His words caused the tears to return, but I held them. A collage of images of him and Seima with every "discrete, intimate moment” I had caught between them played in front of my eyes.
“Are you going to see her tonight?” The words slipped before I could stop them.
He frowned for a second then sighed. “I’ve been with Seima for a long time. I can’t…”
“I know,” I said, closing my eyes and rested my cheek on his chest again. “Please don’t go,” I whispered, so low I wasn’t sure he heard me. The deep breath he took let me know he had. He kissed my forehead and held me as I fell asleep.
* * *
It was still dark outside when I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure what had woken me up until I saw Art's side of the bed empty. The tears that I had been fighting for hours, fell from my eyes unable to be stopped. My heart ripped, as I finally understood what was happening.
Damn him. Damn Art for making me fall in love with him.
It was idiotic of me not to realize it before. Of course, I was in love with him. How could I not love him, when he had given me everything without even knowing me? He took me into his home knowing I needed shelter. Into his arms knowing I needed comfort. He was there for me every night, without even asking anything in return. How could I not love a man who had opened up his soul to me? Showed me who he really was, even when he had kept it from the ones he loved the most? A man who made me feel safe with one touch. One who's voice could reach me even through my worst nightmares.
Art could stop the world from spinning with one single word. He could make it explode into a million stars with just one smile.
The tears fell freely on his pillow as the love I felt for him burst through me finally free, filling every single inch of my being. Yet, Art wasn’t here. He was with her…
I had never loved a man, as much as I loved him.
I had never hated a man, as much as I hated him.
CHAPTER 7. LESSONS
LIA
* * *
Day 108…
I remained as still as I could so I wouldn’t alert Art to the fact that I was awake.
My chest softly rose and fell with my steady breathing, not giving him any reason to suspect otherwise as his eyes swiftly swept over me. I knew the moment he redirected his gaze, because I could physically feel the warmth leaving my skin. Art’s gaze was like a caress over my body... every single time.
Tentatively, my eyelids slowly lifted and I allowed my eyes to take him all in. His wet skin glistened with a blue hue, as the moonlight from the small window above reflected on him. The water rapidly traveled down the defined muscles of his chest when he poured another bucket over his head. My gaze followed a few drops of water, as they rebelliously carved their own path down his abs and lower still, making me work even harder to maintain my charade. I was painfully aware of how wrong, and borderline pathetic it was for me to watch him while he bathed in the middle of the night. Especially when he left the partition open, convinced that I was asleep, but I couldn't help it. Every inch of his body seemed sculpted by a master. Art was perfect… But he wasn't mine.
He turned towards the window and poured the last bucket of water over him, rinsing the soap. The last bubble left his skin, and I closed my eyes, fighting to contain my heart. The mere reason why he needed to shower in the middle of the night tore through it. I wasn't exactly sure when everything had changed between us, but it had. I had gotten used to Art being here, with me. He didn't visit Seima regularly, maybe once a week, or every two weeks. Art never said where he was going, but I knew. For the past two weeks, however, he’d been going to Seima almost every night. We still spent time together, though. If anything, he’d been even more attentive with me, which was really confusing but I wasn’t complaining. The rest of his free time he spent with me. He constantly made sure to be with me, and I always slept in his arms. When he visited Seima at night, he waited until I was asleep, but I always woke up missing his body next to mine.
The mattress dipped as Art laid next to me, and my breath caught anticipating his touch. The next second his fingers caressed my cheek, and he pulled me to him. I let him. Art pressed me to his body until there wasn't an ounce of air left between us. His arms enveloped me, creating a safe haven that I never wanted to leave. It was as though he wanted to make sure I was sheltered, and I could only be secure in his arms. The warmth of his palm covered my cheek as his lips left whispered kisses all over my face, trying not to wake me. Art kissed my nose and then gave me a soft peck on the lips like he usually did. He guided my cheek to his chest, and as it touched his skin, his body relaxed instantly.
