Because of me. Rosa tried not to dwell on how Alice would feel when they parted ways, while at the same time wondering how, exactly, Alice felt about the fact that their weekend together was more than half over. It was possible that Alice didn’t actually want anything to do with her at all after tomorrow, even if her words and actions seemed to hint otherwise. In reality, Rosa couldn’t fathom that Alice was totally zen about the prospect of trading abrupt good-byes with the first real friend she’d ever made, let alone the woman who’d taken her lesbian virginity—and, in the process, given her the first non-self-induced orgasms she’d ever experienced.
Rosa’s long-simmering apprehension exploded into full-blown dread when she realized how terribly, painfully selfish she’d been in her handling of Alice Wu. In her eagerness to recapture a happier, simpler time for herself, she’d toyed with the emotions of a woman who seemed all but guaranteed to want more than she could currently offer. Even if Alice hadn’t yet asked for anything beyond a single weekend of fun, Rosa was suddenly, horrifyingly certain that a request for more—whatever form that might take—was practically inevitable. Had she really expected Alice to be satisfied with an abruptly terminated four-day friendship after a lifetime of unhappy solitude? With a speedy, transcendent fling, then a voluntary return to celibacy? Alice seemed overjoyed this morning, despite their misadventure, almost like she was a different person.
Rosa tried to imagine whether Alice’s newfound confidence would persist even after she was forced to reject a hypothetical request to carry their relationship into the real world. She imagined that would be a huge blow for Alice, to be discarded after a weekend of physical intimacy and close friendship. Hell, it would be a huge blow for Rosa, and she was used to being treated that way.
Shit. Rosa tried not to let her inner despair show on her face. What have I done?
Left squarely in the center of a mess of her own making, she hadn’t the slightest idea how to engineer a clean getaway. Part of her didn’t even want to get away. But after the terrible guilt she’d felt back at the dock at the sight of Alice’s mortification, it seemed clearer than ever that making a definitive break was the right thing to do, even if she crushed Alice in the process. Becoming a part of Rosa’s tragic existence would mean certain humiliation and terror for who-knew-how-many years, and she simply wasn’t willing to put anyone through that—especially Alice. Ending their association cleanly was the only solution, if she cared for this woman at all. It was deeply unfortunate that her own selfish stupidity had created a situation in which causing Alice tremendous pain was unavoidable, but tomorrow would be better than later. Better than after they’d fallen in love.
It had to be.
Chapter Twelve
In a way, Alice was relieved that she now had a built-in excuse to skip the physical hijinks and hilarity of drunk field day. Passing out water and towels to the so far only mildly intoxicated campers was nerve-wracking enough, but to actually participate in a tipsy three-legged race or water-balloon toss would have been so much worse. Embarrassed by the boorishness of a pair of male campers who stood nearby catcalling a trio of women whose tank tops had been soaked through by errant balloons, Alice doggedly narrowed her focus to the stack of dry towels she’d just refolded, then to Rosa’s unusually silent presence at her side. She sensed that something was bothering Rosa, but every attempt she’d made to inquire about her state of mind had been shut down immediately. By now, Alice detected a constant, low-level tension between the two of them that hadn’t existed prior to that morning, though she wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to set it off.
Maybe she’s simply had her fill of me. Alice was worried, and not for the first time. She got what she wanted, right? Perhaps she’s too polite to tell me that she wishes I’d leave her alone so she could try hooking up with someone else before the weekend is over. As much as she didn’t want to believe that could be true—didn’t, in fact, believe it at all—the increasingly awkward silences coupled with Rosa’s apparent reluctance to touch her were beginning to feel meaningful in a way that left Alice thoroughly disturbed. At first she’d hoped Rosa’s fear of being unmasked at the refreshments booth had caused her strange mood, but Alice could no longer convince herself that the risk of exposure was Rosa’s only problem. Alice was the problem. She could feel it—even if she wasn’t sure what she’d done wrong.
