by N L Ardwick
It was not long before her mother came to the room to let her know the news.
“Bethi, thank heavens we have some news. Me and your Papa were very worried that we had not heard anything. It turns out that Ajay was away on business. He has a very important job you know and is away a lot. Anyway, he has only just come back from America and he has asked his parents to come and speak to us.”
Her mother sat down on the bed as if she had used all of her energy and was about to faint.
“Bethi, I have put the green salwar suit out for you. You do not need to be involved in the talks between the elders but do come and say hello and ask about chai. I did not have time to make more Samosas but I asked your Papa to get some from the shop. He bought the wrong ones of course. He never listens. Anyway, Bethi, we are truly blessed. We were not worthy of such a good match. I knew your good looks and fair skin would do us proud one day. I gave you the right advice to always stay out of the sun. Ajay must have fallen for you the minute he saw you.”
Harpreet did not know for sure why Ajay’s parents were coming over, but in her heart she knew it was a done deal. She was to marry Ajay. Maybe she would grow to love him. She had heard that this is how it happens. Her parents had told her that they had not even seen each other before they got married. Her mother was only fifteen. “Now look at us,” she would say. “We turned out alright didn’t we?” Harpreet remembered all the arguments and her mother’s constant complaints and how she could have done so much better.
Once her mother had left the room, Harpreet picked up the law book she had been reading but could not concentrate. What was the point? She had been looking for work in the last few days, hoping that Ajay would reject her and she would be free to pursue her dreams. It was not an option that she could refuse Ajay.
Ajay’s parents arrived just after seven. Harpreet was dressed in her green salwar suit as instructed and was told to wait at least fifteen minutes before knocking and asking if anyone wanted tea. She could hear laughing coming from the living room. She waited for exactly fifteen minutes before she went to the living room. Her heart was beating fast and she felt nervous.
“Ah, Bethi, come come,” Ajay’s mother said excitedly. She got up and gave Harpreet a hug. “We are blessed to have found such a lovely wife for our only son.”
Harpreet looked at her mother as if pleading with her to give her some answers. “Harpreet my lovely, Ajay’s parents have asked for your hand in marriage and we have accepted. You are perfect for each other. And you could not have asked for more wonderful in laws. They will now look after you. We were waiting for this day when we knew we would have to give you away to a new family.” Harpreet winced. Her mother really knew how to dramatise everything.
Harpreet forced a smile to her face as was expected of her and left the room, excusing herself to make some tea. She felt sick as she went into the kitchen and closed the door behind her. She needed to process what had happened. There were conflicting thoughts running through her head. Nothing made any sense. But she did not know him. Noone had asked her if this is what she wanted. She did not love him. She wanted to go back and say she needed more time, she needed to get to know Ajay. But she knew she could not do this. It would break her parents’ hearts and bring shame to the family. This would make it difficult for Baljeet and Aaashish to marry. They were right. She would not get a better proposal. Ajay had a good job and he came from a good family. Maybe the wedding would be after a year or so. After all there was no hurry and by that time maybe Ajay would change his mind.
The news of the union spread quickly amongst the community. The telephone was ringing constantly with various relatives and friends phoning to give their congratulations and dropping hints for an invitation to the wedding where they could bring their daughters along hoping for such a match.
Baljeet called a couple of days after the announcement was made.
“Hey Sis, great news,” she said. “So what’s he like?” Harpreet was still trying to take in the news herself.
“He’s ok,” she responded. She was the eldest and the first to be married. She doubted that her sister would succumb to the same fate. She was the sacrificial lamb. Baljeet was away at medical school and hardly ever came home. After medical school she would work away in various hospitals and meet someone and fall in love.
Harpreet had not been allowed to go away to university. She had always done what was expected of her. Even Aaashish had secured a university place in Glasgow and would be leaving home soon. Baljeet told her sister she would see her at the engagement.
CHAPTER 4
The engagement took place in the middle of May at her parents’ home. The wedding date was set for August the 15th. Twenty people were invited from Harpreet’s family and Ajay’s parents were to bring ten guests. Harpreet wore a pink Salwar suit which was heavily embroidered. Her parents small house was cramped with people dressed in their finery. Gifts were exchanged between the families and prayers were said. Ajay was dressed in a smart suit. He gave Harpreet a bunch of flowers on arrival and they then sat together while various family members came to offer them sweets and congratulations. Harpreet felt that she could not smile and eat yet another sweet which was broken in two and shared between her and Ajay.
“You look beautiful,” Ajay whispered to her. She smiled at him and felt a sudden affection and warmth to him. Maybe she would grow to love him.
The house was filled with laughter and the aroma of food. Harpreet watched her parents. They looked happy and tired at the same time. She worried about how they would pay for everything and how they felt they needed to show Ajay’s parents that they were worthy of them. Before he left, Ajay said goodbye and told her he would call her and maybe meet for a coffee.
Sure enough, Harpreet received a call from Ajay a few days later asking if she wanted to meet in town for a coffee. He said he had asked her mother and she had agreed to this. When Harpreet went downstairs after the call, her mother was already excitedly talking about it.