“Goodnight, Bòidheach,” Art whispered, placing his head on the pillow.
The moment he fell asleep I opened my eyes and gazed at the moon through the far window. I wanted to kick myself for being such an idiot. When had I become this weak? I wasn't weak. I was a strong independent woman. A feminist for goodness sake! I had sworn never to let a man take advantage of me, or play with my heart again. Hell, it took a freaking miracle for them to even get close enough. I had always made sure to place my walls up no matter the man. I'd be damned if I ever let another guy close enough to hurt me. Yet here I was, melting in the arms of one that didn't want me. A man who I had unconsciously let in so deep, that I was afraid I'd never be able to get him out. The truth was, I wasn't even sure I wanted to, which brought me back to wanting to kick myself. One touch was all I needed, all it took for me to forget that he was with someone else. That he didn't love me. I didn't care. I needed that touch more than anything. I needed to be in his arms like I was at this moment. I needed to feel his lips on my skin, even if it was just a friendly kiss goodnight. Even if it didn't mean the same to him that it did to me. Because to me every touch, every smile, every kiss meant the world.
I looked at him and pulled myself up on his body. His arms instantly tightened around me, as though he was afraid I would get away. I smiled and placed my lips on his letting them linger. I could have been dreaming, in fact, I was certain I was because his lips slightly moved responding to mine, and then curved into a content smile. My heart flipped inside of me, and I sighed resting my cheek on his chest again.
I was an idiot.
The sad reality was, I had become his even without him realizing it. He had me, all of me, and there was nothing I could do about it but pray. Pray to God that this didn’t end up in disaster. That Art didn’t destroy my heart while he held it in his hands.
ART
* * *
My gaze roamed Lia’s delicate face as the moonlight slowly changed in the horizon in a mix of purple, yellow and orange hues. The morning had found her in my arms. A small smile curved my lips. She looked so innocent sleeping this way. If you didn't know her, you could actually believe it. I chuckled. She was the definition of Spitfire. When she wasn’t driving me crazy, she was flirting with me, or worse, reading me the riot act. I loved it.
My hand cupped her cheek and pulled her to me, and I rested my forehead on hers. I took a deep breath letting the now familiar feeling rush through me, taking any anxiety, doubt or guilt that could exist out of my system. I swore to the Goddess I had never been this volatile before. Never had my emotions ruled me this way, but ever since the battle at the lake it was like a switch had been flipped. No. Not a switch. It was as though a hurricane had been let loose and was causing havoc inside me. Not even my swords seemed to help anymore, but Lia… She calmed me with just one touch. Her body squirmed under mine, and I noticed her lids lifting. Her eyes focused on mine and as we looked at each other something got hold of me. I leaned in placing my lips on hers. They lingered for a second, but when I pulled back and looked into her eyes filled with love, something happened. I closed my lips over hers and claimed them. The kiss was deep and sensual, waking the need I carried.
Lia’s hands roamed my chest as our lips fused together. My body responded to her touch at an alarming speed, and all I wanted was to feel her against me. All of her. The
kiss instantly became desperate, and my hands reached for the edge of the cut off t-shirt she had worn to bed. My t-shirt. In that instant, I felt her hands pulling at the waistband of my pants. The t-shirt fell to the floor followed by my pants, and my arms brought her flush against me. The feel of her naked body on mine seemed like it would scar me for life but I didn't care. The bed sheet soon joined our clothes on the floor as Lia pulled it off our bodies, giving me full access to her. The next second, my lips were over her nipple, claiming it as mine. Her lips were mine. Her legs were mine. Her body was mine. She was mine. She had to be.
A sharp breath left me when her small hand wrapped around my hardened body and began to move. I couldn't breathe. I wasn't able to think. I just needed her to keep going. Her touch was soft and firm, destroying me slowly. Something snapped inside me, I kneeled, lifting her off the bed, and pressed her back against the wall. Her legs wrapped around my waist but I wanted more. My hand slipped between our bodies as I devoured her lips and lifted her right knee, pushing her thigh to the wooden headboard until she was completely open to me. Her hand never wavered while she guided me to her entrance and the feel of her soft, sleek skin made me want to explode. I moved my hips forwards plunging inside her. Whatever sanity was left disappeared, as a desperate moan erupted from her lips.
