by Ben Bequer
“Would I what?” I asked knowing full well what he was implying.
“Tap that ass, humplestilskin, skeet skeet. What the fuck do you think I’m talking about?” he said.
I laughed, “You know, it’s not all up to me.”
“Depends, depends. What happens in Shard World stays in Shard World”
“Cool, man. You have to watch that mouth of yours,” I said, suddenly blushing, but Apogee seemed to be enjoying the whole thing.
“Sorry, Apogee,” Cool laughed. “I’m fucking with you. But you’d do it right?” he asked me.
I could feel my ears getting red, as they always do when I’m embarrassed, but I nodded.
“That’s good,” Cool said with a slow, condescending tone. He crossed his arms thinking of what to say next.
“Sure I would,” I snapped. “I’d have to be stupid not to be interested.”
“She’s nice looking, right? That body’s tight. It’s okay, B. She’s mind fucked by Z. You can say whatever you want and she won’t remember.”
I caught her smiling at me and suddenly felt fourteen years-old and huddled around a camp fire, playing truth or dare with a group of other teens.
But Cool Hand wasn’t done yet, “So we’re halfway there. This is sweet, in a way.”
“I guess now you ask me if I’d tap his ass,” Apogee blurted, surprising me.
“Sort of, but it’s pretty obvious that you would,” Cool said.
“You think?” she wondered.
“If I get mad action, and I’m a normal dude, imagine mister Viking GQ cover-boy here. He must get so much tail its sick. Am I right or am I right? Dude must have Herpes in three different languages.”
“Cool, maybe you should go check on Zundergrub,” I snapped not liking the direction he was taking the whole conversation in. I always found that talking about other women not only doesn’t make the girl you’re with jealous, but it drives them away like the plague. But Apogee wasn’t offended or bothered by the insinuation, nor was she offended by the talk of diseases, which she simply found hilarious. Her laughter was explosive, full body, and infectious. Cool had her in stitches.
“I’m just saying,” Cool went on, oblivious to my uneasiness. “Apogee, do chicks say tap that ass and shit like that?”
“Not really, no,” Apogee said with distasteful grimace. “Don’t get me wrong, we can be as nasty guys. Like, when it comes to guys we use fuckable or fine. But if he’s real hot, then we might say he’s superfine.”
“Oh, this is good stuff.”
“If you’re about to ask her if I’m-” I started but Cool quickly interrupted.
“Dude B. Chill man. This is fucking gold here.”
“I’d rather if-” my second attempt to stop him from where he was going also met with failure.
“You gotta trust me with this, dog,” he butted in. “So where were we? Oh, yeah: fuckable, fine, superfine. So is that like a ranking system? You know, like, fuckable for the dudes that you’d mercy fuck, fine are like the next stage and superfine for the guys you want to strip you naked right there. Like, superfine is worth breaking open a new bottle of lube.”
Apogee laughed, “Kind of like that. Yeah, that sort of works.”
“So...?” Cool asked, motioning to me.
“Superfine,” she said and added after a short a pause, “Totally.”
“Nice! See? I told you I was on to something. Pity she’s gonna forget all this shit. So you would fuck this dude, but what about me, I’m at least fine, right?”
“Cool...”
“B, I have to know, you know? In case something happens to you, I got your back.”
Apogee was thoroughly enjoying the whole thing. “Definitely fine,” she added.
Cool was beaming, his grin flashing from ear to ear.
“Well, my work here is done. I think I’ll give you guys some privacy to, you know, get better acquainted. And dude I recommend you pull out unless you got a rubber in one of your gadget pockets there. This chick pregnant would be like the worst thing ever.”
Cool dove back into the water and swam off into the lake, leaving me alone with her on the shoreline. Her giggling slowly trailed off and after a while, the silence became eerie. So strange, in fact that I thought she had gotten up silently and left me there by myself. I turned, but she was still there, her head cocked back and eyes closed, enjoying the breeze on her face.
