I close my eyes and take a long breath through my nose, trying to compose myself. “I’m laughing because you talk shit. And before you get all excited and do something that may cause that stick to blow out of your arse, let me just say that it’s a good thing you talk shit. You’re supposed to. I mean, you basically sell a commodity. Unfortunately, that commodity happens to be people. I personally think you’d be better with something that doesn’t answer back, like maybe vibrators? You could sell vibrators, right Carlie? I mean you must have worn out a fair few over the years. I can’t imagine you’ve had time to fit in a real man, assuming there is one who would want to screw your stiff vajayjay.” I smirk to myself.
“Fuck you!” she shouts and puts the phone down. I smile.
My work here is done.
I probably shouldn’t be so nasty, but fuck, she antagonises me!
Which means I need to call Eric next.
“Missy, where have you been? It’s practically night time again,” he moans.
“Errrm, hate to break it to you, Eric, but it's 9.45 a.m. I don’t know what clock you’re using, but it’s lying to you,” I snicker.
He ignores me and carries on. “Listen, I want to see you today. Eric wants to know all that is going on with Mr. Broody Knickers,” he tells me.
“No can do, Eric. I’m seeing Mr. Broody Knickers today actually. Can we plan for tomorrow instead?”
“Ooo, of course, Missy. I want all the dirty details tomorrow then.”
I can imagine him bouncing up and down at my news and it brings a smile back to my face.
I love Eric.
“Okay, tomorrow works. But I need you to meet me at a dance studio if that’s okay?” I tell him tentatively.
“Dancing again? That’s fabulous, sweetie.”
“Well, I have been for a few months, but I’ve had trouble finding space. Then Saul took me to my old dance school. I’ve been too scared to visit as Dad used to take me there, but Saul walked me through it. I called the teacher later that evening, and as it turned out she was my old dance teacher. We talked for over an hour and I asked whether I could use her studio. She gave me the times when it was free and the code to get in, and that was that,” I explain in brief.
“She just gave you the code? Just like that? It’s been years since you saw her, right?” he questions.
“Yeah, I was really close to her back then. I think she was sweet on my dad. She’s lovely and she said I should have always been dancing.”
“Well, that’s great, Missy. So this means I get to see you dance finally, right?” he asks.
“Yeah Eric, I guess you do. I’ll text you the address and times to be there, and I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Hell yeah, you will! I wouldn’t miss watching you dance. I’ve been waiting to see it for years.”
“Okay Eric. Just remember, I’m not great, I’m still rusty.”
“I don’t care. I’ll pop some lube on you, spin you around and watch you go.” He laughs and cuts the phone off.
I stare at it.
That’s the third fucking person to put the phone down on me this morning and it’s only 10:00 a.m. Maybe I should roll over and go back to sleep!
Me: Don’t put the phone down on me, Eric Purdoe!
Eric: Do not second name me, Missy. I will come over there and pull the heels off your favourite pair of Louboutins!
I gasp at his threat.
Me: You wouldn’t.
Eric: No, probably not. But I would steal them.
I smile.
Me: No more putting the phone down without saying goodbye.
Before I get a reply my phone rings and I accidentally answer it by pressing the button as I was about to text again.
“Hello,” I say.
“Goodbye, Missy!” I hear and the phone cuts off again.
I look up to the ceiling and whisper, “Deliver me!”
Right. Now, I need to call Saul. I’ve been putting it off and I don’t know why. I always think that something will go wrong. I mean we’ve never made it before, so what makes now any different?
Still, I’m not letting a chance to see what could develop between us pass me by.
Not now.
Not ever.
I press the dial button next to his number.
“Babe,” Saul answers, his voice all sleepy. And fuck me, I can feel the heat between my legs.
“Hey. I thought I’d call you today, but it sounds like I’ve woken you up?”
“Sweetest sound to wake up to,” he drawls.
Fuck. Me.
“So what do you want to do today?” Saul asks.
“Well, whatever it is it needs to be gossip-worthy as I’m seeing Eric tomorrow and he wants to know everything,” I reply giggling.
Saul chuckles then says, “Don’t worry, babe, pretty sure I can give you something to talk about.”
Can I orgasm without being touched?
“Okay, well, I’d like to go somewhere, away from here,” I tell him.
“Sounds good. I’ll come over in an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll be ready.”
“Later babe,” he replies and this time I get a chance to respond before the call is disconnected.
Ninety minutes later and we’re in his car on our way somewhere…he hasn’t said where.
“So where are we going?” I ask looking down at my black skinny jeans, and red converse. I matched it with a red Animal hoodie and I want to make sure I’m not underdressed.
“I thought we would go somewhere that we used to love when we were kids,” he says and I’m intrigued.
“Oh yeah? Where?”
“To a theme park,” he answers with a smirk.
“Oh, yes!” I semi shout feeling a grin spreading across my face. I used to love theme parks when I was a kid and so did Saul. We used to go with Pea and Con on school trips, but those two didn’t like the rides so Saul and I would usually tackle them together. It was some of my best childhood memories. I can’t shake my smile and from the corner of my eye I see Saul glance across at me his face soft. He then catches my hand in his, placing our entwined hands on my thigh. I almost sigh with happiness.
