by C. A. Harms
I followed Maria to the bar and sat down on the stool next to her. Across the bar a familiar voice said, “This night just got a whole lot better.” I didn’t even look up, but the voice struck me deep in my stomach, and I squeezed my eyes firmly, counting to ten. When I looked up into a set of familiar deep brown eyes, my heart raced.
“Hi, Kori.”
My gaze shot to Maria and I glared. The sneaky bitch just made her way on to my shit list. She knew exactly what she was doing. The funny thing was she refused to meet my gaze. No, she sure as hell wasn’t being obvious or anything.
“What can I get ya to drink?” I turned back to face Reed, refusing to react.
“Well, looks like this just became a vodka kind of night.” I caught Maria’s movement from my right side. I swung my head quickly, looking in her direction. “You’re in trouble.” Her only response was to shrug. “Uh uh, no way. Your ass knows exactly what I’m talking about.” I stood up from the bar and walked away, hollering over my shoulder. “You can buy my drinks and bring ’em to me. I’m going to find a table away from him.”
I heard Reed’s deep chuckle behind me. Damn if it didn’t still give me the chills. I despised its effect, and the fact he looked even better than I remembered only made me angrier.
This night went south real fast. Maria and I were gonna be having a little catfight in the middle of the bar. I was sure she planned this.
Chapter Five
“What the hell is this, Mar…seriously?” I grabbed one shot glass and downed it quickly, squeezing my eyes to fight the burn. “You knew he’d be here.” I turned up the second shot glass, and it went down a little smoother. “I can’t believe you didn’t warn me.” Last shot was downed quickly, followed by a loud smack, as I flipped it upside down on the table in front of me. “It’s fucking bullshit…and you know it.”
I didn’t give her a chance before I stood and walked toward the dance floor. I lost myself within the group and joined in like I belonged. I needed something else to focus on. I had to get away from her and just take a breather. I had to reel in this anger, because it sure as shit wasn’t doing me any good. What the hell would it solve? The damage was already done.
I knew I would eventually run into Reed somewhere in town, but damn it, I was blindsided tonight, and it pissed me off. I couldn’t stand the fact he still made my heart race and my stomach flutter. After I met Blake, he became my one and only. Reed was an afterthought, and now he was here in plain sight, bringing up old feelings, and I hated it. He had no right to have this effect on me.
After a few songs I made my way back to the table. Maria hadn’t moved. She looked up at me with glossy eyes. “I’m sorry, but I honestly didn’t know he’d be here.” I started to argue, but she cut me off. “Let me finish.” After a pause she continued. “He never works behind the bar. Normally he just stops in early to square things away, and then he is outta here. He has people who run the place for him.”
“Wait a minute…run the place?”
She nodded. “Yeah. He owns Lucky’s. He bought it last year after the…” she stopped midsentence.
“After what?”
“After the fire.”
I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, I asked, “What fire, Maria? What happened?”
She looked over her shoulder and I followed her stare. My eyes met his and he winked, before going back to serving the group of guys at the end of the bar. Maria’s voice tugged me from my trance of watching his muscles flex with each movement.
“His momma’s house burned down last year,” she said, then paused. “He was here, he had come back home after a long visit, and um...” I knew what she was going to say, and I had to stop her. I knew he left town shortly after I did to go live with his momma in Tennessee, but I didn’t know much about her. He never talked about her, just that she came from money, and his parents divorced when he was young. He chose to move here with his daddy when they split.
“He bought the land next to his daddy’s place and built a house. He moved back right before the fire happened.” She took a drink of her beer and mindlessly played with the label on the bottle. “He blames himself…says if he would have stayed with her, he would have been able to get her out.”
I shook my head. “Wow.”
“Yeah, wow is right.”
“This night just suddenly became a huge buzz kill.”
Maria stood from her chair quickly. “No fucking way, I got my new red boots, and damn it, I ain’t stopping till these bitches are broke in.”
I shook my head and laughed. “No more talking about depressing topics then. You aren’t supposed to make it difficult for me to hate the man.”
She nodded once. “You got it. That asshole got head from Kim while dating you. He’s a cheating son of a bitch who needs to be nut punched.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Mrs. Violent Mable here.
“Okay, that helps, the vision is definitely back. But the whole nut punching thing, we can skip.” She shrugged and drug me toward the dance floor for another round of dancing. We wiggled our asses, song after song, until our feet hurt.
***
I was dying for a beer, but I refused to go to the bar. My buzz was flowing, but not enough to give me the liquid courage needed to face him once again.
“Hey, I need to pee, bitch. Get us a beer.” I walked away before Maria could argue. Two birds with one stone. I needed to go, and it meant if she got the beers, I didn’t have to talk to him.
When I made it back to the table she had two shots for each of us and a beer. “Uh, real nice, hooker, but um…who’s gonna drive if we’re both shit faced?”
She flipped back the first shot. “One word…” Second shot slammed back just as quick as the first. “Cab.” Followed by a long pull from her beer before she sat it back down. “Catch up, twatwaffle, it’s time to shake your skinny little ass.” She walked past and swatted my bottom. “Move it, or lose it, sister.”