I didn’t know what to say after “The Cool Hand Show” so I stayed quiet. A minute or two passed before she spoke, startling me, “We were in a hotel room.”
“Yes?”
“Did we...?”
“No,” I said. “I thought you said you remembered everything.”
“Sort of,” she said. “It comes and goes.” Then she drifted off again before continuing, “Basketball, we were watching basketball.”
I nodded.
“Do you like women’s basketball?” she asked, making me laugh aloud.
“Didn’t use to.”
She looked out at Cool Hand as well, who noticing our gaze, started acting like a clown, pretending he was drowning. But I could tell her mind was wondering, racing through the flood of memories that were coming back.
Zundergrub’s ritual had been unfinished, and apparently starting to wear off altogether, but it had caused damage.
“You bought me clothes,” she said, remembering our trip to the mall, then suddenly blushed, probably recalling when I had guessed her bra size. I chuckled, remembering her face when she saw I knew her size. But she turned away and I noticed her wipe a tear away.
“I’m sorry for everything, Apogee.”
I should have knocked her out and left her in that stolen car when I had the chance. Now this poor girl was stuck halfway across the galaxy, or in some different dimension because of me.
“I remember a dark room,” she started. “I think it was in the bottom of the rocket ship...” Apogee trailed off as she gathered her thoughts. “You were fighting them. You were fighting Zundergrub. You were trying to kill him.”
I nodded, watching the tide slowly ripple in.
“That was when he mind wiped you,” I said. And when he ruined everything, I wanted to add.
“You were trying to help me.”
I smiled, still looking away, not wanting to make eye contact.
“I promise you; I’m not letting him do that to you again.”
* * *
The alien riders trailed us the rest of the afternoon, following as we walked around the lake towards a small estuary that flowed away, the most likely place for us to cross and head to the village. One time, Cool Hand lost his patience and charged at them, but they couched lances and readied for a charge, making him cower back to us with their deep laughter echoing the breeze.
I kept up the pace toward the narrowest point of the river, not even looking back to make sure the others stayed with me. There was no good ground to make a stand, so one spot was as good as any. The plan was to stay beside the river, with the water at our backs and try fording point in the narrow of the river. I figured having the water behind us would neutralize any charge against us by riders, so we walked only a few yards from the shoreline, my eyes never wavering from our nearest enemies.
Ahead of the larger group, now slightly in front of us, rode a big bastard, probably the largest man I’ve ever seen in my life, though I had no way of telling what he actually was behind that armor. He rode one of those skink lizard things, but this one was more decorated than the others, with all sorts of trappings adorning his mount with trophies from his victories.
The plan became worthless, as he and his riders saw what we intended and rode forward, cutting off our escape across the river and the group behind pulled up and spread out, herding us towards their companions.
“Now what?” Apogee wondered.
“Haha,” I started, “can you and Cool take the ones behind us?”
“Got it,” Cool said, his back to mine.
“Me a
nd Apogee will take the ones in front,” I said moving forward, as a shadow moved overhead. Several winged beasts soared toward us, creatures like the manta ray that tried to kill me only small enough to serve as a mount for a man-sized humanoid. One detached from the formation and came closer. It flew across the field landing near the worm riders, and a figure jumped off from a harness attached to the beast, letting the manta rise up to join the other riders.
If I thought the leader of the riders was formidable, he was overshadowed by this newcomer. This fellow wore gleaming silver armor with long strakes like spines, jutting out the back. At his hip lay a sword that was easily twice my size. He was a different species, bigger than the other riders. A biped with legs were reversed like a chicken’s, he was tall and powerful. His arms were free of armor, roped with thick muscle. He took off his magnificent helm as he strode towards the riders, revealing a strange reptilian head, with a trailing edge of resplendent gold and silver feathers.
The riders deferred to him, bowing their heads as he berated them, gesticulating wildly with his sword. The newcomer was so loud I could hear him speak, and repeat several times to his browbeaten warriors the words, “Gor Narhalkas.”
