Kathy got up and walked to the fireplace. She sat on the bearskin before it and held out her chilly hands to the heat. Was he afraid to love? Was he afraid of being hurt, of losing his freedom? How could he make passionate and consuming love to her if she meant nothing to him? What about all the things he had said to her? Why was he so protective if he didn’t care? Why was he jealous of other men?
In light of such thoughts, it was foolish to pressure him with questions and demands. If she gave him the chance to get to know her, he might open up to her. Could she risk more pain? Landis was unique, the only man to stir her heart to love and her body to passion. If there was a slim chance of winning him, wasn’t it worth the time and effort? What if she did accept him as he was and blindly trust him?
Give it a try, Kathy, her heart pleaded. It’s crazy, Kathy, her mind quickly argued; he’ll only hurt you. Her heart hastily debated, can you hurt more than you’re hurting now? Would it be such a loss if you had him for even a short time? Her mind was silent.
There was a strange thudding at the door. Kathy jumped and looked that way. She hurried over to it, calling out, “Is someone there?”
“It’s Landis, Kat. I have some wood for the fireplace.”
Kathy’s heart raced wildly. “Hurry, this wood’s heavy!”
“I’m not dressed,” she stated foolishly through the locked door.
“Put a blanket around you. I won’t peek,” he teased.
She could hear his playful laughter through the closed door. Still, she didn’t move or speak as she pondered what to do.
“Do you want someone else to bring it in? It gets cold during the night; you’ll need it later. My arms are breaking, Kat.”
“All right. Just a minute,” she agreed. She hurried to the bed and picked up an extra blanket lying across the foot. She threw it around her shoulders and snuggled into its folds. She unlocked the door and held it open for him. When he walked passed her, she unconsciously bolted the door. Or was it a wishful action?
“Can you lend a hand? I don’t want to just drop it on Bill’s floor.”
She went to him and began to take one log at a time and stack it near the hearth. When his arms were empty, he leaned forward and brushed the dust from his flannel shirt. He grinned at her. “That should keep you warm tonight. You need anything else?” As he spoke, he replaced the blanket which had unknowingly slipped from one shoulder during her task, his fingers trailing lightly over her silky flesh.
Kathy trembled and inhaled at the contact. She tightened her grip on the protective blanket. Landis’s hand reached up to caress her suddenly flushed cheek. “You’re so very beautiful, Kat. It riles me every time I think of how you effect me. You’re trouble, woman. If I had any sense at all, I would stay away from you and those bewitching eyes.” Something was troubling him deeply.
As his hand dropped to his side, Kathy murmured shakily, “Why don’t you? We don’t exactly have a normal marriage.”
He lowered his head and sighed quietly. “I’m sorry, Kat; I never meant to hurt you. You were just so vulnerable and irresistible. I couldn’t help myself. Maybe I did take advantage of you. I should say I’m sorry about what happened between us down there, but I’m not. I’ve never met a woman like you before. God, you came along at the worst possible moment in my life. Frankly, I don’t know how to deal with that fact,” he admitted with a rueful grin.
Her next words stunned him. “I’m partly to blame, Landis. Things just happened too quickly between us. I can’t hold you responsible because I misread your intentions and feelings. I screamed a lot of crazy things at you because I didn’t want you to see how much you had hurt me. I wanted to at least have some pride left. I don’t even recall half the things I did say; I was just blurting out the first thing that came to my mind. If I promise to never pressure you or question you, can we be…friends again? I hate this hostility between us.”
“I hope I’m hearing you right, Kat. You are saying you’ll forgive me?” he tested his understanding.
She smiled cheerfully. “Under the circumstances, it would be best for both of us. After all, you do seem to be the one around when I’m in trouble. We are married, but I shouldn’t have made all those demands on you; you don’t owe me any explanations or promises.”
Landis’s expression was guarded and fathomless. His midnight eyes concealed whatever he was feeling. He gazed at her for a long time. “Would you mind telling me why you’ve changed your mind about me since our last meeting?” he asked. “I was positive you hated me.”
Kathy faced the fire and gazed unseeingly into the bright flames. She should have expected his skepticism about her sudden aboutface, but somehow it bothered her. She should have moved toward him slowly. She should have known it would panic him. Was he afraid she might insist on staying married? She had never been good at playing emotional or coy games. “It’s difficult to explain. I’m not even sure I understand it myself. But I got the impression you were sincere. I started thinking about us and realized the mistakes I’ve made. I gave you plenty of reasons to be wary and resentful. I suppose it did appear I was trying to guilefully entrap you, but I honestly didn’t mean to act that way. I thought you and I…had something special. When I realized you didn’t feel the same way, I wanted to hurt you back. That was childish and spiteful. I don’t feel that way any more. If you want to be friends, I’m willing. If you don’t, I think it’s best if we end our relationship as soon as possible.”
