I can’t believe it. I’m finally hooking up with somebody!
My hips move against his, his hardness pressing to me. It scares me a little, just because it’s a new feeling, something I haven’t experienced before. But it thrills me that I turned him on. I glance down at his boxers, excited by the tent there.
When he dips his hand into my bikini bottoms, we both hold our breath. The whole world stops.
“Do you want me to keep going?” he asks.
I nod frantically. “What’s next?”
“I’m not sure. Want to figure it out together?”
“Yes, together.”
With his eyes closed, he begins to move his hand against me. I clutch his shoulders tight and kiss his lips again as he teases my body until I’m dizzy, seeing spots. At home at night, under the covers, I’ve done this for myself, but it’s nothing compared to this. Nothing. It feels like somewhere over the rainbow.
“Is this right?” he asks.
“You’re great at that,” I mumble, and he grins in response.
“I want more,” he says, easing me off his lap, to where I’m standing in front of him in my bikini. His fingers loop through my bikini bottom strings. “This okay?”
I’m not sure exactly what he’s planning, but I trust him, loving how he keeps checking to make sure we’re still on the same page. I give him another nod, pulling a deep breath. I feel like I might pass out from overstimulation. He pulls on my bikini string, unraveling it. Unraveling me.
Then he tugs my bottoms down, pulls me against him, and trails his lips down my stomach and lower. And lower.
I gasp so loudly I’m sure everyone upstairs noticed. Hell, people on the International Space Station probably heard me.
T.J. looks up at me with a mischievous grin, then closes his eyes and takes me to a place I’ve never been. At first I’m scared, and embarrassed, but he seems into it, like he can’t get enough, so I touch his hair as his mouth drives me wild. So wild I can’t stand. I grab his shoulders to hold myself up.
“Here,” he mumbles. “Come here.” And he lies me back on the bed, where we’re both more comfortable. This is the best moment of my entire life. The moment I become a woman.
Once I’m able to breathe again, I sit up. He pulls me into his arms, hugging me hard. God, this is personal, and to be honest, almost too much. I’ve never done that with a guy before. It seems like something you would build up to over time, but in this instance, it felt right. We wanted it, so we did it. And that’s okay. But it’s still intense.
I sit up and ease back from him, panting. I need to catch my breath. I’m too warm.
“Mari,” he breathes, and reaches for his shorts on the floor. He digs in the pocket and finds a condom.
Hot blood roars in my ears. “T.J., I’m not sure I can do that yet.”
Without another word, the condom disappears back inside his shorts pocket, and he rests on his elbows above me and resumes kissing my lips, as if it’s the only thing he wants in the world.
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want more,” I say between kisses.
He raises his eyebrows.
I kneel in front of him on the bed, reach inside his boxers and take him in my hand, marveling at how hard and silky he feels. He weaves a hand through my hair, looking at me like I’m from out of this world. My heart begins to race again, as I lower my lips to him.
Not because he did it for me, but because I want to.
Because I like him.
T.J.
“I never want to get out of this bed.”
Mari curls her body around mine. “We have to at some point. I mean, you can’t just steal a boat. They arrest people for that.”
“I dunno,” I say, stretching my arms. “Krysti seems really into my brother. Maybe she wouldn’t care if we live here from now on.”
Mari looks up at me. “Does he like her a lot too?”
I play with a lock of her dark curly hair. “I’m not sure. He said he wasn’t sure if he’s interested in anything serious. I think he likes being single, so he can do whatever he wants.”
“You mean, whoever he wants.”
I laugh, loving how brazen Mari can be.
Mari snuggles against me. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I mean, it’s not like any of us are getting married anytime soon.”
I inhale deeply, my body tensing. Does this mean Mari thinks what we did together is a casual thing? I did that with her because I’m totally into her, not because I want a random hookup.
I rub my eyes. Who am I kidding? We live hundreds of miles apart. I’m coming here for college. Casual is probably our only option.
But I don’t want that. Not really.
I want something deeper.
I roll over to kiss her lips again, wondering if it’s too soon to ask for round two. My fingers tiptoe up her leg as she presses her hips to mine. Our feet twist together and her fingers graze my lower stomach, and between kisses she looks deep into my eyes. I take that as an invitation she wants more. I dip my hand between her legs again, and she gasps and kisses me harder.
When we’re finished, we lie on our backs and hold hands. I smile up at the ceiling, happiness bursting out of me.
The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want you. Do you want to try for something more? Maybe you could visit your dad more often. When you’re here, you can come to my dorm. I like you so much.
Shit. If I said those things, would it scare her off? Would she literally jump ship, right into Lake Michigan? A few minutes ago, we were completely wrapped up in each other. She pressed herself to me like she’d never let go. It was more than physical for me. I felt it deep under my skin. You don’t do that with somebody and then jump ship, right?
And the way she was looking at me… I know she wants me.
But Sierra told me Mari doesn’t do relationships.
What would Tyler do in this situation? He’d do whatever he wants. He’d tell her he wants her.
