Money-Makin' Mamas 2

by Silk Smooth

  “I’m sorry,” he said with pain that I had never seen before in his eyes. “Forgive me for what I did to you.”

  Honey lowered his head again to my breasts, but I raised his head. My eyes searched into his. “I . . . I can’t forgive you, but I love yo’ ass so goddamn much that this shit is scary. For my own sanity, I just have to get away from you.”

  A tear slipped from the corner of my eye and Honey kissed it. I could feel his dick split me open and that was when he responded. “Leaving is your choice, not mine. If you have to get away, do so. Just not tonight. Tonight, you belong to me.”

  You damn right I did. I had been fighting my feelings for Honey for so damn long that it was destroying me. I kept telling myself that this was all about Mama, but it wasn’t. It was about the both of them. I hated their connection. I hated that he was my stepbrother even if we didn’t share the same blood. I had no goddamn business loving him or fucking him like this. I wanted to stop loving him, but I couldn’t. I wanted to end this, but it was so damn hard to walk away. I was upset with Mama because she said no to Honey, but I said yes. Yes, I wanted me some Honey. All of him, but he made me so crazy. He was like a drug to me that I was fighting to let go of. I didn’t want to appear weak, foolish or as a stupid bitch who ignored the kind of nigga she was dealing with. I never wanted him to know how much I loved him, but there I was tonight, playing the love game and spilling those words that I was never to say to anyone else, over and over again. As he fucked the shit out of me, I said it louder and louder. Loud enough for him to take it and run with it, and for every goddamn person in the house to hear it. I loved me some Honey, and there wasn’t a damn thing that anybody could do, not even a motherfucking bullet, that could change that. Period.

  Honey tore into my pussy for what seemed like hours. By the time things started to settle down, it was almost midnight. I lay naked in his arms, feeling awkward but protected. The room was silent and all that was going on between us was a bunch of foot rubbing underneath the sheets. Honey finally pulled away from me and sat up.

  “I need to go back downstairs and finish up a few things. I’ll be turning in shortly, though, but you know we’ll talk more tomorrow before you leave.”

  I nodded, but couldn’t even gather my thoughts to say anything. Honey got out of bed and put his jeans back on. He winked at me before walking out the door and resuming to his business.

  I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling and thinking. My mind was racing a mile a minute, only because I knew there were several issues that I had to resolve. The one thing that I was taught was to do to others, what they did to you. That kept playing in my head, as well as what had happened throughout the night.

  After telling Honey that I loved him over and over again, not once . . . not one time did he say it back to me. That shit hurt like hell, and even though the dick was good, it wasn’t enough. I wanted him to handle that situation with Simone for me, but I decided to go at it alone. It was the least I could do, and then I would get the fuck out of here for real.

  As the clock ticked away, I waited until it was around three o’clock in the morning before I made my next move. I turned on the screen, seeing that Honey’s office was now empty. I grabbed a duffle bag with some of my clothes in it and put it on my shoulder. In a dark blue hoodie and jeans, I tiptoed down the hallway and cracked the door to Honey’s bedroom. I could see the white sheet resting on his muscular frame and he was sound asleep. I reached for the silencer that was tucked behind me and aimed it right at him on the bed.

  While I was deeply in love with Honey, I couldn’t let go of the fact that he had not regretted shooting me. At any given chance, he would do it again, per Mama. Next time, I might not be this lucky. I couldn’t ignore that he had been causing me so much pain and that he just didn’t seem to fucking care about anything but my pussy. It saddened me to do this, and as the tears began to roll down my face, I pulled the trigger. Two bullets pierced his midsection, and I rushed away from the door, closing it behind me.

  I moved down the stairs so quickly that when I saw a shadow, it completely caught me off guard. I bumped right into the person, and when I looked up and saw Honey, I staggered backward. He was eating a sandwich.

  “So, I guess you were going to leave me without saying good-bye,” he said.

