by N L Ardwick
He was moved into a childrens’ home a year later. Because he could not talk to anyone about his true feelings, this had manifested in him behaving badly. He was rude to his foster parents, got into fights and was excluded from school. At the children’s home he ran away several times, was bullied by other children and started to drink. Michael was now old enough to leave care. He got a job as an apprentice painter and was given a flat by the local authority. The flat was squalid. There was grime and growth on the surfaces. The walls had holes in, plaster was missing, wallpaper peeling off, there was damp and mould everywhere. But it was his place.
It was when he was eighteen that he met Jasmine. She was sixteen. Her hair was a rich shade of mahogany. It flowed in waves to adorn her glowing porcelain like skin. Her eyes, framed with long lashes were a bright emerald green. He had first seen her standing at the bus stop on his way home from work and saw her every day after that. He smiled at her one day and could not believe that she smiled back. If he was early, he would wait around until he saw her. One day he plucked up the courage to speak to her and ask her out on a date.
Jasmine came from a middle class family. Her father had a business and employed several people. They lived in a detached house and enjoyed regular holidays. He did not tell her about his past. All he told her was that his parents had emigrated as his father had a job abroad and he did not want to go. She would not understand. What had happened to him. And if she knew she would not be interested in him.
Jasmine’s father was not happy about his daughter’s new boyfriend. He was not good enough for her. He did not have any prospects. This made the young lovers even more determined to stay together. Eventually, Jasmine became pregnant. She was put under a lot of pressure by her parents not to have the baby. They wanted her to go to university. There followed a period when her family did not speak to them and it was only after their son, Paul was born that they reconciled.
He had a family of his own now. From the moment he held Paul in his arms, he felt a wave of protectiveness. He wanted to give him everything that he had never had, stability, love and feeling wanted. Michael also understood how his own father would have felt when he was born and could not comprehend how he could have left him Paul was now nineteen. He had done well at school and was now away at university.
It was after Paul was born that Michael went into the loft and brought down the box containing his mother’s belongings. Even now so many years later, the pain was still raw. As he opened it, he felt a lump in his throat. The box contained hi mother’s weeding ring, some photographs and some unopened letters. There were around a dozen photographs but on stood out in particular. He must have been around two years old, too young for him to remember, but he was sitting on his mother’s lap. His father stood behind her and had a protective arm around her shoulders. They looked happy. They must have been happy once. He had never seen this photograph before. He put it in the pocket of his shirt.
Next, he picked up a letter. He recognised the address was the one where they had lived as a family before his father had left them. The envelope was crumpled and had turned yellow with age. The letter was addressed to him. He opened it eagerly to see what was inside. The letter was from his father.
My Dearest son Michael
Not a day has gone by when I have not thought about you. I miss you more every day. Please do not think that I left because of you. Believe me, it was not an easy decision. I had no choice. I have looked for you since then, but my searches have led me nowhere. Wherever you are, I hope you are alright. I am sending this letter to our old home in the hope that it will get to you. I will never give up my search for you.
Your beloved father
Michael sat back in disbelief. So his father had been looking for him all this time. His mother had never given him the letters and had not even opened them. He had wondered where his father might be now or even if he was still alive. He had made enquiries since then to try to locate him but there was no trace of him. In the end, he had given up.
When Paul was fourteen, Jasmine fell pregnant again. They had a daughter, Lucy, who was now aged five. Michael had worked hard to support his family, doing various labouring jobs and studying part time. His dream was to be a lawyer.
He had never been faithful to Jasmine. There had been many women over the years. It was not that he did not love Jasmine. He did. He was deeply insecure. He needed to feel wanted and in control. He would never get involved with anyone. He would never open up to anyone and once he knew they wanted him, he would leave them. That way he could not get hurt.
CHAPTER 9
Harpreet sat down opposite Julia. She felt lighter now that she had told her about what had happened.
“Are you ok, love?” Julia asked gently. “You have done very well in telling me what has happened. It could not have been easy for you. What you need to understand is that you will never forget, but we need to get you to a place where you feel better.”
Harpeeet was relieved. Julia understood that she would never forget. She told her how difficult it had been for her to return to work. Now that she had told someone how she felt, it was as if the floodgates had now opened and the water was gushing out at great speed. Julia did not interrupt her. She just let her speak.
Moving away from the place where she was brought up was the hardest thing ever. She recalled the day when she went for the interview at Simmons and Jones.
“I was apprehensive and shaky, my heart was beating fast. I thought I would collapse when I walked in the door, or have a panic attack . Everyone was behaving normally going about their everyday lives. But how could everything be normal when my whole world had come crashing down? Nothing could ever be normal again.”
She cried quietly for a few minutes and then continued. She did not even look at Julia. She did not want to be distracted for fear that she might stop.
