by Silk Smooth
“We don’t know. We don’t fuckin’ know, but there ain’t no damn way she’ll survive somethin’ like that.”
“What happened?” Karrine had so much pain in her eyes.
Chyna started to tell her about how everything went down, including me and Mama’s argument. All I could do was stagger away from them. I cried out and dropped to my knees. More snot ran from my nose, and as my head was slumped near the floor, I began to pull my hair. I hated my fucking self, and it was my fault that my family was going through this. This shit was all on me, and I should have said something a long time ago about Blake. I shouldn’t have robbed his ass either, and shame on me for not thinking that this shit wouldn’t come back to haunt me.
As I lay on the floor losing it, I felt a hand on my back. “I can’t even say if it’s gon’ be okay or not, but don’t feel bad, Simone. We will always have each other, and what we got to do is stick together, no matter what.”
The sound of Karrine’s voice did me no good. Like a madwoman, I pulled out every strand of weave in my hair and rolled on my back, gagging. No matter how Karrine was looking at this, I had fucked up. Mama was dead, all because of me. At this point, I wanted to die too.
CHYNA
4
Life wasn’t the same without Mama around and so many things had changed. It had been six months ago since the incident in front of the house had taken place and the truth was that we still didn’t know if she was dead or alive. She had simply disappeared, and so had Honey. I don’t care how many times we had driven to his house to see if we could catch up with him, there was no sign of him. The only person who came to the door was that white chick Trice. I know she got sick of us stopping by, and it basically did us no good because she wasn’t upping any information. After a while, we stopped going by there. I figured if Mama wanted us to know that she was alive and well, she would tell us. It was as if she was really dead, though, and it was so hard for all of us to cope.
The video porn business was a wrap. I, eventually, started doing hair four days a week, and I had moved into the apartment that I had already had on a permanent basis. Karrine was still living at the hotel, and her tab had been covered for quite some time. She had a part-time job at a clothing store, selling shoes. She was into the fashion thing, so that job was right up her alley. She was still with child, so she’d found a job that wouldn’t put too much stress on her.
As for Simone, she had gone back to school, and she was working at Wal-Mart. It took me awhile to forgive my sister for withholding information about Blake, but I realized that anyone of us could have been put in that predicament. I couldn’t say that I would have said anything about a stalker either, but it was surely a decision that all of us regretted. Not only that, but we’d had regrets about so many other things too. I could go on and on about how we needed to get our shit together, but we had failed to do it. Our wakeup calls had come too late, so now we had to deal with the fact that Mama was gone, we didn’t know if Blake was still around or not, and Karrine would have to raise a child all by herself. Simone said that Blake had stopped messaging her, though, so that was good news. I certainly couldn’t pinpoint why he’d stopped, but it did make me more comfortable, going around and doing things.
On Friday evenings, me, Karrine, and Simone always met for dinner at Applebee’s. Now that everyone was living separately, we made it our business to meet up and chat. While we still talked to each other every single day, I looked forward to when Friday’s came so I could see my sisters. As always, I was the first one there. I sat at a booth, sipping on lemon water until I saw Karrine enter with her big ole belly. She looked so adorable pregnant, and Honey had no idea what he was missing. As she wobbled up to the table, I stood to give her a hug.
“Awww,” I said. “Don’t you look too cute in your new maternity outfit.”
“Cute wouldn’t be the word to describe me. I look like a fat pig and don’t you see how big my nose is gettin’?” She wiggled her nose. “Look at it.”
I laughed and shook my head. Karrine sat down and seconds later, Simone came in. I waved my hand so she could see us. She was still a diva and removed her shades as she headed our way. Her tight leather pants hugged her hips and the heels she wore made her extremely tall.
“Look at you, hooker,” I teased. “Where is your stripper pole at?”
“It’s at my man’s house. Waitin’ for me to swing on it again.”
We laughed and sat down to get the scoop on Simone’s new man she was telling us about. He was one of her professors at school and she seemed intrigued by him.
“He’s so smart,” she said. “And y’all already know I love me a smart man.”
