Besides, she didn’t want to admit it, but she’d expected so much more from her mother. Prudy was still single, after all. So was her dad. They’d loved each other once. Why not again? Not that she’d spend all night playing matchmaker. She planned to enjoy herself. Just a girl and her dad, out having fun. The idea of getting to know him was like a warm sandy path before her. She couldn’t wait to take her shoes off and dig her toes in.
When the bell rang she rose, hating that she had to answer it herself. She wished they had a stairway in their house so she could descend it slowly in her new dress, a picture of loveliness, just like in the movies. Only it wouldn’t be some dumb immature boy standing at the bottom gaping up at her, it would be her father, and he would be so proud of her. She reached for the doorknob. As long as he’s presentable, that’s all I ask.
She opened the door.
Richard stood there grinning, and though there was no hiding the gaps where his teeth were missing, his face was clean and shaved. His slicked back hair was freshly cut, and his clothes! Sally couldn’t hide her surprise. He actually looked handsome in a gray jacket with black pants and shiny black shoes.
“Good evening, my lady,” he said with a mock bow.
“Oh! You look wonderful!” And sober, she thought.
“What did you expect?” He looked at her with a wide-eyed, hurt expression. Sally didn’t know if he was joking.
“I wasn’t sure,” she admitted. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
He grinned again and took his hands from behind his back. In one he held a wrist corsage in a box. It was a small pink rose surrounded by baby’s breath, with a purple satin bow, and it was the most beautiful flower Sally had ever seen. The other held a box of chocolate-covered cherries. Sally didn’t happen to like chocolate-covered cherries, but she’d eat every last one, and when she did she’d remember how thoughtful her father was, and how perfect this night was.
Because it was going to be perfect. She knew it with a certainty she hadn’t felt before. She knew it by the easy way Richard smiled at her, by the perfect cinch of his necktie and the way he smelled of aftershave. She took his gifts with mumbled thanks and stepped aside to let him in, and that’s when he patted her shoulder, gently, two times.
She hesitated briefly, then threw her arms around him.
“Thank you for coming!”
He held her a moment, his breath warming the top of her head. He’s my dad, she thought. My dad. She knew that whatever happened, whether her friends made fun of him, or her mother was angry with her, or Nell and Lenny thought she was a selfish fool, this moment was enough.
“Sorry,” she said, pulling away.
He shrugged. “I have that effect on the ladies.” He looked around the empty living room. “Where’s your mother?”
“Um…she’s not coming out.”
He pursed his lips and nodded. “Nice to see you too, Prudy!” he called loudly. “Oh, yes! We will have a wonderful time. Thank you!” He rolled his eyes at Sally and gestured toward the door. She looked back only briefly, hoping to see her mother. How much more perfect this would be with her blessing. But that was one blessing she couldn’t count. Anyway, she wasn’t interested in tallies right now. She wanted to be a giant slate, wiped clean.
They crossed the porch together and headed into the night. Richard walked with such a jaunty gait that his suit coat swung open and Sally caught a glimpse inside: a silver lining, shiny smooth. A label with a name she couldn’t read. A pocket, mysterious and warm. Underneath, a beating heart.
This must be the feeling the other girls thrived on when it came to boys, this decision to love a person before knowing a thing about him! Or the knowledge that whatever you learned wouldn’t make a bit of difference. Call it love. Or butterflies. To Sally it was heavenly.
“Your mom got a boyfriend?” he asked.
Sally laughed. The idea was so preposterous. She was about to tell him when a sudden pang made her close her mouth. Her mother didn’t deserve that. And maybe it would help to keep him guessing. So she said, “She thinks this sort of thing is silly.”
“Your mother was hooked into this sort of fuss too, when she was your age. You know she almost won Miss Clover Honey?”
She allowed a wry smile. “I’ve heard.”
“A banquet such as this isn’t any more silly than a beauty contest.”
“You knew her for a long time, huh?” Was this where he’d start bad-mouthing her?
But he looked thoughtful before he said, “Long enough to screw up her life. And yours.”
It was like cold water splashed on her face, hearing that. Well, good. No bitterness. No idle chit chat either. She could almost hear her brain slide into a higher gear. Just give me a moment to rev up, it said. This was so different from the family she’d known, where no one ever wanted to talk about anything.
“You’re here now,” she said. “We can make a fresh start.” All of us.
Richard cleared his throat. “Sally, I have to be honest with you. I don’t know that too much will change after this. I’m not the sort of guy you want to start counting on.”
But she was cruising now. “Don’t say that! I don’t believe what everyone says about you and you shouldn’t either.”
He groaned. “You’re not going to start talking about self-esteem and faith and that kind of shit, are you? ‘Cause I’ve heard all about how much Jesus loves me.”
“No. I’ll leave that to Nell.”
“Let’s leave it period. Some of the best preachers around have given up on me. I’m what you call a modern man, and the church doesn’t deal with modern.”
“What exactly is a modern man?”
“I make things happen on my own terms.”
Sally liked the sound of that. “I’m modern too,” she said.
