by Silk Smooth
While on the steps, I searched my duffle bag for my cap and I removed my hoody. I was just about ready to close my bag, when I saw a big-ass rat down by my feet. I jumped up and got the fuck away from those steps. I was nowhere in the clear, and when I hurried down the alley, I saw a white, scraggly-looking man coming my way. Something about him didn’t appear to be right, and the wicked look in his shifty eyes said that I’d better quickly move in another direction. The last thing I wanted to do was show fear, but I couldn’t help it. This street shit wasn’t for me, and it was straight up a goddamn jungle out here.
I lowered my head, trying my best not to make eye contact with the man. But when I attempted to walk by him, he moved over to block my path.
“I need a cigarette,” he said, showing his yellow stained rotten teeth. “You got one?”
“No.” I tried to go around him, but that didn’t work. He grabbed my arm and I couldn’t believe how strong the man’s grip was. Before I knew it, he shoved me to the ground, and what I’d thought he wanted, he didn’t take. What he took was my duffle bag, then he broke out running with it.
It didn’t matter to me that he’d had my bag, until I realized that my gun was inside of there. There I was trying to rob somebody, but then I turned around and got robbed my fucking self.
This was truly it for me. It was either call Mama or call Honey. I didn’t know who to call first, but I knew that I needed somebody’s help. Chyna or Simone would definitely come help me, but I didn’t want to risk Simone leaving the house with her stalker on the loose. The more I’d thought about it, with Chyna, she would probably bring Mama with her, and I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to deal with Mama right now. That was why I made the decision to reach out to Honey. After making it through one more night, I was going to break down and call him, in hopes that he would be able to help me. I knew it was a big risk to take, but I had to do something.
That night, I didn’t even sleep. I had no money, no gun for protection, and no more changing clothes. My eyes were tired in the morning and I felt sick to my stomach. Maybe the fucking food at the homeless shelter was making me sick, or the fact that I hadn’t eaten much since yesterday besides a glazed donut that I had found in a bag that was in the trash. I was so woozy that I staggered to a nearby drugstore and asked the young woman behind the register, who looked to be about the same age as me, if she had a phone I could use.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I don’t have money for a payphone to call home.”
The young black woman looked me over, seeming to feel sorry for me. “My phone is in the back. Follow me and I’ll go get it for you.”
She stepped away from the counter then told me to wait by the door that read EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE. I waited and looked around at the frozen food section that made me lick my lips. My stomach was still queasy, though, and for whatever reason, my eyes shifted to the row of feminine products, particularly a pregnancy test. I walked over to it and picked it up. Just to be sure, I slipped it into my back pocket and continued to wait for the young lady to bring me her phone. Minutes later, she came out of the door and gave the phone to me.
“I need to get back to my register, but once you’re done with my phone, you can bring it to me.”
“Thank you so much,” I said. “I only need to make one call.”
The chick went back to her register, and needing to keep her phone so badly, I stayed away from her register, then snuck by her and walked out the door. I needed some privacy first, so I made a quick turn down an alley and stood behind a Dumpster. I opened the box with the pregnancy test in it and dropped my jeans to pee on the stick.
Still feeling queasy and nervous at the same time, my eyes filled with water when I saw the results. I threw the stick on the ground, along with the box, and hurried to pull up my jeans. I was so emotional when I punched in Honey’s cell phone number, and I was thankful that he answered.
“Honey, I need you right now,” I cried. “I need for you to come get me before—”
The call dropped. That was what I’d thought, but then I realized that he’d hung up on me. I called back twice before he answered again.
“Karrine, I don’t give a fuck what you need! Don’t—”
“Please don’t hang up!” I shouted while wiping the snot and tears that were pouring over my trembling lips. “I’m so sorry, and you have to believe me when I say that to you! Just come get me, please. I need you!”
I wiped my face and waited for him to speak, because there was silence.
“Honey, please! I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into, and I never meant to hurt anyone. Who . . . who did I kill? Tell me, because I am so, so sorry.”
“Where in the fuck are you?”
I told Honey where I was and he ended the call. For now, all I could do was pace the alley, hoping that he would come soon.
For the next forty-five minutes, I kept going to the end of the alley, looking in both directions. The chick’s phone that I’d had kept ringing, but none of the numbers were coming from Honey’s phone, so I didn’t bother to answer. I suspected it was her, calling to see where I had gone to with her phone. I’d thought about calling Chyna, too, but I wanted to talk to Honey first.
I walked back down the alley, holding my stomach and thinking about being pregnant. This was just too damn much. And what if I had killed the father of my damn child? I was becoming more and more like Mama every day, and I hated it. I didn’t know what I was going to do with this child, and Lord knows the chaos that this shit would bring about.
