by Tia Siren
As the hours dragged on, all I could think about was getting back to my apartment. I was going to open a bottle of red, maybe have some cheese and crackers, and relax in a nice hot bath. As this thought worked to warm my soul, I suddenly remembered that I wasn't going to be able to do that. I had plans already.
That night my boyfriend had deigned it as his duty to take me out to dinner. He wanted to congratulate me and insisted that we eat out. His name was James, and I had been seeing him for a little over two weeks.
He was nice enough and certainly handsome enough. If I had met him at any other time in my life, I might have fallen head over heels for him. But he had one fatal attribute that he was never going to be able to fix. He wasn't Liam.
I hated myself for thinking that, but it was something that came up more and more, the longer we dated. Every time we went out, or met up, or had sex, I was inevitably forced to make a comparison between him and my previous boyfriend. And, despite the fact that he wasn't lying to me in any way, shape, or form, he always came up short.
I wanted to get over Liam. I yearned to. He was a part of my old life that I knew I needed to abandon. What he had done to me was terrible and unforgivable, and I should have been able to push him from my memory and move on. I should have been strong enough. But I wasn't. And as unfair as it was to James, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to.
"Seriously, thank you. Thank you!" A young woman blushed as I signed her book for her. She picked it gingerly from my hands as if it were some sort of priceless artifact, before reading the autograph I had left and scurrying away, the book held firmly to her chest.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched her go. I still couldn't believe it. It was as I was watching her, that the next book fell down in front of me. I picked it up, flipping to the front where there was a blank page.
"And who should I make this out to?" I asked without looking up.
"Liam will do. Maybe Dr. Morgan, or is that a bit ostentatious?"
I froze in shock, pen in hand, staring down at the page. Then, very slowly, I looked up at the person standing in front of me. His legs first, then his torso, followed by his chest. From there, I made my way to his neck until my eyes finally fell on his. Sure enough, it was Liam.
"Hey, Kate," he said with an unsure smile.
He was just as I remembered. Sure, it had only been three months, but it felt like years. That smile, those eyes, that chin. He was as handsome as ever and seemed to stand eight feet tall above everyone else. He had always had the ability to make my knees go weak, and I hated the fact that I could feel them wobbling under the table.
"Oh," I managed, coughing once in an attempt to clear my throat and strengthen my voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I have a book signing here at three. So I figured I'd check yours out while I waited. Maybe snag me an autograph."
I didn't smile, despite the joke. He was trying to disarm me with his effortless charm, but I was determined not to let him. Even the fact he had caught me off guard was too much. "I didn't know you knew how to write?"
"Ah, you caught me,” he said. “I'm actually here to see you. I saw an article in the paper earlier, and I had to come down and congratulate you. Seriously, congratulations, Kate. You deserve it."
"That's what you came here to say?" I asked curtly. It came off sounding rude, and I instantly regretted it. It was just, the moment that I realized it was him, I fell into my defensive mode. He brought it out in me.
"Should there be anything else? I knew you had what it took to make it. I'm just really happy for you."
"Thanks, again," I said as I pulled the book in front of me and signed it.
I was careful not to look at him. I knew that if I did, I would have dropped my icy facade. I still had feelings for him and was scared what would happen if I let them out.
"And there's one more thing," he said.
"Oh," I offered. I could feel my heart beating faster with thoughts of what he might ask me. I could see him dancing back and forth on his toes in anticipation.
"Yeah, I've got some big news of my own. Not as big as yours, obviously, but still. I wasn't going to tell you, considering everything. But then I saw you in the paper, and well, I thought that you deserved to know."
"Okay," I said, keeping my voice calm and devoid of emotion. "What is it?"
"I'd rather not talk about it here.” He looked around the bookstore as if worried that he might be overheard. It was nearing the end of the day so the line had significantly thinned out, and we were basically alone. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner tonight. Or a drink? Just one. Nice and simple. I’d rather tell you, then."
I looked up at him properly for the first time since I had realized it was him. I looked into his eyes, trying to read them for deception or malice. There was none. He looked concerned, upset even. They were the kind eyes that I recognized. The ones I had fallen in love with. Twice. They were ones that I had always had a hard time saying no to, and despite myself, I soon found my head nodding.
"Great!" he beamed. "How can I reach you? Your number has changed. I mean, I think your number has changed."
"Here," I said, looking back down at the book. I opened it back up and wrote my number underneath my autograph. "Text me a time and location. But no later than six. And just one drink, okay?"
"Okay, that’s perfect." He grabbed the book, and I kept my eyes averted from his. "And Kate, again, congrats. Seriously." And he was gone.
I watched the space where he disappeared for some time. Even as I signed books and chatted politely with the remaining few people, my thoughts remained strictly on Liam and what I had just done.
I blamed my good mood for saying yes at first. That must have been the reason. But as that idea faded, I blamed the fact that he had caught me off guard, or that I didn't want to appear rude in front of my fans. Really, I cycled through a dozen reasons as to why I said yes. But in the end, I had no choice but to contend with reality. I was still in love with Liam.