He slowed and put a hand on her arm. “No, I’m a real son of a bitch,” he said. “We should at least admit that to each other.”
How she loved him! Each time he admitted something about himself it was a like a shutter rolling up with a snap. Here I am. Come in. Look at the mess in here.
She wasn’t afraid of it.
“I don’t believe that.”
“Then you’re the only one. What’s the buzz about me anyway?”
Buzz? More like a roar. Lazy, selfish, mean-spirited, conceited, good-for-nothing drunk.
“Stupid stuff,” she said. “People around here don’t know what they’re talking about.”
He snorted. “Anyway, what do I care?” But he looked like he wanted to give somebody’s face five good reasons why he cared. Okay. So maybe inside him there was a kettle on a back burner and it was set to boil.
She’d be careful with him. No sweat. But how come when you tell yourself that, you start to sweat? On top of that, she tripped.
“First time wearing heels?” he asked, catching her with one arm.
“No.” She sounded defensive, but it embarrassed her that he’d guessed. Besides, if he’d been around he would know that it was her first time.
“You must have been surprised to see Lenny again,” she said, to change the subject.
“You could say that.”
“I still don’t know why he tracked you down like that. He hates you.”
He gave her a well-thank-you-very-much face. He knew it, though. She could tell.
“He was concerned about you, I guess,” he said after a pause. “Just like Nell was concerned about you when she took Voss’ car.”
“They weren’t worried about me. They just wanted to keep me away from you so they didn’t have to see you again.”
That look again. “Is that so?”
Could it be he really didn’t know these things?
“I don’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“They just have memories, is all. They find it hard to believe a person can change.”
“Not like you, huh?”
She shrugged.
; “Well, they may just be right. On the other hand, I probably mellowed a little over the years.”
Sally didn’t want to ruin things, but this talk of Lenny and Nell, well, it was like they were standing behind her tapping her on the shoulder. Why don’t you ask him about the time he smashed the window? Or the time he made us take our Christmas tree out to the curb on Christmas Eve because we didn’t wait for him before decorating it?
“Lenny says he’s the one who made you leave,” she said, careful to keep her voice normal. “Is that a fair assessment?” Assessment? She sounded like a school teacher. In fact, those words might be something she’d heard the principal say to a boy he caught fighting in the hall.
Richard made that sound that when you see it in books it looks like hmpf, with all the vowels sucked out.
“Lenny was a kid,” he said.
Remember, clean slate. But there was that tap again.
“What was it made you leave, anyway?”
He rubbed his hand over his face. “Aw, who can remember that far back?”
“Nell can. And Lenny.”
He stopped suddenly. “So listen here. You want to have a good time tonight, or not?”
Sally nodded.
“Then let’s not rehash all that unpleasantness. I don’t see it doing anyone any good.”
Now the darn tap was like a pair of hands around her throat. Whether the hands came from Lenny or Nell, or from somewhere inside herself, she didn’t know.
She took a breath. “I just would feel better knowing the particulars.”
His jaw tightened. “And I’d feel better dropping it.”
“I was just wondering why you never wrote, or called.”
He sighed. “Prudy thought you kids were better off without me. Why should I argue with her?”
Three reasons. And she was one of them.
“Don’t you feel bad about it?”
“I could spend time feeling bad about a lot of things, but who wants to be miserable?” He faced her, his hands on his hips. “Now if you want to make yourself miserable over seeing me tonight, I’ll just go.”
“No, no, please!” She pulled his arm. What was it with her parents, that neither could say those simple words? I’m sorry. She’d feel so much better. She ought to tell him, but asking for an apology…well, it was like someone handing you a glass of warm water on a hot day. It tides you over, but it’s not real enjoyable.
He softened. “Why do you think I’m here, huh?”
Sally smiled. Of course he felt bad. Who wouldn’t feel bad after being thrown out by your wife and son and being alone for ten long years? And here Sally was picking on him, making him dredge up the feelings he probably worked so hard to hide. She would not ask for more than he could give. She would not wreck it!
“Mom doesn’t date,” she said.
“How about you? Anyone special?”
She thought of Cash. “There’s one boy I like all right.”
“Does he treat you good?”
Hmm. There was the way he pretended to ditch her at Stuckey’s, the way he’d gotten mad when she wouldn’t go to the beach with him, the way he peeled out without saying goodbye after they had kissed.
“Not really.”
He laughed. “Then you must be madly in love! Hell, boys around here aren’t good enough for you. You never want to end up with someone you knew in high school. It’s the kiss of death. Look at your mother and me.”
But Sally didn’t want to think anymore about her mother, or Lenny or Nell. She wanted to talk about boys, or school, or whatever ordinary things a father and daughter talked about. She wanted to have fun.
“So tell me about your friends,” he said. The connection was there, between them! In their DNA. “Will they be surprised to see me?”
“Frannie is my best friend. She knows everything now. She’ll be there with her dad, Verle, but he doesn’t talk much. Then there’s Debs and Patty Ann. They’re ok sometimes, but mostly they’re stuck up. You know, all giggly and snooty-like.”
