by Soraya Lane
“A simple marriage of convenience,” she started, watching Jack’s face as she spoke. He was smiling but not giving anything away. “And no matter what happened last night, we can’t, well, I don’t know.” She didn’t know, that was the problem.
“So you don’t want to be friends with benefits?” He raised an eyebrow, eyes glinting.
Maddison refused to be embarrassed. This was Jack she was talking to, not some stranger, and the truth was that they’d gotten hot and heavy the night before, even if they had only made it to first base.
I don’t want to fall in love with you. That’s what she wanted to say, but she knew she didn’t dare.
“It’s been really nice being back here, Jack. I love hanging out at home, being with my family, seeing you.”
“But?” he asked, hands on his knees as he leaned forward, eyes on hers.
“But I’m not ready to give up my career, not yet. At least not until I’m a mom.”
His face hardened, smile tight as he shook his head, slowly back and forth. “Maddison, I thought we’d had this discussion.”
Damn it. She hadn’t planned on bringing up the whole baby thing so soon, but it had kind of slipped out.
“Sorry, I thought that maybe you’d just overacted about that last night.” Maddison cringed inside. He’d been pretty firm about that particular topic, which meant the chance of him changing his mind was almost nil. Especially so soon. Changing Jack’s mind could take a while, she knew that.
“What part of I don’t ever want to be a dad didn’t I make clear?” His voice was deep, his fury barely contained.
“Jack, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” It wasn’t like him to overreact.
“But you want a baby, right?” he asked.
She took a deep, shaky breath. “Yeah, I want to be a mom, and I know my time could be running out. But if you need longer to get your head around the idea, time to figure it out, then I guess we can renegotiate later.”
His laugh wasn’t one she’d ever heard him utter before. “You say it like one day I’ll wake up and just change my mind. That I’ll just decide I’ve been wrong all these years and want a child.”
Now she’d started, she wasn’t going to back down without at least being honest. “Jack, as your friend, I’m telling you that you’ll make a great dad.” She laughed. “I can’t actually imagine another guy who’d make a better dad, and I’m saying that straight from my heart. Whether it’s with me or not, it has to happen one day.”
“Maddison, I’m all in if you want to get married. I’ll sign a pre-nup, I’ll treat you like a woman deserves to be treated, and I’ll do everything in my power to help your dad out when he needs it. To be a son to him. But I need to make myself clear.” He paused, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze. “I will never, ever change my mind about becoming a parent, and I need you to understand that.”
“Never?” Her pulse was beating fast. What if Jack was her last chance at having a baby? Because if she married him, then she wouldn’t exactly be able to go off and find a donor, have a baby on her own.
He stood and started to pace, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides, and she wished she’d never said anything. That she’d just kept quiet.
“Do you remember the day my mom died?”
Jack stared into Maddison’s eyes, wishing he wasn’t the reason that they’d flooded with tears. But he had to be honest with her, couldn’t let her agree to marrying him, to going ahead with what they’d discussed, without being completely honest with her. He owed her the truth, and he needed to be clear.
“You know I remember it, Jack,” she replied.
He started to pace again, not able to sit still. The sun was fierce outside, just like the day he’d been working with his mom. The day that was still so vivid to him it was like it had happened yesterday.
The truck was huge, but they knew the driver and he was calling out to them. Jack’s shirt was stuck to his chest, perspiration dripping down his neck and his forehead, soaking through his clothes. His mom was still smiling though, never fazed by the weather or how hard the work was, so long as she was outside doing something.
Jack shook his head, trying to push the memories away and failing. They were like a movie, playing through his mind, gnawing at him whenever he failed to keep the wall up that kept them at bay. That stopped them from resurfacing.
“My dad had always been hard on me, Maddison, you know that. But the way he looked at me that day, the change in him, was…” he blew out a big breath. “I know you were there through so much of it, but I still don’t think even you could understand how he looked at me from that day forward. The way he went from loving me as his son, to hating me, despising me with so much fury, blaming me for everything. From marrying my mom in the first place and moving to the ranch, to having me. He made it all my fault.”
“He was a bastard to you, Jack,” Maddison said, her voice so low and powerful that it made him stop. “You needed to be loved and comforted, to be held.”
He’d been a boy. A kid in need of a parent, grieving the death of a mom who’d loved him so fiercely, taught him so much, that even in his thirties he still missed her. But his dad had punished him, like it had been his fault. Had beaten him, yelled at him, reminded him over and over that he should have done something to help.
But his mom had gotten pinned between a truck and a trailer. She’d been as good as dead the instant it had happened.
“My dad changed, Maddie. He changed because he lost someone he loved, and as much as I hated him, I don’t think he was capable of behaving any other way.”
“That’s bullshit, Jack.” Maddison was on her feet now, marching toward him, arms crossed as she stood her ground. “It’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Bullshit or not, it’s why I don’t want to be a parent. And it’s why I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want any of that, okay?”
She just stared at him.
