I Need You

by Jane Lark

  Nial hadn’t been any different after my rejection. That had felt good. He’d still flirted and laughed, dancing with me. Lightness swelled inside me tonight. I hadn’t had a drink, but I still felt drunk.

  “Are we sharing again?” Billy said in a low, deep pitch as we reached the door of my apartment and stopped.

  I smiled at him. “I want to…”

  His blue-grey eyes glowed. “Awesome.” The word was heat across my lips as his head came down. Longing burned through me when his lips pressed against mine, scorching me on a backdraft of memories from the last couple of days; eagerness catching in my belly.

  He took the card key from my hand, slotted it in the door and when the lock clicked loose and a green light flashed he pulled it out and pushed the door open. “Go on.” His hand set a gentle pressure at my waist, encouraging me to go first. Something flipped in my belly––anticipation.

  When the door shut, he said, “Lind, do me a favor tonight, go take your makeup off before we get into bed? I like you with no makeup. Don’t get me wrong. I like you with it… But it’s just, I’m the only one who’s seen you with no makeup. I like that. I want to go to bed with that you.”

  The tight grip lifted from my belly to my chest.

  I stepped forward and touched his cheek, then lifted to my toes and kissed his lips, briefly. “Thank you, Billy. For being so sweet.”

  His lips broke apart in a wide smile and his hands braced my head, then his lips crushed mine, just for an instant. “Go take off your makeup.”

  Billy was in bed when I came back. He’d left a single lamp on next to him. I ran to get in. I was naked. I had never got into bed naked. Shame, exposure crashed through me as I moved, but I ignored my fears. Billy liked what I looked like; he wanted me naked. He threw back the covers and I dived in.

  I laughed as he threw them back over, covering me up.

  He understood how big a deal this was. Thrills beyond my physical desire for his body skimmed through my nerves as I snuggled up against him and he turned to face me.

  His palm rested on my hip, then slid up to cup my breast as he kissed me.

  I played that now-familiar game of chase with his tongue, as his long fingers massaged my breast and his thumb kept brushing over my nipple. My hands were in his hair.

  He broke the kiss. “I want you to touch me, Lind.”

  My eyes got wide. He always had to push at a boundary. But his boundary-pushing worked. I slid my hand down and touched the rigid column of flesh that pointed up at me. It jolted as my fingers touched his tip.

  He laughed into my mouth as my fingers pulled away. “You aren’t hurting me. I’m just sensitive there, that’s all. Touch away.”

  I smiled as his lips came down on mine again; my heart and soul floating in zero gravity.

  Billy was easy to open up and be sexual with.

  I touched him, stroking a fingertip along the taut velvet skin of his erection, while his hand massaged my breast and his tongue pressed into my mouth. Then I gripped him, taking him in my fist as he’d taught me in the shower the other day, and ran my hand down, then up.

  His sigh of hot breath filled my mouth, and his hand slid down between my legs, then a long finger slipped inside me.

  Sensations swirling around I didn’t know what to concentrate on, touching him, fighting for who would reach the end, or the delicious stroke of his finger.

  I shut my eyes, capturing different moments from each. I ached for him. Pain weaved through my middle. The texture of the solid mass in my hand, the pressure of his tongue sweeping over mine all played games with my senses…

  He leaned more over me, forcing me to roll to my back as his caress got more determined, wanting to win the game. I ended up just gripping his cock and giving in, as he sent me over the edge of a tidal wave. I wanted him in me. Desperately.

  I gripped his hips and pulled.

  He laughed instead, rolling onto his back and pulling me with him. “Come here…”

  “What?”

  “Get a condom and go on top.”

  “What?”

  He pulled my upper arm, his grip urging me to move. “Get a condom, put it on me, and straddle me.”

  His massive strength struck at another boundary. The boundary was gonna shatter, I didn’t even argue. I just wanted him in me.

  His wallet rested on the side by the lamp he’d left on. My hand shook as I reached for it, and pulled a condom out. I couldn’t open it, my hands shook too much. He took it off me, opened it, then held it out to me.