Logically, she knew that even if Rosa didn’t want to see her again after tomorrow—or even after this morning—it didn’t necessarily mean she had misstepped in any way. Rosa had never presented their fling as anything other than a casual, short-term hookup, most likely because that’s exactly what she wanted it to be. But what if that’s not what Rosa wants? A tiny, hopeful voice piped up from deep down inside, where Alice filed away all her impossible hopes and dreams. What if she’s behaving so oddly because she hates the thought of saying good-bye every bit as much as I do?
Unfortunately, Alice wasn’t sure that was the correct explanation, either. Not after the way Rosa had been so hard on herself since the moment they’d woken up in the boathouse. Secretly, she suspected that Rosa was still beating herself up over their botched heist and the consequences it had produced. Not only that, but she’d seemingly convinced herself that she was bad for Alice. In spite of multiple attempts to argue otherwise, Rosa had apparently drawn the conclusion that her net effect on Alice’s life was negative. But over one stolen boat? A single, albeit humiliating, reprimand? Alice wanted to confront her about the topic directly, but not while surrounded by the laughter and revelry of their peers. Checking the wristwatch she’d purchased especially for camp, Alice grumbled under her breath at the realization that they were only thirty minutes into a three-hour punishment.
“If you need to take a break, please feel free.” Rosa never looked away from the cup of water she was pouring for a sweaty, appreciative man who continued to shout loud encouragement at the two remaining balloon-toss teams. “I’ve got this.”
Alice frowned at what was beginning to feel like a pattern of Rosa encouraging her to leave. Either Rosa was over their friendship and wanted her to fuck off now, or she didn’t want Alice around to watch if someone did happen to confront her about her Internet fame, or, most innocently, she simply wanted to spare Alice from a task she admittedly wasn’t enjoying in the least. No matter Rosa’s motivation, Alice didn’t want to go. She hated the thought of missing even a single moment of what time they had left at Camp Rewind, because more and more, it felt like the next twenty-seven hours were all she would get of Rosa. “No, I’m good.”
“Okay.” When her customer left with his water, still shouting, Rosa flashed Alice a brief smile. “Hanging in there?”
“Totally.” Alice forced a big grin. When a cheer arose from the crowd surrounding the water-balloon tossers, she resisted the urge to look at the hectic scene, not wanting to sharpen the unease she already felt about her and Rosa’s stiffer-than-normal interaction. Something was off, definitely. “Lila,” she said, mindful of their surroundings. “May I ask you something?”
Rosa darted her gaze this way and that before finally, reluctantly, meeting her eyes. “Sure.”
Alice bit her lip, suddenly convinced that she’d misread absolutely everything about their relationship. When someone tries to get rid of you, isn’t the polite thing to go? Taking a deep breath, she girded her heart for a crushing blow. “Am I bothering you? I mean…do you want me to leave you alone?”
Rosa’s features softened, and for a moment, she was once again the woman Alice had started to consider her one true friend. Which was not a smart way to feel about someone she’d met at a hookup camp, admittedly, but their time together had liberated Alice’s heart in every way. She’d undeniably grown to care about Rosa. Alice didn’t even want—or know how—to try to change that.
Smiling kindly, Rosa murmured, “No, Alice. I don’t want you to leave.” One side of her mouth lifted in what looked like reluctant amusement. “You’re my camp person. Reme
mber?”
Alice wanted to tell Rosa that she wouldn’t mind being more than her camp person, but it wasn’t a good idea, and definitely not the right time. Honestly, it might never be the right time to make that sort of proclamation, but Alice figured it was better to take the risk tomorrow while they said their good-byes than to do it when they still had the entire night ahead of them. Maybe she’d have an opportunity to be alone with Rosa again, even if she wasn’t certain where they’d find enough privacy to do everything she wanted to do. Perhaps she would eschew the need for privacy altogether, she mused, if the alternative was to never experience the taste and feel of Rosa’s body again.
She started to tell Rosa that, hoping to entice her with the promise of more pleasure if only she’d stick around a while longer, when their next patrons arrived. Enid beamed happily within Bree’s one-armed embrace, waving as they approached the booth. “Hey, ladies.”
