by Cathryn Cade
She couldn’t shake her deep, wrenching guilt. She’d tempted Slyde Dragolin into suborning his personal code and, however quixotic she thought his morality, it was obviously tied to his sense of honor, to his Dragolin life.
Sirena Blaze, commander of the elite Serpentian guard was, for the first time in her life, ashamed of herself.
And she began to wonder if there was something in his talk of fidelity. She’d tired months ago of the endless string of males who passed through her life, spending a few hours or days in her bed. But it was what she knew, what she understood.
Slyde was the first lover she didn’t wish to lose. It wasn’t just that he was such a beautiful male creature, either. Or such a clearly alpha one, and no wonder when he was half dragon. She would love to see him shift again. Her memory of the breathtakingly fierce creature that had roared into being to kill the serpents and save her was distorted by pain and near-delirium.
She wanted the Dragolin Slyde back while she was well and whole, able to admire and enjoy. The thought of facing him in his Dragolin form filled her with delicious trepidation and excitement, especially when she wondered if he could take a woman in that form.
No, she didn’t want to lose him. Any part of him.
She explored this thought with wonder. There were other important males in her life. Tentaclar was a good friend. Craig, she admired as a soldier and leader. Izard she could always rely on. Her father was important, she supposed, although she rarely saw him. Yes, if any of them died or were lost to her she would mourn and their passing leave a hole in her life.
But Slyde… The thought of his turning away from her, refusing to adapt himself to her lifestyle, filled her with such a fearful chill that she pulled the covers up around her in a cocoon of warmth and safety.
She knew what it felt like to lose those she loved. The other losses she had suffered had caused her to hide her tender heart inside a nearly impenetrable armor, but the thought of losing Slyde seemed to promise that grief multiplied to the point that she saw herself gazing across the rest of her life as if it were a barren ice planet. If this was love, it was a vast and fearful thing that threatened to swallow her whole.
Chagrined by her maudlin imaginings, she sat up in the bed, rubbing her hands over her face.
“You are awake?” It was Tentaclar. He came into her cubicle and perched on the stool beside her bed, two of his eyes studying her while others checked the readings on the various medical apparatus. “You are troubled,” he observed. “I cannot have my patients fretting. It delays healing.”
“Do you think beings can change?” she asked him. “I mean…even if we don’t quite believe we can?”
“Ah!” he chirped. “A philosophical question. It is amazing how the long hours of rest and healing after a traumatic event can lead to such wonderings.”
She looked at him suspiciously, wondering if he was making fun of her, but he was rocking back on his stool, nodding emphatically.
“I most certainly do believe we can change,” he said. “I am two hundred years old, my dear. I not only have seen such changes, I have experienced them. Sentient beings like ourselves can change, indeed must change, or we will not continue to grow. And that would be a sad thing, would it not?”
He winked at her. “Think back to when you were very young. What did you want then? Do you still want the same things now? Certainly not. And when you are old, will you still want the same things that you want now?”
“Some of them.”
“Oh, of course. Safety, food, companionship, even love. We want those things all of our lives. But adventure, lust, the thrill of danger—those are passions for the young.”
“I don’t plan to give up on lust any time soon,” she murmured.
He chuckled. “A beautiful creature like you? Of course not. But is it the same lust as it was a decade ago? Even a year ago? Or have your desires changed?”
She sighed deeply. “I’m afraid perhaps they have. But what if…this is only another passing fancy?”
He patted her hand. “You will never know, will you? Unless you trust yourself.”
“But if I’m wrong,” she whispered, “I’ll hurt someone very deeply.”
“And what if you do not try at all?” he asked. “You must ask yourself what you and the commander may lose if you try, and what both of you will lose if you do not try at all.” She cast him a look, and he chuckled. “I did not say it would be easy.”
And with that, he left her. It didn’t occur to her until later that he’d known she was talking about Slyde.
