“I wanted….” Her eyes watered. “If I was going to be forced to marry the lord, I thought I might as well see the wider world before my life was given over to birthing children.”
“You were looking for adventure,” said Scarlett and glanced at me with a knowing look. “I’d say you got it.” Eva scowled at her, and Scarlett raised her hands defensively. “Once again it appears you got what you asked for. Because, girl, you’re in the middle of the adventure of a lifetime. Few grown men ever get to explore the Badlands, let alone women.”
“Yes, well, I have decided I no longer crave adventure,” Eva proclaimed. “I’m sick of danger, and I’m tired of sleeping outside on the ground like an animal.”
“Then you will marry the lord and have his children?” I asked.
Eva didn’t immediately answer, then she nodded.
“That’s a shame,” said Scarlett.
“A shame?” Eva scoffed. “My dear archer, what shame is there in marrying one of the most powerful lords in all the land?”
“Most powerful lords are evil assholes.”
“Such harsh judgement from an outsider who has given herself to the life of a wandering hermit.” said Eva.
“Adventurer,” Scarlett corrected. “I happen to know what I’m talking about. If I told you half the stories I’ve heard about such lords, you would barely be able to keep down your soup in their presence at your next stupid banquet.”
“I have no idea what you are referring to.”
“If they’re anything like the lords from my world, half of them are corrupt, and the other half are perverts,” I added.
“Exactly.” Scarlett passed me the wineskin.
“Lord Berdink is a good man who has served both his people and his king nobly for more than forty years.”
“How old is this guy?” Scarlett asked.
“In his fifties.”
“And you’re what, seventeen? Sounds like a noble man indeed.”
“I’m twenty years old, thank you very much.”
“Really?” said Scarlett. “You seem much younger. Say, have you ever kissed a boy?”
Eva suddenly spit out a mouthful of wine, wiped her mouth, and coughed. “Of course not!” she choked out.
“It would be a shame if your first and only kiss was with an old man you will never love,” said Scarlett.
I watched Eva closely.
“I… I might learn to love him,” she said in her defense.
“You don’t learn to love someone. It just happens.” Scarlett glanced at me, and my heart skipped a beat. “Maybe your first kiss should be with Jake.”
“Kiss Jake?” Eva’s mouth dropped open, then closed tight. She glanced at me shyly, then made big eyes at Scarlett. “You are such an instigator.”
Scarlett got up, sweet ass swaying as she walked over and sat between me and Eva.
“What are you doing?” Eva asked.
Scarlett stroked Eva’s long blonde hair and smiled.
“It’s easy,” said Scarlett. “Just pucker your lips like this”—she illustrated—“and press them against Jake’s. Trust me, the rest will come naturally.”
I couldn’t help but smile at Eva. There had been so much sexual tension between us that it would have taken a blind and deaf man to ignore it.
She smiled back coyly. “I shouldn’t.”
“It’s easy,” said Scarlett. “I’ll show you.”
Scarlett held me in her gaze, and I moved forward an inch to kiss her, but she suddenly turned her head and planted one on Eva. The princess’s eyes flew open, but when Scarlett touched the back of her neck, they closed with a flutter.
When Scarlett finally released Eva, the princess lingered long with her eyes closed. When she opened them, it was as if she was seeing the world for the first time.
“That was good,” said the beautiful archer. “Now try with Jake.”
Our lips met, and Eva let out an urgent moan. I bit her lip gently, and she pressed her warm lips against mine.
“Now try it with tongue,” said Scarlett. “Like this.”
She kissed me full on the lips, and her tongue darted between my lips to tease mine. She touched my cheek, and I pulled her closer. I was no novice in the art of making out, and by the time we parted, Scarlett was moaning.
Eva quickly replaced her, and our tongues danced. She nibbled my lip the way I had nibbled hers, and I made an appreciative sound. I was getting pretty damned turned on, and when Scarlett joined in, my hard-on pressed uncomfortably against my pants.
