Reflected

by Rhiannon Held

  “The lawyer can defend her from that, right? Convince them it was a mistake?” Felicia bit her lip. She should have paid more attention to the lawyer TV shows as well as the police ones.

  “Well, if it was you,” Susan said, spearing Felicia with a look that made her want to flinch, “I’d say that it wouldn’t be too big a deal, because I presume she didn’t take anything, or touch anything. But I really don’t know. How the hell is Silver going to speak in court?”

  Silver shook herself as if returning from a great mental distance and put her hand on Susan’s arm. “I’ll speak when I need to. The shadows will not catch me off guard again.” She seemed to rebuild the alpha piece by piece, starting with her shoulders, traveling through her body in both directions, and ending with a tilt of her chin. “After a meal.”

  “Oh, of course.” Susan bustled Silver into the house, leaving Felicia standing on the driveway. She hadn’t missed the way Silver’s eyes had skipped right over her. Clearly, she was being pointedly ignored, but at least she hadn’t been chased off.

  Morsel came forward to put her nose to the breeze as Felicia opened the canopy, but she shooed the cat back and managed to get inside without any escapes. She settled in, opened a package of beef jerky, and ate her own dinner.

  Afterward, out of sheer frustration with having nothing of substance to do, Felicia decided to start accustoming Morsel to wolf forms. Maybe it didn’t matter since she was just going to give that cat back to the shelter, but being friendly with large dogs should make it more adoptable later, shouldn’t it? She was doing it a favor.

  The cat went all puffy tailed when Felicia disappeared and a big canine appeared in her place, but Felicia flumped down and waited with her head on her paws. Morsel cautiously approached, sniffing, then danced back. A few more rounds of that and it bapped Felicia on the nose with no claws. Felicia surged to her feet and nosed the cat onto its back, where it went after her with all four paws and teeth, delighted by the game.

  Felicia had to admit it was at least a little bit fun for her too, like playing with the kids in wolf. When she tired of the game, she curled up in the corner of the truck bed still in wolf. That form was better for sleeping comfortably on hard surfaces anyway. Morsel washed itself for a while and then came to curl against her side.

  She dozed until someone knocked against the canopy. People had been coming and going intermittently, so she hadn’t particularly noticed someone approaching the truck.

  Morsel blinked sleepily at her as she shoved it far enough away to be able to shift back. She pulled on her shirt so she would appear decent to anyone on the road, bundled Morsel into its box, and then opened the canopy while leaving the tailgate up.

  Silver waited there, calmly blank faced. Her hair seemed almost to glow in the lowering sun, white drawing in the diffuse light.

  Lady. Felicia barely prevented worse curses from making it out of her mouth. “I … should get dressed if you want to talk,” she said, and Silver nodded silently. She shut the canopy long enough to wiggle into the rest of her clothes, then opened the tailgate and sat on it. Silver leaned her ass on it beside her.

  The silence stretched longer and longer, and finally Felicia couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry! For earlier, and now this. I didn’t mean…” Felicia bit her lip. What had she meant? To protect her own place in the pack at the expense of someone else? What kind of pack member did that make her?

  “Didn’t you?” Silver looked up into the sky, though the Lady’s face was hidden in another direction at this hour of the evening. “Are you loyal to the Roanoke pack?”

  Felicia’s head snapped up from where she’d dropped it anticipation of scolding. “Yes,” she said, trying to put every ounce of sincerity she’d felt in her life into her eyes to support the word.

  “Are you loyal to me as alpha of that pack? Do you mean me harm?”

  “Yes. No.” Felicia had meant to stick to the simple syllables, but more words came tumbling out after. “When I saw you go in there by mistake, I thought maybe you could talk your way out of it.” Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that she’d hoped that, hoped with all her strength. After all, Silver had told Felicia’s father that it was hard to be Selene, but not impossible. Right?

