by Aj Estelliam
‘And now you have me?’ I said quietly.
‘Well…what do you want?’ she asked, reversing the question.
I sighed, looking out at the sea as we walked, hand in hand. ‘I dream of getting married. I’m pretty traditional in many ways. I also always hoped I would have children,’ I told her in a soft voice.
She squeezed my hand. ‘I think that would be lovely.’
‘You do?’ I asked her, surprised.
‘Yes…I mean, I’d prefer it to be children from you because of the strange history of my family, but I would never prevent you from that dream. I’d love children deep down too. I’ve just never let myself hope.’
‘I think you should from this point on.’
‘Okay then, I will…’ she smiled.
‘And I can dream of a future with you?’ I asked.
‘Yes. If that’s what you want.’
‘It is,’ I smiled.
‘Can you ‘see it’ at all? I mean, I know you’ve had insight before into the future.’
I shook my head. ‘No…not yet,’ I said, frowning as that thought bothered me. Why couldn’t I see it yet? ‘But maybe as I relax I’ll begin to see what happens with us.’
‘You don’t have to look for it. I just wondered…’ she smiled.
‘Yeah…’ I replied, walking onwards. ‘But if I see anything, I’ll let you know,’ I promised.
Jess and I walked for miles along beautiful coastline, chatting as we walked. By the time we turned around to come back the other way, my legs ached and I felt like the sea air had calmed my nerves.
When we got back to the hotel, Jess headed into the bathroom for a relaxing bath and I excused myself to go and get us a hot chocolate from the bar. It would give me the perfect chance to phone Captain Withers, I thought.
Down at the bar was a pay phone. I dialled the number from the card in my purse and waited for him to answer. When he did, his voice was pleasantly familiar with his gruff, deep tone.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello, Captain Withers. It’s Alex Hope here.’
‘Alex! Hello! How are you?’ he asked, sounding pleased to hear from me.
‘I’m fine, thank you. We’re having a nice holiday by the sea in Devon. We’re in a place called Hope.’
‘How lovely! Just like your name!’ he chuckled.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ I smiled.
‘So, how is JJ? Is she bearing up okay?’
‘She’s relaxing,’ I told him. ‘She seems calmer…’
‘Good. I was hoping she would calm down and having some time away is important after such a huge situation unfolds.’
‘Yeah…I wanted to ask you something following what happened…’ I told him.
‘Fire away,’ he encouraged.
‘Well, Jess’ brother…I take it he’s locked away?’ I asked cautiously.
‘He is, yes. Why?’
I sighed. ‘Oh, I don’t know, Dan…I had a vision,’ I said quietly.
‘You did?’
‘Yes. I saw Jess-lying in the snow. She was hurt…unconscious.’
‘But isn’t that what had already passed?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I think so…well, I hope so…’
‘You don’t sound so sure.’
‘No…I have to admit, I’m not. I feel like it’s something that’s going to happen. I feel like it’s something yet to happen. But I also feel like it would be the doing of Jess’ brother. That’s my feeling on it…if he’s locked away and staying that way; I have no worries.’
‘Rest assured, Alex, he’s locked away and staying that way. You don’t need to worry.’
‘Okay…well, maybe I’ll put it to the back of my mind.’
‘Have you told Jess?’ he asked.
‘No…I didn’t want to upset the status quo. She’s so happy and settled now. I don’t want her to think this isn’t over.’
‘But it is over, Alex. Remember that, okay?’
I swallowed hard, thinking that he was wrong. ‘Okay,’ I agreed. ‘I’ll forget about it. He’s definitely locked away?’
‘Yes. Locked away. Try and relax and enjoy your holiday now. You’re just seeing Jess when she fainted after finding her brother. It’s your mind playing tricks on you. This is over…over,’ he reiterated.
‘Okay. Well, I’m sorry to have bothered you.’
‘You don’t bother me, Alex. I liked having you around. You were a great help.’
