by A. G. Khaliq
I had to tell her what she wanted to fucking hear. As much as it fucking pained me to do so…
“I don’t know what to say, Raven…” I murmured. “Of course I’ll take you back. I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.” I trailed off, my skin burning. “I’m going to make myself a better person. I’m going to stop lashing out at you and control my temper.”
Raven’s eyes continued to well with tears as I spoke to her, but I knew this was the right way to manipulate her. She needed the reassurance, and at the end of the day…We were bound by a baby now. She knew she had no fucking choice.
“You don’t need the stress,” I went on. “I’m sorry, babe. I love you, and I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s going to take me a while to forgive you, but I could never stop loving you, Lazarus,” Raven admitted shakily. “I know we’ve not been on the best terms lately, but you’re my world. You mean everything to me. I feel empty without you. I don’t want to be without you for another day. I hope we can work things out.”
The bitch still loved me. Even after everything I’d done.
And that gave me more reassurance than ever.
“I’m going to make it all up to you, princess.” I smiled at her, bringing my mouth down onto hers for a kiss. “Go get ready, I’m going to take you out for a meal to celebrate the baby.”
Raven blushed underneath my gaze, already smitten by me again.
The poor bitch had no idea what was about to come now that she was carrying my fucking baby…
raven
Lazarus and I were on good terms again. He never lay a hand on me again. I wasn’t expecting it to go well when I went back to him, but I was pleasantly surprised. I was genuinely happy.
It was just like it was when we first met; a whirlwind romance.
Until the day things escalated quickly, and everything was happening so fast.
Lazarus took me to a rooftop restaurant in Blackpool. I ate the lasagne happily whilst I watched the views, the calm ocean water lapping against the breeze, and the night sky scattered with beautiful stars.
“Hurry up and finish your food, babe, I want to go to the beach.” Lazarus grinned.
“The beach at this time?” I retorted, giggling.
“Yes, babe, the scenery looks beautiful at night.”
I giggled again. “Okay, babe.”
I took the last bites of my meal before wiping my mouth with my napkin, and getting up on my feet.
“Let’s go.” I grinned.
He nodded, taking my hand into his, and we made our way down to the beach.
We made our way to the beach, and it looked just as beautiful as it did from the restaurant. My eyes glimmered in delight as I took in the gorgeous surroundings, feeling at peace and allowing my feet to get covered in sand.
“Wow, it’s so beautiful,” I breathed.
“You’re so beautiful,” Lazarus groaned in a deep, raspy voice that caused my skin to set on fire.
I giggled, blushing furiously.
lazarus
“And our little son or daughter is going to be beautiful too.” I smiled at her.
I rubbed my chin, suddenly immersed in my thoughts, as I realised the full extent of what was about to happen. I couldn’t believe I was about to do this.
But I had to. My son or daughter was going to be the heir of my mafia. He or she were going to have to take over when I’m dead. I just hoped the baby was going to be a fucking boy.
Here goes nothing…
“Babe, when I met you that day at the club, I thought you were beautiful.” I smiled at her. “When I saw you were in trouble, I wanted to help you. You have a kind heart made of gold.”
I bent down on my knees, watching her eyes well with tears.
“Every day you give me reason to fall in love with you again and again and again. I love waking up to your beautiful face every day. I can’t wait to be the father to my baby. I know I can be a total prick sometimes, but I’m trying to make myself better for you. I love you.”
Raven sobbed uncontrollably, unable to hold back her tears, completely in awe of my words, hanging off every last one. “That was so beautiful. I love you too, baby.”
I took out a box from my pocket with a ring in it, opening it and holding it out in front of her.
“Will you marry me, baby?”
raven
Lazarus was on his knees, holding a ring out that was mine for the taking. My emotions were at an all-time high. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
Never, ever did I expect Lazarus to propose to me.
He must really love me…
And I loved him.
It was scary how much I was in love with him. He always knew how to win my heart over. How to say the right things that would have me running into his arms each and every time. I didn’t want to know a life without this man. I was so excited for the future.
“Is that even a question to ask?” I exclaimed, my surroundings blurring around me as my eyes fogged with tears. “A million times yes, baby.”
Lazarus slid the ring on to my finger, chuckling, before he got to his feet, bringing his mouth down on mine, kissing me with such a force that I could feel the wind knock out of my lungs.
Here was to now…
To now…
And the future.
I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Lazarus.
A FEW DAYS LATER
* * *
I paced around my bedroom excitedly, feeling like a teenage girl again, and Lazarus was my school crush.
I couldn’t believe I was going to get married.
Married, married, married!
I couldn’t believe I was engaged to Lazarus! Lazarus. The love of my damn life. He had his faults, his flaws, and imperfections, but I loved him. I truly loved him.