We explored each other, growing more ambitious with every passing moment. I kissed Scarlett’s neck as the two women made out, and when I cupped Scarlett’s breast, she let out a passionate moan. Someone stroked my upper thigh as I moved to Eva. The princess grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me urgently. I cupped her breast inside the corset and found Scarlett’s hand there as well.
Scarlett guided Eva’s hand to my crotch, and my cock throbbed as her fingers slid over it. Eva let out a whimpering groan. “We have to stop,” she said in a quivering whisper.
She pulled away, stood, and paced around the fire.
Scarlett grinned and gave my cock one last squeeze before grabbing her wineskin. “Now you can say your first kiss wasn’t with an old man.”
Eva shook out her hands nervously. She couldn’t even face us. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“Me either. Whew,” said Scarlett, fanning herself.
“I’m sorry if that got out of control,” I told Eva, who waved me off, still unable to look me in the eye.
“I’m sorry it got under control,” Scarlett said with a laugh. “You two are fun.”
“I’m going to sleep,” Eva abruptly declared and rushed over to her fur blanket. She rolled herself up in it, facing away from us and the fire.
“Well then,” said Scarlett as she moved over to her side of the fire. “I guess the party’s over. You mind taking first watch, lover boy?”
“Sure.” My head was still spinning from the sensual encounter.
I left the women and walked out between the two large boulders that acted as the barrier to our camp. I had a terrible case of blue balls, and I couldn’t stop imagining what would have happened if the three of us had continued. Images of Scarlett and Eva naked by the fire played in my head. I imagined making love to them on the fur blankets. I pictured Eva riding me, and her look of pure ecstasy after I’d kissed her. I replayed the moment they both touched my cock—
“Not sweeeet,” Doughboy said, and my fantasies burst like a bubble.
“Hey, little dude.”
“Not sweeeet,” he repeated and pointed up.
A large storm front was drifting north to south, but it wasn’t headed our way yet. There wasn’t any lightning, but the clouds were mean and dark.
“Hopefully it’ll miss us.”
He nodded sleepily and hopped up on a rock beside the opening to our camp. We sat and watched the storm go by.
“What do you think about Scarlett?” I asked.
“Sweeeet,” he replied.
“I think so too. She and that bow of hers are going to come in handy.”
He glanced at me with a look that said, “Oh, you like her for her bow, do you?”
“What?”
He rolled his big eyes and shook his head.
“I like her. So what? I like Eva too. We’re all just friends.”
Another roll of his big anime eyes.
“I don’t know what happened back there. I think we had a little too much to drink. Shit, I hope Eva isn’t all freaked out the rest of the trip. She is going to be pissed at Scarlett in the morning.”
I rambled on, realizing that Scarlett’s wine had me feeling pretty damn good.
Four hours later my head was pounding, and I was struggling to stay awake, when Scarlett appeared in the passageway.
“Get some sleep, Baker. I’ll take it from here.” She yawned and stretched, sat next to a snoozing Doughboy, and patted his back. �
�I’ll wake you at sunup.”
Scarlett had sobered up completely, and I wasn’t getting the same vibes from her I had before. I thought to bring up what had happened but decided against it.
I returned to camp. Eva was sleeping peacefully. The fire had been stoked by Scarlett, so I lay down on my fur blanket and stared at the stars.
“Jake, wake up.”
I opened my eyes. Scarlett was staring down at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked when I noticed it was still before sunrise.
“Princess Evangeline thinks she saw the giant bats the goblins ride.”
“I don’t think I saw them,” said Eva. “I know I did.”
“Where were they?” I got up.
“They flew in from that direction,” she said and pointed east. “When I saw them, I tossed my blanket over the fire.”
“Good thinking,” I said glancing at the smoldering fur.
“We need to get moving,” said Scarlett.
“I was thinking the same thing,” I said.
We broke camp, stomped out the fire, and went west. The sun came up about half an hour later, and the stones that littered the hills shone bright orange with streaks of black. The area reminded me of New Mexico, with its dramatic stone shelves and desert flowers.