Chapter Thirty
A few hours later, Sirena stood in Slyde’s quarters, staring about her at the empty room. He was gone. Nothing remained of him, even his scent obliterated by the cryogenic cleansing given each unit as soon as it was vacated.
Now that she’d actually admitted she wanted him, needed him, now he left her behind? How dare he treat her this way? Save her life, claim her as his mate with the most beautiful lovemaking she had ever experienced and then leave her?
And worse, what if…she could not find him? What if he didn’t want her to find him? What if he had changed his mind?
She stood in the center of the room and began to shiver again, hollow and cold inside. Whirling, she stalked from the room. She slammed into her own stateroom and glared around her at her own belongings. Her hands were shaking with the need to hit something, break something, smash it against his thick head.
She grabbed the nearest object, a delicate shell spun of Serpentian fire-glass, and flung it against the bulkhead. It hit with a smash and fell to the soft carpet. The pieces drew together and began to reform, but she ignored it. Her holo-vid player hit the other wall with a solid thunk. Her favorite chunk of iridium ore, given to her by her father, smacked into the hatch and bounced onto the soft flooring.
“Sirena?” It was Craig’s deep voice on her com-link.
She stopped with the Aquarian sea-stone in her hand. “What?”
“Ah—permission to enter.”
She glared at the closed hatchway. He was outside her room.
“Very well.”
He stuck his head through the hatch as it hissed open, such a look of caution on his tough, handsome countenance that she rolled her eyes.
“Do not worry, Captain, I am done hurling objects.”
“Thank you,” he said dryly. “At least I know you won’t shift—unlike your co-commander.”
She willed her face to impassivity, saying nothing. Her captain looked back at her for a moment, then sighed.
“I don’t know what happened between you and Commander Stone,” he said. “And it’s none of my business. But your well-being is. Sirena, you’ve been through a very stressful event, one that nearly took your life. I want you to take a leave.”
She glared at him. “I don’t need a leave. I am fine.”
Craig raised his heavy brows. “That was not a request, Commander. You’re to take at least two weeks—although a lunar month would be better. Go home to Serpentia for a while. Soak up the sun at one of the oases. When you are rested, we’ll talk.”
She bit back her anger. “Yes, sir.”
He ran his hand over his short silver-blond hair, looking harassed. “I know you’re angry. I’m sorry. Ah, Tessa would like to speak with you, when it’s convenient.”
She relaxed a little. She had nothing but affection for his young bride.
“Thank you, I’ll be glad to speak with her.”
Tessa tapped on Sirena’s door a short time later. She looked so wide-eyed and serious as she stood in Sirena’s doorway that Sirena had to smile.
“Come in, Mrs. Craig. I won’t eat you.”
Tessa came into the room, holding up a bottle and two goblets in one hand. “I bring gifts—cremarte.”
“Mm,” Sirena approved. The fiery liqueur was a favorite of Serpentian females. She took the glass Tessa held out to her, and took a drink. It slid down her throat, sweet and heady. “Now, what do you w
ish to say that requires mellowing me with cremarte?”
Tessa blushed and took a healthy drink. “Well, I’m probably going to overstep the bounds of our friendship, but I…I’m worried about you, Sirena.”
“I’m fine, Tessa. I’ll recover completely from the wraith bite. Tentaclar said so.”
Tessa looked at her. “I know. That’s … not what I meant. I’m worried about you. About your happiness.”
Sirena blinked. “Oh.”
“Sirena, Steve told me about your talk with him, how you planted the idea I would…go on to be a legend like yourself if he didn’t convince me to be his alone.”
“I suppose I did meddle a bit.” She’d done a very good job too. The captain had also been something of a legend in his day. Sirena’s suggestion that other men like him would enjoy Tessa’s charms, once he’d initiated her into the pleasures of the flesh, had goaded him into admitting he wanted her for himself. They were now happily married.
“Yes, you did,” Tessa said. “And I’ll always be grateful to you. That’s why I’m speaking up now. Sirena—do you love Commander Stone?”