“I guess,” I said, folding my arms. “As long as he got street smarts too. It don’t make sense to have book smarts and no street smarts.”
“I agree,” Karrine said. “I’ll take a street smart nigga any day, over a book smart one.”
Simone disagreed, but we picked up our conversation, after we ordered our food.
“No word from Honey yet?” I asked Karrine. “Not one single word, but he did take care of that lady at the shelter I told y’all about. I gave up on leavin’ him messages, and the funny thing is I don’t know if I’m angry about all of this or not. He and Mama have to be somewhere together. I truly believe that they are, and shame on them for not callin’ and sayin’ anything.”
“I know,” I said. “But then again, maybe he’s so upset with us that he don’t want anything else to do with us. Maybe she died and he just said to hell with us. That could be the case too.”
“I don’t know what to think,” Simone said. “I’ve thought about it over and over again, but I don’t want to give up hope. I keep thinkin’ that one day Mama is goin’ to walk through somebody’s door and say . . . bitches, I’m home! Get y’all muthafuckin’ asses up and clean my house!”
We all laughed.
“Right,” I said. “I miss her so much, and I just want one last chance to tell her how sorry I am for not understanding who she really was. We just didn’t have the average Mama y’all, but there was somethin’ so unique about Taffy Douglas that was very loving. No matter what, neither of us can deny that she always had our backs and then some. That woman loved us, and it’s so funny that I didn’t really see that shit until later.”
Karrine wiped several tears that ran down her face. “I know. And I feel so bad for the way I acted. I betrayed her time and time again, and now I have to live with that shit. The last time I saw her keeps playin’ in my head and I keep rememberin’ all the harsh shit I’d said.”
“Me too,” Simone added. “I keep thinkin’ about that day in the livin’ room. For the first time, I was about to hit her back. I hate talkin’ about this shit, because it is so damn tragic how you just don’t realize a good damn thing until it’s gone.”
“Well, I’ma keep hope alive,” I said then picked up my glass of water. So did Simone and Karrine and we held them up together. “Here’s to Mama. Wherever she is, may she get some peace, yet know that these bitches right here will forever love her.”
“Amen,” Simone said. “Don’t know love or show love, unless it’s for the love of our family.”
We drank to that and continued our sister-love dinner at Applebee’s.
TAFFY
5
Yeah, them bitches found out that I was alive and doing well, but not until after Karrine had the baby. There was no way that I was going to keep Honey away from his child, and I wasn’t going to stay away from my grandbaby either.
That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t stay away from my daughters, because I had not spoken to anyone, and they still didn’t know my whereabouts. I was far, far away from home, taking in the beautiful sun and the white sandy beaches. I spent most of my time by the poolside, sipping on Gin and a little juice, having the time of my life.
That’s right . . . my life. A life that had been put on the backburner for too long because I refused to let go of my daughters.
The problem was, them motherfuckers had to learn how to grow up. They had to learn responsibilities, and the only way they would learn to handle their own shit was if I wasn’t around. I still knew exactly what they’d been up to, and while they made nowhere near as much money as they had made from doing video porn, they was learning how to survive in a way that wasn’t so confrontational. That was fine with me, and it didn’t bother me not one bit that I was here, and they were there.
I was waiting by the poolside with my straw hat and a black sexy swimsuit on, my Prada glasses shielding my eyes from the sun. Honey was supposed to be here about an hour ago with my grandbaby, but he was late. When Karrine learned that I was alive, she wanted to speak to me, but I refused. All I wanted was to spend time with my grandbaby, and Karrine allowed that to happen.
I didn’t ask much about her and Honey’s relationship, but I knew that there wasn’t much going on with it, because Honey was spending most of his time at this house with me. There was too damn much going on in Chicago, especially after Honey murdered Blake, and we both thought it would be best for us to handle business from here. Honey remained the wonderful, loving, loyal, intelligent, sexy—y’all get the picture—son who would do just about anything for me. I was glad that I hadn’t killed his ass that day. He’d saved my life, and if it wasn’t for his prompt actions, I would be dead.