  “Come here.” Silver stepped back to give Felicia room to jump down. When Felicia faced her, Silver took her chin in a grip hard enough to bruise, heal, and then bruise again. Felicia endured it silently, trying not to wince.

  Silver’s voice lowered, gaining intensity, until it practically vibrated. “I can be what I once was, briefly. But I wish I could make you—make all of you—understand its price. So high a price that perhaps this time I try to pay it, or perhaps the next, perhaps that will be the time I have nothing to pay it with and will lose myself completely. Once, I did it to save Dare’s life. When you saw it, I did it for Tom, and to keep the knowledge of all of us from the humans. I would not do it again for anything less, and perhaps I cannot for something more. Do you understand?”

  Felicia nodded with a jerk. Lady, she didn’t understand where Silver stored that intensity when she wasn’t using it. It made her want to shiver.

  “What you did was no mistake. This began with the roamer, and I don’t know if you’re trying to impress him or punish Tom, but if you meant no harm, you have completely lost the trail of that prey.”

  Felicia moved slightly, just to redistribute her weight, and Silver jerked her chin hard enough to draw an involuntary cry. She’d been wrong to call Silver creepy to Enrique, she realized. Creepy implied something you didn’t quite understand. Silver was Lady-damned terrifying at this moment, because she made you understand exactly the things no one wanted to think about.

  “And so now we are here. Whatever you meant, naïve little girl, this is what has happened. So Susan tells me I will have to pay the price to see your world again, if I can, or the humans will lock me away. So understand this, girl. If I succeed in paying that price, it will be for you. Are your adulthood, your pride, your games with young men worth it? Think on that, and tell me, because I do not know myself.” She tossed Felicia’s head so it snapped back, then stalked into the house, leaving Felicia panting alone on the driveway.

  Terrifying. Because she was also right.

  * * *

  Around 6 A.M., Felicia got tired of changing position in the truck’s bed, trying to get a decent night’s sleep with a whole different suite of noises constantly waking her up. She gave up and snuck inside to shower and get fresh clothes. Pierce opened his door, looked her over, and went back to bed without saying anything. The others had undoubtedly recognized her scent and gone back to sleep, leaving it to the Were nominally on guard duty to make the ruling.

  She didn’t steal any breakfast, but she did take a book to read in the truck while the sun edged higher in the sky, chasing away the chill. She kept half an eye the house through the canopy window as she read. If something happened with Silver’s case today, she wanted to help.

  As Felicia had half expected, Susan ushered Silver outside around midmorning. Susan’s suit all but knocked you over and set its boot on your neck, it projected such authority. Silver wore a pair of slacks from one of the female pack members and one of Susan’s blouses without a jacket. Felicia topped off Morsel’s water from her own bottle, made sure the side window was still slightly cracked, and then jumped down and closed up the truck. She brushed herself off even though the bed was pretty clean and went to join the two other women. She felt underdressed in her jeans, but she hadn’t thought to grab anything more formal when she was in the house.

  Susan gave her a sharp look. “We have an appointment with the lawyer. We don’t want to be late,” she said and opened her car’s passenger door for Silver.

  Felicia dipped her head low, giving respectful signals even if Susan might not read them as precisely as a Were would. “I … it’s partially my fault she got into this, so I hoped I could come and see if my taking responsibility could help any.”
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  Susan hmphed, dubious, but Silver gestured vaguely in the direction of the back of the car. “Let her come. She can help explain, and maybe this will prevent her getting into more trouble while we’re gone.”

  Felicia had to swallow to keep herself from responding to the final barb. She’d gotten what she wanted, she reminded herself.

  Susan tested her self-control even more. “If you start making it worse, I’m going to tell you to shut up, and you’re going to shut up. Understand?”

  Felicia nodded, not trusting herself to answer. The heavy silence persisted through the drive. Felicia assumed Susan had already coached Silver on what their approach would be. At least she hoped Susan and Silver had some kind of approach. They’d have to, wouldn’t they? Felicia practiced her own arguments in her head just in case.

