Besides, this wouldn’t be her first walk of shame.
After a lifetime of blurting the truth, they were familiar.
“I’ll walk,” she whispered.
Kahtar’s heart brushed hers with reassurance and admiration. That touch kept her from crying the whole way out.
KAHTAR WALKED INTO his cabin and spotted a long, lean bump under his cloak. It had been removed from its hook and tossed over the couch like a blanket. He moved to the opposite sofa and sat down. “Beth.”
She yanked the top of the cloak up further over her head. Wolves’ furry, multi-colored head popped out from the edge of the cloak. Kahtar crossed his arms. Dogs did not belong inside, especially not on the sofa or under his cloak. Beth knew exactly how he felt about allowing the dog inside. He snapped his fingers and Wolves bolted, taking the cloak halfway across the room with him. He ran into the door headfirst, clawed at it until it swung open and ran across the porch.
Beth sat up, dark circles under her eyes. Kahtar bit off any condemnation. Pregnancy didn’t agree with her and that had him worried. But The Mother’s decree was law and Beth knew there would be a punishment for her mistake. “You’re to make restitution to Gamper’s family. The Mother wants you barefoot at every Glory until the new moon.”
Her eyes widened. “Through the winter solstice? It’s already freezing outside!”
“It’s a punishment. You can wear shoes to the cave entrance and take them off there. It’s sixty-eight degrees inside the cavern. Wear a sweater and you’ll be in no danger whatsoever.”
Beth squared her shoulders. “Fine. You do realize I didn’t do it on purpose?”
He took a deep breath. “You know that’s irrelevant.”
“Fine.”
Three months of marriage had been plenty of time for Kahtar to understand fine meant anything but fine. “Weeks ago I told you to have funeral clothing made, but you didn’t take the time. If you had this wouldn’t have happened.”
Beth opened her mouth, closed it, and nodded. “You did say that.”
The rough skin on Kahtar’s palms caught on the threads of his white leggings as he ran his hands over his thighs, avoiding Beth’s gaze he continued to unveil her punishment. “You’re to gather all but three pair of the most functional of your shoes and give them away in the outside world.”
“You cannot be serious.”
Kahtar met her eyes and after the briefest moment Beth narrowed hers at him.
“Fine. I’m going to head over to see my parents now.” She scooted to the edge of the sofa.
“No.”
“I’ll get rid of the shoes first. Besides I have some there too I’ll need to pick up.”
“You can’t go see your parents.”
“What do you mean? We agreed I could go for Thanksgiving!”
“The rest of your punishment is to spend the remainder of this week fasting like the Gamper’s are. It’s a sign of mourning for the immediate family of the deceased. You’re to participate. It will show solidary and remorse to the Gampers. Death fasts aren’t dangerous for pregnant Covenant Keepers. You shouldn’t have any problems with it.”
“I can fast at my parents’ house!”
“During their Thanksgiving?” Kahtar asked, holding her gaze. “They’ll ask questions, and you’re only allowed bread and water until after Glory on Sunday.”
It was four days away. Kahtar tried not to show how much the thought of Beth fasting during pregnancy bothered him. Normally it didn’t bother pregnant Covenant Keepers, but Beth had already lost weight. He tried to reassure himself the plain fare might stop her vomiting. I should have told The Mother she’s lost weight. Surely I could have said that much.
Beth lifted her chin stubbornly. “I promised my parents I’d come.”
“The Mother would prefer you fast here, where we can be certain you don’t suffer any ill effects.”
“If she was worried about it bothering me she wouldn’t be doing it. When you say The Mother prefers, what exactly does that mean?”
“You have no choice.”
Beth widened her eyes, and Kahtar knew she was trying to hide her tears. He looked away.
“I thought so. Fine,” she whispered, and stood. The white blouse and skirt hung on her thin frame almost like it did the hanger in the closet. “I’m going to my room.”
Kahtar knew that meant she’d be holed up in there or her shop over the next several days, angry and avoiding him. “Don’t shut me out, Beth. I’m only doing my duty. I’d be doing this to anyone in the clan who did what you did today. The fact that The Mother is allowing you to keep three pair of your shoes is a huge concession. Anyone else would likely spend the winter barefoot. She’s also allowing you six daily servings of bread and as much water as you like—instead of the two meals and limited water the Gampers will have.”
