Just Can't Let Go

by Mary B. Morrison

  “She’s in New York,” he said, not knowing that was where my event was.

  “New York. Doing what?”

  “In the studio. Recording.” There was a B-roll that would cut to her, then back to us. “We’ll be back in the ATL before she gets back here.”

  Truth was I had plans to meet my married guy Travis in New York for the weekend. He’d planned a private party for my birthday with all of his A-list celebrity friends in Manhattan. Of course Travis’s wife would be there, but he’d be spending the night at the Waldorf with me.

  “It’s for your birthday. I’ll have you back by Monday.”

  “What time?”

  “Eight.”

  “a.m.”

  “P,” he said.

  The camera crew filmed us entering the airport at ticket check-in. Trés called, “Take!”

  The viewers would see a studio replica of the inside of the airport. When we arrived at the gate, I’d notice he’d booked us a flight to Puerto Rico. Easing my cell out of my purse, it would show my booking a one-way ticket from Puerto Rico to New York first flight out in the morning.

  Devereaux had outdone herself. Memorizing my lines did not compare to bringing my character to life. From my house to the airport completed our part of the shoot for day one.

  “You guys did great. Tomorrow is a travel day,” Devereaux said.

  I told her, “Thanks!” with a huge smile. Almost gave her a hug and a kiss. That would’ve been inappropriate under the circumstances.

  Tomorrow we’d film West-Léon and my arrival into Puerto Rico. I’d stay overnight, we’d celebrate my birthday until sunrise, then (while he was asleep) I’d jet-set escape for my flight to New York and fashionably arrive just in time for my party with Travis . . . and his wife.

  Maybe I could have dinner with my real husband while I was in Manhattan. Tonight I wanted celebratory sex. I’d only invited one person to our home one time while Buster was away. This series had me believing I could get over on any man with anything. I felt adventurous and dangerous at the same time.

  I texted Spencer, Meet me at my house in an hour. My husband is out of town.

  CHAPTER 36

  Alexis

  I texted Spencer, Come over right now. I need you.

  The odds weren’t in my favor to have a child growing inside of me. Not because I’d faked a miscarriage and the odds of being pregnant this soon were slim. My epiphany was I didn’t want children at all. When I saw pictures of LA on James’s cell, then Chanel seriously ended our relationship, I had no one to rely on to pay my bills. Concocting the pregnancy was to gain sympathy.

  Men don’t know as much about women as they think. Spencer spoke intelligently on how to please a woman sexually, how to make her squirt. The particulars on miscarriage, abortion, and pregnancy, he wasn’t up on calculating why women would lie about those things. There was no way James could check my cervix or medical records to confirm or deny my involuntary termination.

  I texted James, I really hate that I lost our baby.

  Alexis please spare me your lies!!

  I replied, What if I’m pregnant from this weekend?

  And when exactly did you stop taking your contraceptives dear liar?

  I didn’t bother to tell him I’d stopped when I started lying about being pregnant. I’d had sex since then, but not with a man. If I were with child, I’d be one hundred percent sure James was the father. Exhaling, I didn’t respond to his last text. I prayed his child was inside of me.

  Hit Spencer with the text, Are you on your way? You want me to come over? I need someone to talk to man.

  All day I’d chilled at my spot wondering what was wrong with me. Why did I feel the need to manipulate those closest to me? Money wouldn’t make me better. I had to want to treat people good. I’d be glad when my college classes resumed next month. Had too much idle time.

  The flowers I’d sent my mom were from my heart. She didn’t deserve the way I’d disrespected her for too many years to count. She seemed happy last night at dinner. Even offered for me to call her attorney. This inheritance would give me financial freedom for life. Hopefully I’d be kinder.

  A more considerate Alexis Crystal, didn’t even feel right thinking it. I enjoyed being a bitch.

  Three boxes of pregnancy test sticks were on my coffee table. Didn’t want to take it without my brother being here so either way somebody would know I was telling the truth. If I weren’t expecting, I’d lean on my brother for support.

  Spencer didn’t need the money my dad left me. Maybe that’s why Conner left it all to my baby-to-be and me. I was going to get pregnant. Soon. Real soon. Tonight maybe. James couldn’t resist me.