“Hey, are you ok?”
I blinked and looked into Lia’s eyes. She was staring at me concerned. Her hand slowly caressed my chest in an attempt to calm me down. I was panting.
“Chewie?” She called again. “What is it?”
I tried to focus on her and realized my hand was cupping her cheek while she laid underneath my body. My gaze fell on her body but she was wearing my cut off t-shirt, I could feel the cotton of my pajama pants against my skin and the coolness of the bed sheet still over us. I turned towards the window and saw the first light of dawn seeping through. The clock marked 6:30 a.m. When my gaze returned to Lia, she seemed even more worried.
“Um, I’m ok. It’s nothing.” I said sitting up. She followed.
“Are you sure? It didn’t look like nothing.”
I frowned. What the hell had just happened? “What did it look like?”
“Well,” she scrunched up her nose trying to describe it. “I woke up when I felt your forehead on mine. You gave me one of your usual kisses then kind of signed off on me.
“Signed off?”
"Yeah. It was weird. Your gaze became intense, and you shut your eyes, the next second you were breathing hard. It was like you were dreaming, but you were still holding me. Were you having a nightmare?"
What the hell? I looked at Lia, shocked. I could still taste her nipple on my tongue. I could feel myself inside her. I shut my eyes again and fought the reaction of my body. I had hardened for her. Had I really fallen a sleep at that moment?
“Yeah. It was a nightmare,” I answered getting up and walking towards the partition.
"Wait. Where are you going?"
“I’m ok. I promise. I just need to take a bath.”
“A bath?” She got up and walked towards me. “I thought you took one last night.”
Her palm rested on my back and began to caress me again. I shuddered. How the fuck had I seen all that? It seemed so real. I rubbed my hands over my face forcing the memory out of me.
"Yeah, sorry. I didn't want you to notice, but it seems I woke up over stimulated."
She laughed, standing in front of me. I cupped myself, embarrassed, but her eyes didn't leave mine. "Oh, I see. The little soldier is in full salute? Are you enjoying a bit of morning glory? The one eyed snake came out to play?"
“Lia…” I warned narrowing my eyes at her.
She grinned. “Wait, I’m not done yet. I’m sure I can come up with a few more. The pocket rocket is ready for lift off? The raging salmon is eager to swim? The twig and berries are ripe for harvest? The flagpole, the purple sausage, the hot whistle, the fire cannon. Oh, I know!" She jumped up and down excitedly. I repressed a chuckle. "The Blue Steel. Good one right? I mean, it sounds like a freaking superhero. Chewie, you have to admit it’s good. Like, I killed it."
She crossed her arms and stared at me expecting a response. I sighed, forcing myself not to laugh. She was adorable.
I gripped her waist, lifting her out of the way, and placed her behind me.
“Ugh. You are such a party pooper.”
“You are not done giving names to my penis, are you?”
She pressed her lips together and looked at me with wide eyes. I knew what that look of hers meant. She was dying to say something else. It was usually something outrageous or highly inappropriate, but seeing as we were already there... “Fine, go ahead.”
“The love Pump, the Juicesicle, and the Cock-a-Saurus Rex!" She pumped her fists in the air in triumph, and it took everything in me not to laugh. "Yes! I still got it!"
I continued to the partition, not bothering to close it. I stepped into the tub pants and all, and without taking my eyes off her, I poured the bucket of cold water over me.
Her laughter reverberated around me, and I laughed wiping the water from my eyes.
"Admit it, Chewie. You love having me around." She walked towards me and puckered up her lips. I bent down, unconsciously responding to her request, and gave her a peck.
“I do,” I admitted with a chuckle.