As I was in thought, I heard screeching tires and quickly turned around. Honey’s SUV was speeding down the alley, and when he spotted me from a distance, he slammed on the brakes. I was nervous as fuck when I saw him hurry out of the truck and slam the door. His locs were tied back and covered with a bandana, and the jeans he rocked hung low on his waist. The tank shirt he wore showed the muscles in his arms, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t moved by his sexiness. Even the mean stare locked on his face could do him no harm, and when he rushed up to me, I couldn’t believe that the first thing he did was slap the shit out of me with the back of his hand. The blow was so hard that I dropped down to one knee. He stood over me and gripped the back of my neck while squeezing it. He then pulled me up to look at him. I could taste blood stirring in my mouth, and I licked blood from my cracked lip.
“Bitch, how dare you fucking call me for help after what you did? You think I’m some silly muthafucka you can keep toying with? Is that what you think?”
I wanted to speak up, but Honey dragged me to the passenger’s side of his truck and opened the door. He slammed my head on the seat, and as I was bent over, he stood behind me. He brought forth his gun and pressed the cold tip of it against my temple.
“You wanted me dead, but guess what? I want you dead, too. So does your mother, and you know damn well how I like to give her what she wants.”
Tears soaked my face as he put pressure on my head, holding it down. Maybe him killing me wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all, but I surely didn’t want to go out like this.
“I’m so . . . sorry,” I said very choked up. “I . . . I made a mistake, Honey, and I’m askin’ for your forgiveness.”
“A mistake?” he said, adding more pressure to my head that he was trying to flatten like a pancake. The pressure made my head feel like my brain was about to bust, and I could barely breathe. “You didn’t make no goddamn mistake! What you did was fuck up, bitch, you fucked up!”
“I know,” I agreed, accepting his words. “And if you want to kill me, go right ahead and do it. Just know that you’ll be killin’ your child too.”
Honey shouted out with laughter. “Is that all you got,” he said. “Come up with something better, Karrine. You are so damn full of shit!”
Honey cocked the gun and my eyes grew wide. Damn, didn’t this nigga hear what I’d just said.
“The Dumpster!” I shouted. “Go over to the Dumpster and look on the ground for th
e pregnancy test! You’ll see it over there, and if you want me to, I’ll take it again!”
Honey hesitated, but he released the gun from my temple. The pressure was lifted from my head and he backed inches away from me. “Stay right there. If you move, that’s gon’ be it for you.”
I didn’t dare move, and kept my head rested on the seat until he came back over to me, which was a few minutes later.
“Stand up and take your jeans off.”
I stood up and saw that he had the other pregnancy test in his hand. There were two tests in the box and he gave the stick to me. “Pee on this. Now!”
I took the stick from his hand and pulled down my jeans. I had just peed, so it took me awhile to do it again.
“Hurry the fuck up,” Honey shouted. “I don’t have all goddamn day!”
The tone of his voice made me nervous. I strained, and it was enough to release enough pee on the stick. I gave it to him without even looking at it then pulled my jeans back up.
With a frown on his face, Honey glared at the stick then tossed it to the side. “Get in the fucking car and shut the door,” he said.
I did as I was told, and he got in on the driver’s side, slamming the door again.
“Why the fuck you ain’t on no pills?” he asked.
“Because I’m not sexually active, and the only person I’ve had sex with for the past several years is you.”
Honey released a deep sigh and shook his head. “Damn, Karrine,” he yelled then slammed his hand on the steering wheel. “You know you killed my boy, BJ, don’t you? That nigga protected me, and his family trusted me. I had to go to them . . . go to his muthafuckin’ kids and family, and tell them a lie about somebody breaking into my crib and doing that shit to him. You put me in a fucked up situation. And why in the fuck would you try to kill me? I can’t believe that you would try to kill me, of all people!”
I defended my actions. “But you tried to kill me too, didn’t you?”
Honey hit the steering wheel again. “I told you that if I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead. But you damn sure wanted to kill me with that silencer you used, and the sad thing is, I’m so fucked up in the head right now that I don’t know why I’m even sitting in this goddamn truck talking to the enemy.”
“I’m far from bein’ your enemy, but I’ll let you figure out why you’re here. In the meantime, I was fucked up in the head too, and I wanted to pay you back for what you’d done to me. I was also upset that after spillin’ my guts to you about how I felt about you, you didn’t say shit. You left me to assume that you didn’t give a fuck about me, and the only thing I was to you was some ass. Whether you want to believe it or not, it’s because of you that my life is so complicated. I wanted to put this thing between us to rest, but I now know that that was a stupid thing to do. I can’t say I’m sorry enough about your friend, and whatever I can do to make things right with that situation, I will. Even if it means turnin’ myself in to the police, just so his family can have peace.”
Honey was thinking, hard. He kept sucking his teeth and looking over at me rolling his eyes. I saw them shift to my stomach, and that was when he released another sigh.
“First of all, if you know anything about me, Karrine, you know that I don’t go around sharing my feelings and playing the fucking love game. It ain’t me, so I don’t know what the hell you were expecting.”
“All I wanted you to say was that you cared for me too. You act like I wanted you to propose or something, but I didn’t. I just needed to hear you say something, and unfortunately, your dick was just not enough, especially when you’re known for spreadin’ it real thin.”