  It was a dare. A test. To see if I’d do it. I did, my hands still shaking as I rolled it down the length of him. I didn’t think about the intimacy or the oddness, I thought about how good it was gonna feel.

  I sat astride his thighs.

  “Up,” he ordered, tapping my thigh. The black circles at the heart of his eyes swelled wide.

  I kneeled up, and then his hands gripped behind my knees, urging me forward.

  One hand left me, grabbed his cock and angled it upward. “Now come down…” his deep throaty voice cut the air.

  He knew I hadn’t done this before. I looked down at the trail of dark curly brown hair leading to his groin, as the familiar pressure of his penetration absorbed my thoughts.

  “Oh.” The sound came out of my mouth as he filled me up.

  He gripped my hips.

  I met his gaze, his dark eyes shone in the light of the lamp. “Ride me. Rock. Lift and drop. Do whatever feels good to you.”

  Yeah, he knew.

  I’d become entirely vulnerable. This way he could look at my face and my body the whole time. His gaze skimmed down across me to prove it, but the appreciation and desire burning in his eyes and flickering in a muscle in his cheek dismissed my terror. Whatever I thought of myself, there was no doubt Billy liked what he saw.

  Of course this way, I got to look at all of him too. My gaze and fingers fell on his middle, skimming over his abs. The smooth ridges and hollows. I cupped his pecs.

  I’d touched Nial’s chest earlier; it hadn’t been the same. I was turned on by touching Billy. My fingers opened and my palms pressed down as I lifted up.

  His leopard clawed beneath my right hand, capturing my gaze and his fingertips pressed into my thighs as I dropped and lifted again.

  “Rock forward as you go up, Lind, catch my tip with the movement as you come down…”

  Who had he learned this stuff with?

  “Ooo.” I didn’t care. I shut my eyes and did it again. “Ahhh.” Another sound of pleasure and discovery leaked out of my mouth.

  The back of his fingers ran over my breast, then touched my chin.

  I opened my eyes and I met his dark gaze.

  “Have you ever ridden a horse?”

  “A long time ago.”

  “But you learned how to rock your hips to command it to walk without words.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Go on then.”

  “What?”

  “Ride me like that for a little while, then go back to what you were doing.”

  His husky words touched me like his fingers. “Shit.” He shut his eyes as I moved. “That is it, Lind. Shit.”

  I kept moving, grinding against him as it kicked sparks up through my body from the sensitive spot I’d learned this week was the heart of happiness during sex.

  “Oh Billy.” I got damp, swelled and burned.

  His fingers massaged my thighs, gripping and releasing with my movement, his hips working against my rhythm in a slow race.

  Fight. Tease.

  I went back to doing what I’d done before, lifting up, sliding to the very tip of his length, then flicking my hips back. He hissed out a breath, then bit his tongue.

  I slid back down and rocked forward, for my own pleasure, catching the bud on his pubic bone and hair.

  “Lind. You’re good at this.”

  I felt good at it. Scratch that, I just felt good.

  “Fuck.” His fingers dug really hard in
to my thighs.

  “Shit.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “I am not going to last much longer if you keep doing that, Lindy.”

  His fingers clawed on my thighs, like he hung from a cliff edge.

  I lifted one more time, just to push him to the limit, then went back to rocking on him, and arousing myself. I was so hot, sweat crept over my skin.

  His breath became shallow, and his eyes looked like glass.

  He made me feel… sexy…

  “Lind.” Awe carried my name into the air on his breath.

  I looked at his chest, my fingers splayed over the leopard, and went back to lifting up. His hips pressed up as I came down.

  I met his gaze––it overflowed with adoration. What the hell did he see?

  “That’s it,” he hissed.

  “Yeah.” His voice caressed me with approval.

  “Shit, Lindy…”

  Pleasure played across his face and burned in his eyes. His breaker was rising. Mine rose to.