“I’m tired, Kahtar. And don’t kid yourself. No one else in the clan would ever make the mistake I made today. The Mother thinks I was being vain, but I was simply rushing to comply with rules I’m still learning. She’s not allowing me extra food because I’m pregnant. Any warrior in this clan could use his healing gift to take me and this baby to the brink of death and back twice a day if they chose to. She’s allowing me extra food because she knows she’s punishing me for being part seeker.”
“Please don’t,” Kahtar pleaded, trying to keep desperation out of his voice. “Don’t criticize The Mother of Cultuelle Khristos. You force me to choose between my loyalty to the clan and you! Nobody else would dare talk to a Warrior Chief like this. If anyone else talked back, I’d institute punishments of my own. If you think The Mother is harsh, it’s because you haven’t been punished by me.”
“Punished by you?” Beth’s brows rose in a threat of their own. “Why do you talk to me like that? If you ever even laid a finger on me, Kahtar Constantine, I would beat you to within an inch of your life.” She didn’t raise her voice, her words even and low, and for the first time ever Kahtar saw Beth hold a posture like her shieldmaiden mother. Although he tried not to, he felt his eye twitch and his lips turned up in a smile. There was no hiding the sudden amusement in his heart.
Instead of getting angry, Beth smiled too. “I’m glad you’re taking it so well, but you know I don’t lie. I meant every word.”
“I know. I think that’s what makes it so funny. Blazes, Beth. This is difficult. I can’t think when I’ve been so conflicted. I love you so much. Don’t be angry with me for doing my duty. Bear in mind I’m the proverbial messenger here.”
“I love you too, and that’s the only reason I’m here and trying every day.”
Running a hand over the top of his head, Kahtar sighed, his amusement fading. “You shouldn’t threaten to hit, love. Anyone else would get double the punishment for talking like that, especially threatening to hit me. I shouldn’t have laughed. Hitting a warrior is borderline law—and it is rule—breaking.”
“But when you talk like that, it sounds like you’re threatening to hit me!”
“Oh, for the love of—Beth, husbands do not beat their wives in our world. You know that! I would never lay a hand on you!”
“I know! But when you talk about punishing me, it sounds violent! The clan rules seem so arbitrary and the punishments barbaric. You’re always threatening to beat the plebes!” She pressed her hand against her belly and rubbed.
“You don’t know what barbaric is.”
“I’m pregnant, and even if I weren’t, the barefoot thing is savage, Kahtar. You know it is!”
“If I agreed with you I wouldn’t be free to express it. Not in this situation. No matter how much I might want to. Don’t put me in the middle. Try to fit in.”
The sky blue eyes studied him for a moment. At last Beth shook her head and turned for the stairs.
Kahtar watched her take a few steps and shot to his feet. “Beth! Do you have cramps?”
Still rubbing her stomach she turned back to look at him. “A little. I’m mostly just real
ly tired.”
In three strides he was across the floor and scooping her into his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m not even going to complain. Carry me if you want to. Arguing with you makes me that tired.”
“Beth,” Kahtar said, cradling her tightly against his chest, and trying to keep the fear out of his voice. He headed for the front door, “don’t panic and take slow, deep breaths. I can sense the baby and she feels fine to me, but there’s blood on the back of your dress.”
WELCOME PALMER SHUT the door of the surgery, his striking eyes on Kahtar. “Don’t go in there just yet. She’s exhausted and resting.”
“Why’s she bleeding?” Kahtar demanded.
Welcome touched the back of his hand to his nose, shaking his head. “This pregnancy is really hard on her body. It’s not unusual for women to have some breakthrough bleeding early on, but the amount of stress this is putting on her has me worried. Didn’t you notice her blood pressure is sky high?”
Kahtar scanned through the door toward Beth, sensing soft snores. “I do now.”
“There’s no way I’ll agree to restricting her food. Kahtar, she’s lost ten pounds in the past month!”