“You already know I care for you, so bump that shit. I’m not buying it, and you can’t force me to say things to you that I’m not prepared to say. On another note, it ain’t safe for you to come home with me right now. The door ain’t open to you at Mama’s house either. You need to chill somewhere, until I can figure out what it is that I need to do with you.”
“If you don’t think I should turn myself in to the police, all I need is some money and I’ll get out of your way. I know you hate me right now, and I hate myself too for doin’ all of this stupid stuff that has led me to this.”
“Stop all that damn sobbing and foolish talk about the police because it ain’t gon’ do you no good. I have no sympathy for you, and just so you know, yo’ ass ain’t going nowhere until we decide what to do with our baby. If you run again, Karrine, you gon’ wish I don’t find you.”
I sat, silent, as Honey drove to a nearby hotel and parked his truck. He told me to sit tight, and I did until he came back. I got out of the car and followed him into a hotel room that I was so delighted to see. All I wanted to do was take a hot bath and get some rest. After that, I guess we’d figure the other stuff out later.
“Stay here until I come back. I don’t know how long that will be, so you gon’ have to sit tight for a while. If you need me, you know the number.”
I nodded, but called his name on his way out the door. He turned around, still frowning and looking mad as ever.
“Thank you. And I know that I’m in no position to ask you for anything, but I need a couple of favors before you go.”
“You’re out of favors, Karrine. Don’t you know that?”
“I do, but this is important. Somebody is stalkin’ Simone and I need for you to find out who it is and deal with him.” I dug in my pocket and gave Honey the info I had written on the piece of paper. I wanted to deal with the situation myself, but with all that had happened, I couldn’t do a thing. “That’s his information. He knows where we live and Simone believes that he’s been watchin’ all of us. She doesn’t want to tell Mama, and as you can see, my hands are tied.”
Honey snatched the piece of paper from my hand and looked at it. He then put it inside of his pocket and folded his arms. “What else?” he asked.
“There’s a lady named Patricia Simmons who lives in the shelter on Nineteenth Street. She has two children and they need help really bad. I was wonderin’ if you would go in there and give her some money, and then offer her a place to stay in one of your rental properties. Just tell her that Karrine sent you, and she’ll know who I am.”
“I’m not doing no shit like that. And nobody stays in my shit for free.”
“Please, Honey. I’ll pay you back every last dime. I’ll even somehow pay the place you rent to her, just do that for me, okay? It doesn’t have to be no place spectacular, maybe one of your apartments with a few bedrooms and a nice kitchen. I’ve never asked you for anything, and this is so very important to me.”
I found a piece of paper on the desk in the hotel room and wrote the name of the shelter and the lady’s name on the paper, so he wouldn’t forget. “Here,” I said, reaching out to give the paper to him. He hesitated again, but snatched the paper from my hand.
“You know I have bigger things to worry about than this, don’t you?” he griped.
“I know you do, and I just added another little headache to your list, didn’t I? But before you go, just know this. Again, I apologize for what I’ve done, but I do love you, Honey. I love you even more now, but I don’t have to tell you why. Now go take care of whatever it is that you need to take care of, and I’ll be right here whenever you get back.”
It was so obvious that Honey was fighting his feelings for me too. He walked to the door, and without turning around, he spoke up.
“The kind of love you’re offering, I don’t want it. Waste your time with someone else, not with me. We’ll talk about the baby soon.”
He left, but that was all Mama talking, not him. I, too, was wondering how she was going to feel about this, if she ever really found out.
SIMONE
3
My stalker was starting to sound like a big-ass punk, who was all talk through messages and no action. I had started to fuck with him and respond to some of his messages. That seemed to make him more mad, and all he kept saying was that he couldn’t wait u
ntil I left the house. I still hadn’t gone anywhere, only because I didn’t want to take any chances.
Meanwhile, things had quieted down around here. Mama seemed more at ease, but she was gone a lot, more than she was at home. Me and Chyna had the house to ourselves, but I sure did miss Karrine around here. I hadn’t heard from her in a while, and it broke my damn heart. I kept asking Mama and Chyna if they’d heard from her, but none of them had either. I even left a voice mail message on Honey’s phone, but he never did call me back. But as I was sitting at the kitchen table with Chyna, eating some Chinese food, my phone rang and it was him. His words caught me off guard.
“If you don’t tell Mama what’s going on, I will. You have less than an hour to do it.”
“Huh?” I asked. “Excuse me, but what are you talkin’ about?”
“I’m talking about the person who is stalking you. If you know or suspect who it is, you need to say something now before it’s too late.”
I pursed my lips. “So Karrine told you about this, right? Where is she anyway?”
“She’s in good hands and you need not worry about her. What you need to do is worry about your stalker, because he’s serious about doing something to you.”
“Yeah, whatever. Bye Honey. Tell Karrine I said hello, but please let her know that I’m goin’ to get in her shit about sharin’ my business with you.”
Honey ended the call and Chyna looked across the table at me. I hadn’t said anything to her either, because I wasn’t trying to make this a big deal. At the time when I spoke to Karrine, my stalker had just sent me a message and I was bothered by it. That was the only reason I had said something to her.