“My dad was a bastard, but he loved my mom. Her dying turned him into a monster, and I don’t ever want to be in danger of hurting a child like he hurt me.”
“But you wouldn’t.” Maddison sounded like she was out of breath, and her face told him she had no idea what to say, how to act, how to deal with what he’d just told her.
He closed the gap between them, put his arms around her and pulled her in tight. Jack held her in his arms, dropped a kiss into her hair and rocked them both.
“I’m sorry, Maddie,” he told her, wishing things could have been different, for both of them. “If you want to be a mom, don’t let me hold you back, but I’m not the guy to help you.”
She was silent, face pressed against his chest, arms looped around his waist.
“If we’re going to do this, then we need to be honest. So maybe we should take some time to think things through first. Come up with an agreement.”
That made her laugh. “You want some sort of marriage contract drawn up?”
Jack let her go, took a step back and shoved his hands into his pockets. “A list,” he said. “I think we need to work out what we want, and what we don’t. Then we can see if any negotiating is needed.”
“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Maddison’s dad was standing in the entrance to the barn, pitchfork in one hand.
“I’m just trying to talk some sense into your daughter. Make an honest woman of her.”
Maddison punched him in the arm before going to her father.
“Dad, give me that. You’re supposed to be resting, or have you forgotten that already?”
Jack put his hat back on and walked past the pair of them, patting her dad’s shoulder. “I’ll see y’all later.”
He left Maddison scolding her father and headed for his truck. It was the first morning, other than to attend his own father’s funeral service, he’d taken time off work in years.
All because a girl he’d used to know had come home and made him remember the past, and start to wonder about th
e future.
CHAPTER SIX
“You’re going to marry him, aren’t you?”
Maddison was starting to remember one of the reasons she’d been so pleased to leave home. She forced a smile, buttering her toast as she talked. “Aside from it being none of your business, no.” It wasn’t a lie because she hadn’t decided yet. She needed to make a final decision, because it was either Jack or a baby. Maddison didn’t want to let Jack down, knew it was a sensible agreement, but still…
“So you’re okay with us looking for another girl for him?” Charlotte teased. “Or perhaps if you’re not interested then I could marry him. I mean, he is pretty cute, for a Gregory.”
Maddison resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
“I’m going for a ride.” Maddison announced, grabbing her horse’s halter and slinging it over her shoulder. “On my own, just in case you were thinking of joining me.”
“Suit yourself. I have jobs to do anyway.”
Maddison waved to her sister and crossed the field to her horse. She caught him and led him over to the barn, busying herself with brushing him down and saddling him up.
A week or two from now, she’d be back in the city. Dealing with her normal life, planning events that people with way too much money paid her way too much to organize. Then, she’d hardly remember what it was like to get dirt under her nails and do simple things like ride a horse.
She led Finn out and mounted, before nudging him into a walk, then a brisk trot. What she needed was a good gallop to take her mind off everything. Jack included. Because deciding on what her future held was tying her all up in knots.
Finn was fighting to go faster, so she loosened the reins a little and pushed him forward. She cantered across the field, coming closer to the boundary between her family’s land and the Gregory’s. Even after all these years, she still remember exactly where the jump was that had been the gateway between their two properties – as kids they’d jumped it daily on their ponies, both families hanging out together.
It was well maintained, like it was still in use, and she pointed Finn toward it. Jumping had always made her heart race a little faster, and she was ready for that feeling again. For the exhilaration of flying through the air.
She slowed her horse, sitting deeper in the saddle, guiding him with her legs more than her hands. She counted out the strides as they approached, just like she’d been taught as a pony-mad girl, but she felt it go wrong. And it was too late to stop.
Finn took off sooner than he should have, missing the final stride and launching himself into the air. She tried to stay on, tried to clutch at his mane and then his saddle, but it was too late. Maddison went airborne, lost her stirrups and flew through the air solo, the ground coming at her so fast she knew it would knock her breath straight from her lungs.
She hit with a thump, her horse’s hooves coming down too fast toward her head, and she rolled out of the way before everything became a blur.
A movement caught Jack’s eye. He stopped what he was doing, leaned on his spade and turned.
Fuck.
Maddison’s horse was trotting, head held high as the reins dangled. Which meant he’d lost his rider.
Jack brushed his hands off, whistled for his dog and ran for the truck. Where the hell would she be? He changed his mind, got back out and called her horse. She’d kill him if he didn’t at least take the bridle off, make sure Finn couldn’t stand on his reins and break his neck.
Jack got close, did what he needed to do and sprinted back to the vehicle. Fast. He didn’t like second-guessing himself, but when it came to accidents? He’d never trust himself again that he knew the right things to do in an emergency.
“Where are you,” he muttered, searching back and forth with his eyes, leaning hard over the steering wheel. His pulse was racing, fingers drumming a beat as his panic levels started to rise.
He didn’t need this. If she was seriously hurt… he forced the thoughts away. Finn could have bucked and dislodged her, leaving her annoyed and stranded. She could have dismounted and he’d just gotten away from her.
