“I know that. I’ve been fighting against that pedestal my whole life.” Now he was getting angry. He hadn’t set unrealistic expectations. He’d been betrayed.
“Yes, you have. And I think that might be part of the problem. You’re simply holding people to the same standard you hold yourself to.”
“It’s not—”
“Let me finish.” His father’s no-nonsense tone made Asher clamp his mouth shut. “You idealize people, and when they turn out to be just people, with flaws and weaknesses, you’re devastated by the fall.” His dad pushed his cup away. “Now, I’m glad you’ve had a life where people rarely failed you. And I’m glad you’re the stellar man you’ve turned out to be. But let’s be real here: Katie grew up in an environment you cannot possibly understand. She’s seen and done things you cannot possibly fathom, but the girl is trying—and doing so without any real support.”
His father leaned back in his chair and lifted a palm in Asher’s direction, inviting him to speak. His dad’s breathing grew steadier in the silence, his uncharacteristic burst of adrenaline appearing to wane.
Asher sorted through his feelings. Had he done that to Katie? Had he created this person in his mind—this idea of her—that wasn’t real?
But as he tried to sort out what was real about Katie and what was idealized, a new truth hit him even harder than his dad’s words. It wasn’t a romanticized version of Katie he desired. It was just Katie. All of her, from her ratty, obnoxious T-shirts to her heart-wrenching questions, sarcastic wit, and self-deprecating tendencies. It was her bringing him dinner because she cared enough about their relationship to fight for it, and the way she worked—day after day, without fail—to help her ungrateful parents.
He wasn’t disappointed in her. He was . . . jealous.
And even though the emotion was absurd, because Katie’s body language had clearly indicated she didn’t want Cooper near her, Asher felt sure they’d been intimate in the past. Cooper had a part of her, and he hated that.
“I’m not putting her on a pedestal,” he admitted.
“Then what are you doing?”
Asher crossed his arms on the table and dropped his head on his hands. He was crazy. There was no way he’d come out of this without deep scars. “I think I might be falling for her.”
His dad went silent. The kind of silent that heightened tension and made every surrounding noise, no matter how tiny, seem like machine-gun fire.
Asher raised his head and met his father’s eyes. “I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t have to worry. She’s a genuine believer. A new one, but her conviction is stronger than that of half the people in our church.” He could tell his dad was trying to understand the appeal of someone so habitually self-destructive. And honestly, Asher didn’t fully understand it himself. He and Katie, they made no sense. Yet somehow they completely did. “She challenges me, all the time. And she’s fun and interesting and totally unpredictable.”
“Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”
If only it were that easy. “She has secrets. I thought I knew them, but I don’t. What if it’s more than I can handle?”
His dad cleared his throat. “You need to make a decision. Either be with her and accept the bad with the good, or get out of her life. Because like it or not, you represent Christ to her, and the last thing she needs is for you to walk away when things get hard.”
“Like I did with Jillian.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, you did. You said I put her on a pedestal. How do I know this thing with Katie isn’t going to be the Jillian situation all over again?”
“Don’t let it be.” His dad leaned in, his eyes reflecting the same passion Asher had seen from the pulpit. “Learn from your mistakes. Take things slow. Keep communication open and honest. And don’t confuse your emotions with physical intimacy this time.”
Shame wove its way through his already chaotic mix of emotions. He should have stayed strong. All this time, he’d been putting the blame on Jillian. But in truth, a great deal of his anger had been directed at himself.
“What about you? How would you feel if I dated her?”
His father chuckled. “Son, I’ve known Katie her entire life. If you do manage to tie that girl down, you’re not going to have time to worry about what I feel—or about what anyone else thinks.”
Asher smiled without warning. How had Katie put it? The queen of darkness and the Holy String Bean. He shook his head.
If this was God’s plan, He seriously had a sense of humor.
CHAPTER 24
Katie quietly shut the front door, hoping the noise wouldn’t disturb her mother, who’d been bedridden since her MS attack yesterday. No doubt the result of her Friday night blowout with clueless friends.
Everyone wanted to act as if things were normal. They weren’t. And since when had Katie become the only adult in the house? Her father had been passed out on the couch until noon yesterday, and the whole house still reeked of stale beer. At least Cooper hadn’t stayed, although he hadn’t needed to. He’d already inflicted the damage he set out to do. She’d spent most the night thinking of Laila and Chad. Agonizing over the part she’d played in their failed marriage.
Katie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She’d deal with those feelings later. Right now, she needed to get to church and somehow forget about Joe and Cooper and her parents’ stupid choices.
“Morning,” Asher said, approaching her from his yard.
She smiled, not just because his presence felt as comforting as homemade chocolate chip cookies but because his church-wear always took her off guard. The pressed slacks and crisp blue shirt were as foreign as his slick hairdo.
“You clean up nice.”
“I considered putting my mowing clothes back on, but I knew my mom would banish me from their house if I did. And I rarely miss Sunday lunches.”
Katie patted his stomach. “Better be careful. You know what they say about men as they approach thirty.”