  A sweet ache swelled in my belly, growing in intensity, getting ready to break into a wave of foamy white water frothing through my nerves and my fingertips gripped his chest. “Oh.” I shut my eyes when it hit me in a flood, swirling through my blood. I couldn’t hold myself up. I fell, gripping the sheet either side of him.

  Billy braced his arms around my shoulders and thrust up into me, over and over, not letting the flood slip away. His thrusts striking me with the pressure of a fist, all his powerful muscle focused on invading me until he’d come too, with a loud growl of emotion, pain and pleasure breaking his voice.

  When I came back to reality, exhaustion claimed me as one of his hands braced my head against his shoulder while the other gripped my buttock.

  He combed his fingers through my hair, then kissed my forehead. I didn’t move. I was happy where I was, using his body as a mattress. He was solid and dependable. His fingers kept combing through my hair.

  I’d found heaven. Nothing else mattered but him.

  But ultimately reality had to return. Nothing in life was dependable. Everything had a conclusion. I couldn’t control anything.

  I rolled off him on to my back, and watched as he got up and went to the bathroom to get rid of the condom.

  Sadness settled in my soul again. There was no escape…

  “You okay?” he asked as he slipped back beneath the comforter.

  “Yeah.” I smiled half-heartedly. No. Nothing in my life was okay. Liar, this was okay…

  “Come here.” He lifted an arm. I could have turned and spooned like we normally did, but I wanted to be held and comforted. I turned to face him and he smiled, rolling onto his back as I pillowed my head on his leopard.

  His fingers played with my hair as I fell asleep, his leather bracelet catching my ear.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Billy

  I picked up Lindy’s case and slid it into the back of the SUV as she watched, her arms crossed over her body, her hands gripping either elbow.

  She’d been quiet since yesterday. She obviously wasn’t looking forward to going home. Since we’d met Nial and Sawyer and their crew, we’d spent every day with them, doing something. Last night we’d sat down on the beach, round a campfire, listening to them sing, in just the same way we’d first seen them.

  Their presence had pissed me off a lot, but it had been making Lindy smile a lot, so I’d kept my mouth shut. I had her alone at night, when we went to bed.

  I’d miss that.

  We still hadn’t talked about what the sex was about. I had no idea if it was gonna continue in some way, or if, when we got home, that was it… Did she consider me her boyfriend… or was I just an on-the-rebound guy?

  Shit, that would stink; if she’d just used me to get over Jason and when we got back home we were done. That would be a major-league kick in the balls.

  The leopard clawed my chest as I loaded up the last of our stuff. That had been a promise to myself, not to get trapped by jealousy. I was gonna keep that promise now. I wasn’t gonna be the guy left hurting like hell anymore.

  I slammed the back door shut, then turned to Lind. Her gaze lifted, she’d been looking at the asphalt.

  “You ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  I smiled reassuringly. She didn’t echo it. Just turned to get in. I moved ahead of her and got the door. She didn’t look my way as she slid into the seat.

  I went round to the driver’s side, pulling the keys out of my pocket.

  Home.

  This was gonna be shit.

  She didn’t talk while I drove. She seemed no happier than she’d done on the drive out.

  When I pulled up in front of her parents’ house, I was in the dumps too. I didn’t want to let her go.

  Her cell buzzed and as she looked at whatever text had come in she smiled for the first time today. Admittedly not jubilantly, but it was a smile.

  “What?”

  She looked at me. “Nial said he’s got a gig sorted in Portland in two weeks. He’s inviting us to go meet up with them there. Shall we go?”

  Shit! All my self-preservation and promises slipped through my fingers like dry sand running away. “What the fuck for?”

  Her eyes widened at my bark.

  “The guy’s been sniffing around you for a week. Why are you encouraging him?”