I smiled at that. ‘I liked working with you too. I’m actually considering coming back to Scotland with Jess so if there is a genuine job offer; I’d be grateful for it.’
‘Really?’ he questioned.
‘Yes. We’re kind of…well, Jess and I have become close. I think we want to pursue it beyond a holiday.’
‘That’s absolutely lovely news. I’m very happy for you both. Jess has always deserved to find happiness and I’d glad she has met someone as wonderful as you are. You’ll do her a world of good.’
I smiled. ‘You flatterer, you,’ I joked.
‘I’m only telling it as I see it,’ he said warmly. ‘Jess is a lovely woman who has been through a lot. She needs this.’
‘I know…and I plan to give her everything she so desperately wants and needs.’
‘Good,’ he said, sounding satisfied. ‘And consider the job yours…we’ll give you an ambiguous title like your previous role of ‘police researcher’ and then you can help us using your abilities.’
‘You think I could help in that regard?’
‘Absolutely! I’ll solve more crime with you by my side than ever before! You’d be like a human lie detector…and you’ve found the missing already. It’d help no-end!’
‘Good…okay, well, I’ll see you when I get back. We’re still planning on two weeks away and then we’ll be back. I’ll come in with Jess.’
‘Do that and we’ll talk. We can sort out the paperwork and pay and all the details when you get back to Scotland.’
‘Okay. Thanks for the opportunity, Captain. I really appreciate it.’
‘Dan, remember?’
‘Sorry, Dan…I won’t let you down.’
‘I know you won’t. Okay, well I better get back to work but if you ‘see’ anything else which concerns Jess’ well-being, you call me immediately. I’ll be ready and waiting to help if she needs it.’
‘Thanks, Dan. Jess is lucky to have a friend like you.’
‘Consider me your friend now too,’ he murmured.
‘Thanks Dan. I appreciate that more than you’ll ever realise.’
‘Look after her too, Alex. She’s like a daughter to me,’ he said, emotionally.
‘I know she is, sir. I’ll take care of her and you’ll be the first to know if I see anything else.’
‘Okay…well, I better get going,’ he told me.
‘Yeah…and Dan?’
‘Yes?’
‘The woman you call Fee-or something like that…?’ I questioned.
‘Yes?’
‘Call her,’ I told him.
‘What?’ he asked, sounding confused.
‘I don’t know much more than that, I’m afraid. I just know you’re supposed to call her…and I can see her in your future. Take a chance, Dan. She’s someone who will be special later on for you.’
The end of the line went silent.
‘Well, with that bombshell, I’ll leave you to it,’ I smiled.
‘I, uh…sorry…yes…thanks, Alex. Stay in touch.’
‘I will…and I’ll call if I need to.’
‘Yes, do.’
‘Bye Dan.’
‘Yeah…bye Alex.’
I hung up and smiled to myself. He had reassured me and I felt better. Maybe he was right, maybe Jess was right. My mind was just playing tricks on me and taunting me with events which had already happened. There was no reason to freak out and worry. Her brother was locked away. We were safe.
As I walked back to the hotel room, I couldn’t shake the feeling of un
ease though. We were safe…weren’t we?
Jess and I spent the rest of the day enjoying everything a holiday by the sea had to offer. We bought wetsuits and body boards and got very cold trying out the surf. We laughed and shrieked as we tried and failed to become excellent boarders. Jess did better than I did but we both agreed; it wasn’t easy and wasn’t something we were destined to be good at.
After our cold time in the sea, we showered and redressed before getting the car and heading to a local butterfly farm. We wandered around the tropical centre, enjoying seeing the various species of butterfly and beautiful sights to see. We wandered at leisure and it was nice to feel like a normal couple who went out for the day. Today, we were just a couple on holiday. I said so to Jess, who smiled at the thought.
‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ was her reply.
‘It sure is. I have never felt so content in my life.’
She laughed, ‘From visiting a butterfly farm?’