The funny thing about that day was that when I had gone into my room to get my gun, I eased a bulletproof vest underneath my dress. I knew that Honey had a gun in his car, and I was so sure that he was going to fire it at me when I shot at him. But even in a moment like that, he didn’t turn on me. Not once, even when he was a little boy, did he turn on me like his father had done. Honey stuck by me through thick and thin, and that nigga walked through the fire with me. My girls just didn’t understand what walking through the fire with somebody meant, yet.
Even when it came to Karrine, Honey didn’t turn on her, either. He may have taken care of her from afar, but he still took care of her every need. The bottom line was that he loved Karrine and I knew it. I could see it in his eyes, but he remained loyal to me. He knew that I would never accept the two of them getting married or anything like that. The baby was enough, and I understood that the two of them needed to get their fuck on every once in a while.
“It’s about damn time,” I said, putting my drink with an umbrella in it on the table next to me. I reached out for my grandbaby, Shania, who was gorgeous, just like me. She was so adorable, and I couldn’t wait to kiss her fat, sweet cheeks.
Honey sat her in my lap, and at five months old, she damn sure knew who her grandmother was. A huge smile was on her face as she looked into my bright eyes. “Hello, my beautiful little girl,” I said, kissing those cheeks. “Muuuuah!”
I held her close to my chest and squeezed her. “What took you so doggone long?” I griped to Honey. “I’ve been sitting here waiting and waiting on you to get back here.”
Honey sat on the lounging chair next to me, squinting from the sun. “I had to make several stops. Shania wanted to get you something real special for your birthday, and she hopes you like it.”
“My birthday,” I said, cocking my head back. “Is it really my birthday?”
Honey nodded.
“Damn, I must’ve forgotten. How old am I today?”
“Fifty-three, so stop pretending that you’re that old and can’t remember nothing.”
I shrugged my shoulders and turned my attention back to my grandbaby. Honey got up, and a few minutes later, he came back with a birthday cake in his hands. He sat it on the table and lit one candle with his lighter. Honey started to sing “Happy Birthday” to me, but when I heard a few others join in, I snapped my head to the side. Karrine, Chyna, and Simone all had gifts in their hands and were coming down the steps in the backyard, heading my way.
“Aw, hell naw,” I said, handing my grandbaby back over to Honey. “Y’all gon’ make me show my ass in front of my grandbaby already. I did not invite these heifers over here.”
Chyna was the first one to run up to me, giddy as ever. “Mamaaaa!” she shouted. “Stop bein’ so doggone mean and give me a hug. Ain’t you glad to see us?”
“Not really, but I guess I don’t have a choice, since Honey around here doing shit that I told him not to do.”
“I listen to you on some things, not all things,” Honey said. “Besides, they twisted my arm behind my back and held a gun to my head. I really didn’t have no other choice.”
Simone and Karrine ran up to me too. Everybody was reaching out for hugs, but the only person who was getting a hug from me was Shania, who was back in my arms.
“Back away from us,” I said, shooing the others away.
“Okay,” Simone said. “I see how we get played, but it’s all good. Happy birthday, old lady. At least give me a kiss.”
Simone bent down and patted her cheek. Thinking about the last time I had seen her, and about what had happened, I couldn’t help but to kiss her cheek.
“Ooo, she gets one and I can’t even get a hug?” Chyna whined then pouted. “I see now who your favorite is.”
“No,” Karrine said with her hand on her hip. “We all know who her favorite is, and it damn sure ain’t none of us.”
They all looked at Honey and pointed to him. He laughed, then pointed to Shania. “Uh, no, not me. Her. Sorry.”
I gave Shania a hug and stood up to greet my girls the correct way. I was very happy to see my Trouble Makin’ Mamas, so I opened my arms. “Come on over here, bitches, and let me give y’all some love. Good seeing y’all, but please don’t bring y’all asses back here unless y’all are invited.”
They laughed, but you’d better believe I meant what the fuck I’d said. Period.