Sirena drained her glass and held it out to Tessa. “Oh, great serpents. If we are going to have a ‘girl talk’, I need another drink.”
“Me too.” Tessa filled both of their glasses to the brim.
They drank in silence for a moment, then Sirena sighed. “If you knew how many males have told me this would happen—that one day a lover would leave me begging him not to go.”
“As you have left so many,” Tessa finished.
Sirena nodded, not cheered by the thought, for some reason.
“Well, they were all damned lucky to have you,” Tessa said. When Sirena blinked at her in surprise, Tessa shrugged. “None of them could hold onto you, obviously. They didn’t deserve to keep you. Now, Commander Stone…” She raised her brows delicately.
Sirena shook her head. Heavy pressure ached behind her eyes. It was only her long training as a warrior that held back the tears. “He doesn’t deserve me,” she said. “He deserves much, much better.”
“Why?” Tessa asked gently.
Sirena drained her glass. “Because he’s so fine and true. He’s—he’s the legend of the Dragolins come to life. I should’ve known. I think part of me did know he’s a prince.”
She told Tessa haltingly about how she’d made up her mind that she wanted him, and pursued him, even after he told her he wanted only a woman who would be true to him.
“So I had him,” she whispered. “Because my pride wouldn’t let him walk away from me.”
Tessa looked puzzled. “Um, didn’t you simply desire him?”
“Oh, I desired him. More than I’ve ever wanted another man.”
Tessa nodded wisely. “That’s how I felt about Steven. He didn’t want to desire me, just like Slyde didn’t want to desire you. Do you think I was wrong to tempt Steven when he was vulnerable?”
“Of course not. The man is besotted with you.”
“Mm-hmm. As Slyde is with you.”
“So much so that he’s gone,” Sirena snapped. And then froze as she remembered why he had gone.
“Do you want him back?”
“Of course I want him back,” she hissed. “I want him more than my next breath. But don’t you understand—I cannot trust myself to be true to him!”
She didn’t know what she expected, but it was certainly not the response she got. Tessa Craig stared at her for a moment, and then rolled her eyes.
“Great God beyond,” she muttered into her drink. “Is that what all this is about?”
She sat up very straight, and held up one of her fingers.
“One,” she said. “How many offers have you received from other ships since you have been in command of the Orion?”
“Eighteen or twenty,” Sirena said, mystified.
“And did you consider any of them?”
“No, of course not. I pledged my loyalty to the Orion.”
Tessa held up another finger. “Two: How many of your lovers have been married men?”
“None! I would never interfere in a marriage.”
“Three: What percent of your wages do you send each and every pay period to fund the intergalactic charity hospital ship fund?”
“Um—ten percent.”
“Four: How many days of each of your shore leaves do you spend visiting the space force’s old soldiers’ home on Serpentia?”
“Two or three. How in the seven hells do you know all these things about me?” Sirena demanded uncomfortably.
Tessa smirked. “Everyone in the guard knows these things about you, Commander Blaze. Would you like me to go on? How about the scholarship you give each year to send a female cadet to the academy? Or—”
“That’s quite enough,” Sirena snapped, her cheeks burning.
“I’m sorry, but it had to be done,” Tessa said. “Sirena, I admire you more than any other woman alive—well, except perhaps Steven’s mother, who managed to keep him safe and loved and fed even in the roughest port city on Earth II. But you don’t seem to know yourself at all. Don’t dare to sit there and tell me you aren’t as fine a person as Slyde Stone, or Dragolin, or whoever he is.”
“Oh,” Sirena said faintly. She lifted her glass to take a drink, then found to her surprise it was empty. She held it out silently and Tessa refilled it. They drank in silence for a moment. Sirena felt a new emotion begin to unfurl inside her—hope.
“You know, I think he does deserve me,” she said. “The bastard. How dare he leave me behind. I’ll make his life a living hell.”