‘No,’ I smiled. ‘Being part of a couple where I feel happy and loved. It’s a lovely kind of wonderful,’ I breathed.
‘It is. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a day trip with someone like you, ever. I mean I’ve been on dates every now and then but to get to the stage where you go out on day trips or day dates means being part of a proper couple. Even holidaying is new to me, like I told you.’
I smiled. ‘It looks like we’re sharing lots of new experiences together.’
‘We sure are.’
‘I’m not used to this; but I like it.’
‘Me too. It’s nice to feel normal. For so long I felt like a freak, like no-one would ever love me or want to be with me because of my past. You’ve changed all that. You’ve made me feel like a proper and normal woman.’
I smiled at her. ‘That’s because you are.’
‘I guess so. I just never realised it.’
‘You’re a wonderful woman, Jess…any woman would be lucky to be with you.’
‘You reckon?’
‘Yeah…you’re gorgeous and funny and great company. What’s not to love?’
‘The fact that I’m messed up, closed and grumpy much of the time?’ she grinned.
‘Aren’t we all sometimes? You beat yourself up too much.’
‘I do?’
‘Yeah…you do.’
‘Well, I feel pretty fortunate right now.’
‘I do, too…’ I smiled, reaching for her hand.
‘How about we head back now and relax alone together? I love a day out but now all I want to do is go and spend some time with you along behind closed doors.’
I smiled at her leaned into her side. ‘I couldn’t think of anything I’d like more.’
We headed back to the small village of Hope and went back to our hotel room which overlooked the sea. It was beautiful and peaceful in our quiet room and I felt at rest there.
As soon as we shut the door, Jess gathered me into her arms and kissed me, long and slow. I melted against her and gave myself up to her touch. She was so warm and giving; I sighed with contentment.
Moving to the bed, we fell to it kissing. She undressed me with exquisite slowness and then made love to me with incredible passion. In her arms, I felt complete and at home. It was there that I felt like I’d found myself and who I wanted to be. As we lay on the bed, basking in the afterglow, I knew I had made the right decision. Being with Jess was my future. I just needed to ensure she remained safe for us to be able to achieve that. Despite all my conversations with myself about it, I kept seeing Jess lying hurt in the snow. Somehow, I knew something was coming; and it was I who would save her.
Chapter 28
The rest of our days in Hope were long, quiet and full of relaxation time together. I was happier than I had been in a long time, even though I had worrying thoughts in the back of my mind.
When our last day came and went, we packed up and left, promising each other we would go back one day and spend some more time in the place we loved so much.
We drove towards my parent’s home and on the way, I found Jess to be uncharacteristically nervous.
‘I wonder what they’ll think of me,’ she was saying nervously.
‘They’ll think you’re great,’ I assured her.
‘You reckon?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah…you are. So, they’ll think the same, I’m sure.’
‘But what if they don’t?’
‘Jess-you’re coming home with me. I’ve never, ever taken another woman home to stay with my parent’s. They’ll know you’re special.’
‘What are they like?’ she asked curiously.
‘Well, Mum is your typical mumsy type. She likes attending her groups-choir, WI…stuff like that. At home, she does embroidery. She’s quite up with the times lesbian-wise. When I first told her, it was like the world had come to an end. Now she almost loves telling people-it’s like her claim to fame that her daughter is a lesbian.’
‘So, she’s alright with it all?’
‘Yes. I mean-she’d love me to have children, but that’s the only thing that she moans about now.’
‘I see…’
‘She’ll be happy I’ve met you…believe me.’
‘Okay…what about your Dad?’ she asked then.
‘Dad is lovely. He’s chilled and relaxed…he’s been upset about work recently as some idiot has been bullying him and undermining him, but I was helping him before I came to Scotland. He does the most beautiful woodwork. He makes toys. I’m hoping it’s starting to get off the ground so that he can work at home doing that instead of slogging away at a job he hates.’
‘Ah, I hope so…nothing worse than being in a job you hate!’ she exclaimed.