Shaking my head, laughing, I followed by tipping back both shots and a quick drink of my beer before chasing after her. A few guys tried dancing with us, but we just created our own little dance circle, until they got the hint and walked away. Which was always followed by us giggling.
The night was turning out to be something I thought I really needed. It felt good to let loose and feel anything other than the pain and depression that had consumed me for the last eight months.
Maria and I were both feeling really good. We carefully made our way back to our table. I knew we had to look ridiculous, leaning on one another, taking slow steps. The tingling feeling dominated me, and the laughter set in. We were both giddy, and it didn’t take much for the two of us to break out into a fit of giggles.
I heard a clicking against the floor and looked up just in time to see long, flowing, black hair swinging back and forth. A woman in a skin tight dress with the tallest damn hooker heels I had ever seen just walked in. She made a beeline straight to Reed, and I felt my stomach tighten with an unwanted jealousy. Who gave a hell if that woman was his girlfriend, wife, whatever? So why couldn’t I stop staring? She looked more like a street walker than a lady.
Once she turned to the side, my heart raced—it was Kim.
Maria caught me staring and turned around to see what I was looking at. “Oh great, who invited the town hussy?”
Before I could stop myself, I asked the one thing I wanted to pretend I didn’t give two shits about. “Are they together?”
“Hell no, she’s tried. I don’t think she has ever gotten the hint, but she still tries, almost daily. She’s like a god damn fly on shit. She pushes, and he draws back. He tries to be polite, but in all honesty he really just needs to tell her to back off.”
Maria and her filter…wait, what filter? I pulled my eyes away just a second too late. I knew Kim had spotted us. I could feel her beady little eyes narrowing in. The clicking got closer and closer until it stopped right next to our table. I did everything I could to keep from
looking at her. She and I had some unfinished business to settle. The problem was I refused to stoop to her level. She was not worth the stress.
“Well, look what the cat drug in. Aren’t we all so blessed to have Kori Foster come back to town?” She laughed like she thought she was the queen shit. “I hoped when you left it would’ve been the last time any of us ever saw ya.” She leaned in just a little closer. “Didn’t the vision of your boyfriend’s dick in my mouth give you the hint that there isn’t anything here for you?”
Maria jumped up quickly from the bar stool and put herself between Kim and me. “Listen real close, Kim. I love my red boots. I mean I really love my red boots, but I sure as hell would risk them by sticking one clean up your ass. If you don’t step away right now, bitch, you’re gonna be walking real funny for weeks. And it won’t be for the reasons that usually have your whorish ass walking that way.”
Maria laughed and looked over her shoulder, winking at me. I had really missed her fiery spunkiness. I could always count on her having my back.
“Humph.” Kim rolled her eyes, and the noise she made caused Maria to turn back and face her.
“Try me, bitch.” Maria rolled up her sleeves slowly and took another step toward Kim. I stifled a laugh at her expression. All at once Kim threw her hands up in the air, spinning around and walking away. The moment Maria took a seat back on the bar stool next to me we both let the laughter flow freely. We ordered another round of drinks in celebration of pissing off Kim, the town hooker.
Maria wasn’t more than five and a half feet tall, weighing less than one hundred and fifteen pounds. She never let that stop her from making her presence well known. She was a tiny thing, but they always said dynamite came in small packages. I thought they created that saying with her in mind. When she was mad, it got a little wild.
***
The sound of last round told us it was time to call a cab. We both held on to each other and made our way toward the exit. Sticking my hand out before me to push against the door, it connected with a strong, firm chest instead.
I looked up, and it was a little too quickly because the room began to spin, and I felt myself falling. Two strong hands gripped my waist and held me upright. “Steady, Kori. You two ladies ain’t driving nowhere.”
For a moment I kept my hands on his chest, making sure I once again had my bearings. I slowly pushed back and looked up at him. His eyes raked over me and he grinned. “Hey, pretty girl, let me take you two home.” I instantly felt the burn; it was as if my chest were on fire. His big, warm chocolate eyes drank me in, and heat flooded through me. Only then leading toward anger. I wouldn’t feel anything toward Reed. I couldn’t. I refused to feel anything but hate. My love died with Blake. No man would take his place.
I pushed back hard. “Don’t touch me. You lost the right to touch me or worry about me long ago. Go fuck yourself, Reed, or wait…just drop your pants around your ankles and tell Kim to suck.” I pushed past him and stormed off toward the exit.
I stumbled out the door and found a post to steady myself against. “Damn, bitch, that was a vicious side of you I don’t see often.”
“There isn’t a spot in my life for Reed Jackson. I closed that door a long time ago.”
The cab pulled into the parking lot and honked. Maria and I held on to each other as we made our way to the car. After we were safely inside, just before it pulled away, I looked back toward the bar. Reed was leaning against the big black truck beside the front entrance.
I swallowed hard and pushed past the feelings of guilt. I couldn’t feel guilty. He hurt me, and he wasn’t anything to me, not anymore.
