Dad coughed, but I think he was stifling a giggle. Not bad so far. Everything would be fine as long as Lulu didn’t bring up the time we had a picnic on the roof of the house. Mom and Dad might not like that one.
Lulu looked down at her notebook again and pointed to something at the bottom of the page.
“Evidence number three: The other morning he chased after the bus and barked with the rest of the dogs from around town. The bus driver was laughing so hard that it put every child’s life in danger on that bus.”
Dad started cough-laughing again.
“This isn’t funny,” said Lulu, glaring. “We’re talking about the future of your children.”
Dad stopped coughing, but his ears still smiled. They were red.
Mom wasn’t laughing, which worried me. Had Lulu made her point? If she had, the manny might be joining Amy in the Nannies Lulu’s Fired Club.
Mom said, “You’re right, sweetie. If this is really a concern of yours, then we will listen. We want you to feel safe and happy.”
I hated hearing Mom say that. It made me feel like throwing up. I felt safe and happy with the manny. I looked at India, but she didn’t look like she was going to stand up and say anything in the manny’s defense. Lulu is usually the only one who speaks at family meetings. India and I are scared of her, and Mom and Dad know it. They take us into a room and speak to us privately about how we can’t let Lulu intimidate us. Intimidate is the word Mom uses. I think it means “to threaten with ugly faces.” That’s what Lulu does.
Lulu continued reading “The Manny Files” on and on and on, and I held my breath, hoping that she wouldn’t mention the time the manny let me use the women’s restroom at the gas station because the men’s smelled bad. Mom might not like that.
As Lulu read, I remembered why I liked the manny so much. I had forgotten some of the fun things that had happened since we met him. Jumping on the trampoline. Running through the sprinklers at the golf course in our clothes. Writing JUST MARRIED on the back window of the Eurovan in shoe polish to see who would honk at us.
While Lulu read, I watched Mom and Dad to see if they thought Lulu had some good points. They nodded their heads like they were agreeing with her. Sometimes I nod my head like I’m agreeing with her even when I’m not. It makes her stop talking. I hoped that’s what they were doing.
I thought about Amy, the nanny that Lulu got fired. I don’t remember her, but I think that I would probably have liked her, since Lulu didn’t.
Then I thought about how I’d pack my carry-on luggage, the one with wheels, and sneak into the back of the manny’s car if he had to leave. I wondered if the manny and Uncle Max would still be friends, or if the manny would have to go to jail because of the time he stole the neighbor’s newspaper so I could cut out an article for “Current Events.” We returned it to our neighbor’s yard. It just had a hole in it where an article about political morality had been.
When Lulu was finished reading the last page of “The Manny Files,” Mom and Dad asked if India, Belly, or I had anything to add. Belly was staring at the palms of her hands like she had never noticed them before. India scooted back on the couch and let out a big sigh. I could tell she was too flustered to speak. I looked at Lulu. I looked at my parents. I looked at Lulu again. She glared at me. And this time I glared right back.
“I love the manny!” I finally squealed, but then I didn’t want to make Dad jealous, so I pointed to him said, “He reminds me of you because he’s funny and smart.” I couldn’t believe I was talking at a family trial. And neither could Lulu. She stood there shocked, with her mouth open.
I went on, “I think he’s the best nanny we’ve ever had, and not just because he does crazy things. India and Belly like him. Uncle Max likes him. The teachers at school like him. The bus drivers like him. Grandma liked him.”
That’s when I started to cry. Not the kind of cry that I used to do behind the Dumpster, or even the kind of cry that I did at Grandma’s funeral, but a sobbing that I couldn’t stop.
I went on through sobs, “The only one that doesn’t like him is Lulu, and that’s only because he doesn’t let her boss him around.” I thought this would be a good time to pound the table like I’d seen the lawyers do on television. It startled Belly, who stopped looking at her hands and said, “The manny’s funny!” and she laughed a big fake laugh. “I love him.”