  I know my skin had to be pale as ever. My eyes were wide and I tried my best to read him. If he wasn’t the motherfucker in his bed, who was it? I didn’t bother to ask, nor did I reply to him. I rushed out the front door, leaving it wide open and broke out in a sprint. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. Didn’t know where I was going, but I just kept on running. Before I knew it, I was miles away from Honey’s crib and I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack as I hid underneath some stairs in an apartment complex.

  By now, I pictured the scene at Honey’s crib. The police were there, and a dead body was being hauled away. Honey was mad as hell, and he probably figured out that the bullet was supposed to be for him. I figured that Mama had been called and the both of them would be out to get me. All of that shit swam in my head, along with the check for a million dollars. It was the only way I could get out of Chicago for good and I knew it. I couldn’t wait until the bank opened, just so I could hurry the fuck in there and try to do something with this check, before Mama or Honey shut things down. Unfortunately for me, though, the shit didn’t go according to my plans. Somebody had gotten to the bank before I did. A stop payment had been issued on the check, and my own personal account that I used for my video porn services had a negative five-dollar balance. Needless to say, I was ass out. All I could do was sit on the bench at a nearby park and cry my eyes out.

  “I’ll be muthafuckin’ damned!” I shouted and pounded my legs at the same time.

  * * *

  I was supposed to be a survivor, but after living on the streets for almost two weeks, with no place to go, I was starting to lose my mind. I really and truly didn’t see how homeless people could do this shit. I found myself, just like them, eating whatever I could find to fill my stomach, stealing food from stores, and laying my head wherever I could.

  I had surely fucked up, and I don’t think I had cried this much in my entire life. All I’d had to my name was the clothes I’d had in the duffle bag, plus the ones I was wearing. Without a bath or shower, I was starting to smell myself. My shoulder was getting sore, my short hair was starting to get nappy, and my feet were killing me from all of the walking I’d done. I just couldn’t walk anymore. I did, however, walk to a nearby shelter that fed the homeless on Sunday morning.

  The line was so long, but I had no other choice but to wait. I looked at the people in line, feeling so out of place. No one said anything to each other out of shame and stress . . . basically, each person that I saw exemplified somebody who had had a rough life.

  A life that I really didn’t know much about. Looking at this shit, I’d had it made. Maybe I did, but I had to do something to get back on my feet. My mind wasn’t calculating fast enough what my next move should be, but that was because my stomach needed to be taken care of first.

  When I got inside, the food line moved pretty quickly. The people serving the food seemed nice, and they kept smiling at me. I lowered my head in shame, unable to look anyone in the room eye-to-eye. I thanked the last lady who put a carton of apple juice on my tray, and I walked away to find a seat.

  I was shocked by how crowded the room was, and so many mothers were there with their children. I began to wonder how those mothers felt having no place to go with their children, or how those children felt sitting in this room with a bunch of weird looking people who probably scared them.

  With not too many places to sit, I chose to sit at a table with a woman and two of her kids. She was a black woman who looked pretty decent, but again, you could tell that life had gotten to her. Her nails were dirty, her hair was matted, and the way she was chomping on the food implied that she hadn’t eaten in a while. Her kids were getting down t
oo, and when I sat at the table they both looked over at me.

  “Do you mind if I sit here?” I asked the lady.

  “No, I don’t mind at all. Have a seat.”

  I sat down and couldn’t wait to dive into the food that looked pretty good to me. The servers seemed very generous, and they piled my plate with sausage, grits, eggs, and three pancakes. I even had some fruit, too, so I started with that first. The kids kept on eyeing me as I ate, and their stares made me a bit nervous. The little girl’s eyes were big and round, and her sandy-brown thick hair was braided in two nappy ponytails. I wanted to take her hair down and comb it myself, but I knew the mother would be offended.

  As for the little boy, he was so adorable. His afro was full of naps and there was a bruise underneath his eye. I wondered how it got there, and as I was in deep thought about what this family had been through, I found myself staring at them more than they stared at me. I finally smiled at the little boy and he blushed.