My gaze dropped to her lips when the tip of her tongue slipped out, licking the water off them. She turned, walking towards the dresser while I silently groaned; my body had reacted to that simple act. I poured a second bucket over me, and swallowed, as I remember the daydream I'd experienced. What the fuck had happened to my mind?
Whatever it was, it could never happen again.
ART
* * *
Day 123…
I gazed at Lia as she and Bri laughed and talked during breakfast. I realized it was early still when my gaze swept over the clock. I was grateful for that, since I had many things to do today.
Eisha and I had started seeing each other three weeks ago. I saw her almost every night, which meant spending less time with Lia, even though she still needed me. I had tried my best to make it up to her, but every time I came home and found her crying it tore another piece of me. She needed me, and I hadn't been here for her. I kept messing up when all I wanted was to help her. On top of that, the words that Lia had said after seeing me with Seima during the horse practice kept coming back to me.
“Please don’t go…”
The pain in Lia's whisper had sliced through me, and I didn't even know why. Why would she ask me not to go to Seima? She didn't mention it again after that night, and I never asked about it. Certain things were best left in the dark. A sense of guilt awoke in me that night, but no matter what I did to make it up to her I couldn't satiate it. It didn't make a difference.
I was with Eisha now.
She had finally agreed to give us a chance, and let me show her that I could make her happy. The one thing I had wanted and hoped for all my life. Eisha had been the reason I breathed for so long. However, now that I was finally with her, instead of relief all I felt was anxiety. She felt so distant to me, even when I had her in my arms. I wasn't entirely sure of what she felt for me yet, and the doubt was killing me. The part of me that feared that I was not good enough for her never missed a chance to make itself known. It feed all my insecurities every time Eisha pulled away from me.
Something was holding her back, and I had no idea how to fix it. Maybe the part of me that said we weren't meant to be together was right. Maybe we just didn't belong. Eisha was an Ovate, like her mother had been, and she wasn't even aware of the kind of powers she possessed because she had fought them all her life. I had tried to help her as much as I could, but she had never truly let me in. Maybe she didn't want to let me in, or I wasn't the one who could help her open up again. Perhaps she needed someone that could be more than I was. A man with abilities that could understand what she was going through and truly help her. I took a deep breath
, trying to settle the ache in my heart. The mere idea of me not being able to be there for her, helping her, tore through me.
Eisha was already powerful even without welcoming her gifts. She couldn’t possibly be meant for me once she became the formidable Ovate I knew she could be. There was no way she could end up with a simple Warrior. Was there? The teachings of our Mother Goddess said our souls were destined to the one who was our perfect mach. Our equal in every way. Cyn and Bri were living proof of that. There had never been anyone as powerful as my brother in the history of our people, but he found my little Sis. She was his equal in every way. However, my case was different. I had many abilities but I didn’t have any powers. Even I understood what that meant. I wasn’t Eisha’s equal, and I would never be. Then what was the point of all this? She was all I had ever wanted.
No. I had to be enough. I couldn’t think this way.
If I could just give myself to her, and show her what it felt to be loved by me. If I could finally become one with her, then maybe she would see the truth. That we belonged together, and any doubts she might have about us would be gone.
“Brother,” Cyn said in a persistent tone.
I blinked turning to him. “Yes?”
“Where were you? I have been speaking to you without receiving a response.”
“I’m sorry.” I took a settling breath and looked at Lia. Her and Bri were now by the door. I frowned noticing everyone had finished eating. Even me. “You were saying?”
"Nothing. It is of little importance now." I looked at Cyn, but he wasn't mad. Instead, he stared at me as though trying to sense something in me. His gaze traveled to Lia then returned to me. He sighed, noticeably distressed.
“What happened?”
He shook his head. “It is not my place. How are things going with Eisha?”
I frowned surprised by his question. My gaze briefly fell over Lia. "We are together now. She has given me a chance to be with her." I smiled as I looked at him again. He returned the smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "What happened?"
Worthy of Magic (The Ancient Magic Series Book 4) Page 13