“The landscape is changing,” I said. “Are we approaching the Brimstone Desert?”
“Yes,” said Scarlett. “It started a little while back, and it will be another thirty miles or so before we see the Monster Bane Mountains.”
I glanced at Eva to gauge her excitement, but she was sullenly staring at her feet. “How are you feeling?”
She ignored me at first, barely meeting my eyes. “Violated,” she finally said. “You two got me drunk and put a spell on me and made me do things that a lady would never do.”
“We put a spell on you?” said Scarlett with much amusement. “That’s rich.”
“You did. You know you did. I would never do something like that otherwise.”
Scarlett guffawed until I shot a scowl at her. “What happened last night—”
“What happened last night shall never, ever be spoken of again. If word of this got out, I would be absolutely ruined!” Eva wept, and I tried to touch her shoulder, but she pulled away.
“Eva, we didn’t mean to hurt you in any way. We were all a bit drunk last night. Things might have gotten out of hand, but—”
“I said never to speak of it again!”
“I don’t remember you objecting last night,” said Scarlett. “Just calm down. It was only a kiss, for Zodin’s sake.”
“Stealing a kiss from a princess is a crime punishable by death in Zenfindel.”
Scarlett halted in front of the princess, blocking her path. “You just stop right there.” Her nostrils flared with every breath. She was fuming, and she was gorgeous. “We’re trying to escort your bitchy ass through the Badlands, and you have the audacity to threaten us with death? For the great sin of kissing you? You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”
“You will address your princess with respect,” Eva demanded.
“You’re not my princess, honey, and if there wasn’t such a huge reward for your safe return, I’d tell you to go pound salt.”
“Ladies, please,” I said and tried to get between them.
“Perhaps you should leave,” Eva told Scarlett, completely ignoring my attempts to calm the situation.
“Maybe I will!” said Scarlett.
“Good!” Eva screamed. “Everything was just fine until you showed up, flaunting your breasts and spinning your web of sin.”
“Web of sin?” Scarlett chortled. “Such poetry from an immature twit.”
Eva gasped, and I thought for sure she was going to punch Scarlett.
I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and to my horror, I saw a giant bat flying toward us from about a mile away.
“You take that back right now, or so help me—” Eva said.
“Or you’ll do what?” Scarlett tried to get around me.
“Both of you shut the fuck up and get down!” I pulled them both into a crouch. “Look north. There’s a bat and goblin coming this way.”
Scarlett seemed unafraid, but Eva blanched. “Oh no,” she said shakily.
“This way!” said Scarlett and ran under a long rocky shelf.
We hunkered down on our bellies, and I eyed Doughboy and the women. Eva’s fury had died as soon as she saw the bat, but Scarlett was still incensed.
After five minutes of waiting, I was about to crawl out from under the shelf and scour the sky when the bat landed on the edge of the shelf right in front of us, its clawed toes curling around the stone.
Scarlett clamped a hand over Eva’s mouth before she could cry out. The bat emitted a long chittering call that grated on my nerves, but I remained as still as stone. Loose pebbles and rocks fell in front of us, and I heard the goblin rider land on the ground. There was a sniff and a spit, then a steady stream of piss watered the rocks. Eva squirmed in disgust, but Scarlett held her still.
“Crock hate this shit,” the goblin said as he pissed. “Crock too hot in sun, Crock hungry, Crock sick of huntin’ ugly princess.”
The goblin, who I assumed was Crock talking in the third person, stopped pissing and kicked stones off the ledge. Beside me, Doughboy issued a low growl, and I nudged him to be quiet.
“Come, Gnat.” I heard the creak of leather. “We search west. King knows ‘em go that way. Maybe we find ‘em. Maybe we have some fun with ugly princess before we give to King.” The bat took to the sky and flew west.
“Let me go!” Eva hissed.
“Shh,” Scarlett and I said in unison.
She squirmed between me and Scarlett but kept quiet. After laying there quietly for five minutes, I decided it was safe to take a look.