The problem was it was taking too much effort to convince myself of that.
Chapter Six
“Never again…oh holy hell, ho-bag, this sucks.” I laughed as I watched Maria crawl along the floor to the bathroom across the hall. She groaned the entire way, stopping to hold her head every few feet. I felt queasy, but I had been up for over an hour already, and the Tylenol I took was beginning to work its magic.
“Oh my god, I think I’m dying, Kor. This is so not funny.” Maria’s moans poured out from the opened bathroom door. It sounded like she may be dying a slow death. The entire thing only caused me to laugh even harder.
After about ten minutes she walked toward the kitchen, looking like death, and I stifled a giggle. “Shut up before I hurl on you.”
“Don’t be such a girl.”
Rolling her eyes upward, she grabbed for a coffee cup, then filled it to the brim before lightly blowing on the dark liquid. “So what’s the plan for today? Are we going to hibernate so I can recuperate? Or are you dragging my ass off to do something I’m gonna complain about the entire time?”
“I’m leaning more toward option B. It sounds so much more fun.” The mumbling and bitching that spilled from her as I went off to get dressed caused me to break out in another fit of laughter.
Having Maria around helped me get through my days. She made it a little easier to climb out of bed daily and push myself forward. Being able to lean on her made things a little less dark and gloomy. She held my head when I needed to cry, though my tears were beginning to come less often. The smiles and laughter weren’t as hard to share with each passing day.
I used to feel guilty for every happy moment. I hated that Blake didn’t get the chance to smile and feel love. He was gone, and it was so unfair. I missed him so damn much, but I also knew that he wouldn’t want me to stop living. I remembered conversations we had about love and loss. I hated it when he would talk about something happening to one of us. It made me so mad to hear him talk about us not being together. But he would always say the same thing…
It would be the hardest thing in my life, Kori, but if we didn’t work out, I would still want you happy. Even if it meant being happy with another man. I couldn’t stand to see it, but if there was a guy out there who could make you smile and laugh, then I would want that for you. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy.
Those conversations with Blake always drove me insane. I mean, the thought of not being with him shredded me. Neither of us ever thought it would be death that tore us apart.
***
Maria and I spent the rest of the day on the lake. My daddy’s property actually had three of them, but I had my favorite. I called it my lake because growing up it had become my place to escape. It was my peace…my spot. I would go there to read or write. I’d hide there if I felt sad or even when I was happy.
When I went to pick up Rhett, my momma insisted Maria and I needed to enjoy our day. After about ten minutes of arguing she booted our asses out the door with a small basket of goodies. So my lake seemed like the best place to go.
“Do you remember when we were like, I don’t know, thirteen maybe? We used to come out here and swing from the branches, out into the water.”
I laughed picturing it. “Yeah, I also remember a certain time when someone thought it would be funny to climb the tree and slide off the branch.” I looked over just in time to see her cheeks redden from the memory. “You didn’t really count on the smaller branch snagging your bottoms and ripping them to shreds. There is nothing funnier than seeing your best friend dangling from a tree by her swimsuit bottoms, screaming like a bitch. Your arms and legs were flipping around in all directions, while your ass was bare to the world. If only I’d had a video camera, I could have used it as a form of torture.”
We both sat on the deck with our feet hanging over the side, reminiscing about the years when everything seemed simple. Before all the heartache and loss.
Silence set in for a short time before Maria got serious on me. “Kori, I’m glad you came back home. I wish it would have been under different circumstances, but I’ve missed you. After you left it wasn’t as fun around here. It feels nice to have my best friend around.”
She took a deep breath and looked out over the water. “I can’t pretend even for a second I understand your heartache. I can see how much you
loved Blake and still do. You’ll always love ’em, Kor. He will forever be a part of you. He holds a place in your heart no one can ever fill.”
I held back the tears the best I could, but I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this conversation. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. I had done a great job avoiding conversations that got too deep. I knew I couldn’t hide forever. I would one day have to accept that my life would have to move on, without Blake. He was never coming back.
I swiped away the single tear trailing down my cheek.
Maria reached out, gripping my hand in hers before she continued.
“You’re young, and you have an entire life ahead of you. Just don’t shut down your heart to the possibility of another chance at love. I know you’re not ready right now. You’re the only one who will know when you are. Just promise me when the opportunity hits you, you won’t run away from it. You have entirely too much love to give. I would be saddened by the thought that there is someone out there who didn’t get the chance to feel your love. You are such a giving person. Anyone would be lucky to have you to share their life with. You are an amazing, strong person. Just know it’s okay to love again.”
I nodded as I stared off in the distance. I was too choked up with emotion to speak. I knew she was right, even if I couldn’t admit it out loud. I knew losing Blake changed me. It made me look at life in a whole new way.
Chapter Seven
Over the next few weeks I did a good job at staying busy. I spent my days working outside around my little house. I wanted to make our home the best I could, for Rhett. The problem I kept running into was, no matter how hard I tried, it still felt empty. I could fill it from floor to ceiling with everything I could find, yet it still felt hollow, like a shell with no filling.