  The law office took up one floor in a small brick-and-glass office building. There were only two chairs across from the reception desk, so Felicia lurked uncomfortably in the corner in front of a potted plant. Silver shied from the plant and took the chair farthest from it.

  “Susan? I’m Rebecca Terrell.” The lawyer who let herself out of the inner door and came over to offer her hand was very tall with very pointed toes on her high heels. Having seen Susan use fashion as aggression, Felicia recognized it here as well.

  “Thank you for fitting us in on short notice.” Susan shook the woman’s hand firmly and gestured to Silver. “This is Selene.”

  Silver shook her hand more awkwardly. “I go by Silver, though.”

  “Unusual name.” Rebecca offered a smile and looked from one to the other. “I’d better warn you, Selene, that if Susan attends our meeting as a nonclient, you’ve automatically waived your attorney-client privilege.”

  Susan’s expression creased with worry. Felicia didn’t blame her. She’d expected that she might not be allowed in, but Silver needed someone to translate. But wasn’t the client privilege important? It always seemed that way on TV.

  “Oh, maybe I’d better—” Susan said.

  Silver cut her off with a tight grip on her arm. “That’s fine,” she said.

  Rebecca nodded. She didn’t seem overly worried by the decision, at least. “Come on back, then.” She threw Felicia a questioning look, probably wondering how she was involved.

  “This is her boyfriend’s daughter. She was involved in the incident, so we hoped she could help explain what happened.” Felicia nodded to the lawyer, but some of Susan’s annoyance with her must have transmitted to the other human through her body language, because Rebecca didn’t bother to offer her hand. Was that good, because being the naughty teen suited the part Felicia was going to play? Or would it harm her credibility? Felicia couldn’t see how to change it either way.

  Rebecca showed them back to what was clearly a shared meeting room, not a private office. It had an oval table with half a dozen plush office chairs placed around it, and several shelves with impressive leather-bound books with shiny gold lettering. Felicia wondered if they were actually used, or kept strictly for decoration. She imagined everything was online nowadays.

  Silver’s attention tracked something along the floor as she sat, but she snapped it back to the lawyer quickly enough. Felicia considered standing again, but she finally took a chair at the opposite end of the table from everyone else.

  Susan took out the paper Silver had been clutching yesterday and slid it across the table to Rebecca. The lawyer flicked her eyes over it and nodded, like she’d seen hundreds before.

  “On that date, you and I will show up in court, and I’ll speak for you. Before then, though, if it was a mistake and you didn’t disturb anything, it should be relatively easy to get the charges bumped down to trespass. Criminal trespass in the first degree is a gross misdemeanor. The penalty is up to five thousand dollars in fines and 364 days in jail, but that’s almost never given for a first offense. Do you have a criminal record?” Susan shook her head for Silver, and Rebecca continued. “That will help. From your perspective, what happened? Did you know you were trespassing?”

  Susan tapped her fingertips on the table. “Here’s the tough part. Silver has a neurological language disability. I don’t know the exact name, but under stress it can make it hard for her to remember words for complex concepts she wants to convey, and things like addresses, phone numbers, and names.”

  “And so people assume I’m simple-minded.” Silver spoke softly, but with such confidence the eye was immediately drawn to her. “I think they probably thought I was crazy when they gave me that.” She tapped the ticket. “Now I’m prepared, I can pay closer attention, but I’m worried about what they might do with that initial impression.”

  Felicia marveled at how smoothly both of them presented it. It sounded exactly like dozens of human mental problems she’d heard described on the news. Maybe Susan was right, and Felicia adding anything would be more hindrance than help.

  Rebecca’s eyebrows rose. “Do you have an official diagnosis?”

  Susan shook her head. “It’s not … officially recognized. She worked with someone a while back who helped her treat it, and it’s really improved a lot, but I’m afraid that another psychologist might not agree.”