  I called my brother. Got his voice mail.

  The suspense was killing me. Picking up one of the boxes, I went to the restroom. Peeled away the seal. Peed on the stick, then waited for a + or − sign to appear. The results gradually showed in the window. The information stated the test was 99% accurate. It was a +.

  “Yes!” I jumped up and down. Danced. “Wow!”

  I took a picture. Started to text it to Spencer. Changed my mind. Sat on the toilet.

  “Now what, Alexis?”

  Well, I had to have the baby. I didn’t have to keep it. And I was sure who the father was. Initially I was excited, but now I wasn’t. What was going to happen to my gorgeous figure? The added weight, wide nose, big feet, possible morning sickness for real this time. Why was I tripping? I was going to be on the same level with people with money who could afford trainers and nutritionists.

  Sitting on my sofa, I picked up the trust. Scanned the pages. I stopped. My eyes stretched wide. “How in the hell did I miss this?”

  I read, “The baby must be born on or before December 31st, of the current year.” It was July. The only way for that to happen was to let a doctor cut me open three months early.

  All I could do was cry and scream, “I hate you, Conner Rogers!”

  CHAPTER 37

  Phoenix

  “This shit has got to stop before I lose it, man.”

  Marvin was my boy. He was out there getting his stroke on. Just like me, but he didn’t have my problems.

  “I finally got the contract from my lawyer. I lowered my fee from ten grand to five a month. I’m going to take it to Goldie tonight. That way I can be on set soon as I find a sitter.”

  Marvin busted out laughing. “You’re killing me, dude, and Devereaux is going to abominate your ass. Let it go and chill this season.”

  “Man, I’ve tried to stop fucking with Goldie but I can’t.” Marvin didn’t understand. He’d never fallen in love with one of his sides.

  “Try harder, dude,” Marvin insisted. “I’m your friend. I wouldn’t tell you this if I thought you couldn’t handle it, but you’re fucking up. Devereaux is a good woman. She’s rising to the top and you’re drowning in two feet of toxic water. Time for you to uplift the woman who’s got your back. When this series hits, Goldie is going to drop you, bruh. Then what? I’m not going to tell you again. Leave Goldie alone!” This time he was obviously pissed with me.

  “Man, I want to but, I just can’t let go.”

  “Fine,” Marvin said, then asked, “What about Sandara keeping Nya?”

  “Man, she’s trippin’. Said she got a job and she’s going back to school.” I laughed at that bullshit, went to Nya’s bedroom.

  Nya had fallen asleep. It was eight. I could leave her here, go to Ebony’s, get the contract signed, and make it back before my baby girl got up.

  “I know I said fine, man, but I’m your friend. What you need to do is chill,” Marvin said. “Devereaux is all that.”

  “Man, she ain’t going nowhere.”

  Marvin laughed hysterically. “No. She’s not, but your black ass is if she finds out. Where are you going to live? How are you going make it, man?”

  “And how’s she supposed to find out? Ebony is not going to say a word.”

  “Nya might say something if she
’s ever around Devereaux while Ebony is there too. See, you’re not thinking this shit through. You’re thinking with your dick, dude. Don’t blame Goldie or nobody else when you fuck yourself.”

  I was too on top of my game for that to happen. “I don’t take Nya to Ebony’s. I take her to Uncle Marvin’s house.”

  “Aw, hell no, man! Don’t put me in the middle of your foolery. Devereaux is my girl and I respect her even though you don’t have enough sense to. You’re dumber than I thought. I’ma talk to you later, bruh.”

  Anxious to be on my way, I ended the call first. Devereaux would slaughter me if she came home and found Nya here alone. I picked up my baby girl, put her in the car seat, then drove to Ebony’s.

  Shit was like Groundhog Day. I put Nya in the bed downstairs. Went upstairs. No sign that Ebony had been here.

  “What the fuck she gave me this key for?” I said, clenching it in my fist.

  Tossing the pages to the contract on her bed, I headed downstairs.

  I texted her, Where the hell are you!

  Scooping up my baby girl, I took my black ass home. Marvin was right. I needed to let Goldie go.

  But I couldn’t.