Kahtar paled. Why hadn’t he noticed it had been so much? “She’s having trouble keeping food down. I thought maybe bread would at least stay.”
“She needs protein too. I wish the Old Guard would provide her with pemmican. Could you get them to do it?”
Kahtar huffed. “You know they won’t. Old Guard won’t cook for us. I’ll ask them, but I’m certain they won’t.”
“I’ll try my hand at it while she’s here, but I have a feeling she’ll throw it up. Whatever they put in theirs doesn’t come back.”
“But what’s going on? Pregnancy is a perfectly natural state. Why is it causing so much trouble for her?”
Welcome waited until several people passed them and got further down the corridor to respond. “Can I be candid?” he asked, his voice low.
“I expect it!”
Welcome raised his dark brows. “It’s not uncommon among seeker women. They’re just not as strong.”
Kahtar clenched his jaw. This was one comment he hadn’t expected. “Beth isn’t a seeker woman.”
“But she was born and raised in that world—with their food and toxins, and through her father her body carries centuries of dishonor. It does weaken the body.”
Kahtar glared.
“Warrior Chief, I’m not criticizing her. Beth is as much Covenant Keeper as we are. At heart and with her gifting of truth, I would say she’s more so. That doesn’t change the fact that physically she’s weaker.”
Kahtar crossed his arms. The belief that Covenant Keepers were genetically superior had become deeply woven among his kind, particularly since the Industrial Revolution as seekers polluted their world and themselves more with each generation.
“I’ve never wanted to believe it either, and I never saw it until this pregnancy put so much strain on Beth, but it’s right in front of my eyes now,” Welcome said. “I’m a man of science. There’s no other reason for her to have these problems, not when we can heal any deficit along the way. But it’s not a few weaknesses. It’s a cascading problem and her entire physiology is weak.”
“That makes no sense with a heart like hers. I don’t believe you.”
Welcome held up his hands in a gesture of defeat. “As Beth would say, it’s the truth.”
“I don’t think she would.” Kahtar glanced away and bellowed, “Old Guard!”
One of the brightly lit men shimmered half-formed in front of him. “Warrior Chief?”
“Would you provide pemmican for my wife? She can’t hold food down. She’s wasting.”
The man turned black eyes on Kahtar. Kahtar held the solid black gaze, though everything in him made him want to turn away from it. He knew they wouldn’t, knew it was wrong to ask and fully expected the man to stare and vanish without a reply. A dark twist of anger snaked through Kahtar’s heart. Clan law would prevent feeding Beth through tubes like seekers would, and Old Guard wouldn’t do a thing to help her. It struck him as wrong and sudden fear nibbled at the edges of his soul. She could starve to death over the next eight months and their laws would prevent him from doing anything to help her.
Something flickered in the depths of the Old Guard’s eyes, and Kahtar knew the man had sensed his anger. Suddenly a clay bowl appeared in the Old Guard’s hands. He shoved it into Kahtar’s, and vanished. Stunned, Kahtar gazed down at the sticky gelatinous mixture of seeds, insects, and sap.
“You have some serious pull,” remarked Welcome.
“That’s a first,” said Kahtar, extending the bowl toward Welcome.
He took it. “This overrides The Mother’s decree for bread and water?”
“It does,” said Kahtar, still stunned. “With food she’ll stop wasting?”
“And with rest.” Welcome turned toward the door and paused. He glanced up and down the hall, then added quietly, “Intercourse probably isn’t a good idea, either.”
It took a moment for Kahtar to realize his mouth was open.
Welcome looked away from him and stared at his hand on the doorknob. “Because of the bleeding. I’m sorry, Kahtar.”
THE SOUND OF a vehicle right outside Sweet Earth caught Beth’s attention. Sometimes seekers stumbled onto her shop, but most people in town had discovered her by now and knew she didn’t open early. Depositing a forbidden cup of coffee—a habit that Kahtar knew nothing about—onto a marble topped table, she shoved aside a sheer curtain to peek out and decide whether or not to unlock the front door.
Down by the curb, the passenger door of her dad’s non-descript blue sedan swung open and her mother stepped out. Beth dropped the curtain and flattened herself against the wall.