“We did have something special, Kat,” he murmured huskily behind her. “I should have realized you aren’t the kind of woman who could accept what I offered. But I do care about you, Kat, more than anyone else. I have things going on in my life right now which I can’t explain. I’m not in a position to make any promises or commitments. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to; I just can’t. When you indicated all or nothing, it had to be nothing. Then, I realized I would lose you forever. I want you, Kat, and I need you…whether I have the right to say such things or not. When I asked you to wait for me, I meant it. Someday, I will be able to make those promises and commitments. If we wish, we can have a real marriage.”
She turned and looked up into his moody eyes. “I don’t understand, Landis. First, you say it’s a mock marriage. Then, you say…” She halted. “I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t do that again.”
When she lowered her head and started to turn back to the fire, he caught her shoulders and halted her. “Please don’t, Landis,” she whispered sadly. “Right now, we both have other things to do. Maybe someday we can…we can test these feelings for each other. Until then, it isn’t safe or wise. I want to believe you, but I’m afraid to.”
“You don’t trust me, do you?” he inquired, lifting her chin to compel her gaze to his. Evidently she was just as wary of him as he was of her. Could he blame her?
“That would be silly since you’ve already proven you have my best interests at heart. I really don’t know what to think or feel.”
“Why, Kat?” he gingerly probed.
“I thought love would be easy and natural. But it isn’t like that. It hurts, Landis. I don’t know what to do or say around you. Whatever it is, it’s usually wrong. There seems to be too much anger and pain and secrets between us. It shouldn’t be like that.”
Her eyes were so clear and honest that they tugged unmercifully at his heart. “Do you love me, Kat, really love me?” he challenged.
She lowered her lashes to conceal what was vividly written there. She wanted him to convince her she wasn’t mistaken, so she cautiously began, “I thought what I felt was love, but I’m not so sure anymore. Perhaps I only found you irresistibly attractive. Maybe I was just terrified by Marc Slavin and this awful place. Maybe I turned to you for protection and comfort. I was vulnerable, frightened, and susceptible when you came along. Suddenly you were there with your strong arms and courage to protect me. You were handsome and virile, so masterful and charming. Wasn’t it natural for me to yield to my dashing, chivalrous k
night? Is that what love is?”
“Why do you question how you feel? You didn’t make love to me out of gratitude. And you’re certainly not a woman to be swayed by a man’s good looks and physical appeal. Why are you fighting it?”
“Because it hurts so much!” she protested. “I don’t know you, Landis. How can I love a total stranger? What does that make me, a woman who falls into bed with a stranger, even if we are married?” she implored him to explain.
He smiled. “I’m not really a stranger, love. You’ve been closer to me than anyone else. Does it matter so much that I can’t confide in you just yet? I love you, Kathryn Jurrell, and I need you. Isn’t that the most important thing?”
Kathy pulled free of his grasp and walked away from him. She needed distance to think clearly. “May I ask only one question, Landis?”
He tensed, but nodded.
“Once you’re in a position to tell me about yourself, will there be any other reason to keep us apart?”
“I’m not sure I follow you,” he stated in haziness.
“I want to make certain I don’t misunderstand you again. Are you saying you’ll make a commitment to me after you settle whatever you’re keeping secret now? Or do you mean you only want me for as long as I need your help and name? All I need to know, is it possible for us to have a future together one day? Do you love me in that way, to want to share yourself and your life with me?”
“I can’t say what the future will hold, Kat, but I do know I want you in mine,” he responded cautiously.
“As what? A wife always waiting for you to come around on occasion? As a convenience?”
“No, Kat, as my love,” he replied.
“Is there a difference, Landis?” she probed.
“Yes, Kat, there’s a big difference. You’ll have to trust me completely. There’ll be times when well be separated for weeks, maybe months. I’ll do and say things you won’t understand. Most of the time I’m gone, you won’t know where I am or when I’ll be back. I won’t be able to explain, Kat; I can’t.”
“I see…are you in trouble, Landis? Are you hiding out here? Landis Jurrell is your name, isn’t it?” When she saw his mixed reactions to her questions, she quickly vowed, “I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done. I only want to help you, to understand you. I wish you could love me enough to trust me, Landis.”
“Don’t you see, Kat? You can’t unintentionally drop any clues about me if you don’t know them. I will tell you this much, woman; I’m not in any trouble with the law and I’m not hiding. When the time’s right, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
“Is what you’re doing this important?”
“More than you can imagine.”
“Is Landis Jurrell your real name?” she asked once more.
He grinned. “Does it matter?” he parried noncommitally.
“In light of our relationship, it makes a big difference.”
“In all honesty, Kat, you are very legally and definitely married to me. Needless to say, we don’t have grounds for its dissolvement. Looks like you’re stuck with me,” he stated warmly, cunningly telling the truth.
She relaxed noticably. “You’re not American, are you?”
“Nope. I’m Canadian. I come from the McKenzie Territory. I’m thirty-one and I’ve never been married. I’ve trapped furs, transported supplies, panned for gold, hired out as a guide, and done just about everything else I could find. My parents were killed when I was twelve. Since then, I’ve been on my own. I learned to look out for myself when I was still a child. Maybe that’s my problem, I grew up too fast and too hard. I’ve never needed anyone or anything. When I was nineteen, I met a man who changed my life and thinking. I’ve been working mostly for him ever since. I can’t tell you his name or what I do for him. Things were going smoothly until I went to Skagway not long ago and met one Kathryn Hammond. Since then, she’s turned my life inside out. What should I do about her?” he teased.