‘Exactly…’
‘So, is there anything I should know or do before we get there?’ she asked.
‘Oh Jess, relax!’ I laughed. ‘You’ll be fine! They’re going to love you!’
‘Just because you do, doesn’t mean they will, Alex! They might think I’m a complete freak who is nowhere near good enough for their only daughter.’
‘I don’t think so, Jess. Relax. They’re just normal, nice parents.’
She sighed, heavily. ‘Yeah…that’s the problem.’
I frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘No…because you’re normal.’
I glanced at her in confusion.
‘I never had the normal parents growing up. I’ve told you dysfunctional my life was, Alex. The idea of your parents to a normal girlfriend might be fine, but to me…well, it scares the life out of me!’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because…because…’
‘Because what?’
‘Well, because I don’t know if I can be normal too…I feel so different and removed from that kind of normal.’
‘Jess; you think too much. You’re just you…and I happen to like you very much. Just meet them and be yourself. That’s all I ask.’
She looked ahead, to the road. ‘Yeah…okay.’
‘It’ll be fine…trust me.’
‘I trust you, Alex. I’m just nervous.’
‘Okay…well, try not to be. It’ll be fine. You’ll see.’
‘I hope so.’
I smiled to myself, knowing my parents would think she was as wonderful as I did.
Some hours later, we pulled into my parent’s house drive. It had been a long drive and I felt tired out. I climbed out from behind the driving seat and stretched languidly. I ached all over from sitting in one position for too long. I got out, walked around to the other side and looked up a decidedly nervous Jess.
‘Are you alright?’ I asked her, frowning.
‘No. I feel sick.’
I widened my eyes at her expression.
‘Sick with nerves.’
I threw back my head and laughed. ‘Oh, Jess…come on! You’re being ridiculous.’
‘Yeah…’ she sighed. ‘Maybe I am.’
I took her hand in mine and led her to the door. ‘Come on…you h
ave nothing to worry about.’
I knocked on my parent’s door and waited. I then smiled up at Jess, who looked so uncharacteristically shaken, it was almost funny. As the door opened, I turned to face my mother with a smile.
‘Alex! And you must be Jess!’ my mother exclaimed with glee.
‘Hey Mum! Boy, it’s good to be home!’
‘It’s good to have you home! Come on in you two!’ she welcomed, holding the door wide for us.
‘Thank you, Mrs Hope,’ Jess smiled.
‘Oh, call me Laura, Jess. We don’t stand on ceremony here!’
‘Okay…Laura.’
‘Come on…your father will be so happy to see you!’ she told us gleefully.
‘Is he home?’
‘Yes. He just got in.’
‘From work?’ I asked.
‘No! Come on…I’ll let him tell you. Come on, Jess…you’re most welcome here,’ she said, ushering us in from behind.
We went through to the lounge where my father sat in the lounge.
‘Alex!’ he exclaimed, putting his paper down and getting to his feet. I’ve missed you so much!’
‘I missed you too, Dad.’
I went over to him and we embraced. I held him close, inhaling his distinctive scent. I had missed him, I immediately felt his spirit feeling high. He was happy and he was doing well. I knew before he told me.
‘Dad, this is Jess.’
‘Ah, Jess! It’s very good to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you on the phone!’ he said, shaking her hand warmly.
‘It’s good to meet you, Mr Hope.’
‘No, no…call me Robert, or Rob. I’m glad Alex has brought you home, Jess.’
She smiled at him happily.
‘I’ve been itching to see you, honey!’ he told me.
‘Oh yeah? How come?’ I asked, feigning innocence. His thoughts were on overdrive so I already knew what he wanted to tell me.
‘I’ve been so busy since you left! But I’ll tell you in a moment! Come and sit down and tell us all about your holiday-and Jess,’ he encouraged.
We sat down and my Mum joined us with a pot of tea and biscuits. She busied herself with passing us all a cup before sitting down herself and looking at us with excitement in her eyes.