“Don’t say too much Bethi. We don’t want him to change his mind.” Harpreet did not answer. Her mother had already taken out her outfit from her collection of outfits for every occasion. Hapreeet just wanted to pull on her jeans and a T shirt. But instead she left the house in another Salwar suit, this time a blue silk suit with a floral scarf.
Ajay was waiting for her outside the coffee shop. He smiled broadly when he saw her. He then gave her a kiss on the cheek. Harpreet blushed. She had never been kissed before, not even on the cheek. Ajay bought her a coffee and they both sat down and chatted about their respective families and Ajay told her about what he did at work. She in turn said very little about herself. Ajay told her that her mother was preparing their room and had already bought new furniture. Ajay had a younger sister, Sakina who also lived at the house. Harpreet had seen her for the first time at the engagement but had not had an opportunity to speak to her. It was now nine o clock. Ajay gave her a lift home. He told her he would be away for a few weeks for work and would call her when he returned.
Harpreet went straight to her room when she got home. She told her mother she had a headache to avoid answering any questions and told her she would give her all her details the next day. In truth, she did not want to speak to anyone. She did not feel happy, not the way it was supposed to feel when you are about to be married. She still did not feel any attraction to Ajay, no desire to kiss him or for him to hold her. But how could she tell anyone this?
The telephone rang at about 11pm. It was Baljeet. Harpreet rarely heard from her sister since she had gone to London and she sensed that something was not quite right. “Sis, are Mum and Dad around?” she whispered. Harpreet reassured her that her parents had gone to bed an hour ago and no one was around. Harpreet did not feel like talking. She was still upset after her meeting with Ajay.
“Sis,” Baljeet continued excitedly. “I’ve met someone. Don’t tell Mum and Dad but he is English and is one of the Consultants at the hospital where I hav
e been doing my work experience. He makes me so happy Harp, he is so passionate and loving. And when he kisses me, I just turn to jelly.” Harpreet was shocked and angry. How could Baljeet burden her with such a secret.? If her parents found out that she knew, she would be blamed for not putting a stop to it.
“You haven’t slept with him have you?” she asked trying not to raise her voice. Baljeet started to laugh and for a second Harpreet felt really silly. “Of course, I have,” Baljeet replied. “Which century do you live in? What about Ajay, have you kissed him yet?” Harpreet did not know what to say. She was angry now. How could Baljeet have so little regard as to what the community would say to her parents if they found out.
“Of course I haven’t,” she replied. “These things are to be left for after marriage.” Harpreet ended the conversation, advising Baljeet to be careful. As the eldest, she felt responsible for her two younger siblings and her parents.
She lay in bed thinking about her meeting with Ajay. Why had he not been spontaneous? They were engaged after all. Their meeting could well have been a business meeting. He had been more interested in talking about himself and his career than in her. Why did he not court her and get to know her better? Instead, he said he would be going away and would call her when he got back. What if this was it and she would live in a loveless marriage forever.
The following day, Hapreet woke early. She would not have any more negative thoughts she told herself. There was nothing she could do now. She would have to accept it. If she told her parents, she did not want to get married to Ajay, it would destroy them. They would be shamed in the community and would never be able to show their face again. She would not and could not do this to them.
From then, Harpreet resolved to throw herself into the wedding preparations. She had dreamt about this day for so long and wanted to enjoy it. She helped her mother fold and pack all her outfits. She was overwhelmed at the vibrant colours and intricate embroidery and at just how hard her mother had worked to prepare everything for her. She had seen the clothes several times before but was still taken aback each time she saw them again. She had witnessed first hand when she visited India, how hard the tailors in the bazaars had worked, weaving and stitching each garment to perfection.
Her favourite was a bright yellow sari with a red border and vey delicate embroidery. It had been given to her by her grandmother and although, not as heavily embroidered as some of the other outfits, to Harpreet was the most beautiful. It was even more special by the fact that it had been given to her by this dear old lady whom she had a great deal of affection for. She would treasure it and when she wore it, she would take a photograph and send it to her grandmother. Her grandmother was too frail to travel to the wedding. She had been told of the marriage and Harpeet had heard that she had breathed a sigh of relief.
Harpreet’s mother looked worried when she spoke of her grandmother.
“I will go to India after your marriage Bethi, so that I can see her one more time.” Harpreet hugged her mother. Now that she was older, she understood the sacrifices her parents had made in coming to England to give their children a better life. Harpreet’s mother had only been back to India a couple of times. She had been too busy working long shifts in a biscuit factory and making ends meet to look after Harpreet and her siblings. There was never enough money to pay for flights abroad.
She had come to realise that life was not all about following your dreams and about passion. It was about responsibilities and family. She felt good in the knowkedge that marrying Ajay would make her parents happy and at least they would not need to worry about her anymore.
It was only a month to the wedding now. Ajay’s mother came to visit. Harpreet had not seen Ajay again. He had been busy with work she had heard. Ajay’s mother gave her an envelope from Ajay. His mother said it contained a cheque for £1000.