“But only until he’s learned his lesson,” Tessa said wisely.
“Oh, of course.”
The two women smiled at each other, in perfect agreement.
“I’ll leave tomorrow,” Sirena decided.
She took another drink, then set her glass down as it trembled in her hand. “If he still wants me.”
“Oh, please.” Tessa gave her a look. “It’s clear to everyone else on the Orion that all other females ceased to exist the moment he saw you.”
“Except Tawnee,” Sirena murmured.
“Well, she threw herself at him. Poor girl. She leaned forward. “Did you know the others were placing bets on how long it would take you to have your way with him?”
Sirena raised a brow. “Oh, really?”
Tessa nodded. “I lost. I bet one month, but it took two.”
Sirena laughed again, she couldn’t help it. “How much did you lose? I’ll repay you.”
The younger woman blushed again. “Um, you can’t. The bet was with my husband, and it didn’t involve currency.”
Sirena took another drink. Even the captain had been placing wagers on her and Slyde? Perhaps it was best if she got away for a time. She was accustomed to being very open about her sexual liaisons, but this…this was a bit too much, even for her. Although it was funny. She snickered into her drink.
“I’ll leave tomorrow,” she said again, this time with certainty.
“Oh, good. I have the coordinates of Commander Stone’s mountain home for you. That’s where he told Steven he was going.”
She rose, and Sirena rose with her. Then Tessa threw her arms around Sirena. Sirena hugged her back. It felt good.
“Call me when you get there,” Tessa ordered.
“I will,” Sirena assured her. “And Tessa, thank you.”
Tessa smiled mistily at her. “That’s what friends are for. Travel fast and safely.”
Captain Craig looked up from the holo-reader he was perusing when his com-link beeped. He had set it to alert him when his wife came out of Sirena’s quarters. He watched on the holo-vid as she came out into the passageway, then frowned as she wavered and reached out to steady herself on the wall.
“Tessa,” he said, already rising. “What’s wrong?”
She blinked and smiled owlishly, flapping her free hand. “Hi, honey. I’m fine. Just had a little girl talk with Sirena.”
&nb
sp; He stared at her, his mouth open. Then he shut it with a snap and strode from their quarters to their private elevator. “Exactly how much have you had to drink, Tessa?”
She giggled, a musical sound. “Little more ’n I should’ve, Captain.”
“Wait there,” he ordered. “I’m coming to get you.”
“Oh, good.” She began to hum to herself.
He was grinning as he jogged down the passageway to where she leaned on the wall, admiring the light fixture above her.
He scooped her up in his arms and carried her back along the passageway.
“Well, you and Sirena must’ve had one hell of a chat,” he said dryly.
“I talked sense into her,” she informed him grandly. “I told ’er to go after ’im, and get ’im.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I want her to be as happy as we are, Steven.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, grinning. “Just wait ’til we get to our quarters, Mrs. Craig. Then you can make me very happy.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Izard threw up his hands in disgust. “My second day as guard commander, and already I must deal with this.”
He sat in one of the guard commander’s chairs on the command deck of the Orion. Craig sat across from him, and Mra and Ogg were in their customary chairs, as was Navos. The other commanders were not present.
Navos wore his customary cool expression, but Craig was fighting a grin as he listened to his old friend rant. Even Izard’s shock of green-gold hair seemed to be standing on end in indignation.
“It’s one thing to conduct a liaison,” he hissed, “but Raile and his little tourist have been caught in a number of inappropriate places. I’m ready to send him back to Serpentia.”
Craig cleared his throat. “Yes, getting caught en flagrante in the arboretum pool by the Carillonian tour group was a bit much. How will you, er, discipline him?”
Izard scowled. “That’s the worst of it. I can’t. He has just announced he’s disembarking with her on Frontiera. Going to go and meet her father and ask for her hand in marriage.”
He said the last with such patent disgust that Craig frankly grinned.