He pressed his hand over hers, holding it in place against his shirt. “No. What do they say?”
Butterflies swarmed her stomach, a sensation she hadn’t felt since the fifth grade when Joshua Holt kissed her in the back of the school bus.
She swallowed. “I don’t remember.”
“Then I guess I’m safe.” He gave her a lazy, way-too-sexy smile. It was the bug spray fiasco all over again. Ugh. She was blushing.
His fingers still wrapped around hers, he lowered her hand slowly and let it go. “I thought we could ride together. I heard your car squealing the other day. It sounded like the drive belt is loose.”
Katie winced. “I was trying to ignore it.”
“Never a good idea. Come on. Hang out with me this morning, and I’ll replace it when we get home.”
“I thought you never miss Sunday lunches.”
“For you, I’ll make an exception.”
They had walked halfway to his house when she suddenly stopped. “You sure you want us to ride in the same car?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because it isn’t some hole-in-the-wall coffee joint. It’s me and you—together—in your dad’s church. Not really the best move for a man who wants people to stay out of his business.”
“I thought we’d already established that being seen with you isn’t an issue. At least, not for me.” He paused. “Does it bother you?”
“No. I guess not.” What did it matter anyway? Cooper had already used his knowledge of their friendship to lash out at her. How much worse could it get?
“Good.” Asher wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her toward his driveway. “Because I plan on us spending a lot more time together.”
His touch made her uneasy, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He’d never been so affectionate with her before. In fact, apart from the occasional hand squeeze, they usually kept at least six inches of space between them.
&
nbsp; She matched his stride, forcing herself not to read too much into his strange behavior. “Really? Let me guess: you’re all geared up to start a new project.”
“Something like that.” He tickled the nape of her neck and then quickly dropped his arm.
She felt her nervous tension ease a little. Their six inches were back.
He paused at the passenger door, his hand resting on the handle. “So, what’d you do this weekend? I haven’t seen that many cars in your yard since New Year’s.”
“You don’t want to know,” she answered dryly, waiting for him to open her door. He didn’t move.
“You don’t have to hide things from me. You know that, right?”
Her insides ached. If only that were true. “Yeah. Sure.”
His face fell as if her answer disappointed him. “Okay then.” He opened her door and quickly shut her inside.
Asher’s frustration had eased by the time he parked outside Fairfield Fellowship. He’d made a decision. Her past didn’t matter. He liked Katie, and he could sense she had feelings for him too. But he’d have to find a way past her wall.
“Are we waiting for something?” She had opened her door, but paused when he didn’t turn off the car.
“Nope,” he said, killing the engine.
Several couples walked by as Asher pressed Lock on his key fob. He noticed them doing a double take and even whispering a little when they saw Katie. She stood there, giving no sign that she’d noticed, but he knew it was just because she was used to the gossip.
His lingering disappointment transformed into a fierce sense of protectiveness. They didn’t get to hurt her. Not with him standing right there.
This week’s greeters opened the doors, and he ushered Katie through, his hand lightly touching the small of her back. It took monumental effort not to grab her hand. But Katie’s unusually straight posture and tense shoulders were enough to hold him in check. This was more difficult for her than it was for him.
She leaned in close. “Are you going to make me sit up front?” There was a panic in her whisper, and Asher realized he’d never thought past the car ride over.
“No, but do you mind if we swing by and let my mom know I’m here? She tends to worry.”
“You want me to meet your mom?”
“Katie, you’ve lived in this town your whole life. I’m pretty sure you’ve met my mom at least twenty times.”
“Not in church,” she hissed. “And I’d bet my car that I was rude nineteen out of those twenty.”
“I doubt she even noticed.”
Katie stopped dead, her mouth tight and her head tilted. “She noticed.”
He tugged her arm, and she finally moved. “That was before. It’s different now.”
If she wanted to protest more, it was too late. His mother had seen them and was waving him over.
He hugged his mom when they reached the front row. “Sorry I woke you yesterday.”
“You’re forgiven. I saw the new gazanias you planted, and they’re beautiful.” Never one to hesitate or hang back, she let go of him and embraced Katie. “It’s so good to see you. How’s your mom feeling?”
Katie stood dumbfounded, her arms hanging at her sides, while his mom hugged her. When the uncomfortable moment ended, she straightened her dress. “She’s fine. Getting better. Thanks for asking.”
Her mother was neither fine nor getting better, but Asher didn’t contradict her. “We’re going to sit in the back today.”
His mom glanced between the two of them, and he could see a million thoughts running through her head. “Sure. But I insist you bring Katie by after service for lunch.”
Katie tensed next to him. “Oh, I can’t, but—”
“We actually have plans today,” he said, cutting her off midsentence. “Her car needs some maintenance work. But next week, we’ll both be there.”
Katie slammed her mouth shut, but her silence seemed loaded. He quickly guided her away from his mom and down the side aisle.
When they were out of earshot, Katie spun around on him. “I never said I would go to lunch with your family. You just committed me.”
“I gave you a whole week to prepare.”
“That’s not the point.”