  CHAPTER 38

  Devereaux

  “Hey. How’s it going?” I asked.

  “Can you meet me at Strip in Atlantic Station?”

  Answering Dakota’s call ended my chat with Trés. I walked away from the Buddha statue in his house, saying, “I’m on my way.”

  My heart raced with anticipation of the unknown. Lord, please let her have good news. The meeting with my family was inspirational. All of us were moving forward. I was most proud of Sandara. Outside of Mercedes telling our baby sister she wasn’t qualified to give Alexis advice on having a kid, I was pleased.

  Mercedes might want to stop being judgmental, take a long look in a mirror, and admit she was not perfect. None of us was. Not me. Not Phoenix.

  “Great. I’m upstairs outside on the patio sitting at a high table overlooking the courtyard. It’s a beautiful day. Bring your sunglasses.”

  Sunglasses? Oh, no. I told myself, don’t read into her saying that. Stay optimistic. “Be there in twenty minutes.”

  Since the day Phoenix mentioned managing Ebony, Trés had become my confidant. I shared intimate details about my feelings for Phoenix that my fiancé was not aware of.

  I wanted a man whom I could be proud of. My fiancé was never that guy. I always believed in him more than he did in himself. Paying our bills wasn’t a problem. I had to do that regardless. Phoenix’s not making enough to provide for our daughter or himself bothered me.

  I told Tres, “I can’t stay for drinks tonight. Have to meet with my investigator.”

  “I can go with you, Dev, for support. Never know what bomb she’s going to drop,” he said, picking up his keys.

  That was true, but what if there was no bomb. If I was wrong, and there was no explosion, either way this was my relationship. Perhaps she had good news. I chose to remain hopeful. Regardless of how others felt, I did not want my daughter growing up without her father. I made the decision to have Nya. If I had to, I’d do exactly like my mother had done with me. I’d put my little girl’s happiness ahead of mine.

  Trés embraced me. I shouldn’t get comfortable being at his house after we left the set. With the best of intentions to remain faithful, the unexpected could happen. I found myself here again knowing the peacefulness of his home was what I needed after a hard yet productive day of work.

  Inhaling the sweet vanilla scent of burning candles while we were chanting in front of the jade life-size waterfall statue of Buddha made me want to forgive Phoenix no matter what Dakota told me. Relaxation music played at a soothing audible tone that I could hardly hear. I didn’t want to leave but I had to go.

  “I’ll call you later if I need to talk. You’ve been a real friend. And for that, I can never repay you.”

  Trés hugged me. “Your indebtedness is no good with me. I love you, Dev. The time of day or night doesn’t matter. I’ll be waiting for your call.”

  Getting in my car, I waved good-bye, then turned down my radio. Trés would say loud music could at times be entertaining for the soul. The faint sound of birds chirping, water falling, and wind blowing, feeds the spirit. He was right. There were times when I’d drift into meditation simply embracing the moment with him.

  It wasn’t necessary to talk all the time. In fact, learning when to sit still and be quiet was more beneficial than my having the last word.

  Taking a ticket, I entered the garage at Atlantic Station. I wondered how Trés’s wife felt about him. Was he one of those men who masked their true selves while marking their territory?

  The grass was always greener from a distance.

  I rode the escalator to the upper level, bypassed Z Gallerie furniture store, entered Strip. The security person inside made the guy in front of me remove his baseball cap. I walked around them, went upstairs. Exiting onto the patio, Dakota waved.

  “Glad you could make it.” Patting the stool next to her, she said, “Sit beside me.”

  The waiter brought me a glass of iced water and handed me a menu.

  Before he could ask what I wanted to drink, I ordered a cabernet. “I haven’t eaten. I need to order something. Please come back soon,” I told him. I knew alcohol shouldn’t be my first consumption of the day but what if Dakota gave me bad news?

  Dakota told me, “I haven’t eaten dinner. I waited for you. How was your day?”

  I stared at the camera on the edge of the table closer to her. Made me think of the video Mercedes showed me with Benjamin and his mistress.

  The waiter returned. I was starving but decided on the sushi. Didn’t want to throw up if what she was going to show me made me sick. Dakota ordered a steak medium.