Seeing him there, looking as good as he did. The way he smiled at me and joked. It reminded me of the time we had spent together and made me yearn to be able to relive it. That was why I said yes. Did I think that anything was going to happen? Probably not. Would I have liked for something to happen? I really wasn't sure.
CHAPTER 29
LIAM
Asking Kate out was a surprise, even to me. In truth, I had never meant to. I honestly just wanted to go down to the signing and tell her how proud of her I was. That was it. I was going to shake her hand, maybe get a hug, and then leave her life for good.
But it didn't happen that way. The moment I saw her, I knew that it couldn't happen that way. She was just so damn beautiful, a tonic that I didn't even know I needed. When she looked up at me, she smiled, too. It was quick, so fast that if I had blinked, I would have missed it. But it was a smile, nonetheless. When I saw that, I knew that just saying hello and goodbye wasn't going to be enough.
So I asked her out. Even as I said the words, I couldn't believe it. I had no right to do it, after what I had done to her. But I also knew that if I didn't, then I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself.
So I did it under the guise of having something big to tell her. My news that I was leaving the hospital. But really, I just wanted to spend some time with her again, just one more time. Just one more night to rekindle the memories that we had so that when I did leave the country, it would be in peace.
As I made my way to the bar where we had agreed to meet, I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I was literally shaking with nerves. I felt like I was in high school again, going on my first ever date. What was I going to say? What would she say? Was this romantic or platonic?
My mind was totally focused on her. I didn't notice the crowd of New Yorkers, spilling out onto the street, ready for a Saturday night of drinking and partying. I didn't notice the chill in the air, despite the fact that I was wearing a button-down shirt and no jacket. I barely even
noticed the bar as I walked into it and couldn't for the life of me remember sitting down.
When I texted her the time to meet and the location, she responded with a very curt, “sure.” I wasn't even sure if she would come. I wouldn't have been surprised if she didn't. It would have been exactly what I deserved. More than that even.
But then I spotted her. As she walked through the door, it was as if time slowed down. It was bizarre really. Tunnel vision kicked in, and I only had eyes for her. Her long brown hair seemed to glimmer in the candlelight of the bar. She wore a casual black tank top and jeans, but to me, it looked like a gown.
She smiled when she saw me, and my heart nearly burst. All the emotions I had spent so long pushing down and forgetting had come back to the forefront with that smile. Just like that, I was in love. Again.
"Hey," I said, trying to sound casual and in control as she sat down.
"Hey," she responded in the same tone. We were at a small table, and she pulled a seat out directly opposite me, so as to not be too close.
"So, you look good." I sighed openly the moment that I said it. It was just so pedestrian. What a stupid thing to say.
"Thanks, I guess," she responded, looking increasingly nervous. "So, that drink?"
"Right," I waved the server over and ordered our drinks. I was just happy to have a distraction. But once he was gone, we were alone again. An awkward silence fell between us. I looked at her, and she did everything she could to not look at me. For a moment there, I thought that we were about to have the shortest drink in history.
But it was as I looked at her, watching her, that I began to feel at ease. I don't know why or how, but the nervousness that had surrounded me, the panic that I had felt, suddenly evaporated as if it were never there in the first place. Maybe I had just had enough? Maybe I just needed to be reminded of who it was that I was with and that we weren't two strangers, but ex-lovers who were perfect for one another.
"This is dumb," I said. "Seriously. I'm going to start again, and we can forget about the last, let's say, three minutes. Deal?"
"Deal," she said, smiling at me for the first real time. The moment she did, I could feel the pressure fall from us as the tension lifted.
"So, tell me about this book." And she did just that.
Once she began to talk, the two of us fell into old patterns like it had been a day, not three months, since we had last seen each other. She told me all about the book and how she had come up with the idea. And I had to hand it to her. It was a great idea. I wasn't the least bit offended, and even a little touched, that she used me as inspiration, despite the odd circumstances.
I then told her about what I had been doing for the last three months. I made sure to keep it light and leave off the part about the heart ache and how tough it was for me. If she had felt the same as I had, she didn't reveal it, either.
We both entered into an unspoken agreement where we didn't mention what had happened. Instead, we focused on the present, and that made all the difference.
Soon, one drink had turned into two, and then two had become three. It wasn't meant to be that way, but the conversation was so free flowing and natural that I didn't want it to end, and evidently, neither did she.
The only thing I didn't tell her was that I was leaving. I meant to bring it up, but every time I was about to, I quickly changed directions. I didn't know why I did it. Perhaps there was a part of me that hoped that we might still get together, and if she knew that I was leaving the country soon, she would revert back to her old self and stop being as friendly as she was. I didn't want that.
"So, what's the next one about then?" I asked as I finished off my third drink. We had gone back to talking about her work, and she had told me that she had a deal to write a second book.
"I actually have no idea. I know they want one in the same genre, but that's about it. It's a strange feeling, having this much freedom. They are literally paying me to ensure that I stick with them. It's crazy."
"Well, if you need inspiration, I'm willing to help. The night is still young after all. Plenty of time for me to embarrass myself and provide you with a new story line."