Alice returned her smile easily, less intimidated by the gregarious older woman than most of the other campers. “Hello, Enid.” She flicked her attention to Bree as an instinctive blush rose on her cheeks. “Bree.”
“Shy Alice, Ms. Lila, what’s up?” Bree dropped her hand to pat Enid on the ass, a move that seemed to delight Enid. “Me and my girl here just dominated the water-balloon toss. It turns out Enid has a deceptively strong arm, among her many other compelling skills.”
“Congratulations,” Rosa said, handing each woman a cold cup of water. “On both accounts.”
“Why, thank you.” Bree knocked back the contents of her cup as a man Alice recognized as Derek—whom Rosa had previously pointed out as her would-be suitor from their first morning at camp—walked up to the booth, soaking wet above the waist. At the sight of him, Bree’s face lit up. “Hey, look. Here comes second place.”
“Ha ha.” Derek gave the entire group a good-natured grin as he shook water out of his short, dark hair. “You two were tough competition, I’ll give you that.”
Rosa reached across Alice to hand Derek a dry, neatly folded towel. “Better at riding than tossing, I see.”
Bree chortled at what Alice assumed was a naughty innuendo, even if she didn’t entirely understand its meaning. “Put that on your online-dating profile.”
As Enid hid a giggle behind her hand, Derek gave Rosa a cocky, self-assured bow. “To tell you the truth, I’ve never fielded a single complaint about any part of my repertoire.”
“I’ll bet.” Rosa winked at him, but rather than be jealous in any way, Alice felt only admiration for Rosa’s easy manner with people and pride for having managed to catch the attention of such an extraordinary soul despite her own awkward nature. “But I’m guessing water balloons aren’t a normal part of that repertoire?”
The group laughed when Derek agreed with an exaggerated sigh. “A new skill to hone, obviously.”
“Only if you want to win the hearts of easily impressed women everywhere,” Bree said.
Seeing an opportunity to contribute, Alice supplied a fun fact. “In ancient Greece, young, marriageable women were occasionally offered as prizes for all types of competitions. A terrible practice, for obvious reasons, which probably only rarely called for the skill set required to both toss a water balloon with precision and catch it with the appropriate care.”
She stopped talking abruptly, aware of how many words she’d just said and how ridiculous each one had sounded. Still on a natural high from the past twelve hours—even with the joint she’d taken along with them the night before yet unlit—Alice subverted her usual instincts and kept talking on the off chance something worthwhile would come out. “But anyway, I wouldn’t bother to hone your tossing skills. There’s something to be said for the appeal of a wet male torso when it comes to winning a woman’s heart, easily impressed or otherwise.”
Derek broke into a toothy grin before striking a bodybuilder’s pose in his soaked T-shirt, the thin cotton plastered to his vaguely defined pectoral muscles. “Right on, sister.” He conducted a less-than-subtle inspection, scanning Alice up and down, and dissolved into a softer smile as they finally locked eyes. “I like you. What’s your name? And do you happen to enjoy a good toss every now and again?”
Rosa moved to Alice’s side, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her close. “I like her, too. A lot.”
Warmed by the show of possessiveness only because it proved that Rosa still cared, Alice tried not to let too much of her satisfaction infect the conciliatory smile she gave Derek. “My name is Alice. And yeah, sorry, I’m taken.” She hesitated, paranoid that she’d just spooked Rosa with the bold declaration. Scrambling to mitigate any damage she might have caused, she added, “At least for the rest of the weekend.”
Rosa tensed almost imperceptibly when Derek gave Alice a friendly, hope-tinged grin. “Well, since that doesn’t sound like a total brush-off…” He backed away from the booth, still rubbing the towel over his damp hair. “I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Catch you later, ladies.” He directed a parting smile in Alice’s direction. “Alice, it was a pleasure meeting you.”
Alice could only tip her head, too shy to manage a verbal response while Bree and Enid stared at her. Once Derek was out of earshot, Alice turned to Rosa and said, “You’re right, Lila. He’s a total flirt.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who started the flirting.” Rosa’s tone was difficult to read. She was either impressed with Alice, or annoyed, or possibly some combination of both. “Clearly you’ve got more game than you let on.”