  “Boy, eat yo’ food and stop flirtin’ with that young lady,” his mother said.

  He swung his legs underneath the table and kept smiling at me. “But she’s so pretty Mama. Ain’t she pretty?”

  His comment made me feel like a million bucks. I had been feeling like shit, and this was the first time I had a smile on my face in quite some time.

  “Yes, she is pretty, but please eat yo’ food. There ain’t no tellin’ when we gon’ be able to eat again.”

  Her words put a frown on my face, but I thanked the little boy for his compliment. Knowing that they might not have anything to eat after this broke my heart. Damn, this was so fucked up. I had to find out this woman’s story, so I spoke up.

  “You have some beautiful kids,” I said. “But if you don’t mind me askin’, why are y’all here? My name is Karrine, by the way. Karrine Douglas.”

  I extended my hand to the woman and she shook it. “Patricia Simmons,” she said. “And I guess we’re here for the same reasons you’re here. I’m down on my luck and I didn’t have any access to food.”

  “How long has it been like this for you? I mean, you kind of look like you’ve been really goin’ through somethin’.”

  She sighed and chewed on her food. “I have, but God is good and I know he’s goin’ to pull me through this. This is only temporary, but I have faith that we’ll someday find a home and have all of the food we can eat at our table.”

  She looked at her kids with a smile, trying to give them hope too. They smiled back at her. I’m sure believing that all would be well.

  “I’m a little down on my luck too,” I said. “But I should be okay. I know you came here to eat, but where are you stayin’? I don’t mean to be nosey or anything, but I just want to know, because I’m lookin’ for a place to stay too.”

  “I’m currently livin’ in this shelter, but unfortunately they are full. You may want to try the one about five or six blocks from here. They may be full too, but it’s worth a try.”

  I nodded, and as me and the woman continued to chat with each other, she loosened up and told me how she’d gotten to this point. Bottom line, her husband was on drugs and he took everything they’d had. He abused her, as well as her children. That was why the little boy had a black eye. She had finally left her husband for good, because their situation had never been this bad. She even admitted that her husband had abused her kids before, and said that she’d felt guilty for not leaving him a long time ago.

  “I should have left when my baby told me what he’d done to her,” she cried and dabbed her eyes with the shirt she was wearing. “I was such a fool. A fool for love, but now I’m payin’ the price. But like I said, it’s gon’ be all right, though. I’ll get through this, and I’m never goin’ back to that fool again.”

  I reached across the table and touched the woman’s trembling hand. “No need to cry. It will be okay, just hang in there. You and your kids, all right?”

  She nodded, and I couldn’t believe all of what the woman had told me she had been through. I looked at my situation and wanted to slap myself for thinking that life had dealt me a shitty hand. While I definitely had setbacks, it was nothing like this. It was nothing like what the people around me had probably been through, and I figured that this was my reality check. A big, fucking wakeup call that I needed at this moment in time.

  I finished my food, and after telling the nice family that it was a pleasure meeting them, I got up from the table and dumped my tray. I noticed several people staring at me, but I walked up to one of the nice ladies who had served my food earlier.

  “Excuse me. Can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked.

  “Sure,” she said, walking away from the others to see what I wanted. “What can I help you with, young lady?”

  “This is kind of embarrassin’, but I was wonderin’ if there was anywhere around here where I can take a shower? I’m kind of—”

  The lady cut me off and told me to follow her. With my duffle bag on my shoulder, I followed behind her to a nearby bathroom. She opened the door and pointed to several showers that lined the wall.

  “There’s really not much privacy in here, but it is a woman’s restroom. I don’t know where any towels would be, but maybe you have something in your bag you can use. I hope this helps.”

  “It does. Thank you.”