"Wow, thank you, that's so generous," she said seriously, quickly cracking a smile afterwards.
"If that's the case, another drink?"
"Definitely."
I leaned back over my shoulder, signaling for the waiter. He was at us in less than a second. "Hey, can we have another round?"
"Sorry, sir, ma'am. I'm afraid that we're about to close."
"What? It's only nine?" I responded, shocked while also feeling a little miffed. If the bar was closing than we would have to leave, and that would mean the night was over. I really didn't want that.
"Usually, we're open until one, but our owner has a personal matter he has to attend to, and there's no one on staff tonight that can manage. It's for one night only. If you come back tomorrow, we'll be open until our usual time." He offered us a small bow and hurried away.
"Well, that's annoying," I said, trying to hide my disappointment. I didn't want her knowing how upset I was at the fact that the bar I had chosen had all but ruined my night.
"Do you have work tomorrow?" she asked. It may have been my imagination, but she sounded a little nervous when she asked, as if she wasn't sure she even wanted to know.
"Not until the afternoon."
"Well, if you want another drink, you can always come back to my place. Just for one." She resolutely refused to look at me when she asked, but I could see her cheeks burning up and sense the trepidation in her voice.
"Back to your place?"
"Yeah. I live just around the corner. Only if you want to, of course. You don't have to."
"No, no. I'd like that. Yeah, I'd really like that."
I didn't even bother hiding my smile. There would have been no point. It burned big and bright across my face as I stood from my chair. I then reached my hand out for her. She took it, and I helped her to stand. The moment that our hands touched, a shot of electrical energy charged through my body. Even though it was like nothing I had felt before, I knew exactly what it meant.
Still holding her hand, I led her from the bar and down the street. We didn't talk on the walk, but instead, basked in each other’s company. I had never felt so comfortable, and I was sure she was the same. Although I had no idea where this night was going to end, I just hoped that it was in Kate's company. Really, I just couldn't believe my luck in how the night had turned out.
CHAPTER 30
KATE
He held my hand the entire way back to the apartment, and try as I might, I just couldn't bring myself to pull it from his grip. It felt so warm and tender. So right. It wasn't awkward or strange to be holding his hand again. In fact, had I pulled it out, that would have felt wrong. It was all so confusing.
One drink. That was what I had promised myself. I was going to sit down, hear what he had to say, and then leave. Come to think of it, I couldn't even recall if he had told me the news he had asked me out for. Did he even have any news?
It was just that the moment we started talking, or after he cleared the air anyway, everything kind of fell into place. I found myself talking non-stop, in a way that I couldn't with anyone else. Not even Liana.
And more interestingly, when he spoke, I just wanted to listen. Everything he said was interesting and funny and unique. It was just like old times. One drink turned into two and then turned into three. Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom, texting James that I was going to have to cancel our dinner. I didn't even care how he felt. It was terrible, and I should have felt guilty, but all I could think about was the fact that I had left Liam out there by himself. What was wrong with me?
And when I asked him back for a drink, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It just slipped out. What's more, as much as I told him that it was only going to be a drink, even I wasn't so sure what was going to happen.
"Well, what do you think?" I asked as I opened the front
door to my new apartment.
I had lived there for a little over a month and was already in love with it. It wasn't anything special, but it had walls to separate the rooms, new carpet, a clean kitchen, and neighbors that didn't scream all night. It already felt more like home than my old place ever had.
"It's perfect," Liam said as he stepped inside and looked around. "Seriously, this place is amazing." He may have been exaggerating slightly, but I didn't care. It was nice to hear and just another affirmation that indeed my life was on the right track, finally.
"Right, that drink," I said as I hurried into the kitchen. Apart from it being a modern kitchen, I had more than just vodka to offer. I could afford more than just vodka. "Whiskey?" I yelled out.
"Sure thing," he replied from the living room.
I poured his drink and mine and carried them out to the living room where he was waiting. "Ah, look at you with the whiskey. You really have grown up."
"I can put on my own makeup now, too, without anyone's help," I joked as he took the drink.
"Well, well, well. You're not that little girl anymore, are you?" He smirked as he took a sip.
"No, not at all," I said as I took a sip.
As I did, I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine. Neither of us blinked, and I could feel the energy radiating between the two of us. It was electric.
"Is that a balcony?" he suddenly asked, pointing behind me.
"Of course. What, you don’t have one?" I laughed at my own joke.
It was only a small balcony coming off the living room. But considering I was on the twelfth floor with a view of the Park, it struck quite the impressive addition.
"Your old place barely had a fire escape," he joked as he moved to it. Going to open it, he found it to be locked.
"Here let me," I hurried to the sliding door, stepping between his arms as I opened the door. "You need to see this view."
I stepped out onto the balcony. The balcony had one deck chair and a glass, round table. The railing was made of brick and ran waist high. I walked to it, putting my hands on the top of the railing as I looked out over the city. It was then that I felt him behind me. His body pressed up against the back of mine as he stepped behind me, also looking out over the city.