“Ajay wants you to buy yourself something nice for the wedding Bethi. I know you already have an outfit. Your mother tells me it is a red sari.” Harpreet asked her to thank Ajay. She was told he would be away travelling right up until the wedding. She wondered why he had not called her or even bought the money over himself? He must have come back, if only for a short visit to see his parents. Still, she was grateful for his generosity. Harpreet had never seen so much money before.
This would mean that he would spend money on her, her mother told her, and there was nothing worse than a man who never treated his wife to show his appreciation of her. Harpreet waited for a pause, and as expected the conversation quickly turned to her father and how he had been very frugal with his money, not even acknowledging her birthday.
Harpreet went into town with Ajooni a few days later. Ajooni was to be married a month after Harpreet. Harpeet had often looked in the windows of the designer shops but had never been inside. Ajooni was familiar with the various designer labels. She helped Harpreet to choose a pair of gold Jimmy Choo sandals and a gold Prada clutch bag. The money from Ajay did not go very far and she felt guilty for indulging herself so much. Anyway, she would only marry once and it would be the most important day of her life.
The preparations had now become quite frenzied as only three weeks remained. The hotel for the reception had been booked, invitations had been sent out and it had been confirmed that her paternal uncle and aunt would be coming from India.
It was the 6th of August. Harpreet was to remember this day for a long time to come. She awoke early. There was still a lot to do. She was going to the supermarket with her mother today to buy food for the guests from India as they were arriving the next day. Harpreet heard a wailing from downstairs. She ran down, still not fully awake. At first she thought the sound was coming from the television. Her parents would often watch Indian films early in the morning. The common theme of these would be some family tragedy and the actors would be crying and screaming in between bursting into song.
However, the scene which Harpreet found when she arrived downstairs was not from a film. Her mother was collapsed on the floor, crying uncontrollably. Aashish and her father stood over her, looking ashen faced and desperate, not knowing what to do. “Bethi, your grandmother passed away suddenly in the night. Your mother will be leaving for India in the morning. We will have to borrow the money from Uncle Ji in Leicester. She will be back on the 10th of August. There is still so much to do.”
Harpreet ran over to her mother and hugged her, helping her to her feet. She then walked her over to the settee and sat down next to her. Tears now rolled down her face. She would never be able to send her grandmother the photograph of her in the yellow sari as a married woman. She would never see her again. She could not even go to her funeral.
The rest of the day passed in a daze. People were coming and going. Urgent phone calls were made to arrange for her mother’s flight. Harpreet saw Ajay’s mother and sister in the dozens of people who now filled the small living room. People offered their condolences and left, some offered help, some were there to pick up any gossip they could find, asking whether the wedding would go ahead and maybe this was a bad omen. Harpreet felt angry at the insensitivity of these people. She had never even seen some of them before.
She heard that Ajay was back from abroad and had come briefly with his father. She had not seen him as the men were sitting in a separate room to the women. Baljeet arrived in the evening. She said that she could not stay long and would have to leavethe next day as she would miss too many lectures. Harpreet noticed that she was very quiet and subdued. She did not have time to speak to her a great deal. Just before bed, when everyone had gone, the two sisters sat huddled up with their mother drinking hot chocolate and listening to their mother tell stories of their grandmother from her childhood in between the tears.
When she had finished, she gave Harpreet advice to follow whilst she was away. She was to look after her little brother and make sure her father had daal and chapattis to eat after his night sihft. She was also to make her uncle and aunt from India feel welcome. She also told Harpreet no
t to go out too much in case people saw her and made up stories to tell to Ajay’s family. “There will be plenty of time to go out with your husband when you are married. Hai Hai, what if this is a bad sign. I will need to consult the priest when I come back.”
Harpreet reassured her mother that this was just superstition and everything would be fine. She did suggest, however that the wedding should be postponed for a month or so. Her mother almost screeched. “The wedding must go ahead, don’t even speak such words. Do you know how many girls were hoping for such a match and would be ready to take your place?”
Harpreet and Baljeet went with their mother to the airport. Their father had been working on a night shift and was sleeping. Shortly after they returned home, Baljeet said she had to leave, earlier than she had planned. “Are you alright Bal?” Harpreet asked with concern.
“I will call you Harp, sorry I can’t stay to help out.”
She looked as though she was about to cry. Harpreet did not press her any more. She would take some time to speak to her when she came for the wedding.
CHAPTER 5
Harpreet’s mother was back from India for the Mehendi ceremony. She had not spoken much about the funeral and had busied herself with the preparations for the wedding. The house was full of women who had already started singing and dancing, The sound of the dholak could be heard throughout the house. Harpreet had Henna applied to her hands and feet. Ajay’s mother and sister came with Indian sweets and clothes for Harpreet, Baljeet and her mother. The celebrations went on into the early hours until eventually everyone was gone. Ajooni gave Harpreet a hug and told her she would see her on the morning of the wedding. Baljeet accompanied Harpreet to her room.