  “If you don’t mind, I’m more concerned about what you have to share with me than recapping my day.”

  Dakota held my hand. “I want you to take a few deep breaths. What I must show you will probably shock you, but I understand your request to view it now. I’m not going to delay giving you this information. I’m also not leaving you hanging. I have a plan in place. All you have to do is give me permission to proceed.”

  Felt like my heart stopped, then accelerated. “Is it that bad?” Was I getting ready to crash into a cement wall?

  “Let me show you,” she said, picking up the camera.

  My cab came on time. Focusing on the footage, there was nothing unusual about her trailing Phoenix’s car. I took a sip, keeping my eyes on the video.

  I said aloud. “Okay, he didn’t go that far.” It was about a mile from our home. “He’s still in Brookhaven. That’s our neighborhood.” I frowned. “Whose house is he parking in front of?”

  “Keep watching,” she said.

  The waiter placed our food on the table. I held on to my glass of cab. I swear what I saw . . . “Can’t be.”

  Phoenix got out of his car. Took Nya out of her car seat. Carried our baby to the front door, unlocked the door with . . . a key? No one let him in?

  “Aw, hell no!” I said.

  The waiter fast approached. “Is everything okay?”

  Dakota calmly replied, “We’re fine.”

  No, I was not fine. I was very concerned, more so about my child.

  “A few more minutes, then I’ll explain the details,” she said briefly touching my hand.

  Wasn’t sure if I could take much more. A black Benz drove up. Immediately I recognized the vehicle with the license plate AYMSSIK. She parked next to me at the studio all the time. Ebony got out carrying a bag marked ‘Houston’s’.

  I insisted. “Stop the video. I’ve seen enough.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I agree that you don’t need to see everything. If you change your mind at any time, I can show you the rest.”

  Not wanting to think the worst, I explained to her. “Phoenix’s mother is out of town for a few weeks. You heard Sandara say she’s modeling so she
can’t babysit Nya. Phoenix is managing Ebony, so maybe they had business to discuss.”

  Dakota nodded. “Did you see Phoenix, your fiancé, let himself into Ebony’s house? That was not the only time.”

  I became quiet. I wanted to nod but I couldn’t move.

  “Dev, Ebony lives in Conyers with her husband. And she also owns that house in Brookhaven. She has property in Hawaii, New York, and a few other places.”

  “Who’s her husband?”

  Dakota shook her head. “You don’t know.”

  “I knew she was married, but I didn’t dig into her personal life. That’s not my business.”

  Quietly, Dakota exhaled, glanced toward the courtyard, then looked at me. “Buster Jackson is her husband. He’s the primary angel investor for your series.”

  I froze. Felt like I was going to die. The glass slipped from my hand, crashed to the floor. My empty hand was still in the air. I couldn’t breathe.

  “You need to inhale. You’re going to be okay. It’s my job to make sure of it.”

  I gasped. Started heaving between words. “I wasn’t expecting all of this. His company practically owns my production. If he pulls out, I won’t have a second season.”

  “Don’t be so sure. Now that you know, what I recommend is you take this one step at a time. Don’t do anything irrational. If you feel like yelling, screaming, crying, or swearing, call me immediately. Buster’s name is not on the house in Brookhaven. He may or may not be aware of Ebony having that residence. I’m not sure. He probably doesn’t know about Ebony’s affair with Phoenix or Spencer Domino.” Dakota repeated, “Probably.”

  OMG! “Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Spencer seems to be sticking his dick in lots of holes.” Disappointed in my man, I asked her, “So what now?”

  “Don’t show Phoenix your hand. In fact, be a little nicer to him if you can.”

  “Really? A part of me wants to kill him or at least make him wish he were dead.”

  Calmly, Dakota said, “Really. Just a little sugar sprinkled on top. Don’t check him. That’s where some of my clients undo all I’ve done. I have a locksmith on standby right now a block from your home. When Phoenix gets home, when he’s asleep or in the shower, take his keys. Text me when you have them in hand. My locksmith guy will be out front at your place in seconds. Give him Phoenix’s key ring. He’ll make a copy of everything on the ring, then give it back to you. The set he makes is for me. I’ll let you know what’s next. Got it?”