Lulu glared at Belly, but Belly has never been intimidated by Lulu, and she kept laughing. Then Lulu steered her glare toward me.
“The only reason you like the manny is because he makes my life miserable!” she screamed.
The trial had gotten out of control, and Mom and Dad knew it. Mom held Lulu by the shoulders and said that she and Dad needed some time to deliberate their verdict and that they’d seriously think on it for the rest of the weekend.
Maybe the weekend was all I needed to convince them that the manny should stay and it was Lulu who needed to leave.
Lulu looked very pleased with herself, as if her last outburst would determine what the verdict would be. India chewed on her nails. Belly held Housman, who was wrapped in a blanket, in her arms like a newborn baby. She didn’t really know what was going on.
The meeting was adjourned, and I ran to Dad’s office to call the manny on his cellular phone to tell him what had happened. I know his number in case of an emergency. This was definitely an emergency. He picked up after the third ring. I remembered he once told India to let the phone ring at least three times so that she didn’t seem eager and lonely.
When he answered, I whispered because talking about family court outside of family court is forbidden.
I whispered, “Hi. It’s Keats.”
“Is everything all right?” He sounded worried. Then I heard him say, “It’s Keats,” to someone who was with him.
I whispered some more. “We just had a family meeting about you. Lulu wants Mom and Dad to fire you and hire Amanda. Mom and Dad are thinking about it until the end of the weekend. What if they decide to fire you? I’ll never see you again.”
I started to cry again, but not the uncontrollable sobs from before.
The manny said, “Keats, even if they decide to hire Amanda, it doesn’t mean that you’d never see me again. We’ll always be good friends, no matter what. You’ll see me all the time. I’ll pick you up from school. We’ll go to movies. We’ll short-sheet Lulu’s bed.”
“But what about next year?” I said through my tears.
“What do you mean?” asked the manny.
“Next year and the cookbook and personal shopping and Cirque du Soleil!” I sniffled.
“My plans have changed. I thought I was going to leave, but I’m having too much fun here. I’ve made too many new friends that I want to be with, including you. Cirque du Soleil called and said I was too handsome to put in a costume anyway.”
I laughed.
Then the manny said, “Your parents will make the right decision, even if it means that Amanda takes my place. Don’t worry about it. I will always be around. Lulu can’t do anything about that.”
“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t think the manny understood Lulu’s power. Amy disappeared for good. We never saw her again.
“By the way, your uncle Max says hello. We’re getting ready to go to the grocery store.” The manny said good-bye and hung up. I did feel a little better knowing that the manny and Uncle Max were still friends. I bet they raced grocery carts at the store.
That afternoon I worked on my math homework on the kitchen table.
Mom came in and said, “I’ve never seen you do your homework on a Saturday before. What’s gotten into you?”
I said, “The manny says that education is the most important thing in a person’s life and that it will take me wherever I want to go.”
The manny never really said this, but I knew that Mom could never fire someone who got me to do my homework on my own without being asked six times and bribed with snacks. Especially on a
Saturday.
“Oh,” Mom said, and opened the cupboard and pulled out a bag of chocolate chips. “Do you want to help me make chocolate chip cookies?”
I answered, “No, thank you. The manny says that I should cut back on sugar.”
He never said this, either, but I was on a roll.
I excused myself from the table and told Mom that if she needed me, I’d be in the bathroom flossing and brushing my teeth.
“In the middle of the day?” Mom asked.
“It’s good hygiene,” I said. “Haven’t you noticed how white the manny’s teeth are?”
Mom’s a sucker for good hygiene.
Before dinner that night I helped Belly wash her hands in the kitchen sink. When Dad walked by, I said, “Good girl, Belly. Wash all the germs away, like the manny showed us.”
Dad’s a sucker for washing germs away.
Belly said, “I love the manny.”
Nice touch, Belly.
That night I cried while I wrote in my journal. It wasn’t a sad cry. It was a mad cry.