“I still remember holding her in my arms. She was so tiny and beautiful. Just perfect. I suppose everyone says that about their children, but that is what she was, perfect. Her tiny hands, her sweet rosy face. And then she was gone. I don’t remember her funeral. Ajay buried her ashes but I refused to go. Until this day, I have not gone. It will make it all real, that my little baby girl only came into this world for such a short time. I would do anything to hold her again.”
She recounted the days after Amy was gone. Everything was a blur. She was cloaked by guilt as well as grief. She had let everyone down, her parents, Ajay, Gurmeet. And now her marriage was over too.
It was the end of the session. She was exhausted. Luckily, it was Friday and she did not have to go to work the next day. Gurmeet had gone with his father. Ajay had now moved within an hours drive away and she felt relieved that he would be there for Gurmeet.
The following morning, she received a call from Dave.
“Hey Harp, how are you doing? I haven’t spoken to you for a while. Do you fancy meeting for lunch? Chloe has gone to Paris for a few days so I thought it would be a good chance for us to catch up.”
She felt relieved that Chloe was not coming. She was a sweet girl but she could not talk openly about anything in front of her. She did not know how much Dave had told her.
Dave came round to the flat at midday. They walked the short walk to the High street. They went to the same coffee shop where she had gone before Christmas. The Christmas decorations had now been taken down and it was a dull, grey day. They bought some coffee and sat at a table towards the back. It was noisy. The small shop was crammed with people taking a break from their Saturday shopping.
Dave told her all about his promotion and new role. She told him that things were going well with Julia, she felt better than she had the previous year and that Ajay was now living nearer to them and he and Gurmeet were seeing a lot more of each other.
“So how are things going with Chloe?” she asked. He hesitated for a while and then replied
“Yeh fine, we do not see as much of each other as we used to, busy with work and stuff, you
know how it is.”
She nodded. “So do you think you will get married?”
He smiled at how naïve she was. He loved that about her. Her innocence.
“Oh, it’s early days,” he responded and then changed the subject.
The following day was quiet at work. Sylive was off sick and nobody was available to look after reception. Harpereet did as much as she could to catch up with the post which had arrived during the holiday period and then headed to the café next door where she had arranged to meet Amanthi.
A date had been set for Amanthi’s wedding in two months time. She was going to hand in her notice at work that day as, once married she was going to Canada to live there.
“Isn’t it abit hasty, to give up your training contract?” Harpreet asked out of concern.
“Oh, I’m not bothered by that. Once I am married, I won’t be working. I want to have children straight away.”
They went on to discuss preparations for the wedding. Amanthi was drawing up the guest list. She said Harpreet could bring someone and suggested that she take Gurmeet. The only other people invited from the firm would be Richard and Tim, the other two trainees. The wedding was to be a huge flamboyant affair. Amanthi said her outfit alone had cost over two thousand pounds.
Back at the office, Sally Jones was waiting for Harpreet in reception. Harpreet noticed as she walked past her that her face was swollen and she had a black eye. Once settled at her desk, Harpreet asked for her to come up. Sally Jones immediately started to cry. She had taken her partner back, he had assaulted her again, blaming her for the children having been removed from them and assaulted her more badly than before. Sally had needed hospital treatment. The police had been called and her partner was arrested and refused bail. The final hearing in Sally’s case was only a week away. This was the worst thing that could have happened.
The phone rang loudly in the flat that evening when she was back at home.
“Bethi, it’s your Mum. How are you? Will you come and see us again soon? We miss you so much.” Her mother paused, as if considering whether she should mention something and then continued.
“We heard Ajay is now living close by. You didn’t tell us Bethi. We heard from a friend of his father’s. Your father and I were hoping that once things have settled, you and he may consider getting back together.”
Harpreet was weary. She did not talk about anything very much with her parents any more. It took too much of her emotional energy, energy which she did not have.
“Mum, he is divorcing me. He hates me.”
Her mother did not say any more on the subject but went on to tell her that Ajooni’s parents had brought round Indian sweets as a celebration of the birth of Ajooni’s second child. Harpreet felt a wave of pain. Ajooni had come to see her when Amy had died. After that they had only spoken occasionally. The conversations had become more and more strained. Ajooni struggled to know what to say to her and Hapreet found it difficult to talk. She now felt betrayed. Ajooni had not even told her she was pregnant, nor that she had had another child. It was as if she had become a curse. She thought about all the people who had slowly disappeared from her life.
CHAPTER 10
Michael Daniels stood outside the door of Simmons and Jones. This was his first day back after the Christmas break. He only had six weeks left to go before he would start his pupillage at 12 Gosforth Park. He had dropped Lucy at school on the way. He tried to do this every day and every day he remembered the days he had waited outside his own school and noone had collected him . Conversely, he had made sure that his children would never feel the way that he did.
Michael had been given a temporary desk in Deidre’s room. He was to be in the office today. Sylvie had had another row with Matt and told everyone she was now single. She regularly sauntered past Michael’s desk and tried to engage him in conversation. Michael’s expression was nonchalant. She was not a challenge and he was not interested.