So I yelled, “Gor Narhalkas.”
“What are you doing?” Apogee asked.
The leader looked at me, surprised, and strode in our direction. His face was terrifying, with multiple scars on his pale gray skin. His features were strange, but humanoid, and everything was where it would be on my body, except for the second and third pair of black eyes beside the originals, like a row across his temples. The leader’s hair was black, and long, but soon I saw that it was mostly a mane that formed as a ring around his whole face, and worked its way back down his body, mostly concealed by his armor, except for some long strands that swirled behind him.
His armor was magnificent and terrifying. The metal plates over his body were almost alive, moving and shifting in response to his movements. Whatever metals it was comprised of appeared liquid, with a flowing design as if formed in a wind tunnel before the metal had dried, giving him the appearance of incredible forward speed, even though he sauntered at us. A red phoenix-like design danced his broad chest, as if the emblem was alive. The rear facing spikes, were longer nearer to his neck, and gave him the appearance of having wings.
It was his sword that concerned me the most. A ten foot-long weapon with a blade that was as tall as I was. At the hilt, three bladders, like enormous ruby-colored organs pulsed with power, sending magical flames across the length of the sword. He held it in his powerful right gauntlet, as if it weighed nothing. I saw he had a second such weapon, an exact replica only two-thirds as long, on his hip.
When he closed near enough that he already towered over me, he dug his weapon into the ground and spoke to me in his strange language.
It regarded us one by one, unimpressed by Apogee’s beauty, nor any of us as warriors, and gave a menacing chuckle as he pointed at me and clenched his fist.
I stepped forward, pointed at him and clenched my fist right back.
He smiled and turned back to his troops, shouting at them in his strange tongue. His men all laughed, but he turned back to me, flashing an awful maw of jagged teeth.
“You and me, big guy,” I said.
If he understood, I don’t know, but he picked up his sword and waved it over at the group, pointing it at Apogee and spoke again. It was either a threat to their lives, and a boast of what he would do to her once I was dead, or a promise that they would live should I defeat him. I imagined it was the former. His troops howled and beat weapons against their shields in anticipation.
I nodded, hoping I understood what he meant.
“Are you crazy?” Apogee said. “Don’t do this, Blackjack, let’s charge him!”
“He wants me, Apogee. I’m the only one that looks like a warrior.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” she swore.
“That’s our element of surprise,” Mr. Haha said.
“There’s too many,” I shouted back. “And Zundergrub is fucking useless.”
“What if he kills you?” Apogee said.
I winked at her, “No chance of that.”
The big fellow was inching around me, already preparing. I circled opposite to him, ready to dodge that big-ass sword. Suddenly he stood straight, lowering his sword and said something in his strange language. He drew his off-hand weapon, a smaller copy of the sword he held, and threw it on the floor at me. He stepped back and motioned for me to retrieve it.
I picked it up, and bowed my head to him in thanks, and gave the weapon a few swings. It was flawless, much lighter than it appeared, but too unwieldy for me to hold it one-handed. Thankfully, the handle was big so I could hold it as an oversized two-hander.
“That thing is going to embarrass him,” I overheard Apogee saying to Cool Hand.
The big bastard placed his huge hand on his chest and introduced himself; “Narhalkas.”
“Blackjack,” I said, mimicking the gesture.
He bowed slightly, repeating my name so that it sounded like “Brackshock”, and opened his legs into a ready stance. The preliminaries were over.
I was wielding an unfamiliar weapon, fighting an enemy who was obviously a master of swordplay, so I figured I might start the fight defensive.
He inched forward and flashed his weapon at me twice, not coming close enough to hit me, but gauging my response time. Both times he was faster than I was even able to react.