But he wouldn’t be over the top about it. He’d say something smooth like, “Can I see you again?”
My heart is racing. I’m opening my mouth. I’m going to broach the subject of getting together after this weekend. Maybe she can come for fall break.
My head says I should tell her how I feel.
My heart says to shut up—it doesn’t want to get broken.
I don’t want her to think I’m weird, for saying how I feel when we met less than a day ago. Who does that?
What should I do? Tyler would tell me to go with my gut.
My head says that after this weekend, she’s going home to Tennessee.
My gut says something else.
Tell her, T.J. Tell her what you want.
I look up into her eyes.
Mari
As I lie here in T.J.’s warm arms, I can’t stop thinking how much I hate the laws of physics.
By tomorrow night, he and I will be hundreds of miles apart. If only I could walk through a portal or take a molecular transport somehow, maybe we could meet up again.
Being with T.J. is like waking up early on the weekend, cozy in bed, when you don’t have anywhere to be. Nothing to do. Nothing is missing. You’re simply there, relaxing, warm and happy. It’s simple.
Right now? I admit… I’ve never felt such joy. I look up at his face to find a sexy sleepy smile. I could get used to this. And that scares me.
My racing thoughts overwhelm me, so I decide to check my phone again. Playing with the screen helps me unwind. I flick to Instagram and browse through the pictures. The vivid colors and happy smiles soothe my frayed nerves. One thing Instagram’s good for is putting a pretty gloss over the messiness of real life for a little while.
My thumb scrolls to a new picture posted by Lulu Wells, a girl from my high school who graduated a couple yea
rs ago. It’s a photo of her and Alex Rouvelis, her longtime boyfriend, standing by a baseball field with their arms looped around each other.
They are famous at my school for their long-running on-and-off relationship with mega highs and super lows. According to my ongoing cyber stalking, they’ve stayed together even while going to separate colleges—her in Rhode Island and him in Tennessee.
In the picture, Alex is staring at Lulu like she’s his whole world. And from what I know of them, she is. Even though they had their problems in high school, no one would ever question that he loves her.
A niggling jealousy forms in the pit of my stomach.
Their relationship worked out, and it seems to have worked out well, but that doesn’t always happen. I wonder what their secret is. Or if they even have one. Maybe if you meet the right person, things work out between you, even if you have to work through difficult circumstances.
I continue scrolling through IG until I come across the picture T.J. posted of us after we found each other last night. I let out a little sigh at the soft expression on T.J.’s face. I scan through comments from friends from high school and from lots of strangers, fangirls, and fanboys who started following us after the whole #HelpMariFindTJ fiasco last night.
At the bottom is a recent comment:
When the boat’s a rockin don’t come a knockin!!! Congrats Teej for getting it done!!
“Who the heck is T-Bonezzz?” I ask.
T.J. cracks up. “It’s Tyler’s secret Instagram account.”
“What’s your brother talking about?” I ask.
“Hmm?”
“On Instagram. He commented on your picture of us.”
T.J. sits up, digs in his shorts pocket to find his phone and navigates to the post. His nose scrunches as he reads the comment. “Oh God. My brother is an idiot.”
“His comment. It’s kind of gross.” I mean, T.J. and I did disappear for a while, so someone could assume that’s what we were doing. Then I think about how T.J. pulled out the condom a little while ago. “Were you talking to your brother about doing it with me or something?”
T.J.’s face begins to boil red. He leans over onto his knees and rubs his eyes. “I mean, of course I wanted to—you’re beautiful.” He doesn’t say another word. He’s staring at the floor.
“T.J.?” I ask. “You okay? It’s all right, I’m not upset about your brother’s silly account.”
He lets out a deep breath and rubs his eyes again. “Mari?”
I look over at him. “Yeah?”
“I want to see you again.”
“Yeah, it sucks I’m going back to Tennessee tomorrow, or I’d definitely want to do this with you again too. That was amazing. So are you.”
His eyes widen, and that small, sexy grin reappears on his face, and I wonder how long I have to wait before reaching for him again.
But then he quickly shakes his head. “It’s not like that. Not sex, I mean… It’s something different? Something more?” He lies back down next to me and looks at my face. His strong gaze is like looking into a blinding sun. “Maybe we could hang out when you visit your dad again? And talk online? Get to know each other better?”
Did he just rocket from zero to sixty? I open my mouth to speak, then close it again. I bite my lip.
As he watches me, his face clouds over with disappointment, and my heart pangs with guilt and hurt for him.
This is why I don’t want anything serious, so no one experiences pain. I went for the weekend fling to keep things simple, but I guess it wasn’t simple for him.
I thought I was clear.
“I’m sorry, T.J.” I say, quietly, and as gently as I can. “I don’t want a relationship. Not with anybody.”
He shakes his head. “I wasn’t asking for a relationship, Mari. I only asked to see you again.”
“But why do you want to see me again?” He implied he wants more than fooling around. “You want it to lead to something more, right?”