“They give you a hard time?”
Sally shrugged. “They give everyone a hard time.” She smiled. “But once, in second grade, I split Patty Ann’s lip open when I socked her in the mouth.”
He laughed again. Sally loved the way it sounded, like a big round bubble that came out in a burst and hung in the air. She could reach out a finger and pop it.
“Why’d you hit her?” he asked.
“She made fun of my clothes.” She said this as if it were funny, when it had been anything but. She wondered, did he have any idea how bad off they’d been without him? If he did he didn’t show it.
“Lenny taught me how to make a good fist,” she said. That was another thing her dad might have taught her if he’d been around. The old sadness started seeping in and she had to will it away. Was every conversation going to be a reminder of something she never had?
Something seemed to change in him, too. There was a gloominess when he said, “Yeah. Lenny’s a born fighter. That much I know.”
Were they both remembering Lenny’s bat, and the way he’d hit Richard with it that night ten years ago? Sally wished those years weren’t separating them. It was such a wide gap. Whatever they said to each other now was no more than throwing rocks in a hole.
“Are you still drinking?” she asked. She might as well throw the boulders first.
He laughed. “You’ve been dying to ask, haven’t you?”
“So what if I have? It’s a big night for me, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“I haven’t had a drink in, oh, at least seven or eight days, so don’t worry. I’m good and sober.”
She tried to hide her shock. “Seven days? Is that a long stretch for you?”
“What are you, my sponsor?”
“Oh, so you go to….those meetings.”
“Didn’t I just say I’m sober? If that’s not good enough—”
Here was a balancing act that had nothing to do with her shoes.
“No. Of course it is.”
They walked without speaking until they got to the church. There was a knot of girls in fluffy dresses out front. And the Texaco station across the street. If only Cash could see her now! Wouldn’t he be shocked? If he hadn’t dumped her off like he did, she might have called him to let him know how everything turned out.
Wait a minute. Why should she want anything to do with Cash? Look at her! She was as pretty as any other girl, and twice as sensible. Which of these girls would have the gumption to do what she’d done, locating a father who’d been gone for ten years? Now that he was back, things were going to be different. She might stand a chance with one of the popular boys, like Roy Westveer or Jimmy Dorn. Still, she kept looking over at the station as they approached. She heard someone say Hiya Sally.
It was Patty Ann and Debs, walking arm in arm in that childish way they had, as if everyone didn’t know they were the best of friends. Sally’s mouth went dry. If her dad was going to be ridiculed, it would begin with them. Everyone else would follow.
She swallowed. “Hi. Here’s my dad.” So she blurted it out. Who could blame her?
Richard tilted his head back and looked down his nose at them. “These the ones you told me about?”
She nodded. He took Debs’ hand, leaned in close, and said in a voice you’d use with a five-year-old, “High school is not the slightest bit important in the grand scheme of things. You girls realize that, don’t you?”
Their faces went slack with surprise. Patty Ann recovered first.
“Sally just talks about you constantly,” she said sweetly. “In fact, she never shuts up.”
“I do not,” Sally said. Prissy-ass bitches. If she did talk about her dad, it wasn’t to the two of them.
Richard laughed. There were those gaps, where his teeth were missing. She wished he wouldn’t open his mouth quite so much. But she was awful to be so picky. It wasn’t like any of the other dads were Hollywood handsome.
“I’m jus
t giving you girls a hard time. I know you can take it. Look at you! Top of the food chain, that’s for sure.” He gave a long whistle.
Debbie and Patty-Ann smiled uncertainly and ducked away. Richard took Sally’s arm.
“Don’t worry about the losers in this hick town,” he whispered. “They’ll wind up married to the football players, with nice houses and a bunch of kids and they’ll be bored and miserable their whole lives.”
“Actually…” That first part sounded pretty good to Sally. But she could see what he was trying to say. Wasn’t she just telling herself the same thing? Aim higher!
Inside the foyer they found a table covered with name tags. She half expected to be left out, to find that they wouldn’t be getting the same treatment as everyone else. But there they were. Richard Van Sloeten. Sally Van Sloeten. See, he belonged here, same as anyone. She handed his name tag to him, then peeled the waxy backing from hers and pressed it on her chest. People were bustling around them, and they were briefly separated by a whirl of glittering, giggling girls smelling of perfume and hairspray. He caught her eye over the top of a dark-haired head and smiled, then reached out a flat hand, meaning she should give him her balled up paper for him to throw away. How thoughtful he was!
“I’m surprised old peckerwood hasn’t moved on yet,” he said, pointing to the plaque on the wall that said Reverend Phillip Voss.
“Excuse me?”
“Voss. That’s my name for him. You like it?”
“Why do you call him that?”
He snickered like a kid. “I’ll tell you later.”
She couldn’t help it. She laughed too. The things he said! His attitude, the way he walked, the way he rolled his shoulders, and looked around with those sparkly eyes like he was looking to take on the world. Maybe he was a little rough around the edges, with the dent in his head and the missing teeth, but he seemed fresher and more alive than anyone else. She hoped it would rub off on her.
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