“I’ve already let Sophia know, but I have to let my girls know!” I squealed, suddenly excited at the thought of telling Lucy. “We’re gonna have so much fun wedding shopping. They’re gonna be bridesmaids!”
I coughed loudly, doing my best to get myself together, and contain my excitement.
“I should speak to Lazarus!” I squealed.
I made my way into the living room, where Lazarus was scrolling through his phone and texting people.
“Hey babe?” I smiled at him.
His eyes darted upwards as he shoved his phone into his pocket to give me his full attention.
“Sup, baby?” He grinned.
“I was wondering if I could start working at the coffee shop again.” I shrugged. “I’m getting bored sitting at home all day, and I miss my friends. I want to make myself useful, and earn some money too.”
Lazarus rolled his eyes, looking repulsed by the very idea.
“I make enough money, why on Earth would you need to work?” he retorted. “Plus you need to rest, it’ll be good for the baby.”
I could feel the corners of my mouth form into a frown, disappointed by his reaction.
“But if you’re missing your friends, I guess you can, babe.” He shrugged, and my eyes lit up with excitement. “Just don’t work too many hours.”
“Thank you, baby!” I exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly.
I was so happy.
So, so fucking happy.
I gave him a kiss on the cheek before I ran to my room, ready to get changed for work.
I then rang my workplace, to explain that I had been away for a long time due to personal issues, and needed time off to recover. They allowed me to keep my job, and rearranged a new schedule for me to come in.
Lucy was wiping down the surfaces. She looked up and her eyes lit up as she saw me. She clapped her hands to her face excitedly.
“Hey babe!” she exclaimed. “Where have you been?” Her face fell. “I missed you. What’s going on?”
“Erm…I had some stuff going on,” I mumbled quickly. “But guess what, baby! I’m engaged!”
Lucy squealed in excitement, unable to be
lieve her ears.
“No way, baby!” she breathed. “I’m so happy for you!”
She started dancing, shaking her ass, dropping herself up and down, and I couldn’t help but to roar with laughter.
“I’m going to be a bridesmaid!” she screamed.
A sudden voice caused us to snap out of our hype.
“Hey, I’m Casper,” a man waved, making his way inside. He had pale skin and dark brown hair, and he was wearing black jeans paired with a black jacket. “Is this shop still open?”
“Well, duh, it says OPEN at the front of the store, brainiac,” Lucy joked. “What can we get you?”
He laughed in response before narrowing his eyes. “How about this beautiful girl with the brown hair?” He winked, and looked me up and down with a predatory regard, and I couldn’t help but feel my insides twist with disgust. I folded my arms uneasily, uncomfortable with his comment.
“Sorry, I’m taken,” I snapped flatly.
“Taken?” Lucy remarked. “She’s engaged!”
Casper rolled his eyes, appearing unbothered by this revelation. “Being taken never stopped anyone from having a bit of fun, did it?”
“Excuse me, sir, but if you’re not going to buy anything, I suggest you leave right now,” I snapped matter-of-factly, doing my best to put him in his place.
He folded his arms huffily, his face falling, an angry expression written all over him.
“Whatever, you’re not that pretty anyway,” he shot back.
Casper
You’re going to regret curving me, bitch, I thought, seething. Lazarus’s bitch.
lazarus
I was standing outside of the coffee shop, looking through the window, watching Raven and her friend Lucy speak and entertain a man, who had his back turned, so I couldn’t see who he was, or what he looked like.
And I was fucking furious, to say the least.
I fucking proposed to her, and she was still making up excuses to go out to flirt with other men?
Who did this bitch think she was?
I’m going to teach you a lesson, Raven, I thought, seething.
raven
After my shift at the coffee shop was done, I made my way home, ready to eat and spend some time with Lazarus. I entered his penthouse, throwing my jacket to the side, and let out a sigh as I allowed myself to relax. I jolted as I saw Lazarus already sitting on the couch, his arms folded, and his legs kicked up, like he had been waiting for me.
Just waiting for me to walk through that front door.
“Where were you, babe?” Lazarus asked, making his way towards me. He had a blank expression on his face, and I had no idea why.
“At the coffee shop, babe.” I shrugged, unphased. “I told you already. Why?”
“Why?” Lazarus repeated. “Why?”
He laughed, appearing amused at my revelation. I scratched my arm uneasily, not knowing what to make of this, or what even brought this on.
“Because I went to visit you at work to surprise you, and I looked through the window and saw a man flirting with you…and you were flirting back,” Lazarus seethed, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper.
“I wasn’t flirting back,” I denied, unable to believe my ears and how he’d got things so wrong. “I told him to get out the shop!”
“I’m sick of your lies, Raven!” Lazarus shouted. “Always asking me to go out, to be allowed to do things. And whenever I let you out, out of the goodness of my heart, you go and flirt with other men! Was me proposing to you not enough, goddammit?”
I jolted backwards, mortified.
“Was it not?” he roared.