KARRINE
6
I couldn’t believe how much Mama had chilled. These days, my daughter, Shania, kept Mama busy. She spent more time with Mama than she did with me and Honey, but that was all good. The only problem was that Mama was now in California, but we were still in Chicago. I wanted to move there, but I preferred to give Mama all the space she said she needed. It also gave me, Chyna, and Simone a chance to live our own lives and do our own thing, without Mama running the show and telling us what to do. She still tried to throw in her input every now and then, especially since she and Honey remained very close. He’d been going back and forth from California to Chicago. Sometimes he’d be here for several weeks, and then he’d go back to California to handle his business with Mama.
Our relationship had gotten stronger, but we still had issues to deal with. After Shania was born, I decided that Honey was the nigga I would be down with forever. He took good care of me and Shania, and we didn’t want for much. I still had concerns about his healthy sexual appetite, but I’d gotten to a point where I didn’t trip off of Honey being with other bitches so much. As long as he didn’t bring no bitch to our doorstep, he didn’t give me any diseases, and he didn’t put nobody else before me, I was good. That was what I had thought, until I listened to Chyna tell me that she’d seen him with a pregnant chick yesterday.
“Chyna, you know that Honey knows a lot of people,” I said while sitting on the bed, polishing my toenails. The phone was held up to my ear with my shoulder. “That bitch could have been anybody.”
“She could have, but by the way they were lookin’ at each other, somethin’ was up. I’m just tellin’ you this for your own good. Either you can look into it, or you don’t have to. I’ve done my part.”
“You know I appreciate it, and I’ll deal with Honey soon.”
“I hope so, and I must say that I’m still not feelin’ this relationship between y’all. I think you can do much better. Just because you got a child by him doesn’t mean you gotta stay with him.”
“The truth is, I was in love with Honey way before Shania even got here. And he’s not as bad as you and Simone make him out to be. I know y’all don’t like him, but I think it has more to do with his close relationship with
Mama. I’ve grown to accept it, but you and Simone haven’t.”
“I guess you could be right, so in order to keep the peace, I’ma just keep my mouth shut. On another note, where is my niece at? I barely get to spend any time with her and that’s a damn shame.”
“You already know where she’s at. I’m goin’ to Cali this weekend to go get her, because yo’ Mama thinks she done had another baby.”
“Yeah, I noticed that, but it’s good to see Mama so relaxed now. She don’t have to be all alone in that big-ole house, and Shania is just what she needed to calm herself down.”
We both had to laugh about that. “I don’t know if she’s calmed down or not, but I do know that her and Honey still be doin’ some crooked shit. And while they’re so busy with my baby, I’m the one stuck in this big ole house by myself. I’m thinkin’ about lookin’ for a job, just to keep myself busy when Honey ain’t here. A bitch gets tired of shoppin’, goin’ to fancy restaurants, and spas. I’m kind of disappointed in my life right now.”
“That’s because you under Honey’s spell. He wants you right there, doin’ nothin’, while that nigga run the streets and do whatever he wants to. Wake yo’ ass up and start gettin’ out more. Live a little, and if you want to do somethin’ different, do it.”
What Chyna said made sense. My entire life revolved around Honey, and it was time for a change. Chyna worked customer service at a beverage distributing company now, and said she would look into any openings for me. When I heard the front door open, I figured it was Honey coming home, so I told Chyna I would call her back. I put the phone down, then got out of bed and looked at myself in the floor mirror that sat in front of our king-sized bed. My gold silk robe hung off my shoulders. I looked at my naked body that was still flawless, but not as perfect as it was before the baby. My stomach was a little pudgy, so I thought about joining a gym to work some of that off. I pulled the robe together and tightened my belt. My short hair had been recently trimmed, but it was definitely time for me to redo my long, fake lashes. I straightened my arched brows and moistened my lips with lip gloss. I assumed Honey would have come to the bedroom by now, but he hadn’t. It was eleven o’clock in the morning, and since he’d been out all night, I left the bedroom to go question him about what Chyna had told me.