Bree and Enid exchanged bemused looks, and then Bree grabbed Enid’s hand to tug her toward the raucous activity on the field. “Come on, darling. The three-legged race awaits.” As they walked away, she pinned Enid with a lascivious stare that made Alice long for the time, mere hours ago, when Rosa had gazed at her the same way. “Win or lose, I plan to enjoy my first experience having a sexy woman tied to my leg.”
When they were gone, Alice turned to Rosa with an apologetic frown. “I’m sorry if I upset you by flirting with Derek. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, just…fit in. It was something to say, not an intentional come-on. I would never hit on someone else right in front of you. I couldn’t stand to hurt you like that.”
Rosa shook her head, guilt tightening her beautiful features. “No, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I had no right to act like a jealous dick. It’s not like I have any claim on you. Even if I did, you have every right to flirt with whoever you want.” She exhaled, forcing an easy smile. “Honestly, I’m proud of you. Dawn will be, too. I know it’s only been a couple days, but you’ve really blossomed here at camp. You’ve grown.” She hesitated, then said, “Maybe you should get Derek’s number. He seems like a nice enough guy.”
Though it was obvious from the expression on her face that Rosa hadn’t enjoyed making it, the suggestion still hit Alice like a punch to the stomach. “I don’t want to date Derek.” Sure of at least one thing after last night, Alice clarified her comment. “For one thing, I’m a lesbian.”
Warmth bloomed in Rosa’s gaze, a look of genuine pride. “Congratulations, Alice.” Winking, she momentarily regained her light mood. “I can’t say I didn’t see that one coming.”
“All credit to you.” Alice didn’t miss the way Rosa cringed at her words, as though she literally couldn’t stand to hear any praise. Lowering her voice, Alice said, “Look…if I hadn’t met you, I’d probably still be hiding behind a tree somewhere. And that’s only if I hadn’t left camp already. Everything I’ve accomplished this weekend, all that I’ve experienced, is thanks to my time with you. That includes being able to confirm what I’d suspected for a while now.” She drew Rosa into a tight hug, beyond caring that everyone around them could see. Let them look. If there was any way to convince Rosa that their friendship made Alice’s life objectively better, she had to try. “I’m not entirely sure why the incident this morning with Marcia has shaken you so badly, or why you’ve been quiet and ruminating all afternoon, or even why you’ve apparently decided you�
�re bad for me despite all the times I’ve told you otherwise, but please, believe me, the world is brighter with you in it. My world is brighter.”
Rosa stiffened against her a full second before the catcalling duo turned their vocal attentions toward them.
“Check it out, motherfuckers. We got some lesbo action happening right over here!” The louder of the two men, already soused, hooted as Alice quickly backed out of their embrace. “No, don’t stop, girls! Give us a little titty action next.”
His friend doubled over laughing at the fierce glare Rosa directed their way. “Yeah, rub your boobs together! Or whatever it is you ladies do when there’s no man around to take care of you.”
“Like actually enjoy ourselves?” Rosa called out, anger seeping into her tone. “Here’s a better idea. Why don’t you and your BFF go tie your legs together so you can give us a little douches-hitting-the-ground action?”
Already shaken by the men’s crude comments, Alice shrank back at the unambiguous challenge in Rosa’s jibe. When the men scowled at each other before advancing on their booth, she put a shaking hand on Rosa’s back and rubbed it in a timid attempt to calm her down. “Ignore them,” she whispered. “Please.”
“Relax, bitch,” the first man said as he sauntered up to the counter. “And fetch me some water.”
Glowering, Rosa thrust an already-filled cup at him with so much force that liquid sloshed over the edges and onto his hand. “Enjoy.”
The man chugged the remainder of the water in two gulps, then tossed the empty cup onto the ground behind Alice. Without thinking, she bent to retrieve it, eliciting a wolf whistle from both him and his friend. “Thoroughly enjoyed that, as a matter of fact.” The drunken cad blew Alice a kiss when she rose to her feet and whirled to face them. “Thanks for the view, sweet cheeks.”
Camp Rewind Page 19