Tears welled in my eyes. I couldn’t believe he’d been so quick to think the worst of me, and jump to rash conclusions. He’d got me so wrong.
So, so fucking wrong…
“Lazarus, you’ve got it all wrong!” I pleaded. “You can even ask Lucy! She saw me tell him to go away because I’m engaged!”
“Enough of the lying, Raven!” Lazarus yelled, slapping me across the face, knocking me backwards.
Tears spilled from my eyes as I brought my hand up to my stinging cheek, unable to believe my eyes.
He hit me again.
I thought he’d changed.
I really, really thought he had…
“I’ve done so much for you, and you continue to fail me,” Lazarus snarled. “You need to make yourself useful. I’ve had enough of you playing around with my feelings.”
I continued to sob, rocking myself back and forth, knowing that my dreams were being crushed by the second.
Lazarus was never my knight-in-shining armor.
He was a manipulative, abusive, conniving son-of-a-bitch, and I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to see him for who he really was.
I couldn’t keep living my life like this.
I couldn’t…
“I’m going to have to initiate you into the mafia life,” Lazarus said coldly, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper.
“W-What?” I quivered.
“Since you’re no use to me at home, you may as well make use of yourself elsewhere,” he sneered. “This isn’t a choice, Raven. It’s a demand.”
I knew when he said this he meant business. I knew there was no escaping. I knew this was the fate I was going to have to accept since I’d found out who Lazarus really was.
Being thrown into the dark and dangerous world of organized crime…
“You will pay for hurting me and flirting with other men,” Lazarus seethed. “You’re going to be an insider of a rival drug cartel, and flirt with the men to lure them into traps, as well as tell me any information you find out. One of my most trusted men will teach you how to fight. You’ll also need to get a tattoo on your arm, to show your commitment to the mafia.” He trailed off, rattling his fists. “I’ll drop you off now.”
I was mortified. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe Lazarus was going to use me as bait, and throw me to the fucking wolves.
This couldn’t be happening.
This couldn’t be fucking happening…
“B-But w-what about Sophia?” I cried out, my head pounding with worry about my sister, not wanting her to have any part of this.
“What about Sophia?” Lazarus sneered. “This has nothing to do with her. This is between you and me. Sophia will carry on going to college and living a normal life.”
A sigh escaped my lips as tears continued to threaten to spill down my cheeks.
Even though my life was at risk…
At least I had the reassurance that Sophia would remain safe.
“Now go and change into something appropriate!” Lazarus snarled, glaring at my outfit. “I’ll be waiting for you in the car.”
He turned on his heel and stormed out of the penthouse, slamming the door so hard behind him that I yelped.
It felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Like the walls were closing in on me.
And now…
I had no choice but to obey whatever was asked of me.
I’d been dancing with the devil for far too long. They say if you keep dancing with the devil you’ll get burned…I knew he was a monster from the beginning. I should have left him while I still could…but in the words of the monster himself…
Everything happens for a reason, right?
I changed into a hoodie and some trackpants before I joined Lazarus in his car. Before I knew it, he was driving at high speed down the motorway to his spot.
When we arrived, he took me inside, murder written all over his face the entire time. As I made my way inside, I saw some men working with tech, others who took care of shifting packages, others who took care of accounting and numbers, others who took care of weapons…
There were so many men.
So many damn men.
“This is my spot, where all my men work,” Lazarus explained. “I’m going to take you to my most trusted man. He’s going to teach you how to fight, and
once he’s satisfied you can defend yourself, we’re going to put you to work and make you the insider of the rival drug gang.”
I scratched my arm uneasily, unable to come to terms with any of this. This felt like something out of a fucking nightmare.
I had to wake up.
I had to wake up…
Lazarus rolled his eyes. “Follow me,” he ordered.
I moved cautiously, just a few paces behind him the whole time. He pushed his way through more men, more boxes, more packages…until he was inside a room on the other side of the building. A man was standing against the wall with his back turned to us.
He wore a white tank vest, black track pants, and black trainers. He had dark brown skin, black afro hair, and a stripey black tattoo on his arm with skulls laced between the lines.
“This is the man who is going to teach you how to fight,” said Lazarus.
And as the man turned around slowly to face us…my heart leapt to my throat.
It was the same man Lucy and I had met at the mall.
raven
I couldn’t believe my eyes. It really was him. The man Lazarus didn’t have a clue was texting me.
The man who made me feel flushed and flustered.
I hadn’t spoken to him since Lazarus had checked my phone that day.
Deep down I was relieved, and felt happiness it wasn’t a complete stranger. It gave me comfort knowing I was going to be taught by a familiar face.
Lazarus left the room, and me and the man were alone. I learnt that his name was Damon.
I could finally put a name to the face.
“So you’re the chick Lazarus is engaged to,” he murmured. “No wonder you never texted me back!”