Harpreet had returned from Court at midday. She had some final preparation to do for Sally Jones hearing which would begin the following day. As she walked down the hallway to see Anne from accounts, she saw him. She was taken aback by the fluttering feeling in her stomach. He was as handsome as she remembered. He looked up when he heard someone was walking past and he smiled at her. He looked pleased to see her.
Harpreet handed in her travel expenses slips to Anne and headed back towards reception. It was lunchtime now and she would go to the café next door. Amanthi was there already, waiting for her. They bought sandwiches and sat down at a table. No sooner had they done so, than the door opened and Michael walked in. She looked at him. He was wearing a Navy pinstriped suit and a light blue shirt. His hair looked like it had been cut recently. He bought some food and was about to sit at another table, when it looked as though he had had second thoughts and he came over to Harpreet and Amanthi.
“Hey girls, can I join you? I thought I would try out this place today. I have walked past a few times and wondered what the food is like.”
Amanthi looked at Harpreet and raised her eyebrows. Michael did not notice.
“Yes, of course.” She replied.
He sat down next to Amanthi immediately. He engaged them both in conversation but his eyes focused on Harpreet. She was sitting directly opposite him. Amanthi looked amused. She could sense the tension between them.
“I need to head back,”Amanthi stated, as she stood up. “Harp, I’ll see you later before I leave if I can.”
Harpreet felt guilty that she was relieved that Amanthi was gone. She wanted to be alone with him.
There was silence for a few minutes and then Michael spoke.
“ I am only here for a few more weeks and then I am going to 12 Gosforth Park. You know them don’t you? Max Evans is going to be my Pupil Master. He’s abit eccentric don’t you think?”
“I have seen him, but he is not someone who I instruct,” she replied.
His next question took her aback.
“Are you single?” he asked.
She hesitated.
“Yes I am. I used to be married but I am not now. I have a son called Gurmeet.”
She felt as though she had said too much.
“You must get lots of offers,” he said looking at her. His eyes were warm and smiling. He was flirting with her now. She blushed and looked at her watch.
It was time to go back to the office. She lingered. She did not want to go. She felt a connection to him that she could not explain. He told her that the Partners had invited him to drinks at a local pub on Friday. He did not know who else from the firm was going but he had heard Tim mentioning it to Richard as well. Some Barristers were also invited including Max Evans.
“Come along, it should be good,” he said as he opened the door of the café for her.
She told him she would go along for a drink but not to the Restaurant afterwards as she had to be home for Gurmeet.
He looked pleased. He told her he would not be in the office until the following week as he was out at court every day until then but he would see her on Friday.
The following day was Sally Jones final hearing. Her contact with the children had been reduced as it was the view of social services that she had not addressed their concerns for her children to be retuned to her care.
Harpreet sat down next to her in the courtroom. She looked gaunt and unkempt.
“I have not been sleeping Miss,” she told Harpreet. “I am worried what Dean will do when he gets out of prison and finds that we have lost the children for good. That is what is going to happen, isn’t it Miss Harpreet?”
Harpreet could not tell her any different. The inevitable happened and a decision was made that the children were to be placed in foster care with a view to being adopted.
CHAPTER 11
It was Friday soon enough. Harpreet stayed behind at work. Most people had gone. More people were now going to the firm’s outing and had already left. She did not want to go too early. Harpreet had p
aid more attention to her outfit and make up today. She wanted to look nice. She wore a grey skirt, pink blouse and a black cardigan and black high heeled shoes. She had spent longer than usual applying her make up this morning and now took out her mirror in the office to reapply her lipstick before she left.
The pub was full of people when she arrived and she searched out the faces in the crowd. She finally spotted Edward Jones standing at the bar with a drink in his hand and next to him was Michael Daniels. He smiled when he saw her. She sat down at one of the tables with other members of the firm. Michael could not keep his eyes off her. It was not long before he came over to the table and asked her and some other people if he could buy them a drink. Once he had bought the drinks, he came and sat down.
There was much talk about office politics. Most people had a tale to tell about Pete Simmons and how he had treated them. Harpreet and Michael did not participate. They glanced at each other occasionally and smiled knowingly.
“Didn’t Amanthi want to come?” he asked, almost shouting. She could barely hear him. The sound of the music and people talking drowned his voice. She looked at him questioningly, indicating that she could not hear.
He then stood up and moved to her side of the table and sat down next to her. His leg now rubbed against hers. He leaned over and whispered, asking the same question again about Amanthi. She could feel his breath on her and smell his aftershave, the same scent she had smelt the day she first saw him in Edward Jone’s office.
She told him that Amanthi was getting married and had to go home as there was still lots to do. Also, she was not socialising much now. One by one, the people from the table left. Some were going home, others were heading to the restaurant to eat. Max Evans was running late and had said he would meet Michael at the restaurant. Eventually, there was just the two of them left.