So was why his heart hammering so hard it felt like it was ready to explode?
He drove toward the boundary fence, still methodically surveying the land. There was the jump and… shit.
He planted his foot and drove faster when he saw her pink T-shirt, slowing only when he was almost beside her. Jack leaped from the truck and ran, skidding to his knees at her side.
“Maddison?” He touched her shoulder gently. What the hell was she doing riding without a goddamn helmet when she was jumping? “Maddison, can you hear me?”
She moaned. Jack didn’t want to move her in case it was something more serious, in case he made the situation worse, but there was no chance he was leaving her.
“Maddie, can you move for me?”
The moan became louder and she opened her eyes. “Jack?” her voice sounded hoarse.
His heart rate seemed to slow the moment she spoke.
“Yeah, it’s me. Can you move your legs?”
Maddison groaned again, but she managed to turn her body, gingerly stretching her legs.
“I think I fell off,” she said, wincing as she sat up.
“Yeah, I think you might have.” He couldn’t help but laugh, because it was better than being angry at her. “You have any idea how much you scared me?”
She shut her eyes. “Do you have any idea how much my head hurts? It’s like it could actually split open.” Maddison had her palm pressed to her forehead, the other hand bracing herself upright.
“That’s what happens when you jump goddamn fences without a helmet on,” he scolded, the anger starting to take hold again now that he was convinced she was fine. “You’re lucky I didn’t arrive to find you with a serious head injury instead of concussion.”
Maddison opened her eyes and managed a brave, weak smile. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he muttered. “Let’s get you up and I’ll take you to my place. Check you over.”
He bent to put his arm around her, slowly helping her rise to her feet.
“Ouch!” She put what felt like all her weight into him.
Jack changed his mind and picked her up instead, not wanting her to put any more strain than she had to on whatever was hurting. “Rosa, scoot over.”
His dog moved across toward the driver’s seat and he helped Maddison slide in.
“Jack?”
He let go of her and held on to the door as he leaned back.
“Thank you.”
He touched her shoulder and shut the door, walking around the back to the driver’s side. She was okay. He needed to keep reminding himself that. She was fine, and nothing was going to happen to her.
Trouble was, he didn’t believe himself. Not really.
He’d thought he just couldn’t be a father, but maybe he wasn’t capable of being a husband either. Because just when he’d though he could handle someone like Maddison being part of his life, she’d gone and shown him just how easy it would be to lose her. And for him to have something else to blame himself for.
“Do you have pain meds?” Maddison asked him when he finally got in the vehicle.
Jack forced a smile, not wanting her to know how rattled he was. “I should have something.”
“Good.” She put her head back and shut her eyes again, like she was trying to block the pain out. “Because I don’t want dad worrying about me, so I might stay at your place a while. If you don’t mind.”
She turned her head and opened her eyes, but he refused to look back at her, kept his eyes on what he was doing. What he needed was to take her home – try to forget all about the fact that Maddison even existed, let alone that he’d been considering marrying her or the fact she could have died on his land – and be alone for a while.
“Sure thing,” he heard himself say.
Or he could be a complete pussy and do whatever she wanted.
Maddison was
slowly starting to feel human again. The thump in her head had retreated, but she was still tender. Her ankle wasn’t broken, given that the burning pain was starting to subside slightly, and she could almost flex it again.
“Pain meds kicking in yet?”
She looked up at Jack’s words. “Yeah, starting to.”
He walked into the room, standing back to watch her, looking at her like she might suddenly snap in two. She knew she’d given him a fright, but she hadn’t given him credit for how hard it must have been, finding her lying there.
“You manage to find Finn?” she asked.
“Yeah, still grazing near where I left him,” Jack said, slowly moving closer, hands deep in his pockets. “I took his saddle off, checked him over, then let him loose.”
“Thanks.” She snuggled further beneath the quilt he’d brought her. “I was worried about him. Even when I was busy smacking the ground,” she said ruefully.
Jack’s stare was enough to wipe the smile from her face. The room went from warm to ice cold, like a polar breeze had blown through with all its fury.
“Do you have any idea what it was like for me when I was looking for you?” he growled.
Maddison shook her head. She’d never, ever seen Jack like this, so… on edge. As a teenager he’d been brooding and angry, but grown-up Jack was nothing like that boy. He’d come back from looking for her horse like a cranky bear with a thorn in his paw. And she couldn’t blame him.
“When I saw your horse trot past without you? When I found you lying on the ground?”
She’d always thought he’d hated his dad for blaming him. But she knew it wasn’t just that. Jack blamed himself too.
“I’m sorry. I was trying to blow off some steam and I decided to pop over the jump.”
“Yeah? Well it was a crappy idea.”
He spun around, marching back into the kitchen, dismissing her. But she wasn’t so easily put off. Wouldn’t let him walk away like that with so much anger bottled up. Because she could tell that wasn’t him exploding, blowing his lid. Jack was so tightly wound and she knew this had barely scratched the surface of his pain.