  Rebecca frowned in thought. “We could use lack of capacity as a defense, if the evaluating psychologist agreed. Competency might still be an issue, however.”

  Susan voiced the question on Felicia’s mind even more succinctly: “What?”

  Rebecca laughed lightly. “Basically, competency is whether you’re mentally all there enough to understand the trial. Capacity is whether you were mentally all there enough at the time of the crime to actually understand what you were doing and therefore have the intent to commit the crime. So lack of capacity would be a defense, but if the psychologist finds that Silver is still having troubles now, they could put her into treatment until they think she’s competent enough for the trial.”

  Silver’s hand tightened until her knuckles went white. “I don’t need treatment.” Susan reached to take her hand to comfort her, but Silver jerked hers away and sat up straighter. Felicia swallowed. The Were as a whole needed to keep Silver from being dragged into treatment.

  Rebecca nodded. “Certainly. The evaluation wouldn’t happen immediately, anyway. You’d need to be evaluated by a state psychologist. That could take quite some time, perhaps six months or more. Funds have to become available, and the state’s currently very strapped for money.”

  “No, soon.” Silver spoke emphatically. “As soon as Dare can get home.”

  “Can’t we pay, if money’s the issue?” Susan sat forward in her chair.

  “Well, you could have an evaluation by an expert of your choice at any time you like and submit that to the state.” Rebecca nodded to Silver. “Then they can either accept it, or call a competency hearing to decide between that and whatever evidence they get from their own psychologist—and given the funding issue, they’re more likely to just cross-examine your expert carefully and then accept that report. If you don’t want to wait, that’s an option.”

  Susan nodded, expression tight, but Silver fidgeted. “I’d rather sooner than later, but are you sure it’s necessary at all? Can’t you just be the one to tell them about my—” Silver struggled for a moment, presumably searching for “neurological language disability,” until she gave in and gestured to Susan.

  Silver wasn’t bad yet, but Felicia couldn’t sit here and let her get more and more visibly upset in front of the human who was supposed to be their ally in this fight. “It wasn’t like she was actually trespassing, anyway!”

  Silver’s attention snapped to her, and for a moment Felicia couldn’t quite breathe, because she thought Silver was going to denounce her. Then Silver dipped her head and turned to the lawyer. “Felicia asked me to meet her and I thought she was staying with a friend. We’d”—Silver flicked a glance to Felicia and smiled thinly—“argued earlier and she wasn’t staying at home for a while. I went in expecting to find her or her frien
d.”

  Felicia checked Susan’s reaction. She was listening intently, not interfering. Felicia scooted up to the table a little more. “I’d called her from the park down the street. I guess the door must not have latched and she saw it slightly open or whatever? I guess I wasn’t very precise, it’s just a tiny little park, and it doesn’t have a name, so I told her the streets.”

  Susan looked like she actually believed that, to Felicia’s relief, but of course Silver knew better. Felicia’s trail had been unmistakable, as she’d meant it to be. But Silver continued to not denounce her and nodded as the lawyer discussed her approach. Felicia tried to track it all, but it quickly veered into vocabulary even she couldn’t follow. The lawyer seemed to know what she was doing. Now all they had to do was make sure Silver didn’t do anything any more crazy seeming than she already had.

  18

  Three days later, the day Silver would have to face the memories, it was all she could do not to pace. They’d gotten word to Dare by calling those who had helped him call last, and everyone else who might have seen Dare, until word passed directly from person to person, not over distances. They arranged it: he’d planned to be home this morning and help her find the memories, if she could, for this afternoon. Three days had seemed not so long to wait, not long enough tangle herself in worry, and then he’d be with her. Wait too long, and the anticipation would make everything worse, she’d been sure of it.

  And then came the delays. Tom and Susan explained them again and again in simpler words, but they lacked Dare’s ability to understand her world enough to use its terms. Silver didn’t need to know why he couldn’t return as he had planned, just that he couldn’t. But there was still time. Tom and Susan assured her of that.