September 8
I’ll never forgive Lulu if the manny has to leave. I’ll never talk to her again as long as I live. I’ll run away to Uncle Max’s house and live with him, and then Mom and Dad will be sorry that they listened to Lulu.
Born on this day: Patsy Cline, Peter Sellers, Pink
30
But He’s the Best One We’ve Ever Had
The next day was Sunday, the day Mom and Dad would deliver their verdict. When I walked down the hallway, I saw Lulu in her room rearranging her furniture. She moves her furniture around every few weeks just to change it up. Mom calls it “wrong shui.”
I went down the stairs and heard India and Mom and Dad in the kitchen.
I heard India say “But he’s the best one we’ve ever had.”
I think she was talking about the manny, but I’m not sure because they stopped talking when I walked into the kitchen.
I poured a bowl of cereal and waited for them to start talking again, so that I could join in, but they didn’t. India left the table to go upstairs to help Belly get dressed for the day.
Once India was gone, Dad rubbed me on the back and said, “I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself during yesterday’s family trial.”
“Yeah,” Mom said. “It was very passionate and real, and I couldn’t believe Lulu’s face.”
“She doesn’t scare me anymore,” I said.
Just as I said this, Lulu came around the corner. I don’t think she heard me, but she knew something was going on, because she didn’t leave the room. My conversation with Mom and Dad was over. Lulu was there to intimidate. I may still be a little scared of her.
Dad stood up and squeezed my shoulder and told me to get ready for a family bicycle ride on the bike path. I jumped out of my chair and went toward the garage to find my helmet. When I passed Lulu, she followed me with her eyes without blinking. Maybe she did hear me.
That afternoon Mom, Dad, and Lulu rode bikes. Belly rode in a seat behind Dad’s bike. India and I were on Rollerblades.
Lulu kept trying to talk to me, but I pretended that I couldn’t hear her because of my helmet. Even when we stopped at the little sandwich hut for lunch, I kept my helmet on. I didn’t even smile at her when she said I had gotten really good on my Rollerblades.
I usually love our family trips on the bike path, but today all I could think about was the verdict.
When we got home, I started to unload the dishwasher.
“Wow!” said Mom. “I didn’t even ask.”
I said, “The manny said that we should chip in and help because helping is what being a family is all about.”
He really did say that.
India helped me unload.
Mom and Dad went into the other room. Lulu sat on the steps in between the rooms trying to hear what Mom and Dad were saying.
When we finished unloading the dishwasher, Dad called us into the living room for the verdict.
I put on my best sad face and sat on the couch right next to India, who also had a face on like she was one of the orphans in Annie.
Mom said, “Lulu, we had no idea that you were so unhappy about the manny being here.”
Uh-oh, I thought, and I could see India move to the edge of her chair and start to protest. Mom put her hand on India’s knee to stop her from starting.
Mom added, “Lulu, you are becoming a young woman, and maybe you do need someone who understands what that’s like. I’ll talk to Amanda and …” And I could feel the tears working their way to the surface of my eyes. My ears felt hot, and they throbbed like my heartbeat was in them. The manny was going to get fired. I jumped up and shouted, “No!” just as Mom said, “see if she can come over every once in a while.”
Dad motioned for me to sit back down, and I did. I didn’t know what was going on. Amanda was going to come over every once in a while, but where did that leave the manny? Lulu’s forehead was wrinkled up, and I could tell that she was just as confused as I was.
Then Mom said, “However, the manny is a wonderful addition to our family, and as much as you may disagree, you need to accept that he will be with us for a long time.”
Mom’s speech made me shake my legs with excitement like I was next in line for the Ferris wheel. India leaned back in her chair and smiled. Belly was asleep. She was using Housman as a pillow.
Lulu slammed her binder shut and said, “This isn’t over. I’ll keep recording the manny’s misdeeds. Maybe the school counselor will see how serious this is.”
Lulu grumbled and went to her room.