Shit! My parents!
For a brief moment Beth determined that she would not unlock the door. What if someone from the clan came by while Ted and Carole were there? What if an Old Guard shimmered into being right in front of them? What if Kahtar used a tesseract and popped out of thin air?
A knock on the window told her that her panic had taken too long. “Open the door, Bethy!” Ted called, as if he knew exactly where she was.
Shit!
Beth unlocked the door.
Joy flooded her heart at the sight of her father’s smiling face, erasing her anxiety.
“Surprise! The baby clothes we ordered on Amazon came! Wow, this place is really something. I don’t know what I expected, sweetheart, but this is a mansion. Smells good in here too. Is that coffee? You’re drinking coffee?”
“Yes, Daddy! Want some?” said Beth, ignoring her mother’s condemning glance. Coffee helped disguise the godawful taste of the pemmican she ate twice a day. She might not vomit that stuff, but burping was another matter. Beth rushed to nab two cups from the shelf behind the cash register. “It’s clean, Mom. I order it special for the shop. I can hardly keep it in stock.”
“I’d love a cup, unless you have some of that tea you used to have. I crave that stuff.” Her father dropped a pile of Amazon boxes onto the hardwood floor.
“Sorry, that tea I can’t keep stocked. Everyone in the cl—I mean, town, likes it. Well, mostly the guys, but still.” Beth poured the coffee and steam curled in the morning light. She offered the cups to her father and mother.
Carole shook her head, her shorn blonde hair messy and uncooperative looking.
“Mom, it’s clean, even for a pregnant woman.”
“It’s coffee. I don’t drink it. I’m fine.” She leaned against a far wall and crossed her arms. Carole White wasn’t the kind of mother to accept a cup of coffee she didn’t want, or the kind to make small talk, or ask curious questions about her daughter’s business. Beth wondered how on earth her dad had managed to get her there.
Sighing, Beth plopped her mother’s mug next to her own on the little marble topped stand. “Were you in the area?”
“Pfft,” said Carole.
&n
bsp; “Nothing is in this area,” Ted joked. ”My GPS couldn’t even find the place. If your mother wasn’t a human GPS, I don’t think I’d have ever found it. You never did give me directions.” He shot her an accusing glance, but Beth turned her attention to her mother again. Carole must have wanted to come or she wouldn’t have helped find it.”
Carole glanced at Beth’s stomach and Beth smoothed her hand over the small bump and smiled. At least she worries about this like a normal mother.
“I’m fine, Mom,” Beth said with complete sincerity. She’d felt better all morning, and hoped it would continue to if she drank black coffee and didn’t think too much about whatever was inside the pemmican the Old Guard kept bringing her.
“You’re tired,” said Carole. “You have dark circles under your eyes and you’ve lost weight. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! Pregnant women get tired,” said Beth. “And they throw up a lot.”
“Pfft,” said Carole again. “Not us.”
“Us?” said Beth, instantly on alert. It was the same comment Kahtar and Welcome Palmer had made to Beth several times lately. Covenant Keeper women had easier pregnancies than seeker women, likely due to healthier lifestyles.
“Your mom thinks because she could skydive pregnant and eat buckets of kelp that you should too. When you didn’t even call the last couple weeks, she got worried.”
Beth couldn’t keep the surprise off her face. Mom got worried?
Ted grinned. “I figured Kent was just being overprotective. Is he upstairs?”
Beth blanched. Why did her dad think Kahtar was in her shop? She blinked, her mind scrambling for the cover story. Did they think that she and Kahtar lived at the shop? Had he told them that? It didn’t really matter though, because she couldn’t lie.
“No. He’s at work,” she said, relieved to be able to tell the truth, even if she couldn’t tell them that he was actually being warrior chief inside an Arc at the moment. Still, her mother’s direct gaze was making her nervous, and they needed to leave. Beth’s eyes lit on her mother’s shorn, messy hair. “Mom, I got a new conditioner in that could do something with your hair.”
FOREVER The Constantines' Secret: A Covenant Keeper Novel Page 4