Asher had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing. Katie was even cuter when she was angry. Her silvery eyes darkened, and her face and neck erupted with color. She’d never really let him see this side of her before.
“You’ve turned me down twice already. Give a guy a break.” She started to open her mouth, but he stepped closer and whispered in her ear. “This is important to me. Please?”
She exhaled, and the act seemed to release all her aggression. “Fine. But I’m so not going to feel bad about you fixing my car. In fact, I’m going to sit out on the porch, drink my iced tea, and watch you sweat.”
Her delicate chin jutted into the air, but her defiance only heightened his attraction. He wanted to kiss her. Right then, right there. Just to see how she would respond.
“Hello, Asher.”
The familiar voice made the oxygen catch in Asher’s lungs. He took his eyes off Katie and stared into the face of his ex-girlfriend. She was with her boyfriend again and hanging on his arm like a draping scarf.
“Jillian.”
Katie turned around when he said the name, and soon the four of them were a spectacle in the aisle. People slipped around them on their way to their seats, but not without taking notice of the awkwardness.
Jillian’s companion extended a hand. “I’m Coach Mack. Nice to meet you.”
Mack? Really? With stiff shoulders, Asher shook his hand. “Asher Powell.”
“I’m happy to see you here.” Jillian’s voice was soft and hesitant, and he even heard a hint of remorse in her words. The coach squeezed her close as if sharing some of his strength.
Watching them together, Asher felt nothing. Not hurt. Not anger. Not jealousy. For the first time in a year, he felt he might be able to forgive her. And himself.
“It’s good to be back.” This time his words weren’t strangled. He meant them.
With a repentant smile, Jillian passed them and slid into her row. The gesture wasn’t exactly an apology, but he figured it was as much as she was capable of giving.
A cool hand touched his, and Asher remembered he was still standing in the aisle. With a tug, Katie pulled him to the back row.
“Interesting morning,” she said once they’d settled in. “How are you doing?”
He stretched his arm out over the back of her chair. “Surprisingly fine, considering that’s the first time I’ve spoken to her in almost a year.”
She patted his leg. “Good. You deserve better.”
He thought of Cooper and how Katie had curled into a shell of herself when he shouted at her. “So do you, Katie.”
Confusion played across her features, and she slipped her hand back into her lap. She wasn’t ready to open up to him yet. He’d accepted that. But soon he’d show her that his feelings weren’t conditional. He’d learned from his failures with Jillian, and this time, he was determined to do it right.
CHAPTER 25
How’s it going over there?” Katie called out from her cushy chair on Asher’s front porch. He’d insisted that moving her car to his house would be easier than hauling his tools over to hers. She didn’t mind. His porch wasn’t rotting—and he actually had furniture a person could sit on.
“Just fine,” he said with a strangled grunt as he pulled again on his wrench. The final bolt was practically cemented in place, and he’d been struggling for the last ten minutes to loosen it.
With a frustrated jolt, he detangled himself from the car and threw the wrench on the ground. Katie was impressed that she didn’t hear a curse word fly out, although she was pretty certain a few had flashed through his mind.
He lifted one grease-covered arm and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He’d changed into a thin T-shirt with the sleeves cut off at the shoulders
. She hoped it wasn’t a sin to admire the cut of his arms on a Sunday, because she’d barely noticed anything else since he started his work. Well, that and his backside when he leaned over—but she was pretty sure that wasn’t allowed either.
Katie lifted the glass of tea she’d poured for him and shook it. The few melting ice cubes that were left rattled against the glass. “I have iced tea, and it’s still cold.”
As if taking a drink was the same as giving up, he shook his head. “Not till I beat this bolt. I need more torque.” He glanced down at his toolbox as if it held the answer.
She didn’t think it did. Asher had already tried the staring-for-answers bit earlier, with no grand epiphany.
He gave up after only a few seconds this time. “Would your dad happen to have an old pipe? Something metal with a small diameter?”
“I have no idea, but we can check. The shed is packed with who knows what.” She bounced down his steps and flashed him a smile that was all sass and attitude. “Betcha wish you hadn’t committed me to a lunch date with your parents.”
He leaned in close, as if he were going to say something to her, but instead wiped his sweaty, greasy forehead on her exposed shoulder.
“Oh my gosh! Gross!” She pushed him off and used the strap of her tank top to try and wipe off the sweat. Asher bent over, laughing. “You’re disgusting,” she said once she’d finally removed the last of the slimy mess from her arm. But she didn’t really mean it.
In fact, as she watched his face beam and his eyes dance with mocking pleasure, she felt a twinge of something she couldn’t identify. It felt like drinking hot chocolate while snuggled in front of the fire, yet also like swooping down a roller coaster. She wanted to laugh, but also to cry, because neither reaction alone felt exactly right. She wanted to hug him for making her feel such peace, yet hit him for bringing on a whirl of confusing emotions.
“What?” he asked when she continued to gape at him. He wiped at his face like he’d missed something that needed to be cleaned and in the process left a grease smudge that hadn’t been there before.
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