He musses his hair and fidgets. “I don’t know. I wasn’t trying to make some big thing out of this. I like you, that’s all.”
He likes me.
Again, that joy bubbles up inside me, threatening to spill over into a smile. It’s as if T.J.’s rewiring my insides.
Losing this feeling will suck. I can’t get drawn in any more than I already have.
We only met yesterday. Just because we’ve gotten along today doesn’t mean it will continue.
“I’ve had a great time with you today,” I say softly. “But this was only supposed to be a weekend, right?”
He purses his lips and sits up straight. “Yeah, sure.” His voice is agitated. Angry, even. “I don’t understand why you seem so anti-relationship, though.”
“Because they don’t work out, T.J.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “C’mon, plenty of people have good relationships.”
“Yeah, maybe. But for me, it’s not worth it. Look what happened with my best friend.” My voice shakes. “I wasn’t interested in him, and it messed everything up. It sucks. And look at my mom? She lost my dad, and now she’s bitter and mean. I don’t ever want to become like that.” My personal words spill out of me, and I instantly regret sharing them.
T.J. swallows hard. “Isn’t it good that you know those things, though? You can look out for them.”
“There’s no guarantees, T.J. Deep down, I think you are who you are, and that doesn’t change.”
“You really don’t ever want to date anybody?”
Why’d he have to go and ruin everything by starting this conversation? “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.”
He faces me straight on and boldly lifts his chin. “You’re scared.”
T.J.
Without a word, Mari stands up.
She reties her bikini and adjusts it back into place. With swift hands, she grabs her jean shorts off the floor and puts them on.
“I should go,” she says without looking at me.
I slide off the bed to hop to my feet. “No, wait.”
Mari gives me a small smile, sweeping her hair behind her ears. “I had a really good time with you, T.J.”
“Me too. With you, I mean.” I run a hand through my hair, pulling on it. “Can we pretend I never said anything? Go back to where we were?”
She slides her glasses on. “We can’t go back… We’re in different places. I don’t want to hurt you.”
You already are, I think. “C’mon, Mari. Stay?” I try not to sound like a creepy beggar, but it’s impossible. I remember what Sierra said about always having snacks on hand. Maybe she’s not thinking straight because she’s hungry. “Want to grab something to eat?”
She swiftly shakes her head.
“Please?”
Her face crumples as she leaves the room to climb the steps. After yanking my swimsuit back on and pulling my T-shirt over my head and shoving my arms through the holes, I rush after her, hot on her heels.
For years I’ve wanted to meet someone and now I have and she’s disappearing in front of me, like a fading dream.
Once back above deck, the sun flashes in my eyes, blinding me temporarily, but once I can see again I notice she’s looking everywhere but at me. She walks over to the bow and calls out, “Sierra? Ready to go?”
I’m panicking. I don’t know what to say to get her to stay.
Her stepsister and Megan gather their towels and stand, being careful not to fall on the boat deck. With furrowed eyebrows, Sierra gazes back and forth between me and Mari.
“Where are we going?” Sierra asks.
“We’re leaving,” Mari says, taking Sierra’s arm.
“Thank you,” Sierra tells Krysti. “This was a lot of fun.”
“Best strawberry daiquiri I’ve ever had,” Megan says, and Sierra elbows her. “Okay, it’s the
only one I’ve ever had. But it was the best!”
“You’re welcome,” Krysti says brightly.
“Guys, can we go?” Mari says, and even though I don’t know her all that well, I can hear the panic in her voice, and it makes my heart clench for her. I want to call out to her, to try one more time to get her to stay, but I don’t want to distress her any more than I already have. So I stay silent. And it kills me.
They climb off the boat. I lift my arm to wave bye to her. She glances over her shoulder one last time.
It can’t end this way. She ducks her head and walks off with Sierra, who turns to give me the evil eye. I don’t deserve that.
I put myself out there. It’s Mari who won’t even try.
My heart is crumbling.
“Is everything okay?” Krysti asks me.
“No.”
Krysti gently touches my forearm. “Is there anything I can do? Do you need to talk?”
If I hadn’t listened to Tyler’s advice, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have spooked her. Maybe she would’ve stayed.
I go over to the captain’s chair, where Tyler is leaning back with the captain’s hat draped over his face.
“Tyler.”
I touch his shoulder to wake him up.
He lurches out of the chair and stumbles to his feet.
He must think I’m goofing around, because he pats my chest and rubs my head, like he likes to do, as if I’m some damned little kid. “Teeeej.”
I shove him off me. “Stop.”
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He glances at my hands. “You need another beer?”
“No, I don’t need another beer.” I can’t believe she left. “Shit.”
Tyler focuses on my face. “C’mon, man. Calm down. What’s wrong?”
“Mari left.”
Tyler looks around the boat. “Oh, that sucks. What happened?”
“I told her I want to see her again.”
Tyler gives me a nod like he’s impressed. “Good for you.”
“Turns out it’s not what she wanted, and left.”
The Pick-Up Page 12