  “Billy––”

  I hit the wheel with the heel of my palm, frustration rearing its head and my internal leopard roaring. I glared at her. “Billy nothing! You’ve been flirting with him and sleeping with me for a week, Lind. You need to make up your mind what you want. Who you want!” I am not playing fucking second place to another guy in your life! I did that for too long with Jason! Fortunately I was still controlled enough not to let the last bit spill out of my mouth, but I shoved an accusing finger in her direction.

  “Billy––”

  She looked confused and horrified. I didn’t care. I’d had enough of her playing games with me. “Lindy! You’ve been fucking me! Why the hell have anything to do with him?”

  Her brow creased above her nose, her narrow eyebrows pulling down. But instead of answering or shouting back, she shook her head, her eyes glittering with tears. Then she turned and opened the door.

  “Lindy!”

  She slipped out of my reach and out of the SUV before I could grab her arm and stop her.

  Shit.

  I released my seatbelt as she ran up the path to her house. I opened my door. “Lindy!”

  She disappeared into the house.

  “Fuck!”

  I was a douchebag at times. I’d spent two weeks making her feel better and then brought her home and shouted at her. “You are an A-hole, Billy Worrall.” I slipped out of the SUV to get her stuff.

  Her dad came out.

  Great. Now I was gonna get it. Mr. Martin was known to hold grudges.

  “Lindy asked me to come fetch her stuff.” He didn’t look or sound angry. I opened the back of the SUV.

  “Yeah.” That was all I could think to say.

  “How is she? Is she feeling any better?”

  She had been. Guilt threw a fist at me. Not only for the argument but because I’d been having sex with his daughter for over a week with no clear intention.

  That was a lie, I had intent, I just hadn’t checked out what hers was––apart from wanting to come. She’d achieved that numerous times. Go Billy! The end.

  I handed him Lindy’s case. “She seems better. We hung out with a group there, and she enjoyed that.”

  “Good.” He smiled at me. “Thank you for taking her away, Billy. I think she needed a vacation. I appreciate you helping her.” He picked up Lindy’s backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

  Guilt threw another punch at me. “Yeah.”

  “Well then, Billy. I’m sure we’ll see more of you. You’ve been a good friend to Lindy.” Mr. Martin turned his back on me and carried Lindy’s stuff up to the house.

 
; I looked at the windows. Nothing moved behind the netting. I wondered if her mom was in there counseling her on avoiding me… Maybe… But who knew as no one had seen her mom for months.

  But I sensed Lindy watching––probably cursing me…

  “You idiot.” I slammed the rear door shut and headed for the driver’s side, angry with myself.

  Fuck it.

  Lindy

  “Sweetheart, you look better.”

  Billy drove off and I turned away from the window as Mom came into the room. “You look pale.”

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, Lindy love. I’m worried over you.”

  I went to her. “You don’t need to. I promised I won’t do it again…” I’d stopped the tears from falling when Billy had shouted at me, but now they came.

  I’d wanted to hit him. It was bad enough coming home… Why had he turned on me? Usually I’d have shouted back, telling him what I thought. But today I was too fragile. “Mom.” I breathed in her perfume as her arms came around me and mine wrapped around her. She’d gotten so thin.

  “Honey.” Her fingers ran over my hair.

  I could feel her ribs as I held her.

  “Don’t cry, sweetie.”

  I pulled away, wiping my eyes. The pain I’d been suffering for years cut into my chest. I wished it would just go away, but it would only go away if Mom got better or… I couldn’t think of “or”. I didn’t want to lose her––but she wouldn’t get better. “I’m sorry. Billy and I argued.”

  Dad came in as Mom gripped my hand and he glanced at me. I didn’t want him to know I’d argued with Billy. He wouldn’t understand. I smiled at him, biting my lip.

  He nodded. “I’ll put your things in your room?”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “It’s good to have you home.”

  I should have said, it was good to be home, but the words stuck in my throat.

  Mom brushed my hair off my cheek. “Come and sit down with me and share. We’ll put it all to rights…”

  Tears blurred my vision as I curled up against her, my arms slipping about her waist as hers rested across my shoulders. “Now tell me everything…”