Kathy laughed at his entreating expression. “What do you want to do about her? It seems to me she’s an awful lot of trouble, and she’s much too demanding. She’s spoiled. She’s willful. Most of all, she’s very foolish. I’m not sure she’s worth your time and trouble.”
“What if I disagree? She can be a little she-wolf at times, but she’s mighty soft and warm. You think she’s willing to trust a fellow like me and wait for him?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her?”
“I’m afraid she’ll turn me down flat.”
“I doubt you have an ounce of fear in your entire body, Mr. Jurrell. Where is that masterful air of yours? Why not just sweep her off her feet? Don’t ask her, just tell her.”
Landis strolled over to her, gripping her gently by the shoulders. “Woman, you’re all mine. I’m warning you now, you better be patient and loyal. And you’d better stay out of trouble. Is that clear?” He kissed her pervasively, pulling her tightly against his body.
That first kiss fused into another one as he held her possessively. Kathy’s hands eased around his waist and up his broad back. He was so hard and strong, yet he could be so gentle and tender—and the bold contrast was arresting. She returned his kisses with rising passion. His lips trailed over her face and throat. She sighed in contentment and with longing. Unsure of this new arrangement between them, he leaned back and asked, “Do you want me to go now?”
Kathy was nearly breathless from his stirring kisses. “What will the other men think if you leave me alone here?” she jested.
“You’re right, woman; we do have assigned roles to play. Our time together will be short. But if this was my last day on earth, I’d want to spend it with you. There’s no way I can leave you tonight.”
Landis’s lips covered hers once more. Her arms went up around his neck, the blanket falling lightly around her feet. His agile hands removed her chemise and his shirt, the touching of their bodies sending fires through them. He gently ravished her mouth as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. He lay her down, then doused the lantern by the bed. Landis slipped out of his pants and boots, stretched out beside her, then rolled toward her and kissed her soundly.
When his mouth left hers to tease at her breasts, Kathy shuddered with desire. Her fingers went into his sable hair, relishing its softness. How could she deny this was what she wanted more than anything in the world, including finding her father? Their lips fused once more as Landis eased her undergarments off, leaving nothing between them.
As he deftly plundered her mouth, his hand sought out another place to increase her passion. Kathy’s whole body was aflame for his. When the kisses and caresses became blissful torment, she coaxed, “I need you, Landis. Love me. Please love me.”
“I do, Kat. I will, love.” He eased within her receptive body and pressed tightly against her.
She moaned at the sweet sensation of interlocked bodies. Slowly he entered and withdrew from her, time and time again, her passion matching his. Warm and erratic respiration entered her ear as he nibbled at the lobe. He spread kisses over her satiny shoulders. Her hands mindlessly roamed over his powerful shoulders and back, claiming each inch of rippling flesh.
“God, how I’ve missed you, love. It’s been too long,” he huskily vowed, fearing he couldn’t restrain himself.
Kathy’s mouth hungrily accepted his kisses and her body arched to meet his drives. “Love me…love me,” she pleaded in the throes of heightened ecstasy. She cried out against his mouth as the potent release came, signaling Landis that he no longer should hold back.
His rhythmic strokes increased in speed and purpose. Soon, he was shuddering with the force of his own release. “I’ll never let you go, Kat, never,” he promised her. No matter what he had to untangle to protect and to hold her, he would.
He rolled to his side, carrying her with him, refusing to release her for even one moment. His breathing slowly returned to normal; still, he held her tightly against him. For a long time, neither spoke. It
seemed a time for silence and closeness. Kathy nestled her head near his throat, her left hand wandered through the furry mat upon his chest. He rested his chin against her silky hair, stroking it with one hand, the other moving up and down her arm. She closed her eyes and savored this long anticipated moment. It was as if they had finally found each other, as if they were at peace with themselves and the whole world. It felt so good and so right to be together here like this. What better commitment than his love?
“You make it difficult for me to think about anything but you, Kat,” he finally spoke first.
“Is that so bad?” she happily asked. “All I’ve thought about for weeks is you.”
“You mean after the urge to kill me passed?” he joked lightly.
She laughed. “Landis Jurrell isn’t easy to ignore or forget.”
“I hope it’s impossible. Things will work out, Kat; you’ll see.”
“They already have, Landis.” She turned her head to look up at him, his face dark against the glow of the fire. “No matter who or what you are, Landis Jurrell, I love you with all my heart. I would wait for you until the end of forever if I had to. I only need to know you love and need me, too.”
“You, my golden dream, are all I love and need. One day, I’ll prove it to you.”
“You already have, my love.”
“Trust me, Kat; I promise you won’t be sorry.”
“I know, Landis, and I do.”
She pressed her lips to his. His embrace tightened. Within minutes, they were making love again. It was slow and provocative, each teasing the other with kisses and caresses. When their passion could not be bridled, they rode wildly and freely to sweet pastures of serenity.
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