“Oh, my giddy aunt. I want to do that again!” I screech and Saul laughs. We’ve been here for nearly six hours. Luckily, because it’s a weekday we haven’t had to queue for the rides. That means we’ve been able to go on a bucket load of them.
This one is my favourite. It’s like a massive swing that throws you up into the sky. Doesn’t sound like much, except that you get to about seventy-five feet in the air and going as fast as fifty miles per hour. I love it! It’s exhilarating and fun, and it doesn’t let you think about anything because it completely clears your mind.
“Let’s go grab some food and sit babe.” I nod at his request and we make our way to one of the fast food places. Grabbing something to eat, we sit on a bench in a deserted grassy area away from the rides.
“So, what’s going on with you lately, Soph?” Saul questions with a mouth full of burger.
I look at him and wonder why he’s asking. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing specific, babe. I’ve just noticed you’ve been jumpier recently. It’s not like you. I haven’t seen you like that since high school,” he says and pulls in his eyebrows.
I’m not sure what to tell him. I didn’t realise I was being jumpy. But I know without question what has made me like it, even if it was only subconsciously. The same thing that has been giving me nightmares.
“Soph?” Saul asks.
“What?”
“You just shivered. It’s not that cold. What the fuck is going on?”
“Oh, I’ve just been that way since I was attacked.”
He nods at me, he doesn’t seem surprised to hear I was attacked. “Yeah, I heard about that. I was going to ask you why you didn’t tell me.”
I look down at my uneaten burger. “I just…I didn’t want to think about it. I was trying to forget,” I say softly and hi
s eyes warm.
“Sorry, babe. It’s just…with us attempting to make this work.” He nods in my direction. “We need to be honest.”
I feel a stab in my chest at his words because I know he’s right. I know we need to be completely open if this thing is going to have even half a chance of working. But how the hell do I tell him all the things about my past…the things that I try to keep buried.
“I know we do, Saul. Give me some time and I’ll tell you everything. But I can’t say it won’t make you run for the hills.”
His eyes narrow and he comes to sit next to me on the bench. “Soph, right here,” he says pointing at the imaginary space between us. “This is where I’ve wanted to be my whole life and here.” He touches my chest over my heart. “Is where I want to be for the rest of my life…but here…” He cups my face and taps his index finger against my temple. “This is where I need to be to make sure I’m everything you’ll ever want, and more. Everything you’ll ever need. So don’t ever fear letting me in, because I let you in a long time ago and nothing you ever tell me could ever change that,” he leans toward me. “Nothing,” he whispers then touches his mouth to mine brushing over my lips from left to right then back again. I can feel his thumb stroking my cheek and his other fingers are stretched down my jaw and neck. He kisses the corner of my mouth looking at me, his blue eyes glitter and are putting me into some kind of a trance. I’ve had this dream a thousand times over the years and now it’s happening my body and brain are still trying to catch up. He gently bites my lower lip, bringing me back to reality and I groan without meaning to.
Chuckling he kisses my lips again, still looking at me he whispers, “My life can start now.” I gasp as he covers my mouth and slips his tongue in. I close my eyes as he runs his hand up the back of my head, sliding his fingers into my hair while his other hand is firm on my hip bringing me closer to him, if that’s even possible. Our tongues collide and wind around each other, both trying to make up for so many lost years. I thread both my hands into his hair wanting to take this further, scared of it ending.
Suddenly, Saul pulls back and starts kissing my neck and the hand that was on my hip starts travelling up the side of my body toward my breast. I can feel my nipples aching for him to touch them, to take them in his mouth. But when his hand gets to the side of my breast, he stops there and moves his mouth back to mine, taking our kisses and controlling them, owning them. Pulling back he nips my lip again and I open my eyes to see him staring at me.
“If we don’t stop now, I might be arrested, babe,” he says his breath blowing over my face.
I pull my eyes away from his to look beyond at the group of teens staring at us, and as soon as they see me looking they start hooting and hollering. I feel my cheeks flame red.
“We need to go,” I whisper.
“Yeah, babe…a minute,” he says looking at his lap and my head jerks down and I see a bulge in his pants. I snort and then can’t stop myself laughing. He just shakes his head and smiles.
We pull up at Dane’s and I look over at Saul questioningly. I’m not really sure where we stand. I had the best kiss of my life…ever. I’ve loved this man for what feels like forever. He has pretty much said the same thing to me. I assumed we would move our relationship to the next level. But from him bringing me home I’m thinking that’s not going to happen yet, and it makes me frustrated. At the same time, the thoughts running around in my head are making me feel like a slut.
“Home?” I ask looking at Saul.
“Yeah, babe.”
“O…kay,” I reply.
He grabs my hand before I can get out confused. “I’ve wanted to be inside you for years, Soph, but I’ve wanted to just be with you for my whole life. I’m enjoying this…us. And as much as it pains me to walk away from you, I think we both have walls that need breaking down first.” His eyes roam my face for a moment then he leans forward to take my lips again. “Saying that though, I’m still me and you’re still you. So my good guy streak won’t last forever,” he tells me with a wink.