  The woman smiled and left the bathroom. I didn’t care who came into the bathroom, I stripped the soiled clothes from my body and hurried into the shower. I couldn’t believe how spectacular the warm water felt beating down on my body. I felt like I had died and gone to Heaven, it felt so good. I thought about how crazy it is for some people to not have access to a shower. But it was true, and I was witnessing just how tough out here it really was.

  I washed my body with my hands, and after thirty long minutes, the water had turned ice cold on me. I used one of my clean shirts in my duffle bag to dry off with, and chose to put on another pair of jeans and a white wife beater. I went without panties, but I did have another bra.

  Almost ten minutes after my shower, I left out the back door and got on my way. I stopped by the other shelter that was only a few blocks away, but they were full too. At this point, I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go. I kept thinking about Mama, my sisters, Honey, the man I had killed in his bedroom, and the lady with those kids. I was starting to realize what a fool I’d been, and this lady’s situation didn’t seem much different from Mama’s. I guess she could have been in a shelter with us too, but she’d somehow made a way out of no way.

  With the way Ray had done Mama, we could have been living in a homeless shelter, but we weren’t. Those kids would die to live in the house I’d lived in, but then again, so would I right now. But I refused to go back and deal with Mama. I just couldn’t do it—and by now, she probably wanted me dead.

  For the rest of the day I sat in the park reading a book. I went to the grocery store and stole some food to grub on, and then I sat in front of a bank that I was seriously considering robbing. It was either that, or rob somebody else, just to get some kind of money in my pockets. That was the only way for me to make a move, and with the gun I’d had in my duffle bag, I figured I could get a car, money, or something that would help me get out of the situation of being on the streets.

  But for whatever reason, I didn’t really want to go that route. Been there, done that. I had ridiculed Mama for taking me down a shaky path, but there I was, contemplating doing bad things. But what other choice did I have? Not many, so when the night crept upon me, I stalked the streets, trying to find my first victim. I lucked up on a black man, driving an expensive car and wearing fine clothes. I suspected that his wallet was fat, and his money and car could be my ticket to the next city.

  As I watched my prey from a distance, he was sitting in his car while on the cell phone. His attention seemed focused on the caller, and by the time I rushed up to the car and tapped the window with the gun, he was shocked. The cell phone dropped in his lap and he held
his hands in front of him.

  My black hoodie covered my head, and I gritted my teeth while holding the gun steady, ready to shoot. “Nigga, put yo’ wallet on the seat next to you and slowly get the fuck out of the car. If you try anything stupid, I will blow your fuckin’ brains out, so be real careful.”

  The man lifted himself from the seat and pulled out his wallet, showing it to me before he tossed it on the seat. He then opened the door with ease and put one of his feet on the ground.

  “Please don’t hurt me,” he said in a very calm tone. “You can have whatever you want. Just let me know.”

  I had to move quickly, because I could see headlights from a car coming. “Four digit password to your credit card with the most money available. I have your information, so don’t get tricky, nigga, and give me the wrong shit.”

  “Seven, one, five, five,” he said then slowly moved away from the car.

  I kept the gun on him, but as the car with the headlights came closer, the motherfucking sirens came on. I couldn’t believe this shit. I had to break out running, fast. I turned to look behind me, and I’ll be damned if a police officer wasn’t coming from behind me. Mama always said that running track in high school would come in handy one day, and it damn sure did. I cut several corners, trying to hold on to my duffle bag that kept slipping from my shoulder. I bumped into several people and even fell on my ass when I slipped on something wet on the ground. I looked back, and the police were at a distance now. When I turned into an alley, I knew I had lost him. I could hear many police sirens and I knew they were close by. Completely out of breath, I bent over and put my hands on my knees. I took deeps breaths and wiggled my toes that felt as if they were burning inside of my tennis shoes. I didn’t know if the coast was clear or not, so I waited. I waited for about an hour and sat low on some concrete steps that led to somebody’s basement. Trash was boiling over in a Dumpster, and the smell of the alley made me sick to my stomach.