deciding to go to the temple and pray for strength.”
“The temple?”
I turned to face her then. She couldn’t possibly be any more confused than I was at this moment.
“Surely you know of the temple, Angel. In the center of the city? Don’t try to feign ignorance. Have you never been to Vanahirdem? Vandermil is the mirror image. Have you not noticed?”
“Do not name me Angel.” Her eyes blazed. “Again I say, there is no Vandermil. And no, I haven’t noticed. Is that the way it looks to you?”
“Of course it does. How can you not see? Well, I mean the Vanir here have colored hair to match their affinities, their wings are ebony instead of white, and the streets aren’t crystal but paved with every color gem imaginable. Other than that, it’s the absolute twin to my old ethereal home. You, my friend, are the only one who dons the familiar silver locks of Vanahirdem.”
“Is that so? Then tell me. What happened when you went to pray? Did God speak to you?”
“Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. Yes, He did speak to me. Just not in words like we exchange now.”
“Tell me every single word you thought He said,” she demanded.
I took a deep breath. “When I finally sat upon the mercy seat, I didn’t actually get to pray. I was overcome with self-pity, drowning in my own doubt. I cried and cried until exhaustion claimed me, then I slept. That’s when God sent my spirit a sort of vision. I left this place and went to Vanahirdem, but it was deserted. I heard Valadrog’s booming voice coming from the heart of the city. I raced to him. Everyone was gathered in one accord within the great hall. And that’s when I saw…” I paused.
“When you saw what? Tell me,” she coaxed.
“When I saw my own husband… marrying another,” I whispered.
“Marrying? Varick? Is that what you saw? Truly?”
“Yes!” I spat out the word through my tears. “He and his intended were lavishly robed, kneeling on the steps before Valadrog and Vareen. Vareilious was there as witness, holding Vinika’s hand. Don’t look at me like that! I know what I saw and I know who it was… Varick. He turned those golden eyes I loved so much toward me. Even seemed to see me standing there.”
“So… it was you,” she whispered.
“Of course it was me!”
“What happened next?”
I closed my eyes, trying to hide from the painful memory I was forever cursed with. “What happened next? Huh, that one’s easy. What happened next was my own annihilation, my very death. That’s what I wished to happen, what I begged for. In truth, I lost it. I just screamed. The pain ripped my soul to pieces.” My voice began to quiver, making my words sound liquidy, like I was singing through water. “Thankfully, a great wind brought me back to my body here in the temple.”
“Go on,” she coaxed.
“Like I said, I lost it. I’m so ashamed at my horrid behavior towards these noble people. I turned my back on the comfort God was trying to impart upon me, stormed through the holy doors—defiant, filled with blackest rage. I was destroyed. I forgot everything Vareilious taught me. I screamed at Vybius as if I were a mad woman—feral, minus civility completely. And then when barred by Vindicus, I attacked him.”
“Did you change?”
“Change?”
“Did you change into Vashti?”
“Vashti? No, of course not. My mask has been taken from me. No, I fought him as myself.”
“Indeed. So, he beat you severely.”
“No. He broke my ribs when he threw me against the steps.” I sighed. “I’m glad I was so distracted by seeing Varick’s eyes over and over in my mind or I might’ve killed him. I crushed many of his bones, tore chunks of flesh from his face… bef
ore he finally grabbed my hair, pinning me to him, holding still my arms. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for doing such harm. I threatened all of them with death, the entire city, while they slept, no less.”
“So what happened once Vindicus subdued you?”
“Vybius bade him take me to the dome, told him to wash me in the healing waters. I begged him not to. I begged Vindicus to break my neck, free me from the pain of my broken heart, release my shattered soul. I explained to him I was nothing but an empty vessel, devoid of everything except self-hate. He didn’t heed my cries, yet together, he immersed us both in those waters…” I didn’t think I could continue reliving the nightmare, recalling the harm I’d wrought on the one I now love. I took a deep breath.
“Go on, Jenevier. What happened within the waters?”
“I was remade.” I opened my eyes then, met her questioning gaze.
“Remade? What do you mean? Tell me exactly.”
“As I said, I was an empty vessel. I could feel my physical body healing. And then, I was filled up with tiny threads of life until my empty vessel was made whole once more.”
“What do you mean, threads?
“I know not how to explain it properly. It was like I was woven back together. Mostly it was threads of myself. But then threads of Vindicus mixed in with mine, and mine with him. It was glorious. Never have I felt so alive. Everything was clearer, sharper, more passionate. I knew with splendid certainty God had healed me together with Vindicus… and Vindicus knew it as well. Then everything seemed to happen in fast-forward. We loved each other, how could we not? We desired each other. We were part of each other.”
“So… you lay with this Vindicus?”
“Oh yes, and it was… it was… unimaginably perfect. And that’s when this happened.” I held up my hand to show her my binding tattoo.
She gasped. “By all that’s holy…”