Shaking my head I get out of the car and watch him drive away through the window, thinking about all that we could be. And for the first time in years, having that spark…hope…and it’s burning in my chest.
Closing my eyes and letting the music run through me as I do my sit-ups to ‘Not A Bad Thing’ by Justin Timberlake that’s playing through the speaker system. It’s unusual for this kind of music to be playing at Murphy’s. I don’t mind a bit of the Lake-man, the women love him. It’s just we usually have a different style playing here, more metal and hard rock. This is the third time I’ve been to Murphy’s this week and the third time I’ve heard this album played. I never knew this song before, but now it won’t stop ringing in my fucking ears. It’s like he’s singing my thoughts about Soph out loud for everyone to hear.
Knowing I was up to coming back here was a massive boost for me. It means I’ve reached one milestone. I just need to break down Soph’s walls while beating back my own fears, and I might have a chance at something I never thought was possible…a normal life. Sitting up I take a breath and grin at myself while thinking about Soph.
“You seem happy,” I hear a female voice behind me. Looking over my shoulder I see a tall, auburn-haired woman. She has on short shorts and a tight as fuck top showing her stomach, and she’s toned. Her hair is scooped into a band and it cascades down her back and a dazzling smile sits on her face. She’s exactly the type of woman I would’ve picked up before Soph.
“Yeah, just pleased to be back at Murphy’s,” I reply looking around the place.
“It’s good here,” she tells me nodding.
“True, but you don’t often see women here.”
She giggles and I momentarily freeze hoping this isn’t a flirty giggle, knowing if it is I’ll have to shut that shit down. “No, I’m getting that.” She’s still smiling and it seems genuine.
“I guess I have you to thank for the music choice?” I ask getting up from the mat ready to do some pull ups next before moving to the punching bag. Her eyes are assessing me. Fuck.
“Hmmm,” she replies. “I can turn it off if you want?”
“That’s okay. This song,” I reply pointing upward to the speaker. “It reminds me of my girlfriend.”
I can see the surprise move over her face, but all I can feel is my heart pumping, the sound drilling in my head.
Girlfriend.
We never cemented our relationship, I’ve never claimed her. Not in a concrete enough way for my liking.
What if she’s out there flirting with guys?
What if she doesn’t realise this is it for me?
“So where is your girlfriend then?” I hear her ask, she still hasn’t even told me her name.
“Oh, she doesn’t need to come to the gym. She’s gorgeous…she’s actually a model,” as I say it I realise how much of a prick I sound, but I don’t give a shit I’m only thinking about getting out of here and claiming my girl.
“You leaving?” Auburn asks.
“Yeah, gotta see my girl,” I tell her before jogging out toward my car.
“Wow Missy,” Eric breathes out and I can’t stop the joy from spreading across my face in the form of a teeth and all smile. It’s been three weeks with Saul. It’s been three weeks of dancing back at my old dance studio. It’s been the three happiest weeks of my life. Eric has become quite a regular here, wanting to watch me dance.
I’ve been working on a piece for Saul. I picked a song from my heart. I can’t sing to him like Pea does to Con, but I was listening to the radio one day while cleaning and heard this song come on and it made me slightly emotional. Not enough to cry…I don’t cry. But it did make me think of Saul. The song perfectly captured my feelings for him. I’ve always had a certain song that made me think of him – ‘The Only Exception’ by Paramore. That song still carries the same emotions, but this song…this song made me want to dance for him. To show him my feelings – ‘Yours’ by Ella Hend
erson. From the moment I heard the song, I’ve been creating a dance so I can perform it for Saul. To show the feelings that I find so hard to explain in words.
“You’re done, sweetie,” Eric says wrapping me in a hug when I make it to him. “If he doesn’t love it, and more importantly understand it, then send him to my house and the gays will set him straight,” he tells me with a wink.
“Thanks, Eric. It’s hard for me to give up my independence,” I say stretching my legs. He looks at me like I’ve just told him I didn’t want to have sex, ever again.
“How are you giving up your independence?” he asks with a frown.
“Well…I…just…it’s,” I splutter.
“Well, get it out girl,” Eric moans.
I sink to the floor and cross my legs stretching my arms out. “I’ve never needed someone and I’ve never given myself to someone…not completely. I find it just as hard to tell him I’m his as I would telling him I love him. Not that either of us has actually said ‘I love you’ yet.” I shake my head and stare at the floor. “It’s difficult to explain. If I say, ‘I’m yours,’ then it’s like putting all the power into someone else’s hands…like I’m just handing over my heart.”
Eric sits beside me. Grabbing my hand he makes me look at him. “Sweetie, haven’t you already done that? I mean didn’t you give him your heart when you were a little girl?”
I nod at him. “Yeah, but I didn’t tell him. I’ve never told him, he has that power,” I whisper.
“Oh Missy, the song? The dance? They’re both beautiful and you need to show him, but he’s only ever going to know he has all of you when you tell him. Trust me. Men are stupid!” he states rolling his eyes and smiling.
I take a deep breath. “I know, and I will. But one step at a time.”
He nods. “Okay, Missy.”
Love Resisted (Entwined Hearts #2) Page 10