I jumped on Mom’s and Dad’s laps and gave them hugs. Dad covered his lap, like he always does when we jump around him. I jumped on his lap once and it really hurt him. He leaned over and had trouble breathing. I thought I had hit one of his lungs. I found out later what I’d really hit.
I raced down the hall and called the manny. I didn’t bother whispering.
31
“We Go Together, Like Rama, Lama, Lama, Kadingy, Kadin-a-Dong”
The third week of school Lulu has her first school dance ever. The eighth graders always celebrate the beginning of the school year with a boy-girl dance. I imagined them doing the hand jive, like in Grease, but India told me that the boys just mostly stand against one side of the cafeteria while the girls stand against the other side.
It sounded boring to me.
The manny said that when he was in the eighth grade, they weren’t allowed to have a dance because the town preacher didn’t allow it. He said that nobody in the whole town was allowed to express themselves through choreography or dance freely until he fought it and they finally got to have a great big formal dance.
India said, “That wasn’t you. That was Kevin Bacon in Footloose.”
“Oh, yeah,” said the manny. “I forgot.”
Lulu wants Fletcher to dance with her at the dance. She has been using Amanda’s methods of getting a boy’s attention. The first method was to cry around Fletcher. Lulu couldn’t make herself cry. In fact, I don’t know if she can cry. Instead she rubbed her eyes until they were red and then blew her nose like she’d been crying.
Fletcher said to her, “Don’t get too close to me, I don’t want to catch that cold.”
Next she wrote him a love note. When she passed it across the classroom, it stopped on Jeremy’s desk. He thought it was for him and opened it up and read it. After school Jeremy told Lulu that he was flattered but thought it was better that they just stayed friends.
As a last resort she wrote LULU WILLIAMS on the front of her notebook. Williams is Fletcher’s last name. When he saw it, he called her a stalker and said that he was going to get a restraining order. I don’t know what a restraining order is, but on the soap operas it’s what they give someone who has crazy eyes, the same eyes Mom has when she chases us around the house.
The day that Fletcher told Lulu he was going to get a restraining order, she cried on the bus ride home. She can cry
. She looked out the window so she wouldn’t see the other kids staring at her. India told the other kids that Lulu was sad because her pet bird, Dorothy, had been eaten by a cat. Lulu doesn’t even have a pet bird named Dorothy.
I’ve noticed that India sticks up for Lulu a lot.
When the bus stopped at our stop, the manny was doing one-armed push-ups on the sidewalk. The bus driver laughed and adjusted her pink neckerchief.
“Bye, darlin’,” she said to Lulu. “I’m sorry about your bird.”
We climbed off the bus. I gave the manny a high five.
Lulu walked way in front of us.
The manny could tell that something was wrong, so he didn’t tease her.
“What’s the matter with Lulu?” the manny asked India.
India told him the whole story. About Amanda’s advice. About the school dance. About the restraining order.
When we got home, the manny walked upstairs to Lulu’s room to see if he could help make her feel better. India and I put drinking glasses up against her door and listened. I used a martini glass. It didn’t work very well, but I liked the shape.
“India told me what happened today. Do you want to talk about it?” the manny asked.
“Not to you,” said Lulu. “You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to like a boy who doesn’t like you back.” She was still mad because family court hadn’t gone her way.
“Maybe I can imagine,” said the manny.
There was a long silence. Lulu probably wanted the manny to leave.
But he didn’t.
Instead he said, “You know at the beginning of Grease when Sandy has a broken heart and doesn’t understand why Danny is being such a jerk?”
“Yeah,” Lulu said with a what’s-your-point tone in her voice.
“Danny is being a jerk because he’s afraid that his friends will think he’s not cool if he’s nice to Sandy. Then at the end when Sandy dresses in the tight black clothes and makes her hair wild, Danny notices her.”
Lulu said, “I’m not wearing a strapless shirt and tight black Lycra pants to the dance.”
The Manny Files Page 15