“Check it out, D.” The little wad saluted me and scampered out from under the ledge.
He was gone for a minute or so, and when he returned, he offered me two big thumbs-up.
We military crawled out from under the ledge, then I pulled my enchanted pizza shovel free and scoured the nearby rock formations. The girls joined us, Scarlett with an arrow nocked and Eva looking scared.
“Is it gone?” Eva asked.
“I think so.”
“Look out!” Scarlett cried and pushed Eva out of the way.
I whipped my head around as Eva hit the ground, and a moment later Scarlett was hit in the neck by a feathered dart. Everything happened so fast, I had no time to think. The goblin stood a hundred feet away, and he was reloading his blowgun.
I pulled Eva behind a large boulder and loaded my crossbow. Doughboy was gone; it was only a matter of time before I heard the cries of the dying goblin.
I dared a quick glance around the boulder, and a dart twanged off the rock mere inches from my face.
“Son of a bitch!” I cursed when stone flecks got in my eyes.
I fought the urge to rub them and returned fire, knowing the goblin would be reloading. My bolt bounced off the rock he was hiding behind.
The goblin laughed. “Stupid human, I trick you. Now fire-haired bitch is dead!”
Scarlett wasn’t dead. She was writhing in pain and clawing across the ground in an attempt to get out of the line of fire.
“Stay down!” I told Eva and peered around the boulder again. The goblin fired again, and I ducked back.
While he reloaded I raced out into the open and grabbed Scarlett’s arm, turned, and fired the crossbow at the goblin, who was taking aim once more. My bolt twanged off the stone, and as I pulled Scarlett to safety the goblin’s latest dart ricocheted off the shovel strapped to my back.
“Poison,” Scarlett said and groaned.
I dragged her next to Eva.
“Oh my gods!” said Eva when she saw the dart protruding from Scarlett’s neck.
I pulled out the dart and was about to toss it aside when Scarlett grabbed my wrist, pulled the dart toward her face, and licked
the metal tip. She promptly spit on the ground.
“Dark fern,” she said with a small drunken chuckle. “Moron. I’m partially immune.”
“Partially? That means you won’t die, right?”
She nodded and blinked heavily.
“I’m going to take this asshole out. You two sit tight.”
Eva regarded me with watery eyes. “Be careful, Jake.”
“Always.”
Doughboy should have gotten to the goblin by now, and the fact that I hadn’t heard its death cries suggested the goblin had taken to the air again. I scanned the sky, but didn’t see him. Either he’d left to report our location, or he’d flown around to get a better shot at us.
I saw movement. Doughboy was bounding from boulder to boulder. He noticed me, grew another set of arms, and waved. “Not sweeeet!” He pointed south.
I spun and saw the goblin perched on top of the highest rock. He’d switched from the blowgun to a crossbow. I dropped down to one knee as he fired, and his bolt sailed over my head. I fired back, but my bolt went wide and splintered against the stone wall to the goblin’s left. He took aim again, and I ducked behind the boulder. There was no use trying to get to him. He had a mount, and I did not. He also seemed to understand how dangerous Doughboy was, because the next time I took a look, the goblin was climbing into the saddle and flying away. He didn’t even try shooting Doughboy, and I assumed that word of my doughy little friend’s battle prowess had spread through the goblin ranks.
“D!” I yelled when he reached the spot where the goblin had been. “Get the bat. We need the bat alive!”
“Sweeeet!” The word echoed through the canyon.
I loaded another bolt and cursed when I saw there was only one left. I was going to have to make every shot count, because he must have more bolts than I did. I could have used Scarlett’s bow, but I had little experience with them and absolutely no experience with enchanted arrows.
I needed to get to higher ground, but I couldn’t leave the women unprotected. Scarlett was out cold. Eva held the archer’s head in her lap and was wiping her forehead with a piece of torn fabric. The princess was murmuring something, and I realized she was praying.
“Come on, Doughboy…,” I whispered, waiting for the goblin to appear.
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