Realizing my lack of skill and speed, he flashed again, this time once from the high left, which I managed to bat away before it took my ear, and again from the right, this time low. The second blow was blinding fast, too fast for me to swing the weapon around, so I dove over it, rolled along the high grass, and came to my feet.
My enemy smiled, cocking his head in acknowledgement of my maneuver, but I knew he was playing with me. If I knew what I was doing, I should have parried that low blow easily, but instead he almost took my legs off. He circled in, this time from my right, and came at me with a series of strong blows at my flank. I swung my sword out and the weapons clashed in the air, once and twice, then he spun and swung an even stronger blow along the same line, but again my weapon held.
I shuffled back, away from my group, and he continued his assault with a graceful jump in the air, swinging downward to finish me once and for all. I could have dodged, but I think that’s what he had planned, remembering my last maneuver. Instead, I stood my ground and lifted my sword to parry his blow.
He landed, the metal clang ringing across the plain. I used all my strength to hold his strike, but he still pushed me back a few steps with his ferocity.
Despite being larger than me, he was far more coordinated than I was, and almost as strong. But I would have a hard time bringing my superior strength to bear in a sword fight and he didn’t give me much time to stop and think; pushing forward with strong stabs at my midsection that I could only bat away weakly while continuing to retreat. Fighting a retreating enemy only made him more aggressive, pressing the offensive, with a wide overhead swing that I sidestepped to my left. He followed up with a cross slash in the very direction I had moved and I stabbed my sword at his, in a pathetic attempt to block it. I was lucky his blade caught on my hilt or the blow would have skewered me.
I wasn’t fast enough to stop his counter, stepping in and stabbing, taking advantage that my sword arm over extended. I batted his weapon away with my hand, almost slashing my fingers off. I recoiled, shaking my hand as blood poured out of the wound, but he didn’t relent. Even though I was in full retreat, he pressed on, overextending himself. His next slash was at my head and I easily ducked under, but it was a feint for a quick reverse right back at my chest. I had no answer for the wide loping blow that was about to gut me, except to dive into the swing’s arc. I dropped my sword and dove into him, for the first time on offense, grabbing his swinging arm and using my back and rump to hurl him over me.
>
He floated through the air, flying almost thirty feet, and fell amidst his companions in a cloud of dirt and grass. I picked up the borrowed sword and ran over to him as he woozily got to his feet.
The other riders spread out, forming a semi-circle around us, as he readied himself. I didn’t attack outright, first trying to see if I had hurt him at all. The alien had landed awkwardly, and I wasn’t sure how resilient it was. I watched it get up and it was indeed hurt, stretching its left shoulder slowly. He was covered in black dirt, and his rear strakes were bent and twisted, a few had ripped off and lay embedded to the ground.
He shook the dirt off and faced against me again, shouting something at his troops. They moved back, so I guess he was telling them to keep off me.
For now.
His best bet was full offense, and I was ready for him to unleash his attack. My left hand bled freely, and I made it seem that it was affecting me worse than it actually was. I held my sword one-handed with my right, and kept my left low, almost protecting it.
He couldn’t resist, and did another of his flying attacks, covering the distance between us with his sword reared back. I moved in again, this time much more aggressively, and into his aerial arc. Instead of using my sword, I ducked my head and buried my shoulder into his legs, toppling him over. He crashed to the ground again.
To the alien’s credit, he recovered fast, fast enough to block my clumsy swing and retort with a nasty slash that clipped my chin, and sent me reeling back. Blood now flowed down my face and neck. It was a tiny gash against my tough skin, but I guess he caught an important blood vessel. He smiled and went at me again, this time staying as far back as he could, letting his long arms and weapon do their dirty work. At distance he was easier to parry and avoid which the only two things I had done with any skill so far. Keeping me back allowed him to set the pace, though, try to tire me out and wait for me to bleed out.
After his first surge of blows, four quick swings at my flanks, boxing me in, I assaulted right through the middle. But he was expecting that, launching a brutal kick that caught me in the face, and sent me reeling backwards.